Well. Update.

Guys and gals... it's been one long 2 weeks...

Midterm after midterm... the lack of sleep was getting to me slowly.

I was awake for 38 hours, slept for 3, awake for 35 hours, slept for 5... then awake for 44 hours.

... really messes with your system.

I wanted to update about my situation in life overall...

There's nothing going on. At all. I'm too busy with school and work that I barely have time to sit down and relax. Tonight, for instance, my friends and I were supposed to go to a bar... I passed out at 9pm... only to wake up at 2am. No bar. Sad.

I was on fbook today for the first time in about a month or so... and I did see my ex's pictures from her trip with her new guy on my "mini board"... needless to say, I can't say that I didn't feel anything. I did feel something... not a sting or a sharp twinge of pain, but more like... a gentle nudge. I found myself asking, "Are you really happy with him?" as I saw her smiling and laughing in the picture alongside him.

Well. I guess I haven't completely forgotten her, and I don't plan on forgetting her... I don't think I ever could. Regardless, I think I'm fine. I questioned myself in thinking, "Maybe this means I'm not over her..." but I... beg to differ. If anything, the combination of this rough week + lack of sleep + lack of eating has something to do with it.

I should be fine by morning.

5 weeks until graduation!! Can't wait.

As for everyone else, romefalls, missinghim2much, ihatewestseneca, mafiaangel, how are you guys doing?

Been doing a lot better, even after meeting up with her caused some feelings to arise. I have my weak moments every now and then when I just want everything to be back the way it was... but I say to myself, ill feel better tomorrow, this happened for a reason...

Overall... still not sure why it happened, probably a combination of a lot of things going on in the ex's head. Regardless, it matters not, I'm moving on, probably going to start hitting the gym soon. I'm pretty successful when it comes to getting girls, but I can only imagine how much more successful I could be if I was in shape. But I've decided that maybe I shouldn't date for awhile, that I should focus more on other things. And besides, that girl (mandy/crazy girl) telling me she loved me so soon kind of freaked me out. It meant so little to me coming from her. Oh well... life goes on.

My parents always have no problem simplifying everything when I might complain, or seem down about the whole ordeal. My old man: oh well, life goes on, tomorrow is still going to be there and there's nothing you can do, stop worrying... My mother: Westy... sh!t happens, she lost a great though, she may not regret it now; but she will.

Now I know my mother is supposed to tell me that I'm cute and a great guy, but I know the failing of the relationship wasn't my fault at all. I've gone over it a million times in my head... I can't think of anything that I might have done... it seriously is her loss.

I'm glad to hear that you didn't let it bother you. Facebook and myspace can sometimes be the biggest breaker you will ever experience.

As for me, I am doing really well, playing the field a little bit right now, but can't say I don't have feelings for a new girl. I'm curious where things will go as I am just taking them as they come now, not going to rush anything. I have determined the next 4 months to one saying "Whatever happens...Happens" It's simple yet so true, I am not going to make a huge effort for anyone, I have been going out and having a blast with friends. Playoff hockey is right around the corner and for the first time in 2 years... I can watch it without my ex asking "What happened""why's that a penalty" "Don't throw the remote at the TV" and the best one of all "I don't know why you yell at the TV it's not like they can hear you"

Update:

It's been about 2 weeks since my last update... and nothing much has happened. I've been extremely busy with school + work, and the semester is drawing to a close, as well as my college career. It's bittersweet, but something I'm glad to get over with.

I'm taking a year off after college... I'm looking to get more into day trading as well as opening a restaurant (it's a sports bar)... I take my mcats in September, and start applying for med schools... wish me luck.

I decided to do this update because I recently had contact from my ex. The first time it happened, I shrugged it off as I thought it was just by chance/accident... but it happened again tonight.

I haven't spoken to my ex in about 3 months or so, and things were fine... last night, around 7pm, I get a call from her. I ignored it, as I was studying. I figured, if it's important, she'll leave a message, right? She didn't leave a message. No biggie.

Tonight, as I'm studying for my midterms, around 11pm, she calls me again. Again, I ignore it, due to the off chance that she wants to talk or something... and it'll just throw me off my game for my midterms tomorrrow. Again, no message.

So... as of right now, I'm not letting it get to me too much, but it is a bit weird... as if she wants to tell me something, she could 1) e-mail me or 2) leave me a message... to say something along the lines of "call me back"... but she doesn't. It's simple... one call. No message. No text.

I have a feeling that since graduation is right around the corner, she wants to shed any bad blood between us before we go our separate ways... so we'll see. At this moment, I have no desire to speak to her, but my curiosity's nibbling.

I'm sure this story isn't over yet, so I'll keep you guys updated.

PS - as far as the women in my life, there aren't any currently... running around all day in classes, work, day trading, and going to business meetings for the new restaurant, I end up coming home at 2am... only to sleep and wake up at 7am so I can do it all over again the next day. It's a bit lonely, and I do miss that closeness, but only at 2am and at 7am... when I go to sleep and when I wake up... at all other times, I barely have time to breathe.

Hope my fellow NC-ers are doing well (Romefalls, Ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused, jiltedgirl, etc.)

Sneeeezes~!

Wow. I can't believe the semester is already pulling to a close. Aaaand I can't believe you're opening up a sports bar!! That's really awesome (and ambitious, I might add). I'd totally hit it up, alas I'm a bit far away..

I think it's a good thing that you're keeping busy. Your efforts will pay off for sure. :) Also, I'm sure the ex will send you a message/txt of some sort if she really wants to tell you something important before graduation. Although is there really anything left to say..

Believe it or not, I no longer feel lonely at night or in the mornings (i.e. now. Lol). And I think it's safe to say that I'm more or less over the ex. I no longer feel bitter/jealous when it comes to seeing evidence of his existence on my friends' Facebook walls, random mentions of him in conversations, etc. I just feel resignation that it happened and that it's over. My intuition has been basically reaffirmed. We were never meant for each other. Everything happened for the best.

In any case, I'm just having fun with guys at the moment and sort of enjoying no attachments. (freeeedooom~!! ) God forbid I start getting emotionally attached to some poor guy. O_O. Once they don't pay attention to me for like a day, I won't be fun anymore. Instead, I get possessive, demanding, and intense--things that I hate about myself and make me push people away.

Le sigh. The question now is how to learn from my mistakes...

Peace.

Glad to here from you 2(Jilted and Sneeze) As for me... I have recently met a new girl, been talking for about 2 weeks. Really sweet girl but I am approaching the situation with ease because of three factors... 2 of which don't really bother me. The first being is that she is 25(4 year age difference) not a big deal to me, second, she has 2 kids(3,5 - Both girls) again, something I can look past. But the kicker, she is divorced and wasband is calling her a lot. She ignores the calls and is working on getting a court order restraining order on him. He is a drug addict and very violent as I have had to remove him from my other job once before(benefit of being a manager). Rest assured I am approaching this situation EXTREMELY carefully and slow, not trying to rush anything. Basically I am just seeing where everything leads but she seems like a really sweet girl and the connection is there as we talk all the time.

Well...

So my ex has been calling me for the past 4 days. Once a day. No message. No texts. Nothing.

... until I get an e-mail from her today (thank GOD it's today and not last night... as I had midterms)

This is the basic message of the e-mail:

1. She's sorry she's been calling...

2. She's wondering if there was any chance we could be friends again...ever

3. She still considers me a best friend and she hates that she hasn't been able to talk to me.

4. She figured that when we broke up, we would remain friends.

5. She realizes she didn't handle things properly and was being unfair by not explaining her feelings...and she realizes she shouldn't have done anything before she figured her feelings out (dating new guy).

6. She made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Can I give her a chance?

7. Graduation's coming up, and she wants us to be good friends before we leave.

8. Call her, e-mail her, text her...at least do something, even if it's to tell her that I don't ever want to talk to her again.

Everything's hunky dory... except for the last part. Girls LOVE that line: Tell me something, ANYTHING! Tell me you hate me!

... they know that'll get the guys... it's that special bait. (grr)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point... do I respond... if so, how do I respond... do I ignore it... if so, then what happens.. . currently at a loss. I don't think anyone really has the right answer for me on this one... mainly because I think this one's up to me.

To be honest, I don't need her as a friend. Trust is very important to me... and I consider it the MOST important thing to me in ANY relationship. I also consider trust to be very fragile. If a person loses my trust, then they rarely gain it back... ever. At this point, she's lost my trust and my respect, so for her to be my friend... isn't going to happen.

But... do I respond with an explanation? Do I tell her off? (the latter... probably a bad idea). Do I just simply tell her that it's better off that we don't speak to one another?

... stupid feelings.

What would be the harm in wishing her a great life?

While I agree with Tal... I stay stick to NC. If this rattled any part of your being, mainly any feelings were a stirred by this, I wouldn't respond. If you read this and said "meh" then go ahead, tell her whatever you wish with that "meh" attitude.

I think if she really thought she made a mistake/really wants to be your friend she would be trying harder. Take some of your own advice that you told someone earlier tonight... she just wants to make herself feel better... she's been telling herself foolish things to make herself feel better until now, when she realized that maybe she screwed up... things didn't go as she planned and now she wants you to make it seem like you're happy and everything is great, she's great, sure we'll be friends. Girls are pretty screwed up, and when things don't go their way, they get even more screwed up and they'll say anything to make things the way they wanted them to be. (Not all girls are like this, just the ones that dump sneeze and myself... lol)

I say NC all the way, if you meet later in life, its perfectly acceptable to grab a drink with her... but I think it's still too soon to even consider being friends, which I think you've already decided that friends can't work.

After I met with my ex a few weeks ago, she send me like 3 emails after we met explaining all sorts of things, I sent back 2, 1 after the frist email just saying that I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you (she emailed that I upset her). And in my second email I said "there's really nothing more to say to one another... goodbye..." then she sent the email saying that she never wanted to be with me again or something... I didn't read too much into it because I can't trust anything she says anyway.

Its up to you my friend.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

But...do I respond with an explanation? Do I tell her off? (the latter...probably a bad idea). Do I just simply tell her that it's better off that we don't speak to one another?

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Continue NC. Anything else is intermittent reinforcement (which she will grab at and swing from and rejoice over and hate you for).

I am in the library... working on my paper, when suddenly, I have a swarm of 3 girls coming up to me. They are my ex's old friends.

3 girls: DID SHE SEND YOU AN E-MAIL?!?!

me: ..uh...how'd you...

1 girl: she sent all of us an e-mail wanting to "fix" things between us!!!

... so this pretty much tells me that... she's just trying to fix her image up and is trying to feel better about life in general.. . yep. NC it is.

Psh... women... I'm sorry your ex went down a bad road after you two split, and it must have sucked to watch someone do that and not do anything about it... but she has to live with the consequences.

This is a tough one Sneezy. Personally, I would be rather angry after reading some of those things. My thoughts would be: Did you really think we could be good friends after you crushed my heart? Are you that selfish and naïve? Sounds to me like you are just trying to make yourself feel better.

I'm sure similar thoughts were running through your head, but you seem like you are handling things pretty well. It sounds to me like you really are not ready for a friendship and you should definitely not bend just because she feels sorry for what happened. In my opinion you have two options: Don't respond, or respond with a simple and to the point e-mail.

What you do is your choice and honestly I don't know which is the best path to take. However, if you decide to send an e-mail this is my advice. Simply tell her that you forgive her because you do understand that people make mistakes. However, at this point in time you are not ready for a friendship because there is too much history between you two. Let her know that for now its best you two go your separate ways, but remind her that you cherished all the time you spent together and that hopefully in the future you two can cross paths again. Wish her the best of luck in life and end the e-mail with your name.

I feel that an e-mail like this would be respectful to both your feelings and primarily to your needs. It also leaves the door open to any possible future reconciliation down the road. She may be hurt because she didn't get what she wanted but you were at least thoughtful, kind, and respectful by acknowledging her feelings.

Again, I don't know what's the best choice: no response or simple and quick response. I just don't have enough experience to tell you what to do in this situation. Whatever happens let us know. I hope it all goes well.

I am a little bit angry... for a few reasons

1) I thought that she was genuinely trying to fix things with me... but I realized that she's using today to fix things with everyone. Granted, that's great.. but that sort of takes away from her thinking of me... and onto her just trying to save her own @ss.

2) she said in her e-mail that she still thinks of me as a best friend.. . are you stupid?

3) she also said that she wishes I would write back and at least tell her why I don't want to talk to her.. . again, are you stupid?

Yeah the fact that she is seeking to reconcile with everyone is a double-edged sword. It's great because she is making an effort to fix the mistakes she made, but it takes away from the sincerity behind it. The reason being because it just becomes really hard to tell if she genuinely cares about your friendship and feelings when she is telling other people similar things. It makes you wonder if she is looking to save what you two had friendship wise, or if she is simply trying to save her own image. I think that at this point you should stick to NC. Don't make life easy for her by e-mailing her back with a response because she sure as heck didn't make life easy for you. If she really wants to fix things with YOU, than she will go so far as to see you in person.

I must admit it would be tough to decide whether to reply. If it were me, I wouldn't have any interest in being friends after what happened with me and my ex, I couldn't be friends as I got dumped, and seeing her would not help me, and when I don't have the intense feelings for her, say in a years time, I wouldn't be friends in principal as she left me.

Maybe NC in your case is best, but it is hard not to respond. I get the impression she is trying to make herself feel better.

Well, obviously she meant what she said and just wanted to be friends, hence the fixing things with other friends. ihatewestseneca was right, it's too soon for anything. Obviously there are still bad feelings, and until that clears, it's kind of pointless. So continue to do NC. After all, she got her closure the day she dumped you.

Sneeze, maintain NC.

You obviously still harbor some feelings of ill-will toward her, latent or not. It would be quite bizarre if you didn't. Until you're ready, any attempts at reconciliation (or her attempts to appease her guilt) are pointless.

Sucks for her, but then again, who cares?

Interesting situation, I think she is making amends for past behavior, so putting her in a position for criticism, all over again. I have always advocated polite, and brief responses, to the exes, when you run into them, and I still do. An email though from her, may be in another category, to be ignored. An overture in person though..? Its up to you how you respond, or don't.

Sneezy, I don't know what to tell you. Obviously the email upset you, and the fact that she sent similar emails to other people shows that she's just trying to get back with her friends and mend some broken fences. Is she sincere? I don't know.

The fact remains that you were doing fine until she started trying to contact you. This girl has a real knack at getting you upset, is that friendship material?

From a woman's point of view, I'd say any response you give her will make her feel better, and that's not your job anymore. You had a relationship, it's over, you don't owe her anything, not friendship, not an email to explain your feelings. She may feel that you owe her that but you don't. You owe nothing more at all, done, stick a fork in you. ;)

I'd stick to NC, but it doesn't seem like she's going to give up until she gets what she wants, a response. In the long run it's up to you to decide what you are going to do. If you do respond then a simple, "No contact please" would suffice.

Sorry for being wordy, you know me. :)

Update:

So... the phone calls have been regular. Once a day. Apparently, one of my ex's old friends and her got together for dinner, had a chat about how they should mend things, and overall, nothing really came of it... but they did tell each other their sides. After their dinner (I knew of this dinner as the friend told me they were having dinner) I got 2 calls from my ex... ignored both.

Today, as I was out with a friend of mine, I get two calls... back to back. The second one, finally... a voice mail. The message is:

I know you don't want to talk to me... but I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls. I'm hoping you have some desire to fix things. I hope you pick up the next time I call you, or I hope you at least e-mail me... ok. Bye.

Obviously, this girl did not plan her message. The message seems like she's just trying to get things better for the sake of things getting better... but it also seems like there's a bit of blame involved. It wasn't "I'm sorry and I want to talk to you about it..." or "I want to apologize..." it was... "why don't you want to fix this mess?"

I'm not sure. Any takers?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I know you don't want to talk to me...but I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls. I'm hoping you have some desire to fix things. I hope you pick up the next time I call you, or I hope you at least e-mail me...ok. bye.

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I love it! - "I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls".

By not picking up her calls, aren't you sending a message??

What still has to be fixed? I thought it was over and done with. Hasn't she gotten that message yet? What is she holding out for, i.e. what would your contacting her accomplish?

And it's all your fault, Sneezy.

I KNOW!. bad sneezy, bad.

I thought she got the message when she didn't call me Saturday or Sunday... just seems like she was taking a break.

One of the few reasons I'm holding out is because I don't see how calling her would benefit me. Alty's right in that once I call her and we talk, she'll feel better, but that's it. It'll do nothing for me.

I guess I'm the everlasting bad guy who's just being stubborn and not wanting to fix things... gimme a break.

What has to be fixed? (besides her pride)

Okay Sneezy, here's my advice,

You owe her nothing. This is her guilt talking. She still thinks that she can just call you, say something sweet and have you in the palm of her hands. She's ticked because she's not getting what she wants. Now she's trying to play the guilt card. "Why don't you want to fix this mess?", you already did fix it. You moved on, you're living your life, you owe her nothing.

This girl wants to have her cake and eat it too. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend, she split up with you, now she's lonely, she realizes she burned allot of bridges behind her and she's back pedalling. She's trying to place the blame on you, don't you dare let her. You are not to blame, you do not need to do anything you don't want to do.

I say stick with NC, hopefully she'll get the message sooner or later (probably later, she's not taking the hint so far). You stay strong, don't let this get to you. You are a great guy and you can do way better.

Hope this helps sweetie.

It does :) thanks lady!

I'm not so sure she's all too lonely though. Word on the street is that she's moving in with her current boyfriend next year... would you imagine that? Dating for 2 months and moving in... I laugh at it. Heh.

Who do we want to feel better--her or Sneezy?

I vote Sneezy, the h@ll with her. Oooh, she's not going to come on here and rant I hope. You're not going to pull a Guy, are you Sneezy? Guy, kidding. ;)

Eh, I couldn't care less if she reads this entire post. Regardless, I'm not that guy.

EDIT: and by the phrase "i'm not that guy"... I'm not referring to... guy.. . does that make sense?

Then it sounds like it's unanimous--NC continues.

Yep. Anyone oppose?

... ::waits::

... didn't think so.

Thanks ladies.

Anytime sweet stuff, anytime.

Silly me, I mailed in my vote via pony express... so it is late!

------1 more vote for NC--- from Canada ;)

Ps, Free boats do wonders for picking up hot chicks! LOL!

You got a vote to stay on the NC train... From here from The Dirty Jerzey


We shall all stay on the same train... I figure when we broke up with our ex's we said everything we needed to say. They didn't want to hear a word we had to say, so why should we give them the comfort of letting their pride heal... We don't owe them nothing because they didn't give us the time of day.

Stay with no contact, not for revenge, for you. What she does after dumping you is her business, let her have it, and everything that comes with it. (without you)

Here here,

I agree with everything that's been recently posted sneeze. Your right when you say that if you speak to her she will feel better but probably won't.

Its amazing how they can try and make us feel like the bad guy when we were the ones who got dumped by them, and just because we are trying to heal with NC they think they've done something to upset us and ignore them!

How crazy are these people?! Of course theyv'e done something to upset us - they dumped the best thing that's going to happen to them!

More fool them - onwards and upwards for everyone on here going through this crap.

Stay strong and dig deep!

Update:

... I feel like a million bucks.. and then some.

Why, do you ask?

1. I KILLED on the market today. I mean... DEMOLISHED it... I pretty much made enough to pay for my European backpacking trip in the past 3 days.

2. My boss just told me that I would get my protocol (the one I've been working on for the past 7 months) published! For some, this may mean nothing... but to me, as an undergrad, to get a protocol that I developed myself published... I feel like I almost fulfilled my God complex.

3. Remember that girl, a few weeks back...

She's the cute but very independent girl that after a wonderful first date, she turned me down for a second one stating "we need to set some ground rules..."

You can find her here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...161688-15.html

Well, I figured... I'm graduating in about 3 weeks, and really, I just want to spend as much time as I can just getting to know more people and spending time with them, so randomly, I called her and asked her if she wanted to meet me for dinner this week... and to my surprise, she said YES! I'D LOVE TO! I'M SO EXCITED!. not sure... why. Regardless, I'm excited.

I took some notes from westy... I will NOT be taking her to my usual $50 an entrée place... but instead, taking her to a relatively casual oyster bar. Thanks westy.

I'll update Thursday night after dinner. :)

EDIT: my ex called again. Same old. One call. No message.. . God, she's good.

And then take her to putt-putt... make sure you destroy her.

::taking notes::

Work on my drive. Got it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

::taking notes::

work on my drive. got it.

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Drive? Haha, I hope that's a joke... girls don't like a whole game of golf, well, I think I would marry the first girl I met that did.