Still Addicted to an unavailable man
Hello Everyone!
It has been a while since I posted anything on AMHD,and I feel bad that since my last posts that I don't think I've progressed,even though I'm, aware of it and has seek counseling,so bear with me it's a long post.
I'm still in the same boat,in love,or in addiction to this man, an LDR relationship ago and he since met someone else in person,now he's admitted theyhave been living together,however he still wants to remain friends and talk and vent like he used to,but in a way its killing me
Because I don't see him as a friend and at times all I do is check my e-mail or phone or obsess about what he's doing and what he's not.
At first I didn't understand why he would call me late at night,I thought that he wasn't with her,even on the weekends, so every time when I -ume,I make an A out of myself in a way. I've always felt a deep connection to him and I know people would say,he's from the online,its not real,but I've always since there was something different about him,I could talk to him about anything but reality is,if he really wanted to be with me,before he met his girl,he would have been, since we spoke about this my times but nothing really happened,he lives in Germany.
My goal is to trying to stop interacting with him as much especially if I'm bothered by it and ofbecause of my situation.
Once I went full NC but to no avail broke it,I wish I could find someone else,locally that I'm attracted to but it hasn't happened in ages. I'd go out,try to meet people,go to different events,but I live in a small-ish town like area where there's not much culture and eligible decent men. So it does get pretty lonely, as a result, most of the time I would compare myself to him,that he's having a great time,-with his girl,even though at times he was very emotionally abusive towards me in the past. So now I feel that this new girl gets to benefit and gets to have him.
So Now he's happy to chat,IM or call constantly about current events,impersonal stuff, or we'd talk about careers,once he slipped in along time and we started flirting. I didn't take it seriously knowing how he switches on and off,this was before he told me he was shacking up.
Bottom line,I don't want to totally never speak to him again since he does reach out to me;However,I don't want to just be the ear piece or person he vents to about life or chitchat about impersonal stuff (breadcrumbs if you ask me) when deep inside I want more,and I realize that I'll never get it from him. I feel like a woman lost in a desert trying to get water,all I get is drops or a mirage.
Any advice, help or support is appreciated and I reiterate that I do go out and try to meet people just in case if this is the only response I get. I know it has to be sheer loneliness. Thanks everyone!
