Let he who lives in a glass house cast the first stone :-)

Personally, I love getting attacked and called to question... when they are legit gripes. It is called constructive criticism. THere are a lot of people who can't take it though (Nadia).

The truth of the matter is that the original poster's question doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. Her attitude is obvious in the fact that the only QUESTION she asks is where to place the blame. If she cared about the relationship as much as her standard of life she would've asked us how to help. Maybe ask how to bring up the topic to him, or how to figure out a way to better make ends meet. All these little narative tendencies are where I based my comments and "hypotheticals" off. Everyone has told me that we need to take these questions at face value.

I say no. If you have a depressed person saying they are worthless and their life isn't worth living are we suppose to just assume they are telling the truth and not take into account the fact they are depressed and not thinking straight?

Personally on most of these questions I believe it is more about what isn't said and how things are said more so than the actual words used.

She needs to step back and get her life in order with the circumstances she has created. No one should have to be able to "AFFORD A RELATIONSHIP", however if the pressures of that relationship and the way of life it entails is making you live beyond your means you need to take that into account and ask yourself if it is really what you think it is... the relationship that is.

I was in a relationship for a long time that made me try to keep up to a standard and way of life that I could not afford. I kidded myself and told myself that I was happy and that things would all come full circle in the end. I ended up crazy in debt and ridiculously trapped and unhappy. It has to come from within. Kate you need to ask yourself if a happy person would be searching for blame in this thing.

Love You!

The problem is we are assuming the situations from latte sucker to gold digger so the whole thing is pointless until she comes back and explains what percentage he has his hand out for above what the agreement was.
You are right No one should have to be able to "AFFORD A RELATIONSHIP" that right there should tell her there is no give in the relationship on his part.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

The problem is we are assuming the situations from latte sucker to gold digger so the whole thing is pointless until she comes back and explains what percentage he has his hand out for above what the agreement was.
You are right No one should have to be able to "AFFORD A RELATIONSHIP" that right there should tell her there is no give in the relationship on his part.

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See now! We aren't assuming... we are deducing. We are making logical assumptions from past experiences, and drawing inferences from past dialogue.

No one is giving up on this "he has his hand out for money" thing. If you read the post it really says nothing about him having his hand out for any MORE than they had originally agreed upon. It just says he always has his hand out for money, which anyone who has shared living quarters and split bills can very much relate to. All the bills and the mortgage don't come on the same day of the month. I am sure it just feels to her like there is ALWAYS SOMEONE asking for her money, be it him,her credit card bills, her car loan company, etc. Such is life and being in debt. I think he is more or less being mae the patsy in her whole situation. I think she just is hating that she has to work so hard and then at the end she doesn't have much monetary compensation left to do the things she wants. WHO DOES?

I can understand everyone having their opinion on this tpic and many others on these boards. My itch is that everyone is so quick to jump to the extreme of, jerk, con artist, cheap, leave him, he has done this before, etc.

Really, the girl came here for some comforting about her situation and a little advice and 50% of the replies have told her to ditch the guy? THAT IS WHY OUR DIVORCE RATE IS SO HIGH! NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE PROBLEM IT IS USED AS AN EXCUSE AND REASON TO BE HAPPIER SOMEWHERE ELSE. GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO COME ON HERE AND ASK ABOUT WHY YOU SQUEEZE THE TOOTHPASTE FROM THE MIDDLE AND END UP GETTING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TELLING THEM YOUR MARRIAGE IS DOOMED BECAUSE YOU ARE SO INCONSIDERATE.

It comes down to being a positive influence. I am pretty sure a lot of people on here if not all are carrying some emotional baggage and damage from something in their pasts, but don't ruin other lives because you are so quick to judge because of your experience. You are giving conditioned responses instead of well thought out advice.

Small problems are easy to work out if there is a little support for the relationship. It is when there is no support system that the little problems turn to big and turn to good relationships ending prematurely.

THis post wasn't saying anything really about the relationship in the OP, just tryig to make my pint of people spouting off.

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Originally Posted by Kate51283

He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill
I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc.
By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name.
he always has his hand out for money.

He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out.
Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him.

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Then what do these mean??

By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries --she didn't say buying groceries was in the original agreement already that is taking from HER money.
he always has his hand out for money
She also implies that when they go anywhere she is the one that has to pay for everything
And if he does he holds it over her.

And you figure she does say he leaves her with only $50.00
So how do you figure he isn't taking more than the agreed amount.

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Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

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Her money is tight, so she is mad he would be spending on himself, rather than help her more. She only pays a third as it is.

We are all guilty on here, myself included for either something negative about her or negative about him. Its either 'how dare he let her live this way"...or "she's a gold digger" and shes got to live with it. By the way the OP puts it she defenitly paints her man in a bad light, Is she telling the truth? probably. I think why so many people are flabbergasted as to why some on here are looking at it from the man's point of view is that these guys may have been in this situation or knew someone it happend to. For all we know this guy could have had a fair money agreement with her in the past and she spent more money on stuff that she "didn't' need then spent on things she needed to pay for like bills and such. I could understand him being like "forget that" were splitting it in half. HE also may have reservations on the relationship, we are forgetting.. they have only been dating for 7months, which by today's standards isn't that long, he may not want to feel obligated to help her so early in a relationship. Or maybe he's just a rotten jerk.

Remember this is clearly just speculation. But I'm just trying to paint a view of why he may have it the way it is. Some of us are quick to judge her but we are also quick to judge him when we don't know what his side of it is.

As I said about oh, don't know 5 times on here already.. (going for 6) the answer is to sit down and talk, if he's not willing to give, she's still unhappy.. then she needs to leave simple as that.

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and you figure she does say he leaves her with only $50.00
So how do you figure he isn't taking more than the agreed amount.

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Quote:

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By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name.

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She can't keep the original agreement, and cutting it to a third, still is not making her happy.Should she be staying for free? She is in way over her head.

She is in over her head but
Even with her only paying 1/3 of the bills
I still get the feeling from what she has said that the groceries which weren't in the original agreement make up the difference from 1/3 to 1/2 and that is probably why she only wants to pay 1/3 now. As well as him having 'his hand out for more' as I have stated in my other replies for us to make any conclusions she needs to answer how much she is handing him when he has his hand out.

You figure she must make $2,100. A month and after what she puts into the house and her student loan/car payments/insurance/credit cards. She could be saying she is giving him a hundred or two over her agreement so it is pointless to try and figure out until she breaks it down.

Just me, but playing house after 7 months is not all that wise to begin with, and leads me to believe she was moving to fast from the get go.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

she is in over her head but
Even with her only paying 1/3 of the bills
I still get the feeling from what she has said that the groceries which weren't in the original agreement make up the difference from 1/3 to 1/2 and that is probably why she only wants to pay 1/3 now. As well as him having 'his hand out for more' as I have stated in my other replies for us to make any conclusions she needs to answer how much she is handing him when he has his hand out.

You figure she must make $2,100. a month and after what she puts into the house and her student loan/car payments/insurance/credit cards. She could be saying she is giving him a hundred or two over her agreement so it is pointless to try and figure out until she breaks it down.

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NO WHERE DOES IT SAY "HIS GROCERIES"! Quit assuming everything she buys is for both of them. You know that's not the way people work.

As long as we are in the mood to speculate. How about we speculte on who pays for the lawnmower gas, who pays for the plumber to fix the pipes, who paid for all the furnishings in the house, who pays for homeowners insurance, who pays for property taxes, who paid for the dishes she eats off, who pays for the frunace filters, who pay to get the sprinkler system blown out, who pays for landcaping, and on and on and on... I BET IT ISN'T HER! THe man picks up more incidientals than you can shake a stick at and ANY HOMEOWNER KNOWS THAT!

As for the Christmas thing... do you know why people set $$ amounts for secret santa and gift exchanges? TO avoid making anyone feel bad! My wife and I always spend the same amount on each other. THe holidays are about giving and feeling good about it. No working to by your man a $20 DVD and then feeling bad and unfi because he bought you a $600 Coach Bag.

There is nothing wrong with spending the same amoutn on the holidays... it just goes to show she wants to be spoiled... and what girl doesn't, but it isn't a write of passage.

Once again sorry for the missing letters... my laptop keyboard has an issue or three.

Like I said she has to come back to clarify because either way is assumption

Besides if she has to buy HER groceries and not his then to me that still shows that he is
Being petty with money and still a business relationship than a relationship which is my main point.

And how is she going to grocery shop and split the his and her grocery thing?

Wow, could we get more off topic, and I thought I was the bad one:p . I started the new post so that we could feel free to discuss this topic without basing it on this OP, I think the other post is going very well, no name calling no back stabbing (so far;) )

I'm like the rest of you, I promised myself I wouldn't post anything further here but I can't help myself. Come on everyone, lets try to be nice to each other, I know that we sometimes say things before thinking it through, I know I have, but let's let by-gones be by-gones and realize that we aren't going to agree on this because of our past experiences. We aren't therapists, we cannot answer these questions without emotion, really, let it go, the OP doesn't even care what we have to say. I wish all of you the best. Wear your friendship bracelets and start singing.:)

Wow! I think this topic has been beat to death! If I were this chick, after reading these threads, I would probably never post here again! Lol

Got to go down in some books

Her first post and over 150 replys

I bet she thinks we really helpful :D


Damn it I posted again!

LoL

As this thread has degenerated and unacceptable, vengeful repping is occurring it is now CLOSED.
If you have a problem with this PM me.