Yeah, I see that kctiger. I do have my health and you guys. Focus on what I have... ok.

OK... prove it to myself... if I can survive this.. I can do anything life gives me. Alone... just me.

I get that she doesn't matter in this regard. She doesn't control what happpens to me. No one can do that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

yeah, i see that kctiger. i do have my health and you guys. focus on what i have...ok.

ok...prove it to myself...if i can survive this..i can do anything life gives me. alone...just me.

i get that she doesnt matter in this regard. she doesnt control what happpens to me. noone can do that.

---

Repeat, repeat, and then repeat again. Good luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

yeah, i see that kctiger. i do have my health and you guys. focus on what i have...ok.

ok...prove it to myself...if i can survive this..i can do anything life gives me. alone...just me.

i get that she doesnt matter in this regard. she doesnt control what happpens to me. noone can do that.

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Exactly. Often times in life, you will face many obstacles. How you handle them sculpts you as a person for the rest of your life.

All right everyone... heres the deal:

Today I am PROMISING myself this is the last day I will think of her and all the BS that I'm going through, what she is putting me through, what's been on my mind.

I'm giving myself JUST today and then tomorrow I am going to mentally put her out of my mind if I start to feel sorry for myself... wish me luck because its going to be hard.

When I get in to fights with my partner, sometimes I just want him to man up, when he doesn't I just feel helpless. Sometimes, we girls, like to see men, its not that she wanted you to go overline and yell and slap her, she just wanted to see you stand up to yourself because she craves the tougher side of you...

You should not have changed your number and all the other crazy things you did. Girls like attention, so she probably wanted you to do some great gesture, Actions are everything to a woman.
And most couples who have been in a really long relationship usually get back together..

You know, you seem like a nice guy, I think in time she would have came back to you...
I hate all the people that say you should get laid... its not a solution. What you need to find is someone else who will replace your ex and mean more to you.
You won't have a hard time finding someone, you seem nice..
However, I do believe you will get back together with your ex. But you sort of may have ruined it by changing all your personal contacts.

(this is a reply to you a few days ago, I'm relplying seperatly as I go, otherwise I will forget)

Man, you should have been that professional reference...
Be a man and take your pride out...
You'll be happier

Uh, I'm sorry I misunderstood, you did the reference letter... :-D...

You have so much adrenaline in you because of all your misfortunes..
Im so sorry that you have gone through so much trouble.

Your girlfriend should have been there too support you, but she got out probably because you were complaining or winning too much, and all she wanted to see you do is take action and control of your life. We don't like to see men winning and hopeless. Its societys fault really, society causes stereotypes..
Im not sure this is the case for your ex, but this is what I would have wanted to see from my partner.

I do believe you are not over her and are not ready to let her go. And I don't blame you, you guys have been in a 5 year relationship so it takes time.
Giving her a deadline may have seemed right at the moment, but what if she is not the type of person who checks her emails frequently.
I want you to meet up with your ex and see where both of you are now. And you should tell her that she should let you know when the relationship is over after a fight, rather than to just stop communication with you, so that you can move on a bit more easily.
Basically I want you to have closure.. your mutual friend shouldn't have to be the middle man.


Its really nice to see that you have a supportive community here..
I wish you the best with your life and ex
And I hope you can finally decide whether you truly want to be with her or not.
If you guys don't happen to get back together, don't worry. Just try to focus on trying to get you life back, and you never know maybe you will meet a special someone along the way..
Good luck

Thanks unspeaken21...

I think you're right in her wanting me to standup for myself. But she was cussing at me and abusive in her language. If I responed like that... I would have been a real a$$. Why do that? I just want a no DRAMA relationship. I shouldn't have to be a to get a woman to respect me and not do that to me.

She has a bad potty mouth as it is. Like a sailor. This was OK when we first got together but later I started to think less of her because she doesn't act like a "lady"... u know? Dudes out there...

She's like a guy friend but you don't want your chick to be like that... just some of the time. Am I right?

So, you see, besides having a bad temper and cussing and all, she also would lash out and hit things... like the wall or door with her fist and scream and yell.

Cmon... everybody, do you think that it would have been right of me to give that kind of behavoir back to her or just walk away... because I just walked away...

As for changing my email.. and all... the community here told me to NC so I took it to the higher level and wiped out everything... besides... everyone out there...

If she really wants me back... doesnt THAT prove to her that I CAN stand up for myself and I DO have a backbone? I even told her via email that I DID give her the reference...

What are your comments please... because after today... im not going to think about her... well at least try not to.

As far as I'm concerned it is over. If she comes back or tries to contact me... well that's up to her but I'm not going to look for it.

Isn't that right EVERYBODY?

Also...

I KNOW she took advantage of my sweetness to her... I told her that in an email and said that just because I was sweet to her didn't mean I wasn't a man.

I mean I used to FU%% her for HOURS, etc... she sure liked it>.. u know!

Anyway... I just wanted to SHOW her by changing everything... a SILENT but serious way that I wasn't going to tolerate her BS anymore...

Our mutual friend said that she told him that she was "surprised" by my email and said "interesting"... thought I was mad when I sent it... but I wasn't... u see what I'm talking about?

One more thing... I told her that I don't want to play games... and so I didn't... in THAT sense... I was a "man" because I put up with her BS for 3 weeks without a reply from her as I was texting her and emailing her...

She said... she wasn't "feeling it" for me to come over and that she needed "space" OK... but nooooo, I still said morning baby... and such in texts...

Well, when I stopped I stopped. Sent her the email and explained my actions and gave her the ultimatum... now its up to her. Well now... is she taking me for granted? Who knows.

How's that for being a "man"

And if she doesn't come around then she doesn't... just today I saw 3 pretty girls...


Comments please!

Also...

If she doesn't want to stay with me because of all my problems... then all she's looking for is a payday. I don't have to deal with THAT kind of woman... because ill always be poorer than someone. As for whinning... if I can't tell my sorrows to the one I love, then who can I tell or should tell them to?

Well today is the day.

I let her go. "i stopped loving her today..."

My life begins anew; wish me luck everyone. Ill give you updates on what happens... im sure it will be hard. But I have to do what I have to do.

Thank you for all your help. And ill be trying to help people here! :)

You don't just stop "loving" someone. It isn't a button. The sooner you come to terms with your lack of control over your feelings, the sooner you can heal. If you continue treating this NC and healing thing like it is a step rather than a process, you are doomed to be in pain constantly.

kctiger... what do you mean by "lack of control" of your emotions? Please explain what you mean by a process and not a step

Thanks

You have said over and over on this thread how you are going to just "do" something that requires more than words. This is a process: a bunch of steps that make up a desired end. It requires action, self control, patience and most of all, determination. It isn't about saying you are going to do something, it is about putting in the time and effort required to actually do it.

I think what he means is, and I could be wrong. A step is something that is done quickly and not much difficulty, while a process is an everyday struggle. Think of it as an addiction, the first couple weeks/months are terrible because of how addicted you were before. Everyday will be a battle, for which you need a lot of strength

Oh... ok I get it... thanks romefalls19

Yeah... it is a struggle but today I'm going to begin.

It is not nice to yell and hit things.. for both a lady and a man..
So I understand what you mean..

I believe your girlfriend is a bit selfish... She probably thinks that you won't get over her and are going to reach her some way or another, so that's why she hasn't been communicating with you too much. Once she notices you are not really communicating then she might start to communicate to get you to like her again, even if she doesn't want to start the relationship over. I don't know how to explain the selfishness... but I hope you get it.
I really hope you stick to your word and not try to communicate with her after you finally decide it is over. If she communicates with you then that is another thing.
So far you have stood up for yourself and, in my opinion, you have showed her that you are a man from all the things you have done since the breakup.
Keep it up but don't do it with mixed feelings..
Obviously you are going to meet new girls who are pretty, but when you do decide to date one, date her because of her personality. I think it might help better to get over your ex, especially if she is fun.

Just because your girlfriend is pretty and you guys have good sex, doesn't mean that she is special...
Goodluck with your decision to move on forward.. its going to be hard, but you'll overcome it.

Unspeaken: I have to disagree a bit with you. If it takes another girl to get you over your ex, then I don't think you are even ready to date. There are soooo many other things you can do to move on without having to date another person. The fact that so many people feel scared to be alone (without a significant other) is a problem with insecurity, and no woman will solve that problem. It would be pretty selfish to use another girl to get your over your ex...

Crazy, don't date, just feel yourself out, re-invent yourself, and have fun.

The following are things I vote for to do to help recover and take up free time

1. Gym
2. Sports
3. Friends
4. Xbox

Oh, and about the whining thing...
Its okay if you are whiny... Just as long as you are doing something about...
From my personal experience, my partner kept whining and never did anything about it, I would try to help him out, but he kept saying its too hard, or I can't do that, or some other lame excuse.. and I hated it... all I wanted for him to do was to get off his a** and do something about it, no matter how small..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Unspeaken: I have to disagree a bit with ya. If it takes another girl to get you over your ex, then I don't think you are even ready to date. There are soooo many other things you can do to move on without having to date another person. The fact that so many people feel scared to be alone (without a significant other) is a problem with insecurity, and no woman will solve that problem. It would be pretty selfish to use another girl to get your over your ex...

Crazy, don't date, just feel yourself out, re-invent yourself, and have fun.

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I completely agree with you 100%

What I meant was that he shouldn't rush into dating because it seemed as if he might when he said he met 3 pretty ladies... so I just said what I said before so he doesn't just get it on to quickly...

Thank you all so much for your comments! They really help me. And unspeaken21... yeah she is selfish. Our mutual friend told her that she shouldn't "use" me when she gets lonely... for me to go over and do it with her and all... she told him that "she doesnt feel that way"

And, he told her that if she doesn't love me then to break it off... because I sure do love her!

How about that guys? And the thing is that he was HER friend from childhood... hes defending me!!

You wouldn't need defense if you would actually quit LETTING her do these things to you.

Just sayin'

Quote:

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That's my problem.. and if she did break up, then I want her back because I love her. I admit i have NO self respect anymore and she probably doesnt respect me ..but I don't care... I want what I want and I want her!! Please help me

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Just waiting for you to progress beyond this point!! Then we can talk, and you can get busy.

Interesting comment talaniman...

I'm going to think about that. Really think.

Does anyone else out there agree with talaniman?

Please let me know...

Yes. Without self respect you can't really have the determination to get through this... if you don't respect yourself, then your effort will only be half a$$, as you don't really care enough to do this.

I completely agree with Tal, we have all been trying so nicely to keep you moving in the right direction and listening to you talk backwards and with empty thoughts.

You are still in No Contact which is wonderful, but you are still in some delusion that she will come running back to you and I know right now if she called you, you would go back.

Not uncommon, but it's not healthy and your progress seems one step for every two regressive steps. We want to see you out of this, but it's almost like you spend too much time STILL thinking about it when you should be thinking about you and new things you could be doing to move forward with your life, you are taking an exceptionally long self-pity/denial stage. We just want to help you PROGRESS forward beyond this stage.

crazyoverher... just bite the bullet and go through... whenever you start to think of her, force yourself to stop that thinking by doing something... whatever you enjoy doing etc.

Is normal to feel the pain and grief once awhile, but just be determine enough to endure... soon everything will get better... day by day... good luck...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by unspeaken21

When i get in to fights with my partner, sometimes i just want him to man up, when he doesnt i just feel helpless. Sometimes, we girls, like to see men, its not that she wanted you to go overline and yell and slap her, she just wanted to see you stand up to yourself because she craves the tougher side of you...

You should not have changed your number and all the other crazy things you did. Girls like attention, so she probably wanted you to do some great gesture, Actions are everything to a woman.
And most couples who have been in a really long relationship usually get back together..

You know, you seem like a nice guy, i think in time she would have came back to you...
I hate all the people that say you should get laid... its not a solution. what you need to find is someone else who will replace your ex and mean more to you.
You wont have a hard time finding someone, you seem nice..
However, i do believe you will get back together with your ex. But u sort of may have ruined it by changing all your personal contacts.

(this is a reply to you a few days ago, im relplying seperatly as i go, otherwise i will forget)

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Wow unspeaken21, is really different in ladies point of view, I mean I would like to hear your opinion too at my post, hope you can leave me a comment. Thanks in advance.


Anyway crazyoverher, I think I being a hardcore fan of your post already. Haha... once I log in to this site, I will look for your post and hope to hear your update. Because I really hope you could, like what others say, get better soon.

Its been sad when sometimes I heard about your scenario, because I too face the similar situtation but my relationship with my ex is shorter.

Anyway, I just want to say, the thing to worry about is not about getting her back or wanting to let her know you had changed. The thing now is for you to be confident about yourself, gaining back your self-respect or just simply be happy with yourself. Do things for yourself. Don't do anything because you want to let her know you had changed etc.
Changed overall for yourself only, for what you are happy with. Only when you are happy with yourself, people will feel happy to be around you right ?

So now go get busy to find a job soon ! Good luck!

We will hear from you again ~ :p

Justwantfair.. mrpigz.. kc... everyone.

OK. I will try like hell to get through this stage and your right, if she called id take her back. I will try to build up my selfrespect and also do other things when I start to think of her.

I will endure...

Wow mrpigz... you hit DEAD on... with how I feel right now!

I have done that in the past... tried to show her I changed.. etc. and it seemed to work though... she came back and all was good UNTIL she saw me again, not good enough.

I remember that when I first met her.. the thing that attracted her to me was that I was the "" confident... didnt take any crap.. etc. of course I had a job and a lot of money back then too!! Hahaha...

But anyway, yeah, I agree, I need to change and be happy just for me. I was happy for about 3 days last week.

I just told myself... why are you being so sad? You have this.. and that... so just be happy and enjoy yourself...

And then, I started thinking of her again and how I miss her, love her... etc. and it got me down... especially the part of wondering WHY SHE LEFT ME AND WHAT I DID AND WHY SHE Doesn't WANT ME ANYMORE...

So your post helped me a lot. I can be happy without her. Its just that a part of me wishes that I was happy WITH HER and not without...

Hey everyone...

I know that this is going to sound weird... im not a "jesus" freak (not that there's anything wrong with that!)

But I went to the gym today.. and the water fountain was not working... so someone told me to go use another one in the gym... anyway, when I went to get a drink, I looked up and noticed a sign that read:

"I am too busy to be sad.
Too positive to be discouraged
Too determined to be defeated."

Odd. It's the only sign in the gym. Coincidence? Me wanting to find meaning? I don't know... just know that its weird.. with everything going on and all...

Comments?

Yep. I saw signs all the time.

Did you really imtotallylost?

Or are we just WANTING to see things?

Yeah. Most of it were signs that I should keep moving on, and a lot of them were signs that I wasn't doing the right thing (like being mean to my ex or things like that). Most of it were in songs. It was like I was thinking of something and I heard this song on the radio which related to what I was thinking.

I did become a heck more spiritual after this break-up, having a lot to do with me not being able to understand what was going on and at some point having to let the universe take care of everything else and me taking care only of myself.

Hmmmm...

I guess all I can do is accept and give up any control I think or want to have. Just let it be.

Some things we can't control and can't change or prevent.

In my opinion... the sign meant for me that whatever happens... im responsible or accountable to myself ultimately. No one can help me do it but me. It was like someone was telling me that... weird.

Yeah. If you want to read my story, you'll get more details, but basically I was left without really knowing why and I can't really find a flaw in my relationship - except that it was LDR and that she wanted to end it.

So I had to give up understanding what happened, and I have to give up fighting for a woman I really wanted but there was nothing I could do about it. So I just had to leave all the mess to God (or whoever else) to sort it up and take care of myself.

I guess I discovered how strong real love is. I guess this was my spiritual epiphany.