Quote:

---

Originally Posted by huno

First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.

And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.

Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.

---

I love this! I would have repped you but need to spread! She needs to have some sh*t, definitely.

No flowers, no calls! Just go out with friends, do anything to keep busy, if you sit at home alone = bad!!

Dude, she is playing you... Don't let her hurt you... You should be thankful she is gone. Now you can be free and do amazing things. To be honest you will find another girl and you will fall in love again... There is always more out there... My ex dumped me and she is hott and amazing, well you can get her. There is always more out there... Dont beat yourself on this one. This is what I do... I acknowledge she is gone and tell myself I feel this way because this is my first relationship and breakup so of course I am going to feel this way. I let myself feel the pain while knowing it's normal and just a process of life and nothing to be taken all too serious. I learned that through this site. Just take it day by day and forget the flowers... Heck, send flowers to somebody else who will appreciate them. It's over my friend. If she doesn't care, then why should you. You are better than that. Be happy without her. I know it's so hard to see right now, but you have something so much better coming my friend! But not if you stay stuck on "Mrs. I Don't Want You". When you have moved on in about 2 more months annd you are with someone else, then it will kill her and you won't even care. Good luck!

Quote:

---

The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??

---

There you go again, wondering about her feelings and motivations, and being confused. You could be more effective and productive, and less confused if you focused on you. Her feelings and motivations are irrelevant to you, because you are no longer the focus of her affections. Why waste time on her??

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am in NC day 2 - what should I do about the wedding in July- leave a message with her and ask her what her intentions are? Or just wait and see what happens.

On the card that I sent her with the flowers all it said was - Just thinking of you, My Name

I know what my feelings are and I am focusing more on me, and I'm not wasting my time on her, but I don't like not knowing things, I'm sure a lot of people can relate. That's why I'm asking people here what they think about where her heads at.

We don't care where her head is at. You are more important to us. Where is your head at? That's the question. We are sure that you can do this. As long as your head is fine, she might as well be giving it... We give 2 rats A--! Hope you are doing good! Let her contact you about the wedding... Live free and carefree, especially upon a relationship that doesn't exist!

u're driving everyone here nuts with same queries over and over... phew! And now I know why she's isn't contacting you. You seem to be obsessed with her.. and that must driven her away.. When you're not with her, then you're acting like this, imagine what you had done while you were with her... now I know... I guess you know what went wrong.. and I know it too... it's futile writing same answers... nothing's going to get into your head... good luck!

You're right I may be obsessing over her now, but that's definitely not what drove her away. She was always the one attached at my hip when we were together, now that she's not with me anymore it's tough to handle. And I'm not contacting her, it's up to her now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by huno

First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.

And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.

Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.

---

I know Jiser has already highlighted this post but it really is quite true. Don't fool yourself into thinking that she can't do better than you, don't punish yourself by saying she can. The fact is that there are many good guys and many bad guys out there although I am not sure what percentage of each there are.

This does not matter, she has her own lessons to learn, her own mistakes to make. This is actually nothing to do with how you move forward. So you need to stop thinking about her motivations for doing things and start thinking about you only. Its not selfish, not at all, its actually a mature thing to stand up and say, I am worth more than this, I am going to let go and prove to myself that I can find a life without the ex which is what you should have anyway.

I don't think you will think or feel this way forever. The best thing for you to do right now is to keep busy doing the things you like to do and if you don't have anything or you have lost it somehow, start something, refocus your energy somewhere else. I don't mean refocus onto another woman but something that will draw your mind away from this obsessive (if you can forgive the reference) way of thinking.

I think you are obsessing because:

A.) You are hurting

B.) You (possibly) have nothing else to occupy your mind

The first one will fade during the natural course of time, the second you can do something about.

So make this positive step today, tomorrow, whenever but the sooner the better otherwise you will forever be stuck in a state of limbo and that's not a nice place to put yourself.

I think you don't need to ask the question on what you should do about the wedding in July. Just go and celebrate your friend's wedding! Be yourself, meet some nice girls out there, just open up yourself.

As for the flowers and the card, u said you had your name on it, so she knew you were the one who sent it. Not getting back to you? Then just leave it up to her, you've done all you can do and no one can ever read other people's mind. Just let it be.

Let me just preface this by saying I am moving on, slowly but surely- but I am moving on.

Last Sunday my EX and I talked and she told me that she couldn't tell me what I wanted to hear (us getting back together). So she kind of left my house in a bad way, saying we weren't accomplishing anything talking. I also should say that the previous night (Saturday) I asked her if she wanted to get together and do something and she said she was kind of tired from work but would call me and let me know. She never called me and when I asked her what she did, she said that she ended up watching a movie with someone who's quite a distance. Anyway the next day Monday, I picked up coffee and brought it to her house but she was in the shower so I left it with her sister. She called me later that afternoon and left a message letting me know she was in the shower when I stopped by. I didn't call her back, I felt bad the way Sunday night ended so I sent her flowers to her work - she never called me back and didn't all week. So Friday morning I left a message with her telling her that I understand that it might be difficult for her to call me back and if she wanted to she knew where to find me. I can't figure out why she won't even return my calls/messages. She's avoiding the situation and it will only make it that much more awkward because we've got the wedding in a few weeks. I'm in the wedding party and will have a good time but at the same time I don't want people to be mean/rude to her. My friends wife already has asked not to be seated at the same table with her. I'm torn by what's going on- I asked the bride to be seated with my EX and if it's possible to have one of my best friends sit with us, but I don't think she's going to sit him with us. I still love my EX, but my friends are being negative about the situation.

Girls out there why won't she at least have the decency to call me back?

She probably doesn't even know how to react to things herself and she may be trying to sort things out in her own head. My advice is to let her be. I know you still care, but don't send flowers, stop by, or call. Let her be. You've let her know you are still there, so if she wants to talk to you, she will. But don't sit there waiting.

She ditched you for someone who is quite a distance? Who would that be?

She's been casually going out on dates meeting new people - this is one of them. Now that she won't even return my calls I have no idea where we stand, I just want some closure. And no I'm not calling/texting her. Could she not be calling me back responding to me because she doesn't want to hurt me while all this is going on?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Righthearted

She's been casually going out on dates meeting new people - this is one of them. Now that she won't even return my calls I have no idea where we stand, I just want some closure. And no I'm not calling/texting her. Could she not be calling me back responding to me because she doesn't want to hurt me while all this is going on?

---

Sounds like you have your closure. She is going on casual dates... and she doesn't contact you. Give it closure. Do the same. Move on... she is. Save yourself the heart ache and don't wait around for her to bring closure. She already gave you her answer. She just didn't say it right out. But her actions speak louder than her words.

Now is the time to work on yourself. Don't contact her... don't email... call... text... write... send flowers... cards... gifts... use telepathy... whatever. You are just going to drag out your healing longer.

Focus on you... Hobbies... friends... Go to the gym. Keep yourself busy. Heal. That is the best thing you can do.

I feel like I deserve better than to have her just completely drop off like she has. Yes she's avoiding contacting me now, but what will she do in a month when we're supposed to be at the same wedding together. She wanted to be my date even though we had already broken up.

She is dating others. Doesn't that hurt you. She probably kissed them or worse and yo will never know... You still want her back? I know what you are going through. Believe me. But I know my ex was talking to someone, and that helps me move on... Not want her more!

If they paid you to be miserable and confused you would be rich beyond your wilddest dreams. Cancel the wedding date, and leave her alone. No contact. See, no confusion with that suggestion.

The best thing for you to do is! Show her your busy forget about those flowers and coffee you do that when your w/ her she's your ex... show her your way to busy to be doing all this stuff... and your happy w/out her.. its real attractive when she will find that out...


Also her calls: don't be convienent!! Your trying to get her back.. her knowing your already on her case will make her play games w./ you... if she calls you miss that call... you already know she prob won't call back.. but you do know she will call back one day... pick up.. make it short... hang up... limit all your talking for awhile give her the chance to miss you and you should show her that your happy... 2 can play that game...

My EX won't return my calls (only a couple times) she just stopped taking my calls all together, I would never do this to her and she even left me a message once about having the decency to call her and tell her that I didn't want to talk to her after I didn't take her calls for a couple of days.

Is it her way of dealing (not) with the break up? I was thinking of writing her an email asking her about it. Any suggestions?

Forget her, leave her alone, I was in your boat and it was making me worse.

Let go and get busy, find something to take your mind of her and if she cares then she will contact you my friend.

Umm... You are broke up. If the break up ended in a bad way or even on descent terms, then I can't see why she wouldn't want to move on with her life. Move on yourself and let her go. Good luck!

Should I ask for closure? I deserve better than the no call tactic.

This is weird but you are asking what I asked 8 weeks ago and I'm now the one giving the advice.

I was in the same boat, I wanted closure and I deserved better but at the end of the day the world is not black and white, sometimes these things happen, look at my past posts and see for yourself, in fact look at a lot of the other posts.

Move on my friend, don't contact her at all, it only makes things worse and will give you false hope.

Just want closure and I deserve it.

You do deserve it, you are right about that.

I can only add that its up to her, don't pressure her though, give her time and space and you might get what you want.

I'm not pressuring her, you think an email would be pressure? I was just going to email her and ask her why she didn't get back to me.

This is what I was thinking -

"Against my better judgement and common sense I thought I'd write you- I'm not sure what this can accomplish or where it will go but it will help me feel better.

I know you're trying to move on and all I want is for you to be happy I just thought I deserved better and it hurts me that you wouldn't even let me know what you were feeling by not calling me back. If you don't want to talk to me anymore at least tell me- maybe I should take a hint. I just thought that after everything we had and shared together that it wouldn't just end like this."

If you think that is best then go for it, but for your own sake make that the last one, if you get a reply then happy days go from there, if you don't then I would cease contact with her

Good luck man

I'm putting the email together and may or not send it. I'll let you know. Thanks!

Did you send something similar to your EX?

Yea I did and it got me nowhere, in fact it delayed the emotions I had to go through.

Ok guys, I've bn through this... writing email is definitely bad... for two reasons:
Firstly, if the girl has stopped taking your calls, either she is playing games, checking your patience or simply moved on keeping you as an option(so hasn't told you yet! ),
Secondly, because she hasn't told u, therefore it goes without saying that your email would be deemed as a kind of manipulation to get her to be touch with u(though it's not true)...
So my point is that you take a back seat for now... I know you hv an urge to write to her which ideally you should, but with people like these who don't give clear answers, you should act the way they do... naturally as of today,she is not bothered about how you're feeling, so why really show your emotions to someone who doesn't bother... I kept writing emails, but the guy won't budge.. would lead me on by one liners like... "hey this is not the case, don't think like that" and boom.. days on end I would again wait for the calls... haha... so drop it right here.. bulls to people like these

She just gave you closeure by not returning your phone call... leave her alone its hard real hard and we all sound bad but were trying to help if she loves you... she'll come back right now she's doing her own thing time for you to do yours also

I just went through this with my ex, but I was in your ex's position. I told him I needed space and that we should slow down and he said he couldn't do that so I had to break it off for my own sanity. He then kept calling, and calling, and texting and emailing and telling me that he needed closure. All it did was aggrivate me that he wouldn't move on and leave me alone. I wanted to stay on friendly terms with him but that didn't happen. If you are on good terms now, don't screw it up by harassing her with phone calls and emails. If she wanted to talk to you then she would. Just let her come back to you. You never know, by then you might be in a wonderful relationship with the girl of your dreams. But you will never know if you sit around waiting on a girl that doesn't feel the same way you do.

I think she is sending a strong message to leave her alone.

Quote:

---

If they paid you to be miserable and confused you would be rich beyond your wilddest dreams. Cancel the wedding date, and leave her alone. No contact. See, no confusion with that suggestion.

---

by T-Man yesterday.

__________________

Well she just called my house and left a message - what's the deal?

Hi, I was just having a quick check in and I couldn't help but notice you need help righthearted. So I went back through your posts and had a quick check...

Let me tell you one thing now. You Must stop all contact with your ex. I know the pain of not receiving closure, but you will one day realise you need closure from nobody. No one owes you anything although you may say they do and honest people would give you closure but girls like yours do NOT care.

Closure will not change anything at all, you will tell yourself closure will let me know what is going on and I will feel better. Well if you think this well close this relationship yourself. If she doesn't give you closure give it to yourself, say to yourself I am ending this relationship because I am not taking this. Don't need to tell this to anyone but yourself. Walk away DO NOT CONTACT her what would you possibly get out of that.

At the moment she is not coming back and if she ever wants to she knows how to get in contact with you!! If you keep contacting her you will never give her the chance to realise she may want to contact you.

If she does not contact you it will not be because you didn't contact her it will be for the simple reason that she does NOT want to speak to you and although you say well she asked me why I didn't return her calls. WHO CARES she dumped you its over if she wants you back she will tell you.

I will give you the closure you need right now. CLOSED!!

Please take this advice try your best to never think of her again, its so hard but that is how this will be. Like I said if she wants you she can contact you...

Thanks Mac.
That's my point she just did contact me after a little over a week of not returning my calls. I'm not going to call her back immediately - I'm too busy.

Leave Her Alone, Leave Her Alone, Listen to talaniman, nothing good will come of it. It's over for right now and she is sending the message. You need to send your own message by not responding and getting it together. She got the other messages, that is guaranteed. The closure is in the no response, regroup and get it together, and when she contacts you decide how you want to respond after being treated like that.

Why you ringing her? You don't have a relationship with this person. Accept it and start the transition to singleton.