Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Thank you vanheart, you always know the right way to put things. I don't know why I was worried about what they think
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Thank you vanheart, you always know the right way to put things. I don't know why I was worried about what they think
Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Tell themyou have so many women calling, you couldn't handle it. :D No really ,Tell them kindly it's none of their business.:)
Here's something from Byron Katie (thanks, Tao)
1.) There's your business
2.) There's everyone else's business. And then there's
3.) God's business. (whatever higher power you believe in)
The moral here is that only one is under you control.
The first one.
Helps me whenever Im confused, or let BS enter my head.
Remember that! The only one you have to answer to is the good Lord:)Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Answer to yourself first.
Then you will know what to believe.
Very true.. you are the one responsible for your life. It's great when you can look in the mirror and like what you see. So many men get suckered back in by a woman and have to go through the same thing again. You're doing fine.:)Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Hope you are keeping up w/the sobriety.
That's first. Getting away from another abuser, was a good move.
As changing your number.
You are doing the right things.
Seems like you aunt & uncle are into the drama. If you ex lives so close by, & they know you are hurting, then they should be supportive of you.
So, let them know that.
When I was full on NC, I didn't want to hear, see, whatever person that was connected to her & us. One night I ran into my ex's best friends.
Not sure what I said, something superficial. But it bothered me after.
Then a friend a know here, who was going through similar stuff said "People gossip for 2 seconds, then they are back to their own lives."
Im paraphrasing. But hit me. She was right. Were hurting, spiraling, going through the process & the others we are so worried about, couldn't care less.
The point is the process takes time. Controlling our thoughts & actions.
Confused.. you hang in there!:)Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Thank u both, I will hang in there. From what I've heard, she's not bothered by the number change... maybe because of this new person she's involved with... but o well, the change was for me
The change is most definitely for you-it doesn't matter whether your ex is bothered.
Tell your pals you don't want to hear anything about her. If you don't you will be right at square one again! Keep being strong and NC. Keep going to your meetings! BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!:)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
I know this is pointless to ask, but why would an EX unblock you from Facebook all of a sudden?
Because she knows you're monitoring her, and wants to draw you in. Females have many ways to confuse, piqué curiosity, and charm you into false hope.
Why does a Venus fly Trap, open its flower?
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
You know I thought that, but I'm not monitoring her, I changed my phone number to cut her off... The only way I realized she unblocked me was through her tagging a picture of her and one of our mutual friends
OK. You made a very good move for yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Then why does it matter if she block/unblock you on face book? Just ignore it and focus on your own happiness. It is useless to overly analyzing the dead & gone relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by myagony1234
I know it doesn't matter, I was just asking what your opinion might be... I though about how pointless it was before I asked the question, I was just curious
Are you still wonder why she did it?
Nobody knows why she did it except her.
In fact, she will not even know why she did it if she was drunk and had blackout.
I am amazed you are keep puzzling over alcoholic & cheating person who does not know what she is doing. I am not try to be rude, but is it really worth it?
Just let it go, and go out an enjoy good weather and your life please. You deserve way much better person. Cheers! :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by myagony1234
I have a feeling you are checking up on her. If I'm wrong... Sorry.
What is it about this woman that keeps you clinging to hope? Who in the world would want to be with someone who is to the say the least "troubled"? Do you two have kids together? I might have asked you this before, but I don't think you told me.
Do you have children from another relationship? I'm curious. If your friends keep telling you about her and you keep checking on her Face book. I think it's just a matter of time until you get suckered right back in. I believe that's what you're hoping for
You have made some good steps toward getting your life back together, but yet you still allow what she is doing to affect you. Not Good!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
No I don't have children. I wasn't checking up on her, I saw her all of a sudden on a friends wall on Facebook. Interesting she had me blocked all while we were dating, and now she's unblocked me.
I changed my phone number, and I was just wondering if that had anything to do with it. I know I shouldn't care, I was curious
No one knows. Likely a coincidence or a mind game on her part. Ignore it.Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
The blocking feature on Facebook has made me wonder also. When I first started dating my phone number was only 4 digits, no email, no cellphones, no sms, no Facebook... ahh good old times...
Yup, stop checking.
Then you won't have those unnecessary thoughts.
Spend your time somewhere else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Yeah I know. One of my friends asked me out to listen to music tonight, and I just am in my depressed mode. The weekend I had a blast. Went out with someone, and went to the movies, etc... I had really high moments where I laughed a lot, had a blast, etc... Then I went to a LOW this morning, depressed about this break-up, etc... Because of this I turned down my friends invite. I don't like to spoil someone else's fun, and getting out the house is not going to bring me out this depressed mode.
We broke up February 24, had a fling with her on March 15, I changed my phone number last week. I need to find a job because I'm going to drive myself crazy... I think I just have too much time on my hands, and these dreams of my ex just won't stop
Dude, I know.
I went through the same. Its ups & downs for a bit.
But, keep in the forefront of your mind the high moments and try to recreate those feelings any way you can.
My worst, yet sometimes best times were when I was alone. Gave me lots to think about. I worked hard during those days & months to repair.
What really helped me was to study my thread. Read it over and over.
And worked off that, to expand and get rid of those painful feelings asap.
Asap has been a process. With stages. Took almost a year for me. From a 5 year breakup. So just be patient.
Read mine sometime if you have time. Its long. Im embarrassed sometimes how long, but that's what it took.
The advice here has changed me. In so many ways. That's why Im still here.
The people here rock.
I want to go out tonight with my friend, but I already know that its not going to help... I went to the movies on Saturday and my thoughts were elsewhere, not on the movie
"but i already know that its not going to help"
Listen to what you just said.
That's the opposite of what you need to think.
My thoughts were all over the place, but I took every invite, opportunity & excuse to have fun.
Like I say, it a process all directed by you.
Help what? The sooner the realization sets in & dwelling stops, the sooner you can see other nice opportunities.
Thank you for all your advice and thoughts. Its been A month and 7 days since the break up. During the first month, I've been fine... laughing, hanging with friends A lot, and normal activities.
For some reason this week, I've been hit HARD and although my friends still want to hang out, etc, I've just been in a depressed mode. Sleeping until 3pm everyday, just so the day can go my faster. I'm rarely eating, I have no appetite. I don't know why all of a sudden this is hitting me, when I was having fun and not thinking about her weeks after the break up.
Its like I have no motivation to do anything, even when I try, I sit right back down. I have someone who's VERY interested in me right now, they invite me everywhere, but its just I'm not ready to go there. I went to the movies with this person Saturday, but my mind was just occupied on this Ex. I really hate this
Try harder.
This is not the end of the world here.
Only the beginning.
Try harder I will
Its not unusual for recovery drunks to be depressed so how is the sobriety doing? Are you making your meetings? Got a sponsor? Bought a Big Book?
Thank you for your insight Talanman, yes I have a sponsor and yes I'm in AA going to meetings..Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Its not alcohol that's causing that. I wasn't a daily alcohol drinker... Its the Ex- Relationship that got me depressed
Have you gotten a Big Book, and started to read it? That's the first thing a sponsor tells you to do? And if you read that Big Book, its not how much, or how often you drink, it the problems that it causes in your life.
You may think its just the break up, but keep an open mind to factors that contribute to the mood you're in. Alcoholic thinking affects the mind and body in profound ways without drinking. Read the book.
If you want answers and solutions you must have FACTS.
That may be adding to your depression- not drinking every day,but using alcohol the way it seems you have,suggests you have used it to selfmedicate-when you felt the need.
My take is your depression has been there for quite some time.
Granted,your breakup has added to your feeling low,but the root causes need addressing.
I can't stand when people tell me how to run things, and their life is not in order. My friend had the nerve to tell me how this relationship should have gone, so this is what I sent him:
"please don't offer advice, if your Life course, Attitude, & Household is not in complete order. Remove that Rafter from your Own Eye before giving advice to anyone else. If you keep Sowing negativity/toxicity, then you will keep Reaping that. If you always have a hate-the-world-screw-you type mind, what positive advice... could you possibly offer? work your own issues first...I'd rather be pissed Off, than pissed On"
If you offer me advice, please lead by example... thank u to all in this thread that have offered great advice! Its still hard but I'm getting there
Good one. You sound pissed too. And should be.
I don't spend much time on bad advice. But what it does is help me reinforce the cool people & things..
The stuff to stay away from.
You're doing great. Keep it up, 580.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pandead
I feel bad folks, something I left out and I just realized the signifance of it when talking to a friend. My ex texted me and asked for to borrow some money, and my emotions just all came out and I called her "pathetic" because she texted me for money and did not call me. I know this was stupid, and I know this was verbal abuse... Although I've been called a bitc$ before by her, but I just feel down about that. Pathetic is just not something you call someone. I apologized like 10 minutes later, and she accepted it, but was still acting very cold. I don't blame her. I guess the reason I'm going through the ups and downs is because of closure...
Should I send an email? And what she it entail? I want to send an email but I don't want that email passed along to her friends, as if "see look, i told u, look at all his confessing of mistakes he made!"...
I want us to be friends sometime much later down the road. She is VERY sensitive, so I know when I said pathetic it hurt A LOT. I want to send an email for closure and definitely to apologize again for that statement, as that WAS verbal abuse... any suggestions??
You already apologized.
When you break NC, this is what happens. More drama.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Yeah I know... I just don't want to be known as a verbal abuser... I just want closure I guess... thats why I was suggesting email...
Is closure really important?
I think you already have received the closure.
An ex texting for cash. Yeah right.
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