Stay strong man, it's hard but not impossible. Did you tell you don't want to talk to her? Make it clear and tell her you are trying to get healed.

Keep staying strong and taking care of yourself, it's a horrible dark path but the light is in the end of the tunnel even if you don't see it.

You are also putting her on a pedestal so that doesn't help either. Think of yourself and the dreams and goal you have set for yourself. For example you set a goal of moving out of your city once you finish your degree or you can plan a big trip alone or with your friends. That will help you a lot.

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

Well, if she doesn't listen next time you talk to her you can say out loud in front of everyone that you don't want to talk to her and to keep out of your life. That will calm her down, and you have every right to pass the message to her that way.

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. First I become depressed and now I am furious. What the hell comes next and when does happiness come in?

It takes time, a lot of time but it's the proper way of healing. You could also go party and get drunk all the time and try to hock up with the next girl that passes by. Like that you can end up like my friend in the hospital with a heart attack (he's 25) by drinking too much.

Take it slowly, it's always hard in the beginning.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I stood strong. I did not let me see me in the state that I was in. I left the class and went to my next one which I have with her too. The only difference here is that I am one of 3 guys in that class so no flirting happening there. As I came in she asked me how I was doing. I told her calm mannered that I was fine and left to sit down in my spot. The whole time during class she kept on looking at me discretly but I did not give her the chance to make eye contact with me. I paid attention to the class and walked away after it was done. I can't believe what she did to me and I can definitly see her ugly side. This is helping me get over her much easier.

I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel. I am not the one to ever get angry at anyone. I am very calm mannered but I just want to tell her off. But I won't because I know it would only feed her.

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Its good to know that you are not giving in to her. Gosh I would never do the crap to my boyfriend that she is doing to you! Its so despicable what she is doing, I don't know how she can hurt somebody so badly. I swear to god, she is thinking well I want love, affection from someone who truly cares about me, (you) then once she's with you, she craves having freedom and experimenting with other guys. Then once she's had her period for screwing around with other guys, she wants you back because she then lacks and misses the love, affection and attention she needs from you. She keeps rebounding back to you, and using you for emotional support and love, because you always take her back. But she is too selfish to realize that to have a relationship you need to be committed and show the same affection back. I feel very sorry for the mind games she plays on you, its pathetic to put it bluntly. I despise girls like this and know many girls like this. You don't deserve the crap she is doing. I don't want to make you feel worse, but to put it VERY bluntly, she uses you for love, affection... (I mentioned earlier) gets bored, than goes off screws around with other guys, than comes right back to you. It's a sin that you allow her to do this, and from what it sounds like, she's trying to get into a relationship again with you... the cycle will never stop... the pain you endure will never stop as long as she is in your life.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

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Good for you!

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

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I hope you don't there are too many beautiful women in the world inside and out to save yourself for.

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

Yes, I agree with you white-rose. Now that I am a little further in my healing process I can see that there are others. I have met some beautiful girls with wonderful personalities. I am very thankful for all the support around here and the support I am receiving from the people around me. I am channeling all my anger into motivation. Every day I am learning something new, meeting a new friend, or learning something about myself. I know I will have more rough days as well as many more good days. But I have gone through too much in my life to let a girl slow it down. This whole journey has been a huge learning experience and I am glad that I have been able to go through it. I see nothing but positives coming from this. I was caught up in this routine with her where I kept on doing the same thing over and over again. I did not have any personal time and that kept my motivation low to do anything else besides work, school, and being with her. Now I am very much into working out again and I even was able to get my six pack back again in just a month. I have my first gallery opening coming up for my photography and I will have another one in January. Also, I had a local business interested in selling my art. All of this I wouldn't have done if I was with her because she needed me to be with her at all times. LIFE IS GREAT!!

I have no clue why but that scene from yesterday has been replaying in my head all day. They were talking about how the two of them should get together and study this upcoming Sunday. The guy then said that my ex should give him a call since she already had his number. It pisses me off so much that she would be so insensitive in front of me. Also, the fact that she knew the guy while we were dating and never said a word about him or even spoke to him in class while we were dating. But suddenly we break up and she is chit chatting away. It pisses me off so much. Its as if she already picked guys she wanted to date and then just waited to break up with me to go out and date them. I just want to explode on her and let her know how I feel but I won't. How can somebody do something like that. I shouldn't let this bother me but I am so angry at her.

Id say the anger is justified and will actually help you on your road to complete recovery.
You ll get to a place eventually when whatever she does or whomever she speaks to won't matter.

Her true colors are showing my friend. That is extremely unclassy to do and I would be pretty pizzed if I were you as well. Handle your anger and move on. Don't give her any satisfaction.

I won't give her that satisfaction but won't she always think that there is nothing wrong with treating me this way? What can I say to her? Or should I just shut my mouth and continue playing it cool?

Play it cool. Karma is a beeyatch... you take care of yourself and let life take care of the rest.

I sure hope it is. I hope that one day she realizes what she had and how she can never get it back. I didn't ask for anything else besides commitment. I didn't ask for marriage. I didn't ask for her to change. I just wanted her to be herself. I committed myself to this relationship 100% and gave her everything she wanted plus more. I just wish I could have seen this before. But it happened and I can't change that. I can only learn from it.

So what comes next?

I went from being sad to being sad and angry. When does happiness come in?

I am so stressed out by everything and I don't know how much longer I can stay this strong. I average 12 hour days, 7 days a week. Having to go to school, three jobs, psychology lab, other clubs/activities and doing homework on top of all that is draining me very fast. Also, having to deal with a break up on top of that does not help.

I am so sick of always having to be strong at all times. Why is it that since the age of 5 I had to grow up and start working my butt off? I am so fortunate to be where I am today and I am not complaining about what I need to do but when will I get a break?

Why don't you take a weekend off and get out of town for awhile. Do something to clear your mind.

I wish I could but I work the weekends and I have already taken a day off recently when I first broke up with her. Also, this month is a tough one when it comes to paying the bills and I need all the hours I can get to pay for everything. I am under pressure with school work too. I am trying to do things with friends but when I do those things then other important tasks get pushed back.

But its not just this instance. I have been under pressure my whole life and that is what I do not understand. Why have I been dealt these cards? I am staying positive and making the best out of what I have been given but sometimes I just question my life. Why?

This is life A4. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are the only one working their a$$ off to make something of themselves. You are never given more than God thinks you can handle... and no, I'm not a religious man. There are a ton of people on this board alone that have gone through tragic situations. We make our lives what we want them to be, but the path isn't always crystal clear nor easy.

I guess your right. I should just quit being a little you know what and continue with my life.

Don't get me wrong man, you have every right to wonder why and how, and what and so on. Hell, I know I did. But you are strong enough to deal with this, I know it and so do the countless other posters on here who offer you advice. Sometimes life just sucks, no other word for it. But we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up again... and sometimes we fall over and over again, but as long as we keep getting back up we will be fine.

Ever notice on a bad day, you think of everything that has gone wrong in your life? That's not reality though, reality is that your wallowing in your own pity, because that's the easiest thing to do. We all do it to some extent, but you'll get enough of that and get up, and figure out something else to do.

The bad times make the good ones to come even sweeter, and that's the attitude to have. Just one hard working SOB to another.

I agree with you completely because after reading Kc's post and yours it made me see the slump I put myself in. Things happen for a reason and you just have to deal with it. Well I just got off work so Im headed home to write a paper that's do tomorrow. Thanks for the pep talk. I needed that.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

Yes, I agree with you white-rose. Now that I am a little further in my healing process I can see that there are others. I have met some beautiful girls with wonderful personalities. I am very thankful for all the support around here and the support I am receiving from the people around me. I am channeling all my anger into motivation. Every day I am learning something new, meeting a new friend, or learning something about myself. I know I will have more rough days as well as many more good days. But I have gone through too much in my life to let a girl slow it down. This whole journey has been a huge learning experience and I am glad that I have been able to go through it. I see nothing but positives coming from this. I was caught up in this routine with her where I kept on doing the same thing over and over again. I did not have any personal time and that kept my motivation low to do anything else besides work, school, and being with her. Now I am very much into working out again and I even was able to get my six pack back again in just a month. I have my first gallery opening coming up for my photography and I will have another one in January. Also, I had a local business interested in selling my art. All of this I wouldn't have done if I was with her because she needed me to be with her at all times. LIFE IS GREAT!!!

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That is awesome to hear that you are seeing the positive through this experience, and are accomplishing goals in your life now without her. You seem very confident and are strong now which is difficult to be after a break-up. You are loving yourself now, and it seems to be making you happy. No matter what, you put yourself and your needs first, which you seem to be achieving. Good job :)

So here I am thinking to myself again. I do not know why my dumb brain and heart are messing with me. Even though I saw what my ex is capable of I still feel sad. Even though I know I will find someone I still miss her. Even though I know she has moved on and I do not want to take her back, I still miss her. Even though I am not moping anymore and am focused on myself again I still miss her. Why is it that I take all these steps forward and then take a huge step back? I am still in love. How will that go away? I feel as if I broke the NC contact rule and have gone back to step 1 but I haven't done anything wrong to do so. What kind of man am I when I can't even get over this. *sigh*

There's no Magic Wand it just takes time , you just have to be patient and let the healing powers do their stuff while realising your going to have bad days.

We all handle adversity differently , some heal quicker , some slower , you've just got to stay patient while doing everything you can in your power to help quicken the process ie: NC etc.

A4, you are a normal man. Its never wrong to miss someone, but do it in a way that u're moving on, whilst missing your ex less and less. All that matter is your mentality and TIME. Keep it up, don't get yourself crazy thinking you can get over it permanently by just a click.

I guess its just been a rough day for me. I am not looking forward at all to class tomorrow because I know I will have to put my fake smile on and listen to all the flirting/chatting that will occur between my ex and her new "friend."

Stay strong A4effort, it's the moutain that we climb, that makes us the better man.

Stay strong A4effort, it's the mountain that we climb, that makes us the better man.

So I am dreading going to this class. I enjoy the class itself and I have to attend it but I know she will be there. I know she will talk to her "friend" and I know I will hurt. Today I do not feel strong at all. I will not let her have the satisfaction of seeing me this way but I know it will affect me for the rest of the day. Every time I think of going to class I imagine how they have hung out outside of class. I think of how they might be in a relationship if they are not already in one. I feel like sh*t.

I need some encouragement to go be through this day.

You ve done it before and you can do it again.
Don't let her get to you.

I know I can't let her get to be but I feel very out of control today in terms of my emotions. My stomach is upset because of it and I just have this overall like crap.

You continue to walk with your head held high every day... knowing what kind of man you are and what kind of MAN you always will be. That's all you can do in these situations. Keep your head up and keep moving through the BS.

My blood is boiling! I am not giving her the satisfaction. I can't wait to kick and punch the bags tonight. She is not making this easy for me. But I will show her and myself who I am and how strong I can be.

Beat the hell out of them



But remember to tape up 8)

Well I could not wait to beat those bags. I held my head high and did not take one look at her. She didn't talk to me and continued talking to her boy toy. When it was time for my taekwondo class I asked my teacher to run me to the ground. She did just that and I hit those bags harder then ever before. I have so much anger and I am channeling it all into positive energy. I used it to teach great martial arts classes and to do my job to my best abilities. I am so motivated to work out as much as I can. I just want to go up to her and scream f u to her but I won't. I swear I will succeed in all my goals and I will not stop working until achieve every single one of them. I will get through this and show
Myself that I am strong. I am so thankful for my work ethic. Without it I would not be here today.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I just want to go up to her and scream f u to her but I won't. .

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Yep that's definitely not a good idea , all it will do is make you look weak and she'll be able to validate breaking up with you to herself.

Best way is to keep doing what your doing and make her see you as being happy and not needing her to make you happy , it hurts them more.

Well, I am so glad that I am sticking to NC. I couldn't care less if I never saw her again. I know that this is my anger talking but it sure is helping me get over her. These high's and low's are crazy.

Have I improved? What the hell is next?