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Exactly my intentions. I still miss my ex, and it's still an effort to not look at her Facebook etc, but I'm enjoying texting this new girl. She's really nice. Maybe not quite what I want long term but we'll see.
Still gutted that my ex chose the excitement of a new relationship over a commitment to me. Like you say, she obviously doesn't know what she wants. It has really made me lose faith a bit though. Do we just fall in love with the person we spend most time with? That's what she did.
"Do we just fall in love with the person we spend most time with? That's what she did"
You do not know that so don't think it. Why do you still about how she acts, it will not help in anyway, trust me. If you feel you start thinking about a particular time you were together or what she had gotten you that day on your birthday or whatever STOP. What good will it do nothing. Move forward thinking you had a great time with her and it was fun and she had a great time as well. But now it s unfortuenelty over.
Now, with the new girl, it is good you are taking things slow. You get to know a little and maybe start liking this girl. Give her and yourself a chance without ANY comparison the ex.
Good luck
I'm not really comparing as such.
I knew when my ex got the bar job, we'd drift apart and she'd get attached to the barman she spent most time with. It happened. I just don't believe in love anymore I'm afraid.
If you had a feeling about this then the only thing it means is that she had shown signs of instability and you did not fully trust her, possibly because of things she had done in the past. Maybe that is why you panicked early in the relationship as you said. Would you want to be with someone that every time they started a new job or be around new people would make you worry on whether they will fall in love with them?Quote:
I knew when my ex got the bar job, we'd drift apart and she'd get attached to the barman she spent most time with.
Maybe you are right. I just thought that with the amount of time she spent at that bar we couldn't see each other enough to grow together.
I still miss her every day.
I have come to realize, maybe you aren't missing her, but you are missing what she gave to you. Comfort, security in knowing somebody will be there, someone to wake up to in the morning, etc. etc.
I wrote down everything that I feel like I am looking for in a woman, and then I crossed out all of the parts that my ex didn't fulfill. Surprisingly, there weren't many things left on that list. She fulfilled a lot of my physical needs, but emotionally and mentally she was destroying me. About a month into the relationship I started to get doubts about her trustworthiness, and that isn't healthy for anyone in a relationship. I even came across some writing that I did before I dated her which was talking about her and her pursuit of me, and how I feel like she is all kinds of wrong and that I am going to avoid the temptations of her. Well, I succumbed to temptations, and paid the price.
It's tough, but keep your head up and don't give up on humanity and love. If you enjoy your life, then the woman of your dreams will appear basically out of nowhere.
And it's understandable that you miss her because she was apart of your life in a big way, but think of everything else you are MISSING out on while sitting around missing her...
Shame she was everything I wanted and still is.
I was just too caught up in thinking "she's my first girlfriend so I wonder what the next will be like" and I realised she was perfect for me too late.
I have nothing but love and admiration for her. I just have to accept that my feelings won't change and I'll have to find someone else and hope I love them more.
Met up with my date again last night. She's really nice and I don't have to worry about her being too young because she isn't. Hopefully things will go well.
She is absolutely Lying to you!! Gave you chances, seen this before mate she just wasn't that into you and only wanted you there as a friend.
Sending a message saying she is feeling lonely she saw was she is just a user and only wants company and doesn't want to be alone... Let her go she will come running once she has completely lost you!!
This girl is unfit to be your girlfriend when you find a real girlfriend you will then realise what the hell was I waisting my time for...
So I like my new date, but my ex is still on my mind most of the time. Help
Had another date and she's lovely. But I also like another girl I've met. Confusion. I think girl number 1 is probably more suitable though. Girl number 2 is a complete freak but AMAZING fun. Never met anyone so simplistic and I love it!
I'm glad I'm going on holiday soon - Time to think about what to do!
Forget the hoe....
She CHEATED on you while you 2 were dating.
Is that not obvious that she doesn't care about how you feel?
Date them both. Problem fixed.
I'm not two timing. I'm not lowering myself to my ex's level. I have morals.
My friend thinks my ex story is disgusting - he's not religious but has respect for people and thinks for her to move in with someone else so soon is just wrong.
Don't look at it as two timing, go out to see who you feel you are more compatible with and take it from there, as you start going out with them more, you will know which one you get along best with and perhaps start something there, remember for now have fun!!
Your young, single, and free, so its not two timing to date whom you want to. Its much to early for any kind of commitment to a stranger, you don't know, so why are you??? That's what dating is about, hanging out, and see if this thing clicks, and when it doesn't you move on. Why limit your options and choices?? Do you want a relationship so bad, you would limit yourself and put the pressure of making things work longterm, when you know absolutely about someone? Just be honest with yourself, and your dates.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammie66
My holiday has done wonders for me. I told one of my dates the truth and she still wants to be friends which is nice, so we still chat and text. The other girl I am seeing and it is going quite well. She's really easygoing and I am enjoying getting to know her.
Also my ex and I are in contact, but I don't really care for what she has to say anymore. It's like someone has taken away her power. Whether things would be different in person I have no idea, but I feel much stronger, much more like me.
I feel so much more relaxed and contented with things. I'm not as desperate as I was, not as panicky and stressed.
I realise that I'm quite an easygoing guy and I could potentially date anyone. I just need to figure out what I want long term. I'm just taking it so slowly and trying to have fun and I feel positive about things. I'm trying to work on other aspects of my life as well.
Plus, recently I've noticed that girls seem to be taking more interest in me. I must've got better looking or something, but it's weird how many girls seem to be smiling at me recently. Maybe it's a confidence thing?
Told you you would be better soon. Good for you buddy
Thanks, although I still miss my ex and don't get her in saying she wants to be friends but after I told her it might take time for me to regain the trust she kind of backed down. My dad told me to ignore her games.
I'm just a little bit lost because I don't exactly know what I want now.
Join the party, and have fun figuring it out. If it weren't for my grandkids telling me what to do, I'd be lost!Quote:
I'm just a little bit lost because I don't exactly know what I want now.
Glad your feeling better, I knew you would! Guess what, it gets better yet, can you stand it??
You guys are great. You helped me at my lowest.
I do want to have fun. I kind of feel like I want to date many people now, but it makes me feel guilty that I might not give someone a fair chance.
I keep seeing women who smile at me or look interested and it's something I've never experienced beforenow.
At the airport on the way home from my holiday I saw the cutest girl ever and she kept grinning away at me. I wish I talked to her, but I don't want to be looking around while I'm with someone.
I still miss my ex
I feel for you man. I have been back home for 10 days and I have been having sleepless nights from all the dreams. Everything reminds me of what we had. I keep telling myself I need to forget about all that. Its hard though.
Man, I pretty much in the same boat as you guys :P Dated a girl for 9 months, broke up with me about 1.5 months ago. Said she was "Confused" and "Wanted to be alone" So I was like that's cool.. we'll take a little break for a while... about 2 days later I find out that she's been spending time with this other guy and chatting it up with him while we were still together ( At the time I didn't really care who she was talking to because I trusted her... learned my lesson)
After I did the whole trying to do anything to get her back phase and then Bi$&@ her out.. I found this site and pretty much used everyone's advice because I could relate to your situations. Point is --- It Works! Even though I still think about her, its much easier now then it ever was back then... So just give it time and live on one with whatever is thrown your way.. it will get better... it always does :)
I'm much better than I was - even seeing someone else who I really like, but I can't help feeling it's not the same as much as I like her.
I need to give myself time to fall in love with my new girlfriend though. I was with my last one so that's maybe what is confusing me.
Love is just made up. You just find someone that doesn't annoy you and stick with them
Just heard something that freaked me out a little. My ex is buying a cottage in the country with her new guy.
This is freaky because she seems to have followed out my exact plans for us at the exact timings but with him instead of me.
She was looking for somewhere to stay and I was going to ask her to move in until my lease ran out. It runs out next month and I'm looking to buy a flat. I had planned on getting a small house/cottage with her, but that is now what she is doing with him according to my mate. I told her all these plans and she's doing them with him instead of me.
It's weird. But it doesn't hurt that much. My mate seems to think it's all a reaction because she's heard that I'm doing well and it trying to advertise the fact that she is as well.
It's like mind games you see on TV.
I've decided just to block it out. She can do what she wants. I don't want her to get hurt, but in some ways it would serve her right. I'm nothing to her now even though she claims she wants to be friends. It's all hollow.
I'm better off just ignoring her completely. I have my new girl and I'll see what happens with her. I'm not as sure about her but we'll see.
Good decision.
I wish I could meet someone who would just blow her away. My new girlfriend isn't quite that person, but she might become that person in time I hope. If not I'll move on to someone else.
It just annoys me how she has replaced me and is carrying out 'my plans' with him.
I'm still not over her. It still hurts and it still gets to me that my sister in law still sees her regularly.
I just feel cheated and I feel like I'm cheating on my new girlfriend because I know I'm not as crazy about her as I was with my ex.
I just feel like I've just messed up what should have been.
So exactly what have you been doing the last few months?
Been busy at work, buying an apartment and seeing my new girlfriend. Enjoying myself mostly and trying to forget about my ex which I've done mostly but it still hurts.
She's probably much happier though. She's living with him in their new love nest
How do you know that? Never mind its not important. What is important is your still affected by what she does. Any news about her stirs old feelings up again, but they will pass. Stay busy and give yourself more time and be fair to the new girl. She deserves a fun partner who is not distracted by the baggage of the past. Just food for thought.
I know, I'm trying. She is fun and definitely what I need just now. Just not sure if she's long term potential...
Well dude, I wouldn't count her out this early in the game. However, I wouldn't get extremely serious with anyone until I was completely over the ex.
Think of it this way: You kind of learned a lesson to always constantly evaluate the relationship, and not just run on emotions. Humans who can control their emotions are more self-aware, and are better at "staying on top of things".
There were probably some red-flag behaviors, like her texting the guy and smiling, or the fact that she expected you to be awake and let her in at 2am everyday, even though you had a job/career, and maybe more that you missed.
Now you're experienced in picking up these signs so that you can prepare yourself to pack up and go. You know, guys can dump girls too...
One of the lessons you should have learned, is not to play with the heart of another, as you know first hand how much that hurts.
So I'm getting on fine with my new girlfriend and everything is peachy. Then on Wednesday I got an email from my ex.
It didn't say anything, it just had a link to a news story she knew I'd be interested in, but it wasn't something that would be hard to find.
What I don't get is why she suddenly emails me like that out of the blue seeing as we haven't said a word to each other since September. And even if she did think "oh he'll like that", why does she think I want to hear it from her? Why is she even thinking about me after so long.
Don't get me wrong, I'll never go back because I'm happy with my girlfriend I have now, but I just think it's a bit stupid for my ex to be emailing me now.
Just ignore it, and don't overthink it. She's just screwing with your head. Don't let her do it! Delete the message, and go give your new girlfriend a hug and take her out to dinner or watch a movie. She's only trying to get under your skin.
I just replied with a "yeah that's good. hope you are well" sort of reply. Not impolite, but just dismissive so nothing could come of it.
I just don't get her thinking. After nearly 6 months of not talking to each other why is she suddenly sending me a link to an article that might interest me? Bizarre.
I'm certainly not rising to it, but it still bugs me. She's an idiot.
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