Well I can't lie and say its all roses now but I feel very happy and everything seems great. I'm talking to a few girls and well I hope there will be more... one seems very interested in me... It keeps me busy and distracted quite a lot.
Mornings, since its so quiet and lonely, really suck... I am doing pretty good I think and it has only been a month... thank you everyone for baring with me... I appreciate... I may have a few more vents but I think I'm okay... letting the emotional dust settle a bit more before I put things into perspective.

Good for you Emo , and vent away whenever you need to it's good therapy :cool:

Emo, I am glad you are doing better. Just take your time and have fun. :)

Thank you Cat and Friend! You both are very encouraging! Well I have a date on Saturday! I'm kind of excited and she said she is very excited to see me again. We used to talk while back. Well of course I'm not jealous or anything especially since I'm trying to be very cool and relaxful... but I guess it was a little weird for me... here it goes...

We were talking and I liked that she was open as I appreciate honesty a lot... she would tell me about dates and how she met losers and all this stuff which is cool. Then she tells me she has been talking to a guy but she says that he is "gorgeous" and that even I would like him... lol But she says he is a party guy and she couldn't trust him and he lives in jersey (we are in NY) and she can't see herself with him... But I'm not rele bothered but just wondering if its "normal" for her to tell me a guy she dates/dated is gorgeous... I find a bit funny and of course I didn't say anything because I don't want to start acting stupid and then she won't open up... so again... just wondering about that... is it nothing?

P.S. While it happened and I was thinking of it, I quickly thought "its all about how you deal with it" so I decided to let the entire conversation go its course and then talk to my friends here before anything. I quickly thought "smart move". Lol

Ep, you want honesty-you got honesty. :)

Some people will talk about anything and everything. It comes to mind-it exits mouth. It doesn't sound like she meant to put you down or hurt your feelings. She was just being upfront and treating you like a friend which is what you need right now. However, it is common to be taken aback when the conversation takes strange (to the listener) turns. Just don't take what she says personally. I don't think that is how she means it.

I am very proud of you for not over-reacting. Remember that you have no hold on this female other than friendship. So, try not to expect any more than you would from a friend.

Take it slow. Your still healing and you don't want to get into a rebound relationship that sets you back below your starting point.

I hope you have fun on the date. :)

Well I didn't go to her house or anything because she had to study but we kept texting... we will hang out on Tuesday... besides that, today was suppose to be our anniversary... im a bit down.

I want to move on but its so hard realizing its over and she was so pretty to me. I was used to her and we had great times... how could I forget that. We did so much together and if I were bored I'd call her and out we went or did something... now I'm bored and alone. I don't know what to do.

Ep, you need to get out and do something. Sitting at home with your memories isn't going to help today.

Do you like cooking? Have you tried baking bread? Kneading dough can help get out some frustrations. Cooking can also be time consuming and involves hands and head. Useful skill, too.

No I'm a doorman so I'm stuck here till 12... its only 3 pm.

So, you are at work. That does kind of make it boring.

I hope things pick up or you find something suitable to keep busy.

I just find it weird how she just said she needs time to get unpissed and then after a week I go to her job and say sorry and sonce she wouldn't tell me I asked if we are broken up and she says yes... like I have to ask? And she goes straight to hanging out the next day. Mind you we had a great time before all this... I don't get it... then when I caught her I was upset that she lied and then she throws that she hasn't gone out with her friends and all this stuff just like last time and I'm like this isn't even about that... u could have been honest but your lying... why? Then she says she doesn't have to tell me and she doesn't have to check in... n I'm like what? What is that about but I was mad so I said yes and she said fu ck you to me and then she hung up on me and then she didn't call me till 5 hours later and I'm sure she went to hang out again. I feel bad for doing it back the next day and I tried not to but on the phone when I asked her what is she doing at night she said staying home and then she said what you want to come babysit me or something... I was like what? This is only happening because you lied for the 3rd time without being honest when you said you would. I have reason. But that pissed me off too much and then payback came and I feel bad. I know how hurt I was the night she lied to me and it hurt a lot but somehow I still want her... is something wrong with me?

N I try thinking if I'm too jealous or if it was me but I never checked her phone... I let her have her privacy on the internet sites and all and never asked for passwords... I let her be her at her job and never interferred with anything. I mean the occasional feeling a bit insecure with her going to like a pajama party with girl and guy friends I didn't know who do crazy things but I figured that's got to be understandable... im not crazy or something... I know what's good and not good. So I don't get it.

I will agree its you who doesn't get it yet, as going over, and over old ground gets you nothing but confusion. She didn't do it your way, nor wanted too, so what is there to get? You probably only lasted this long because you accepted what she did, and in her mind, condoned it. That has continued long after the break up, and until you make up your mind, to put false hope and confusion behind you and do for yourself, whatever it takes to move forward, you still will not get it. Forget her actions of the past, and get your own for the future, as anything less will only keep you from getting it.

If your board at work, that's something you can do something about, besides trying to figure out what she is doing, and thinking.

Ok I guess I will try to stop talking and thinking about it... and 3 years isn't so long anyway, right? How do I know what to do differently with the next girlfriend? I stopped checking her phone and I let her have her privacy and I stopped calling girls and I worked on all I had to... so what next? It still didn't work. This time SHE was going out behind my back... go figure. What should I work on? I can have more trust I am sure. How do I work on that?

Emo
Everything you say you were doing is perfectly normal , you should trust your partner , they should be allowed to go out without you etc etc.

What do you need to get?? Get that she obviously crossed the boundaries at times and you condoned it by not sticking up for yourself and dumped her , you've said yourself that you would've never dumped her and she knew that and played on it. Get it??

Now , stop trying to get it and forget about this girl and worrying about something that's now totally out of your control , otherwise we'll all be here in another 50 pages and you'll still be asking the same questions.

I'm more than happy to be in here in 50 pages but lets be talking about how well you've progressed and how much you've learnt.

Emo, this is last time I will say this (I will start copying and pasting it if I have to):

Let yourself heal and unpack the baggage from this last relationship.

You will someday, when you are ready, find a woman (not a girl) that you want to be with in a healthy relationship. Hopefully, she will share the same basic ideas that you do.

You will know to sit down and discuss with her what you both want in a relationship. You will set the boundaries together and work together to build something stronger than you have ever had before.

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What should I work on?

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Work on having a happy life without a female. You get to attached and it makes you blind to reality. You seem to have convinced yourself that she is more important than anything else, so you eat crap to keep someone who doesn't see you the same way.

The best way not to eat crap, dump it when you see it.

Thank you friend and cat... its that sometimes I say its all my fault and even though I fixed all those other things I maybe could have done more... like not get upset when I get scared or not have fun when she wasn't that way she wouldn't get sad... I don't know... I was trying everything. I should have just let her done everything else and let her go out without telling me and lie to me... it would have been better than this.

Darnit! I apologized and even went to her job to say it. I put effort when I am wrong unlike her. All I know for sure is that I gave it my best best shot! It still wasn't enough for her and I am sure she will regret it someday! I am very nice and certain situations can be a bit difficult for me to handle but if she didn't like it we could have had dinner or something to talk about it. She didn't have to hurt me 3 times with the same things and then blame it on me after we agreed on something

If you don't stop analysing her actions and thoughts it's going to be very difficult to move forward.

I get it now!!!!! You like the taste of CRAP!!!!!

Well on a better note... here are things I have done to help myself...

I went to church today.
I go to the gym almost everyday and working out like a beast. My arms have never been so big... lol
My abs are getting better...
I try not to think about the situation.
I watch TV or go to the movies.
I text friends.
I listen to music. But mostly the gym makes me happiest n trying to reach my goal... afterall a nice body is a great goal in life I think.

For some reason, right now I don't feel too good. I doubt I will find someone I can be cool with and comfortable with again... Im sorry T-Man u got mad before for me being foolish. I am not feeling this way on purpose. I'd rather not be going through this.

I miss having a girlfriend... I miss her. What do I do? I'm not used to this. It happened too soon n I feel I should have just let her do what she did behind my back so that I could still be with her. Please help me! I've still kept no contact.

Emopunk, it is absolutely normal to think about your ex and all the wishing of being together. May I ask you what would a man be like if he wants to behave like someone's pet? You have to learn how to say NO every time your brain reminds you of your ex.

It is something that can be overcome. "I miss having a girlfriend" Human always miss things that made them happy in life. Stay strong, post all the crap here when you can't fight your own thoughts. Any of form of breaking NC, begging, pretend to be strong in front of her etc. WILL lower your dignity and self-respect. TRUST ME, TRUST US!

Emo, when you hang out with your friend on Tuesday are you planning on regaling her with stories of your past relationship? Think that might be a downer?

Face forward. Enjoy the company of a friend who happens to be female. Think of fun things to do. Think of other topics of conversation that you are both interested in.

Allow yourself to feel good.

I may have fun with this girl but it won't be the same... it won't be her... I will just be sad again. Is thinking of the bad stuff a good idea. Some days I do very good but I guess cause of work I get more down. Its hard because even if I think of the bad, obviously it wasn't bad enough for me to break us up... Why would she do that? Its been about a month today? Does anyone think I am doing okay so far? Or should I be over it by now?

Emo, quite frankly, every time I think you get your face headed in the forward position instead of staring at what's behind you, you panic. Every time you show a glimmer of letting her go, you grab on to the tendrils of those memories and yank them right back into your conscious mind. Why? Who benefits from holding on? Not her. She doesn't know or care. You? Nope, it is only making you hurt more.

How long do you plan to permit the wound from this past relationship to fester? Do you want to let it heal? Do you think if you allow yourself to emotionally bleed out that she will somehow find out and mourn your loss?

Why do you have to think of her at all? Why can't you think about just having a good time with a friend who just wants to have fun?

Of course it won't be the same. Glory in the fact that it isn't the same. Rejoice in the knowledge that relationships come in many different flavors. Spit out the one that Tal aptly called "crap". Rinse your mouth out and try one that has a better flavor. You might find you like it.

You are right in so many ways Cat... I really wanted to vent but I'd feel bad after such a great post... I guess I will vent and try to make this my last one and then speak of your points.
Relationships come and go and there is never any certainty! Its scary and risky! There are lots of memories I can remember. Playing sports and little things like she likes the crunchy french fries and so much more little and big memories. I would pick her up from work and sometimes I would be late and I feel bad for that and I feel bad for so many other things but that just says I loved her! I always tried to better mysel f for her. I fixed all my previous problems. I think the only thing left to work on could have been to not be needy. But it was hard because I just started working weird hours in the city but I always made time for her no matter how tired. Yet she would say she is too tired after work and from an hour calling me daily, she would only give me about 5 minutes now because she is supervisor and she said I had to understand. I said OK I understand. I wondered if we barely had sex and she was always tired for me then imagine with a baby and marriage. But that wasn't the point. I wasn't feeling loved anymore and her job was more important. When I asked her if she missed me she said she is so busy at work that she doesn't have time to miss me... that hurt me. I wouldn't even say that. I felt so ignored and uncared for for a while. We were getting distant but she didn't care. Then I worked late that Thursday and she was upset because I wasn't answering my phone but I did text I will call her soon. Finally I called her and she was pissed but I said at least you know I'm at work and not doing anything wrong but she didn't care. Then she goes to the church thing where she says her ex isn't there... then the next day we have a great day hugging and holding her close and relaxing and that same night she does it again and goes out behind my back and I catch her and then we are both upset and then she ignores me for 5 hours late at night even knowing I'm worried...

That's a major deal breaker for me! 3rd time she lied big time! I'm a sucker because I could keep letting it go but would I be happy? Maybe not. I feel bad I did it back but I did. Maybe it happened for a reason. I'm starting to get sick of thinking about the same crap all the time and maybe that's good. I feel a bit confused. I see girls and since I'm not used to them I see them as very pretty and with potential so I know I'm not totally suffering at least. Maybe we just weren't meant to be but that makes me sad because we should be... u know? Oh well. I know I tried my best... she didn't.

I need to be stronger and let go Cat fully. I kept no contact because I know that last time I tried everything but it still didn't work. If she doesn't want me then that's just it. She just didn't love me enough and didn't think to fix a very good thing and friends became more important when we def. could have worked through that. I always had surprises and all for her... I remember I made plans for six flags with her and she got in the car knowing I wasn't feeling so good about us spending little time together and she tells me that she chose to work instead of six flags. But I had a surprise for her with a candle and candy and flower and soda and a card and then she felt bad and she said OK let's go to six flags... but its not like she had such a desire... I was feeling all this prior. I knew something was wrong and then things got worse. I think she met someone else.

Anyway even though I hurt, I know this is better than begging and getting more hurt and not feeling any dignity. Now this way I know in the long run it will be a lot better for me. I know I tried my best and I think that shows more than anything how much I cared. Yeah I missed her and sometimes a bit needy but I loved her a lot and I can't blame myself for that. So no contact has been easy but the emotions not so much. Thank you Cat for your great post! I don't do this just so she will mourn... I never talk or anything with her... she is gone! I accept it. Some days can be harder especially when I'm bored.
Yeah I should just think of the friend instead... its just a bit hard because I used to sleep over her house and her parents wouldn't mind... we would sleep next to each other and I enjoyed that and feeling her body while she fell asleep and now I can't do any of that again!

Well I feel a lot better now... mornings are the hardest part. Anybody here?

Has anybody read what I wrote?

Well I had a date on Tuesday (yesterday) but she changed it to Monday but I said I couldn't and we agreed for Wednesday. Thing is I text her today and she said she was in the city... She also said she saw paranormal activity at the movie theatre.

It just hit me that she was in the city on the day we were suppose to go out... N maybe she saw that movie with another guy. It kind of bothered me but then I thought maybe she went with a girlfriend or maybe it was a guy and she just wanted to be with him today because he couldn't another day. It kind of sucks but we are nothing now. But I think its just that I feel pushed aside for someone else... Why do I feel bothered? Should I?

Also, my brother goes out with my ex's sister for like 3 years now.

If love is going to work then it just does. So what if I missed her more than usual. She could have said at least 2wice a day "hey baby I know u miss me n that makes me soo happy. I miss u too and I can't wait to see u soon" or something to show she cared... it wasn't so bad though, I just missed her. The bad thing is that she went behind my back... n then cursed me out and then ignored me and all after she said she would be honest twice before. Remember I never cheated nor did a thing wrong to this girl that dealt with not trusting. I always took her out with me yet she felt she had to go alone and not tell me when she would dump me if I did that... NOT FAIR! I am feeling good!

Emo
Do you want to get better?

If the answer is yes then STOP analyzing everything , its in the past so move on and stop worrying about the what's and whys and ifs.

If your just going to keep going over old ground you may as well go back and start reading this thread from page 1.

We all said we'd be here for you to vent and talk about your progress and I for one am happy to , but not to go over the same old stuff over and over again.

Cmon man :cool:

Is it normal to still be thinking a little about the ex and wondering what ifs? Even though I apologized a lot for paying her back it still makes me feel bad but then on the other hand I don't feel bad because she did it 3 times before and if she did it again and ignored me all night then maybe she didn't care about me so much as I imagined. This is the only thing I think about. But I feel I am doing great so far besides that. What do you think? I am doing things to stay busy but those thoughts come sometimes and I hate it. Is this normal for now?

Take your right hand and put it between your legs and remember that you have balls so get rid of the vagisil and tell her what's up. Get strong bud

Think Thrice before you act emopunk7. I was like u, my confused ex broke up with me, I begged her to come back but the fact that is she wants to try something NEW out there. When I told her that we will NOT have anything together in the future, she got desperate.

The truth is she doesn't want to let go yet doesn't want to be with me because she's chasing for another guy! I was stupid, I spent some time with her but all I realise is I was giving her the cake while she's having her dessert! F*ed up myself like a fool.

I suggest every time you need suggestions from us, read you OWN THREAD from the 1st POST and u'll get the answer!

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Is it normal to still be thinking a little about the ex and wondering what ifs? Even though I apologized a lot for paying her back it still makes me feel bad but then on the other hand I don't feel bad because she did it 3 times before and if she did it again and ignored me all night then maybe she didn't care about me so much as I imagined. This is the only thing I think about. But I feel I am doing great so far besides that. What do you think? I am doing things to stay busy but those thoughts come sometimes and I hate it. Is this normal for now?

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Yes, it is normal and common to think about 'what if's'. However, those thoughts don't help you heal.

You need to get out of the habit of holding on to them and treating them like precious gems. They aren't. They are viruses that are trying to infect your thought processes. If you give them permission to continue to grow, you will just keep yourself sick. The easiest way to get rid of the infection is toss out the thoughts that are causing it. Just tell yourself, no more. You are going to think about pleasant things instead of the same thing over and over again.

I am glad that you are doing well, otherwise.

Thank you Cat... Update!

I went on a date two days ago with a pretty girl and I had a great time. I took her to a restaurant and then to an arcade. We both had fun and she wants a second date and she said she likes me. We spoke on the phone the day before yesterday. She says she is looking for a serious relationship and we spoke about things she likes and doesn't like and she even agreed that if a partner goes out they should say with who and all and call or answer calls and not act suspicious. So at least I learned to bring all that up in the beginning. So far she seems really cool and we are on the same page. I am going out tonight with friends to PA in a party bus to a strip club so that should be fun to finally hang out with my friends and not have to answer to anyone for once. What do you think?

Don't rush into another serious relationship.

Have fun!

What do you mean don't just get into another relationship? I am having fun... What am I to do if she wants a relationship and she seems great so far... do I ignore her?