We are just beating a dead horse here.
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We are just beating a dead horse here.
I know that the reason why I no longer post any advice on this thread because it is like beating a dead horse. I just find it amusing.
I'm going to answer each of you one by one...
Mom of 2: "stop with the games? stop with the flirty convos?" I wish! I wish that was the case, but its not! And whether WE like it or not, relationships at some phases ARE a game! Everyone is guilty of "playing the game" at some point! No one is innocent... whether it is at the beginning, when you are still dating and don't want to seem too available... or during the relationship, when you both try to spice things up... or at the end, when no matter how badly you want to stay with the person, you "play the game" and go NC or tell him/her your OK with the break up! At some point everyone has tried to make their bf/gf jealous! No one is innocent! So don't blame me for "playing the game" in order to try to get her back!
Your asking if it is love? Of course! Then what! U think I like to do this in my free time?? I told you many times before, I've had many "relationships" before, and never would I think twice before dumping the girl, or getting back with her if she dumped me! Of course I love the girl... I love being with her and making her happy! I love what we had, and CAN have (future tense)... thats why I want her back and am putting this effort... if I didn't love her, I would have treated her like all my other realtionships and told her "fine, piss off" and gone partying and had me a threesome!
I never denied that if her ex was in dubai with us, she wouldn't be with me... I never said that.. of course she would be with him! We wouldn't have even met! And I always knew she was not FULLY over him, but just needed time to move on (original post).. I knew that from day 1.. she never lied about her past... I was still willing to get into a relationship with her knowing her "baggage", and she got into a relationship with me as well...
But the REALITY is the guy is NOT here with us... she didn't get fired, and she is staying here for now.. so lets deal with that... of course it will be hard for her to get over her ex of 10yrs, but is she going to do long distance all her life? I don't think so! All she needs is time to move on and realize that the past is the past... and she knows this!
btw, she told me her parents dont like the fact that she started talking to her ex again, and they prefer if she moved on with me...of course its her decision (not her parents), but just thought i'd let u guys know
The point is, of course if he is in the pic she is never FULLY mine... but these things take time... it takes a while to get over someone of 10yrs! I understand that... but also, if she was FULLY over me, then it would be easy for her to tell me FCUK off, but instead she still wants to see me
She "just wants to get laid"? Just to let you know, we haven't had sex since we started talking/seeing each other again... and our convos aren't always sexual and perverted; we are talking like we used to when we were together... and I don't think a girl that just wants me to DO her, would ask me to "drop her at the airport bc im the last person she wants to see before she travels for a week!"
liz28: I missed u! :P when did I ever say someone's advice was bad? If you find me the post where I used that word, I will send you roses to your home address! :) but I don't think u'll find any post where I said anyone's advice sucks, so I'm sorry, but you won't be getting any roses from me :(
I don't mind learning the hard way! I'm strong enough to handle it... having a previous relationship of 5yrs end makes you stronger... I say it again, I love single life almost as much as I love being with her, so its not like I'll be depressed and not want to leave the house for weeks, etc.!
U can love someone, but also be strong enough to handle what may come... the best part is knowing that you did your best and had no regrets
If you and matteus don't want to post anymore, feel free not to! I never told/begged anyone to write anything... I appreciate all posts, but no love lost if you stop writing
But hmmmm... I see 3000 views! So 2 less views won't make a difference
i love being the bad guy...everybody loves a villain..hehehe (joking)
Matteus: where do I start with u.. heheh... ur mean sometimes, but I still respect your opinions
1) I am serious, trust me... but if I ever go to albania, u'll see that I'm a fun and cool guy! :)... nothing wrong with making what is starting to become a boring question a bit funny, to add some humour to our posts
2) "im alone"... good, the way I like it... anyway, have been alone since day one... 90% of you disagree with me since the beginning so nothing new
3) I'm free to ask for advice.. ur free to give or not give advice!
4) aha! Now this is where I get a bit mean...
"be a man! what are you?"... who do you think you are? Are you my friend? Are you my father?. not once did I insult u... we always disagreed, but I never insulted you... I still think we are both grown respectful men that can have a discussion without insults... hope I am not wrong about u
Be a man? U don't know me! U don't know my past and present... to you pride and strength in this situation is giving up, and going NC... to me its getting a girl I love and see a future with back! I might be facing rejection, and I'm facing a girl who is not fully over her ex of 10yrs, but I'm still in it! Not scared of the consequences.. one post even called me "emotionally brave" ;)... to ME that is strength... I guess we will just have to agree to disagree
I would still like to say, that 3 weeks ago, we were not talking, seeing each other, "broken up", etc... now we talk on the phone almost everyday, we see each other a couple times a week, and we are kissing, and she wants me to take her to the airport... hmmm... I think maybe a small part of her is considering to get back with me
And finally, let me ask you all this my internet friends: SHE HAS A ONE WEEK VACATION... SHE DECIDED TO GO TO TURKEY WITH HER FAMILY INSTEAD OF UKRAINE TO SEE HER BF!. hmmmm... she told me that her "bf" got pissed at that... just a thought
Anyway, for those of you who are viewing and writing: thank u
For those who are not going to write anymore: nice meeting u
Take care... TABBARAT HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
Hey, I see this thread is still going... you have created quite a stir. Ha! Good times:-)
As for your girl. I think you can have sex with her again. In fact, I bet you can date her again. It is going to be on her terms though buddy. You may like it at first, but until she's "ready" she'll wear the pants. (But some guys like that. He he) -- Anyway, Good luck. I'll check back in a month when you all are dating! :-) You may find your relationship pattern repeats, as is pretty common, but as long as you are not looking to get married anytime soon - you have time. To wait... and wait :-) be warned.
Peace
If I am correct.... history repeats itself to the people who did not learn their lesson in the first place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Matteus
Take Nazi Germany during WWI & WWII...
When WWI came, military leaders thought they were all buff & tough since they've defeated other countries easily. Well... they lost part of their territories and forced to have no army.
Adolf Hitler came and gave hope for Germans...
Until the Nazi army were flanked during D-Day at Normandy
When I say flanked, it means "tricked"...
And Adolf Hitler decided to attack USSR so the Japanese have a route to defend Germany on the side
Nope.... Hitler committed suicide~ Germany lost the war
Do I sound mean? Yes. That's the effect my words give to people after they hear my opinion. We, members of this site (sorry for talking in the name of them too), might sound harsh and aggressive, but we are sincere, and what's more important, we do not have any damn reason to make you or anyone else feel bad! And as for myself, I have to tell you that, I'm not going to change my way, you like it or not. You wanted advice, that's why you came here, but I hate when someone asks for help, but wants to hear what he likes to hear. If I insulted you, than I insulted myself, cause when I was talking to you, it was like I was talking to myself!
I don't know what the fcuk your getting at :), but it was a nice history lesson :)
1) I've never been in a similar situation before (dating a girl with baggage, ex of 10yrs etc.), so can't learn from my OWN mistakes yet
2) at least hitler was "king" while it lasted... im sure it was a good ride for him, and maybe no regrets... he rode it out, gave it his all, and found out himself the outcme eventually
(dont get me wrong, I hate the guy! He is a criminal that is burning in hell)
But if you want my historic perspective: 1) hitler/japan fcuked up by attacking the USA (pearl harbor)... they woke up a sleeping giant
2) hiroshima and nagasaki ended the war as well.. can't forget that
3) hitler had some strategic mistakes with his attacks on russia... he led an under-equipped and under trained army through the cold mountains of russia... he should have used more planes
Anyway, have no idea what this has to do with my Ukrainian girl... but it was fun! Take care bro
Its all about consequences, my man, and your image in her eyes. You only had a 4 months relations, what to expect in the future. She already knows your weakness. I really hope the best, and that she won't use your weakness against you. Because if she does, the story will repeat itself. And what might happen to your pride, its what is more important.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Matteus: look, I do appreciate your posts/advice...
Think of it this way, maybe next time I have another relationship problem, we will agree 100%
Your advice is not wrong or bad... it just happens that we disagree on something's... we just have to agree to disagree (without insults)
Your right... I have to be careful how I go about this... I can't let her see/use my weakness against me... but that will be my own mistake to make...
For example... she is going on vacation for 6 days... that will be a good time to give her space/ time... I will obviously not call her and message her , etc... I will tell her hope you have fun, you deserve it after such a stressful time, I'll call/see you when you get back... then go NC
I really hope you are not going to have another relationship problem, but if that will happen, still I hope we won't agree 100%, cause than who will be the "black sheep between the white ones" :)? I mean, without a little "tension", it will be boring!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Sorry for taking it as an insult, but it was like an appeal to your reason!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
I have to disagree. Stop being the good and nice guy for a moment. Remember, you came here because it was stressful for you too! Mostly for YOU. She should be the one to tell you "Sorry for putting you in this sh*t". Cause you don't deserve it! At least, you didn't do anything wrong, as I saw. We, as human beings, all have problems, but we have to understand that that problem is OUR problem, and no one should be influenced or made feel bad because of our problems. She felt under stress, she got problems, etc, but it is not fair that you live with her problems and stress too! Hope you got what I mean, cause it was a little difficult to explain in english :)Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
No problem man... sometimes white sheep and black sheep disagree ;)... I hope we BOTH never have relationship problems... but if you ever do, dubai is waiting for you man! :)
Anyway, for whoever is still reading/posting.. I will continue to update.. it will be interesting (to me at least) to see how she acts when she is on vacation
I know that when i was on vacation (but we were still a couple), she would call me everyday and tell me she misses me etc... and I was gone for 3 weeks!.
So I'm interested to ses how she acts now
I meant stressful at work... not us! :) she deserves some time off after her stress at work and worrying about getting fired...
.. of course I did nothing wrong! No way! I was good to her... she knows that, I know that... and she apologized many times already
But hey... let me ask you a question man... why do you think she went to turkey with her family, instead of ukraine to see her "bf"? She could have went to ukraine and seen them BOTH (family and him)
Mind you she has not seen him in like 9mnths!
There is no use of hiding your weakness.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
The more you hide your weakness, the more obvious it will show.
@Matteus: good advise =]
What's up with you hjapan? Is it just me or do I feel like your talking in code? Hahah... like mr.miyagi or Yoda or smthg :P
But anyway, your advice and matteus advice is useful while she is on vacation.. gonna do the NC thing... see how she acts
Who said she is going to turkey, anyway?Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
If you don't understand what I wrote.. I'll explain.
You have weak points. Everyone has a weak point no matter what.
If you keep hiding the weakness of yourself, the more likely you will show it to the outside world.
I have weak points. Matteus has weak points. BigBird123 has weak points. You have weak points too. So what do males/females do to attract others? Hide their weak points.
Keep yourself distance away from her...
But really, you've received enough help/advise... the rest is on your own.
She told me... she asked if I can drop her to the airport because "she would like me to be the last person she sees before she leaves"
Wait... are you suggesting she might be lying to me and saying turkey when its ukraine?? Hmm... interesting, but I don't think so... she knows she doesn't have to lie to me... she can just say the truth
I think it will be harder to cover up the lie than just say she is going to ukraine
Maybe.although I hate being a sneaker... sometimes it is useful.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Hahahha.. tell me about it... did my share of sneaking around too ;)... I don't know.. I don't think so... she was truthful enough to tell me she was talking to her ex again and that she still has feelings for him... I don't think she has to lie about this...
And she told me her "bf" got mad at her, etc..
Plus she told me she bought a new bathing suit... I think its cold in ukraine now isn't it? Your from albania.. u tell me! :)
Anyway, assuming she IS saying the truth and going to turkey with her family... what that makes me understand is that she is still not ready to get back with him either... I mean she hasn't seen him for 9 mnths!
If I was him, I would forget about her and let her move on ;) heheh
Even though she fought with her ex verbally, she might visit him to patch the stuff upQuote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
You never know.
The reason that she went to Turkey and not the Ukraine is because her FAMILY is going to Turkey. Why would she go to Ukraine to visit her family when they would be in Turkey. I think you are reading too much into why she is choosing Turkey over Ukraine. Maybe she can't afford to go back to Ukraine and that her family is paying her way to go to Turkey. You never know what the background situation is. It's a vacation with her family, not a step in her decision of who she will decide that she is going to be with. It is what it is.
U have a good point... maybe it is more of a family thing than a choice of who she wants to be with
But as a note, SHE is paying for the family trip to turkey... so the financial point is not valid
But what is a fact is that she hasn't seen her ex in 9mnths, he wants to see her, and she is still going there... maybe smthg there, maybe not... u have a point
But while he is fighting with her, I'm telling her to have fun, enjoy her time, she needs a break after all the stress at work ;)
Anyway, will take her to the airport, then go NC... wait to see how she reacts
Still basing your actions on assumptions, innuendos, and false hope, I see.
If u say so...
Take care
Could he possibly be going to Turkey as well??
Even a better question... she told me he is not.. hmmm
Since I'm on this website, I may as well update you guys: I dropped her to the airport... it was nice.. had a nice drive... she asked me if I was going to miss her, I told her "maybe" ;)... but then when she went down from the car, I told her I was going to miss her.. we kissed.. then she went to check in
2 hours later SHE calls me... we have a 5 minute conversation... made sure she checked in OK...
One hour ago, SHE sends me a message with a good night kiss
She is making it hard for me to go NC while she is away, but still going to do it... or at least not message/call her as much as she does
Well, as I said before I think you all could hook up.
I don't see why it would not happen sometime after her return.
Just remember, you may find you all repeat the past. A lot of relationships go round and round. And she has a lot to work out before I'd say take it seriously. She, as I said, "wears the pants" here and you clearly are going to wait around. So, see what happens. And as I also said, I'd walk away for several months if you wanted her to focus on this is as a real couple. But if you can handle it casual... you may get round 2. Hope your head can handle it :-)
Completely true... as long as the ex is still in the pic, and she hasn't fully moved on yet, it won't be a full fledged "serious relationship"
Your right... we might hook up, we might even get round 2 (a couple again), and so far things seem to be going in that direction
But right now, I'm taking it easy, like it casual, and just glad me and her are talking and seeing each other again... enjoying the ride before any major decisions need to made or discussed
Time will tell what happens...
Thanks bro, take care
Update: after the nice ride to the airport and the call and message she made to me from check in; SHE called me again the next morning from turkey when she arrived, to let me know she got there safe
So I called her at night to see how her day went.. had a nice 5 min conversation
But then for 5 straight days we didn't have contact! I called once, andcdidnt get an answer or a call back?
I asked her friends if they had heard from her, they said no as well.. which made me feel a bit better (worried also)
So there was obviously 2 reasons: 1) having too much fun and wants to be alone 2) her dubai line doesn't work in turkey (need to have a lot of credits to call and receive international calls)
So she arrived last night, 2am dubai time.. she called me at around 3am... which is good, because that means I was still on her mind/missed me for her to call me that late and as soon as she arrives
She told me she wasn't able to call because of her credits... I believed her from her tone/gave her the benefit of the doubt
But I was out and a bit busy, so we didn't stay long on the phone.. I told her I'm glad she is back, I missed her, and I'll call her when I get home... but when I got home I didn't call... I just sent a message saying "goodnight, call u tmrw"
So I call her today at like 9pm, and get no answer and no call back?
So either she is playing games/hard to get... or maybe sleeping.. I don't know...
Anyway, not much to say.. the plan is still the same I guess... I still have to talk to her properly, see how her trip was, see how she still feels, see how her ex boyfriend situation is ,etc... and I'll take it from there
Just thought I'd update whoever is still interested... plus I was bored.. havent written here in a while :)
Take care
She is not the only one who is playing games. Both of you are playing games.
Why don't you two just sit back for a minute, relax, and have a serious talk about everything happened, is happening, and will happen? There are a lot of "whats" from your part, and I guess from her too. All these questions will just pump into your head, and will make the things harder and unclear for both of you. Just make the right questions, and not in the form of investigation (trying to find the hidden message in her answers). Have your answers, clear your mind, and enjoy what you have. Let the universe do the rest.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Hi matteus.. been a while :)
U are completely right... I want to do that... and we actually already did have a nice long serious conversation when we were on the phone for an hour and a half, and then it ended by her telling me "i feel like kissing you"
But you are correct... I am starting to get bored/sick of the questions... what I am sure of, is that she really likes both of us.. me and her ex... but what to do about it is what she is unsure of... I think she has days when she says "i should move on", and days when she says "what am i doing..this is my ex of 10yrs"...
Anyway, we have talked about this before and what I'm doing/going to do...
The next step is to see how her trip was, how she feels after the trip, etc... she is coming with me to a concert on Friday night... I reserved a table with her and our friends to Paul Van Dyk :)... that would be a good chance to have a nice talk like we did about 3 weeks ago
Take care guys
And what was resolved with this serious conversation?Quote:
We actually already did have a nice long serious conversation
Your right, talaniman.. nothing was resolved... we only established that she loves both of us
But ASH is right, if my "head can handle it", then to stick it out and see what happens...
Funny thing last night.. I was getting some action with this girl I met in a night club ;), and during I get a message from my ex with a goodnight kiss
Talk about a buzz kill! She doesn't call back when I call her, but messages a goodnight kiss the next day
Anyway, not going to think about it too much.. hopefully going to see her tmrw night at the rave
Man you are a glutin for punishment dude. She is stringing both of you along, I actually give points to this girl for being able to keep not one, but two guys on the hook for so long. I don't understand how you are getting by on so little from someone. All it took was a simple text message and you are in a buzz kill, man when my ex and I broke up and I was with a girl, my phone was the most distant thought in my mind. I was at a party talking to a few girls and my phone kept ringing and I refused to answer it just in case it was my ex, who at that point I would have taken back but I needed to make strides forward not backwards.
Seriously.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Tabbaret refuses to accept the fact that this girl is a hoe... love 2 guys at once?
Sounds more of "rebound" guys...
Ever wonder how females can tell if your with someone? They pay attention, and know your routine better than you do. Guys don't pay attention, and as a consequense, misunderstand, misread, and are confused.
Dude a female can give you a look that has you thinking you have a chance, when there is none at all.
Example,
A female who seems so confused about her feelings (yeah, right), but not confused about being with you, or giving you what you want.
When a female tells you she loves you both, and you chase. She knows she no longer has to give you anything to have you. She has you figured out already. Blow in your ear you will follow her anywhere.
Me, she makes up her mind without my influence at all.
Wonder what she would do with only a long distance b/f chasing her??
Your way to available to someone that sees you as an ex, who is a friend now, but wants her back.
What kind of "serious" conversation can you have with someone at a concert with your friends around? You need to think more realistically about that.
Usually when someone has a serious conversation, at least some things are resolved. I don't think that either one of you wants to talk seriously about your situations and that both of you are avoiding any REAL serious conversations because they have a tendency to be rather uncomfortable. You may be talking about "things", but you are really skirting all of the issues that you should be talking about.
What in the heck do you want out of this? Do you want to continue to be strung along? Is she really able to give you want you need? What DO you need in a relationship? If there was one "perfect" girl out there (we all know no one is perfect, but this is just for sake of argument), what would you WANT her to be like? Do you think that this girl is capable of giving most, some or nothing of what you need? I feel that maybe you are more in love with the chase/challenge and trying to get what you may not be able to have. Ever think of that? Maybe you are putting this girl on such a high pedestal that she appears to be the ultimate catch, but is she really? You just say that you like her/love her, that you want her but you don't say why other than that you do. What qualities does this girl possess that you can't be without? I THINK I am falling in love with my boyfriend of 10 months AND I can clearly identify the qualities that I am falling in love with. Do you have that ability?
This is from your original post. Maybe you have forgotten about it. In the first paragraph you appear to be almost possessive, as though she only belongs to you because you want her to miss you and to "realize she made a mistake" about reconnecting with her ex. You were only with her for 4 months and she was with her ex for 10 years. If she was MEANT to be with you, then why did she call him? That is something that you cannot answer because you are not her and only she can answer it. However, it certainly makes you wonder. Maybe it was just a habit. If it is a habit, be prepared that she will habitually keep going back to him. Are you prepared for that?Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
The second paragraph appears to offer 2 options for this relationship, but there is really only one - what will "make me get her back". You never had any intention of "forgetting her", although you stated "if she doesn't realize she made a mistake, I think im gonna have to forget about her." You have asked our opinions countless times about what you should do, when in fact you have every intention of "making" her, "influencing" her to come back to you. There is no other option for you. It is all or nothing. However, how much progress have you REALLY made? Not much really.
Hmmmm, in a little more than a month you are in the same place as before. Maybe I'm wrong but where is the progress, and what about the hot tamale, that you were with when she called?
I forgot about the hot tamale!! Yeah, what is up with that? If you really love someone, why even be tempted by someone else?
OK guys... in a perfect world, YES she is stringing both of us along! I agree..
If she still loves her ex and wants to get back with him, then why does she still call me, message me goodnight, want to kiss me, agree to come to the concert with me, etc and still show interest and flirt.. I ask myself that...
The answer is because her ex is thousands of miles away and she doesn't REALLY know if she wants to FULLY get back with him
I still don't get why TALNIMAN doesn't believe she is confused... try to put yourself in her place... she is wondering if she should move on or stay hung up on a past relation which is also long distance.. there is no doubt about that
Yes she is stringing BOTH of us along... and the ONLY reason I accept it is because it is her ex of TEN YEARS... I knew her situation before we started dating... I was OK with itand so was she... we both knew what we were getting into and decided to take it slow
So to me, its not like she is dating someone new... if she comes and tells me she likes someone new and that she is dating someone else here, then of course I would ditch her!
I don't know why, but for some reason I don't see her ex as a threat... sure 10yrs, but he lives far away, and she is not fully over me... thats why I keep getting encouraged to get back with her... especially knowing that her family doesn't approve of her talking to her ex again
U ask what I love about her? After only 4 mnths... the truth, many things! How we can spend hours talking, how we never argue, how we have fun together, how she always thinks the same things I do, how we tease each other and make each other laugh... so many things!
It is not the first time someone really likes/falls for someone after only 4mnths... it can happen
As for progress: well, we went from a break up, not talking, kissing, no messages, etc. to back to talking, messaging and kssing sometimes... granted we are not a couple again/didnt get her back... but sometimes it feels like we are,, like before she travelled and her calling me when she arrived from the airport... so there is progress, but still not out of the woods
As for the hot tamale? Haha... well, I did hesitate first, but then I told myself that I am still single... and she is talking to her ex again... so why not? Am I doing sth wrong? I don't think so... of course I didn't tell her about it.. I told her I met some girls we went out etc.. didnt tell her I got her back to my place
It was just lust, not love... before and after I was thinking of my ex... just not during ;)
What I think will happen is we will keep having this rollercoaster... one day she wants to move on and we will talk and flirt and kiss and go on a date, and one day she will be single... I will sometimes miss her and want to call her, and sometimes want to get with a hot tamale
The only way this will change is if we have a serious conversation or smthg else happens (she or I meet someone else that we like)
Right now I'm enjoying the ride.. and frankly, not going to make her choose between her ex and me yet, because I still feel the answer will be either him or I don't know and scare her off again... until I/she meet someone new or until I feel she is realizing her ex is a lost cause, I doubt I will make her choose
Take care all! :)
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