Thing is, a lot of the things that you keep going over in your head you have asked on here and been given very logical answers on how to approach them.

I am similar to you - while I am at work I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied. This place helps - but you do need to take the advice of others on here because it does help.

Right now I am faced with the same problem - My heart is fighting my mind, but in the end I know my heart can't win. I need to stay strong. She knows how you feel - you know that. Don't drive yourself nuts by over thinking things. Set yourself a goal - don't contact her for a certain amount of time - once you reach that goal you may find it easier to not talk to her. I personally set a timeline of one month - if he doesn't contact me by then, then I am taking control.

You say you don't like being in control - it isn't out of your hands completely - you have the CHOICE to tell her not to contact you because you need time to heal. But if you do nothing then you aren't taking control.

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

Thing is, a lot of the things that you keep going over in your head you have asked on here and been given very logical answers on how to approach them.

I am similar to you - while I am at work I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied. This place helps - but you do need to take the advice of others on here because it does help.

Right now I am faced with the same problem - My heart is fighting my mind, but in the end I know my heart can't win. I need to stay strong. She knows how you feel - you know that. Don't drive yourself nuts by over thinking things. Set yourself a goal - don't contact her for a certain amount of time - once you reach that goal you may find it easier to not talk to her. I personally set a timeline of one month - if he doesn't contact me by then, then I am taking control.

You say you don't like being in control - it isn't out of your hands completely - you have the CHOICE to tell her not to contact you because you need time to heal. But if you do nothing then you aren't taking control.

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Thanks, I know everyone's advice is good and makes sense. Its just hard to let go and to admit the fact that its over for now. I honestly don't know right now if I could tell her to not contact me. I just think I will wonder more about what she's doing and if she's OK. I am just taking it day by day for now, some days are better than others.

^^ you've said this before.

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

^^ you've said this before.

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I know, I know, sorry for sounding like a broken record. Just hasn't totally sunk in yet.

Have you both ever talked about this in person - one on one since the breakup?

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

Have you both ever talked about this in person - one on one since the breakup?

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Yeah, Twice. One time about a week after and then this past Sunday. I mean I have told her how I feel and what I want. She knows it but I am still confused on what she wants. She says she just needs time to figure things out and space but I don't understand because she seems to be talking to someone else and hanging out with them instead of me. She never was one to stay out till 3 in the morning but now it seems like she is going out with other people instead of me. I just don't understand why she can't see me doing these things with her. She knows I care deeply about her and would do anything for her, I just don't know what she wants from me. She wants to stay in contact but for what? To make me feel bad? I don't think so because I can tell she was hurt also seeing me like this and about everything but something in her is telling her that she has to do this. I just want to show her she can have fun and go out but doesn't have to break up with me to do so. This is where my jealousy comes into play, she says she is just hangin out with people and a guy from work in particular but doesn't want anything in form of a relationship. So I don't know if she's lying to me, that's what makes me feel worse than anything. After 4 years I know her pretty well and it seems like she has changed in no time at all. I don't know if someone is influencing her thoughts and decisions but it doesn't make sense to me. I just want her to be totally honest with me about what she wants and what she wants in the future.

You're over thinking the situation - if she has never given you a reason not to believe he in the past then you can't not believe her - unless you have proof. You can't be thinking about her going out and whatever else she is doing. I bet she is hurting just as much inside as you - she is just dealing with it a different way. She says she needs time to figure things out WITHOUT YOU - so her hanging out with other people may be her way of dealing with things. Remember though, she has to be by herself at some point during the day - when she gets up in the morning, when she showers, when she uses the bathroom etc - she has to think about you and everything else and I guarantee she is doing this when she is by herself.

But honestly, what more can people say to you to have you change your ways?

You can continue to vent here, but eventually people will get sick of telling you the same things over and over and will stop replying. So get out of the hole you are digging and fill it back in.

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

You're over thinking the situation - if she has never given you a reason not to believe he in the past then you can't not believe her - unless you have proof. You can't be thinking about her going out and whatever else she is doing. I bet she is hurting just as much inside as you - she is just dealing with it a different way. She says she needs time to figure things out WITHOUT YOU - so her hanging out with other people may be her way of dealing with things. Remember though, she has to be by herself at some point during the day - when she gets up in the morning, when she showers, when she uses the bathroom etc - she has to think about you and everything else and I guarantee she is doing this when she is by herself.

but honestly, what more can people say to you to have you change your ways?

You can continue to vent here, but eventually people will get sick of telling you the same things over and over and will stop replying. So get out of the hole you are digging and fill it back in.

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Thanks, I mean I know that she is feeling something, maybe not to the extent that I am since she wanted this. I mean she really hasn't given me a reason not to trust or believe her in the past. Even after this I would still forgive her for putting me through this, its just the way I am I guess. I know all I can do is move on and then see what happens but its just hard and I always wonder if she is truly thinking about me and us or just trying to forget and start over with new people. Thanks for your insight and advice. I will hopefully be better later after work when I can get out and go do something.

Well I just think that you should leave her alone for abit.But if not then ask her out somewhere but don't make it too romantic as she might not want to or might not like the idea of going back out or get back into a relationship. Ask her if she is seeing someone else. But if you think about it if she's like this then what will she be like in the future.

Check your PM's

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Thanks, I mean I know that she is feeling something, maybe not to the extent that I am since she wanted this.

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You are correct as her feelings are not the same as yours. Thats why she is living her life and your wondering about yours.

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I mean she really hasn't given me a reason not to trust or believe her in the past.

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The past is over and its the present and it isn't her who is confused, but you since she has told you everything you need to know, thats why you are not together because she doesn't want a relationship with you.

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Even after this I would still forgive her for putting me through this, its just the way I am I guess.

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No thats not the way you are but I do understand your hurt, confused and in denial. That why you would take her back, to get back to your comfort zone and be happy again.

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I know all I can do is move on

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Your correct again, thats what you should do and accept its over.

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then see what happens but its just hard and I always wonder if she is truly thinking about me and us or just trying to forget and start over with new people.

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She is enjoying her own life without you. She is doing what you should be doing, but can't.

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Thanks for your insight and advice. I will hopefully be better later after work when I can get out and go do something.

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Did you read the links in my signature?? You should.

OK everyone thanks for all your advice. Right now my last main question is how do I go about things and what do I do to allow myself to have a chance with her in the future. Months down the road most likely. What do I do to not ruin a shot at being with her again? I know for now things will probably be how they are but as I start to move on and accept the situation I still want to leave things in a way that we could possibly start again in the future if possible. Do I still talk to her here and there when she calls and stuff? Do I see her if she asks? I just don't want to ruin any chance I may get down the road. If we go about things like we are now, talking every once in a while, how do I handle her birthday in early November? Would I get her a gift? Do I take her out to dinner? I just don't want to make anything worse that would prevent us, if we are really meant to be, from getting back or even thinking about getting back together. Thanks again.

Sorry bummed, you get a life and see what the future holds like the rest of us humans. There are no miracle answers or solutions, other than get over it and enjoy your life without her.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry bummed, you get a life and see what the future holds like the rest of us humans. There are no miracle answers or solutions, other than get over it and enjoy your life without her.

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Yeah I figured, it was worth a shot though. I guess we just have to go on and see what happens from here. Thanks

You know as soon as I start to come to grips with the situation I am in , something in my head changes and I start to get emotional and don't want to believe it. Its really weird, its like all day I was OK, not great but I was dealing with it and then around 4 pm I start to feel really emotional and want to ball my eyes out. I think about what I have to do to move on and grow as a person but something happens to me and I just feel like I don't want to do that and there has to be another way. I wish I could just get over this and start to feel better. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that everythign will work out for me , and maybe us, who knows but something happens where I feel that's not good enough. I wish I was more emotionally strong during this time. Well I am just venting here, feel free to comment although I know everything has pretty much been said already.

You are in great company, and having those mystery weaknesses at weird times, is so annoying, but common to us all. Trust me you have a lot of empathy to your plight.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You are in great company, and having those mystery weaknesses at weird times, is so annoying, but common to us all. Trust me you have a lot of empathy to your plight.

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Thanks Tali, I know with everyone's support and my friends and family I will get through this. I just wished it would happen now, either we get back together now or move on now. Its hard to think that everything is so unknown. Well Thanks again. Hopefully the weekend won't be as bad as last weekend and I can keep myself busy so I don't wonder what she is doing every two seconds.

Yeah... there's no lying to you: those ups and downs are going to be around for a very long time.
But, the second half to that truth is that, there is no lying to you, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. This is just something you're going to have to go through, and it's going to be very hard, but the emotional dust will settle eventually.
Don't stress your mind to death about thinking that you've lost the love of your life. Instead, just think that for the "time being" you two are apart (because no one knows what the outcome of the future is). So, for the time being, since you two are apart, and you have more time for yourself, what are all the great plans you have? What are all the things you're doing or going to do?

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Originally Posted by Sad Soul

Yeah...there's no lying to you: those ups and downs are going to be around for a very long time.
But, the second half to that truth is that, there is no lying to you, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. This is just something you're going to have to go through, and it's going to be very hard, but the emotional dust will settle eventually.
Don't stress your mind to death about thinking that you've lost the love of your life. Instead, just think that for the "time being" you two are apart (because no one knows what the outcome of the future is). So, for the time being, since you two are apart, and you have more time for yourself, what are all the great plans you have? What are all the things you're doing or going to do?

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Thanks sad, definitely like the way that sounds. We are not together now, so do what I want to do, the future is unknown so I shouldn't feel like I have lost her forever. That made me feel better, thanks again.

I don't understand why you are so extremely persistent with her. If she wants to take a break from you, it is definitely a good sign that she's questioning weither or not she's even attracted to you anymore, or wants to date you at all. "Taking breaks" are the most moronic, selfish thing I have ever heard of. She's taking a "break" from you because she wants to see if she can find something better than you, but also keep you there just in case she can't, and needs someone to run back to. If she loved you as much as she should, she would never even mention something like taking a break, because she couldn't imagine being away from you. My advice, don't take that bull. Don't be dragged along by her like a desperate fool; what she's doing is pathetic. There are MANY other fish in the sea, she's trying to move on, so why don't you?

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Originally Posted by Love-Life

I don't understand why you are so extremely persistant with her. If she wants to take a break from you, it is definitly a good sign that shes questioning weither or not shes even attracted to you anymore, or wants to date you at all. "Taking breaks" are the most moronic, selfish thing I have ever heard of. Shes taking a "break" from you because she wants to see if she can find something better than you, but also keep you there just in case she can't, and needs someone to run back to. If she loved you as much as she should, she would never even mention something like taking a break, because she couldnt imagine being away from you. My advice, dont take that bull. Don't be dragged along by her like a desperate fool; what shes doing is pathetic. There are MANY other fish in the sea, shes trying to move on, so why don't you?

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Yeah well I am pretty sure that she won't find someone better than me and if she does and that's what she wants then I can't do anything about it. I know its selfish on her part but it looks like this happens to a lot of people and sometimes they work out for the best in their future and sometimes not. I am just going day by day and seeing what happens from here. I am trying to not think about what she's doing or where she is since we aren't together right now. I don't want to be dragged along and I am trying to not give in to calling her or texting her. I don't know if she is trying to move on and forget about me but we will have to see what the future holds. I am just trying to become a better person that anyone would be happpy to be around.

Sounds like a great plan.

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Originally Posted by star3114

Sounds like a great plan.

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Thanks, it sounds good, now I just have to go out and do it.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

Yeah well i am pretty sure that she wont find someone better than me and if she does and thats what she wants then i can't do anything about it. i know its selfish on her part but it looks like this happens to a lot of people and sometimes they work out for the best in their future and sometimes not. i am just going day by day and seeing what happens from here. i am trying to not think about what shes doing or where she is since we arent together right now. i dont want to be dragged along and i am trying to not give in to calling her or texting her. i dont know if she is trying to move on and forget about me but we will have to see what the future holds. i am just trying to become a better person that anyone would be happpy to be around.

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If you've been together for 4 years, then getting over her isn't going to be an easy thing at all. But I believe that she's out having fun, hooking up with other guys, trying to experiment with other people. It would be good for you as well if you tried to do the same. Go out and see what's out there for you. After that, if you and her are meant to be, then fate will definitely bring you together again.

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Originally Posted by Love-Life

If you've been together for 4 years, then getting over her isn't going to be an easy thing at all. But I beleive that shes out having fun, hooking up with other guys, trying to experiment with other people. It would be good for you as well if you tried to do the same. Go out and see whats out there for you. After that, if you and her are meant to be, then fate will definitly bring you together again.

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Yeah I think so, all I am doing now is waiting to see when that moment of truth comes. When we both really know that this is either going to work again or isn't. I will try to go out probably tomorrow night and hang out with friends and whatever. I am just really trying to not think about what she's up to or with who. That's what is on my mind more than anything. Anyway thanks for the replies I appreciate the words of wisdom.

Hey bummed... go get in the shower... go get some nice duds on... put some colonge on and get spiffy. IT IS FRIDAY NIGHT AND YOU ARE GOING OUT!! Call the guys and have them meet you.

How is that for taking control of the situation being you won't??

Dude, we have all the support we need here, I've found the perfect place to go when down. I'm looking forward in a way to all this because as I said, it's all for the best, and even if it doesn't work out, at least you AND I both know we tried, and maybe we're just too good for our respective exes. Don't drink alone though. The mind wanders.. Then the unnecessary messages that you'll regret, and then the fighting that follows, and then you're worse off than before you had a drink! I planned on getting hammered with a bottle of whiskey, but decided to just drink Coke! Hopefully a well earned, well NEEDED night out tomorrow will work me wonders. If she has the nerve to say she wants space to do it, why can't you. Make her worry SICK about you and pretend you didn't hear your phone at all cause of the loud music, talking to people, but DON'T mention other girls, cause you'll push her to top you and its easier for a girl to get a guy than a guy to get a girl I feel. Or maybe that's just me!! =(

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

Yeah well i am pretty sure that she wont find someone better than me and if she does and thats what she wants then i can't do anything about it. i know its selfish on her part but it looks like this happens to a lot of people and sometimes they work out for the best in their future and sometimes not. i am just going day by day and seeing what happens from here. i am trying to not think about what shes doing or where she is since we arent together right now. i dont want to be dragged along and i am trying to not give in to calling her or texting her. i dont know if she is trying to move on and forget about me but we will have to see what the future holds. i am just trying to become a better person that anyone would be happpy to be around.

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EXCELLENT PLAN! Stay positive :) There are so many more things to do "right now" than to just focus on her.

Hey bummed... GO OUT!! It will be fun!

Yeah thanks everyone. I am actually waiting to see what's going on so we will see where I am going tonight. Tomorrow I know I am probably going to the hard rock hotel and casino down here and hit up some bars and clubs. Oh and jornny, if they don't see how good of guys we are and what we did for them then you know what, I guess we will have to find someone that does. Harder said than done , but in due time it will happen.

Excellently said Bummedout, I haven't been out in AGES for nights out. Twas over 3 yrs ago before I met my ex when I was between girlfriends, that I used to go to the city centre ALONE to live gigs and just meet random people and have a great time. Ramones tribute bands are the best shows to go to cause EVERYONE is cool. Ramones for life, and you've made a friend for life!!

Exactly! So go with the plan and go out... I am told that you will feel better after a little... love?

Yeah, but don't go chasing anything with a pulse looking for a one nighter... that might put you into a VERY different forum.. Dealing with unwanted pregnancies, stds, threesomes!

Like I said, that is what I was told... but being I am not a guy... I wouldn't know. Most women think very differently on the topic. :O)

So star, did you read MY story? What's your opinion, from another girls perspective? I got some good tips from one earlier which helped. In fact, just check out my entries for my subject for a full run through.

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Originally Posted by Jornny

Yeah, but don't go chasing anything with a pulse looking for a one nighter... that might put you into a VERY different forum...! Dealing with unwanted pregnancies, stds, threesomes!

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Nah, I am not like that anyway and either way I am still not over my ex so it be hard to really be with anyone else right now, unless she was super hot. Well thanks for all the support and talk.

All right guys, last night I was doing pretty well, I didn't reallly get too emotional and tried not to think about what was going on. It seems like every morning I start having dreams and thinking about everything going on and how much I miss this girl. So... I keep telling myself to leave her alone and not to call or talk to her unless she initiates contact which I think I can do. But, the next time she calls, I keep having this urge to ask her one last time what she really wants from me, if she is going to date this other guy or if she is just seeing what happens. I mean, I know she doesn't have to tell me anything but I just want her to be honest with me. The fact she would rather spend time with others than me who she claims to care about is really bothering me. So should I talk to her one last time to really see what she is thinking and where all this is going? I know I may not like the answer but sometimes I still don't know what the hell she wants to do, and if she is wanting me to stay around in case she changes her mind. Well, I was just thinking all of this , this morning and I know its probably been repeated. But I just need to write it out and get it out. Thanks

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 4 years now. We met when we were 18 we're now 22 yrs old. We have seen each other a lot over the course of our relationship at least 4-5 days a week and did everything together. Everything was fine but lately she has been saying that she feels different and said she wanted to take a break to figure things out and to be happy. She was starting to feel unhappy b/c we didnt really go out a lot on the wkends, not because we didnt want to, but just tired sometimes and ended up staying home. I have a feeling that she may be a little bored with our relationship and i understand and want to change. We have had these conversations before but things would change and then go back to normal. She says she still loves me but is not "in love" as much as she was in the beginning. it has been almost a week since she said she wanted a break. I have been pretty shocked and devasted, telling her how much i love her and how much she means to me. She has been goin out wth her friends a lot, a lot more then when we were together. I have read that i shouldn't contact her but it is really hard b/c we have had troubles before and talked them out and remained together. I don't want to lose her and do not want to push her away during this time. I just want to be with her, and love her. She knows how i feel about her and i dont know what she is thinking in her head. She says that she isnt ready to see me yet but she will let me know. We talk on the phone every once in a while , but it is hard for me not to call her or text her. I don't have a lot of close friends to go out with, they are either up in school still or have gf's of their own. At work i dont work with any people my age to hang out. She was my everything and i dont want to lose her, should i keep fighting or just hold off for a while? thanks for any help and advice.

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Maybe she feels consumed... give her space... get to know her outside the relationship you guys used to have and realise her needs. Sounds Easy but I know it isn't... give her space... dating since high school isn't easy, congrats but let her spread her wings a little and be in the background showing you are there and you care... Time will tell..

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Originally Posted by MWP

maybe she feels consumed... give her space...... get to know her outside the relationship you guys used to have and realise her needs. Sounds Easy but I know it isn't..... give her space......dating since high school isn't easy, congrats but let her spread her wings a little and be in the background showing you are there and you care..... Time will tell..

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Thanks, I know she probably feels like she needs to find herself and see what she wants in life, its just hard to let go, for now at least. I still plan to talk to her when she calls and be supportive in her school work and everything but will those only land me in the friend zone or will she see that I really care about her as a person and want the best for her?

If she still calls... be responsive. You still have a chance man. My best friend is an ex that I dated for three years. My current gal doesn't understand but hell I never thought she could. Lol