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Think I should delete her account and her friends and family, that have a connection to me, that I don't talk to anymore cause of this( they weren't my friends before her or someone I want to talk to)Quote:
Originally Posted by 57373
I think deleting people is childish, that's why I have never done it to anyone
Couldn't have said it better. I would just delete her and block her. It may look childish but it is your way to feel better and not to have any temptation to go check her Facebook. Seriously, she is just trying to play with you and like 57373 said grow some balls.
I have to see my ex regularly because we have mutual friends and it is quite painful, but you have the chance of cutting everything loose and trust me if feels 10X better if you cut all ties.
I don't know how you can block someone on Facebook. But OK, I'll try that. And what if she tries to get back in contact with me afterwards, or send a add request.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
At this point I still want her, but know it isn't for the best that she comes back so quick
Hit the delete button. And don't worry about the what if's. If she sends a request hit the deny button.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
If she tried to contact you,guess what? It means you have the power
I didn't realize that until recently but the best thing to do when she tries?
Not write back.
No "okay" no "thanks" no "sure but I got to go"
No "why did we break up"
No "i'm sorry about..."
NOTHING.
It is the exes way of testing to see if they have power over you,if you write back,they are essentially "guilt free" if you don't they are aware you no longer care,and they have no power.
Sounds absolutely ridiculous and stupid and childish... but that's what breakups with these types of people are,to begin with.
I got to delete all her friends and family too? Is this really the way to have a future with her?Quote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
FFS,there is no future with her.Do you want a wife who after 10 years or even 4 years and kids up and leaves one day for someone else,and you just wait until she's sure this is 'what she wants'Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Is that honestly what you want for the rest of your life?
Do you see a life partner in that?
She's already done it as just a GIRLFRIEND which is hardly committed enough as a wife,and she can't even stay a girlfriend without getting bored.
Now your just making excuses. You simply can't do it because you want to see what updates she has on her life. No contact means no contact if you don't want to delete her than don't. But if she contacts you don't respond. You can't keep letting her be in control, Take control of your own life.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
My ex did the same thing told me 'we lacked direction' 'there's the stress of school' 'maybe in the future we have a chance'
That was all bs and lies,it was someone else.
If your girlfriend really loved you,she would problem-solve and fix the situation,no matter what,if she had to wait,she would wait.Love does not have deadlines.
I can almost 100% guarantee there is someone else,maybe just in the back of her mind or physically.
How many times have you heard someone say 'ill do anything to fix this,anything'
'it's not you... its me'
Why is that a coined phrase? Because of this situation.
Does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. That people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.
There is someone else, I know a name, but nothing else.Quote:
Originally Posted by 57373
Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.
I agree, it would be a horrible disaster if she came back to quick, I if I pushed her to give an answer, that is why I haven't done anything, talk to her... or her friends and family. I'm helping my cousin out who is going through something similar, and staying around my friends, and working/learningQuote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Ok then you see my theory is right.And I can bet you,any amount of money if you ask her about him she will say 'oh him,we're just friends."Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
And I can bet you to her friends when they ask why she left you for him she will say
"this guy was always there for me when me and my boyfriend fought,he's understanding,never gets angry and always helps me"
With every call you make to her she runs to him saying "haha my crazy ex is still obessed"
Trust me I've lived this...
Partly, I asked her about him, and she admitted everything to me, and she is now in a relationship with him, though I figured she was going into that. I won't call her, heck I want to change my cell number, but I've had it for 12 years, and its too much of a pain to contact everyone and tell them the new number. I even want to move somewhere else, cause of the price to rent, and being closer to my job. Though she could still get in contact with my parents, or through email, or the grape vines.Quote:
Originally Posted by 57373
The funny thing is though,I found out from a little bird that in my exes new relationship (leaving me for someone 'less angry')
They fight all the time.
Lol.
(only reason we fought to begin with was the 0 trust factor/constant going out/getting drunk/cheating)
My ex will never admit to me though,that the grass wasn't greener,because my ex burned me out so badly,And I would just say 'sorry I told you so' and laugh.
So in conclusion... what you need to do.Is let her do whatever she needs to do with this guy.
But whatever you do,do not be the third wheel,do not contact her,why? Because then she will blame you for any problems they have,trust me.You need to allow them to have their own problems and break up on their own terms,eventually she will tire of him as well (especially if she can just throw four years away like it's nothing) or guilt will catch up to her,and cause fights.
If she doesn't break up with him,and they ~stay together forever~,then you,again,have even more reason to move on.
Because everything in those four years obviously meant nothing,and why would you want leftovers anyway?
Maybe but I don't think there is any point in that. I still think you want to get back with her. There is no future with her anymore and you need to put it in your head. There is really plenty of girls in the sea and once you realize that she's not worth all the trouble you'll feel much better.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
My ex told me she was bored, the passion wasn't there and that we didn't plan for the future. BS. There was somebody else and she didn't tell me even when she stringed me along. Don't contact her back, listen to all of us who passed by exactly the same thing, read all the threads and you'll see that we are mostly guys who got dumped after a couple of years and most of the time there was another guy or they dated right away. It's only history repeating itself. Delete her, her friends and all her family. Who cares if it looks childish, you're in pain and you need to heal and this is one way.
She took the decision of breaking up with you, it was her right. Now it's your right to cut all communications or anything reminding of her!
Well after all this waiting and hurting your doing, if she ever does come back you may not even want her. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. She may even change into someone you don't even want.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Lol funny thing, I also heard from a little bird that my ex is starting at least a 2 year relationship with the guy she cheated on. The problem is that he went for a road trip and they will only have a couple of days together before the long term thing start. When I asked her about this guy she always says that he is a "friend"... when actually they were more than that. Anyhow past is the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by 57373
Yeah I totally agree, I have no idea what might happen tomorrow, well kind of. But I'm a sucker for believing in people, though I don't act like it, and am always running the different ways a situation might goQuote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Yeah, but no little bird told me any thing, I knew it in my gut, and by her face and how she said it. Plus she came out with it, when she realized she couldn't fool me. She is really bad at lying, and has no ability to keep her emotions to her selfQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
At least she told you,up until the end it was "friend just a friend just a friend"
Until we slept together (broken up) and I called the 'friend' and asked if they minded
Lol sh** hit the fan
And suddenly it was no longer a friend.
Actually it's pretty much the same thing, I had to "force" the truth out of her because I knew she was lying. I would rather she told me it is over and that there was another guy I would have saved a couple of hairs and some of my hair wouldn't have turned white lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Bad idea to change numbers? Its kind of dramatic, but it would put ever more distant, and also the in ability for her to contact me. Unless she is about to get it from my family or my friendsQuote:
Originally Posted by 57373
Lol, I already got some whit hair, though I doubt it is from her, probably the stress of surgeries, or stuff from long ago. I hope it wasn't stress related though, cause I don't remember when I got them, but they were before herQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Idk about changing numbers,all the times my ex contacted me,they were too afraid to talk to me on the phone (I guess guilt) It was always email or IM.I don't think phone is needed to block,if she has the nerve to speak to you directly by all means let her.
Directly meaning in person?Quote:
Originally Posted by 57373
No, if she calls be brief and cold. Don't let her control you. If she does call tell her you have a date or you're meeting someone.
No never in person (at least in my case,my ex is banned from seeing me... forever)
But I will accept phone calls.Because I think IMS and email and Facebook are all impersonal and too insulting for me to answer after what I've been through.
The phonecall I would answer? Not small talk,not how are you.
It would have to be an apology,only way I would listen.
So would I accept a phonecall that said something like,you forgot my birthday?
HELL NO. that phone call would be solely based on her selfish needs.
And that's one you can expect in five days (maybe) if you don't say happy birthday to her (which I'm all for you ignoring her birthday)
Well should I just ignore all calls? If any. Cause there really isn't a way for me to tell if its an apology or for small talk other wiseQuote:
Originally Posted by 57373
I would rather not tell her anything that I am doing. She doesn't need to know anything of what I am doing. Which is why I never post that stuff. For all she knows I have someone else, or have gone on vaca, or moved.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I got to delete like 60 friends, though I won't delete all of them, cause most of them are mine, that she met through me
If she wants to talk about apologizing (and means it) wait for the answering machine to tell you.Then think about how sincere it is.If she sounds desperate chances are she'll keep calling and calling.Then you have control.
But whatever you do. DO NOT SEE HER IN PERSON.
I believe breaking nc is okay if it's on their side and if they have apologized and MEANT IT as in TEARS,or at least a long speech... I mean... it better be something huge.But even then I wouldn't see her in person.
After she's been with that guy?
HELL NO.
Think about it? Would you really want to see her after she's 'been with' him.
I wouldn't... that's disgusting to me.
I guess it would all depend on the reason she came to see me, cause I wouldn't go to her. Though the only place she knows that I go is my parents house, which I never go to, cause I moved out. My office is moving, and I might be moving out of my house now cause of cost.
Correct me if I am wrong isn't she with someone else?
Nope, your right
Listen if she comes to see you,obviously she will call first to see if you're there right?
Well there you go,tell her you can't see her.
And before you say 'oh that's messed up she drove 30 mins' realize that she left you for another guy,she's not a friend,she's not the innocent one.
She.left.you.
You should have no loyalty or compassion towards her.
Ah and if you knew how easy it is to be manipulated by an ex in person,regardless of what they've done...
I have several friends who have made that mistake (including myself) and done things we regret... so much. (in my case though it was before I found out about the other person.. after I found out... I would never see my ex)
But I guess everything happens for a reason,but honestly save yourself the self respect.Cause second she see's you and starts crying,you will believe anything she says,and forget everything,trust me I've been there.Then come home to find out "but i have to stay with him...I love him"
Not fun.
That's why you don't answer any of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
I believe in honor of their past if she wants to apologize,he should at least listen.
So if she leaves one on the answering machine.. I wouldn't hit delete or anything.
And if she calls back,I would listen.
But that's the extent of it.
Very few exes apologize so... I would take the apology.. doesn't mean I'd accept it.
And just delete the VM, and never call back? No matter what the VM says or if she keeps calling?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Does anyone actually say, "i accept your apology" anymore, I think now a days its just expectedQuote:
Originally Posted by 57373
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