It will be great when the pain is finally over but sometimes I think it's going to last forever. Just about the time I start to feel better, WHAMMM it hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm back where I started.Quote:
Originally Posted by madaman
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It will be great when the pain is finally over but sometimes I think it's going to last forever. Just about the time I start to feel better, WHAMMM it hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm back where I started.Quote:
Originally Posted by madaman
Thanks so much cerisa for your caring response, Tuesday's his Birthday so I just might have to take a warm bath, have a cup of tea and several glasses of wine to get through this one. His B-Day will be the first major day we won't share since he left and I'm worried it's going to be a rough one.Quote:
Originally Posted by cerisa
Cerisa had some excellent suggestions! I know EXACTLY what it's like to be so hurt and confused that you can't think of anything except him.
On big dates like tonight, maybe in the future you could round up some close girlfriends and go to dinner or catch a comedy. Kansas City has some good comedy clubs! Laughter IS the best medicine! :)
Anyway, it's not healthy to stew over the same thing. You'll make yourself sick! I know because I've been down that path, and it's miserable. I'll keep you in my prayers, and hopefully your heart ache will soon start to fade. :)
Thank you kujhawk for keeping me in your prayers. I know I have healed considerably since he left and I owe it all to the people here on this forum. I know I have a long road ahead of me but at least I know I can get anything off my chest here and I always get helpful and caring responses. It really means a lot and it makes me feel like I'm not so alone in all of this.Quote:
Originally Posted by kujhawk48
Hi Missing
I think your doing real well.
Michael :-)
Thanks hon, I am doing much better. Am I completely healed.. NO but I can tell I'm moving in the right direction.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
I helped mine get his first bank account! I helped him get his first car (and we were 24). I introduced him to the music he likes now. I helped him write his resume and called everyone I knew to get him a job. He moved up because I consistently encouraged him; how smart he was, how special and talented. Anything he needed, I did for him.
Now he's sharing that with someone else. And he probably looks like the most put together person, but I did that for him. And you know what? It was an incredible waste of my emotional and psychic energy. And now? After two years I can honestly say I don't care.
It will hurt in the beginning. You will wonder if he's doing all the things he did with you with someone else. Mine actually came back, but by that time, I didn't want him.
I promise these thoughts will fade over time. It's not easy in the beginning, but keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel...
Good luck!
I've heard that they actually try and come back. I haven't seen any indication that he even wants to. I don't think I want him back now but I just want him to try. I know that sounds crazy. 3 days after he left me for this HO I talk to him on the phone, his last words to me were " our bond is still very strong and you are my best friend" that was 3 months ago and I haven't heard from him since.Quote:
Originally Posted by shadylady1979
Well today was my ex's b-day. Man was it hard. This was the first time in 7 yrs I wasn't with him on his birthday. A girl I work with had a b-day over the weekend so today she brought me some of her b-day cake. I thought how ironic that she doesn't even know my ex but she brought me b-day cake on his birthday (WEIRD). Anyway those that know my story know that my son works with my ex. Well today they all passed around a card for everyone to sign. When the card got to my son he didn't sign it. Later my ex asks my son why didn't you sign my card? My son just looks at him and said " Like I give a Fawk if its your birthday. My son said my ex looked all sad and walked away. I mean God what did he think was gonna happen? Did he think my son was gonna say " Hey buddy thanks for screw'n over my mom and have a wonderful birthday" Ok well I didn't actually have a question I just needed to vent a little bit.
Hi everybody,
It seems like I've been posting a lot lately. I thought I was well on the road to recovery until this past week. First his birthday was Tuesday and that kicked my butt now today I find out his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. I knew she has been claiming to be pregnant with his baby since a few weeks after he left me but the part I don't get is how I found out. Let me explain. My son works with my ex and his girlfriend as you know, well today my sons wife went to their work to pick my son up and my ex comes out of work as soon as he saw her there. He of course told her about the twins and in response my daughter in law asks him if he's sure the babies are his, he says " I'm pretty sure they are" So anyway that's not what's hurting me so much, OK it is... but what's bothering me the most is. Why did my ex go out of his way to tell a member of my family this news? I mean he knows that they want nothing to do with him since all of this happened. Ok what I'm getting at is I realize that my ex doesn't love me anymore obviously but if anything we were bestfriends and he was never a mean spirited person. So WHYYYY would he tell my sons wife knowing full well it would get directly back to me? It's like he's trying to twist the knife as deep into my heart as he possibly can. Can someone please tell me why he's deliberately trying to hurt me when all I've done is let him go quietly and not so much as contacted him so he could have his new life?? If anyone has an answer I would be grateful. Thanks
If I were you I wouldn't bother worrying about this guy. Seriously, that's there issue with twins and you should just be having fun being single.
Dear woman: You must try to remember that you, the children, your x-husband, his girl friend, the sister, a friends sister and maybe a few cats and dogs are all tied up with each other on a day to day basis and this in itself is the perfect formula for producing dicite, innuendo, rumor, distrust, pain, anger, acting-out and many other sad little goodies. If you don't get yourself out of this loop I'd imagine someday you'll hear that Rex the dog who the sister thought was a male is going to have a liter of kittens in 6 and a half weeks and you'll hear of this from the girl at the gas station who is also a part-time ultrasonographer who documented the girl friends twins 11 days ago.
You can break this link of hyena crap by ignoring 98% of everything you hear and try anything to redirect your skills. Your smart and can do it. Best wishes.
I'm not trying to worry about him, in fact I've cut him out of my life and not contacted him. I was just curious if anyone could give me some insight as to why after all this time of no contact he's telling my family news that he knows will hurt me when he really has no reason to want to.Quote:
Originally Posted by FrOsT_bItE
He may be a little salty and is trying to get a reaction out of you. I would RUN RUN RUN and leave him in the dust. There is no need to bother with him. He has a new life new family and HE Isn't EVEN SURE IF THE KIDS ARE HIS! That in itself should be a sign that he is a Noodle and doesn't deserve your time or attention. GOOD LUCK!
Disengage yourself from the ex as far as you can. Tell your family and extended family to keep all and any news/gossip about the ex and his life to themselves. Does you no good to hear it. Get on with your own recovery.
Have you viewed the posts from members on how to get over a guy, what to do after being dumped, etc.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html
HAHAHA! A Noodle, that's funny. I love it! I would have to agree with you. Leaving me is his loss and he is a NOODLE.Quote:
Originally Posted by kuulski
I have an interesting update to share with everyone. Well my ex and his girlfriend are over. She finally admitted that the twins she's pregnant with aren't his...
She told him that they are her ex boyfriends babies and so they called it quits.
As most of you know my son also works with them and he said that my ex and her got into such a huge fight at work yesterday that they almost got fired.
His big reason for leaving me for this Ho was because he wanted a baby. WELL BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT. Hehehe.
Do I sound happy about this? HELL yeah I'm happy. I wasted 7 yrs of my life on someone that in the end walked away because I didn't give him a baby. Well looks like she didn't either. She just passed them off as his while it served her purpose.
Ok I know it's taken me a long time to recover from this... But I just wonder how do you recover from leaving a good 7 yr relationship that in everyway seemed extremely happy, All though minus the baby he wanted, for a lying tramp that told you your biggest wish was coming true only to find out less then 6 months later she lied the whole time... Oh the humiliation he must be feeling knowing that everyone he works with and all of his friends know how bad he betrayed me. Talk about being bit in the @ss...
Can Anyone Say KARMA??
Karma!! Lol
Sounds like this jacka$$ got just what he deserved.
KARMA... LOL
What goes around, comes around!!
Good for him, he betrayed you and left you and in the end he got what he deserved.
I'm sure it's still tough getting over him but I wish u the best of luck.
Just don't get weak, and let him come sniffing around you again.
Damn. Congrats? It's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say... do you say... congrats? Either way, glad you're happy. You think he'll contact you again?
Someone wrote: "...it's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say...." How about a bereavement card with an inscription to the effect, 'have you been checked out by your doctor?'
There are new gift cards out there that have a small battery and speaker; you may find one that is just laughing: "Ha, ha, ha, ha", etc.
Tal he doesn't have the coconuts to call me after this..Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I guess I missed the first part of this ordeal so getting in at this point my opinion might be in the least favored...
It's too bad you did not get the relationship you hoped for. He did what he felt he needed to do in order to achieve his full personal goals. It hurt you in the process, but... women do it to guys just as often... to find the right fit for their lives.
Self-actualization is something people strive for... are you saying that is bad? I know it hurts sometimes... trust me been there... but to be happy when someone else is suffering seems to make you a callous as they are?
I don't think happiness about his dilemma will lesson the pain of yours. Perhaps you need more time to lesson the bitterness, and maybe you will feel that if you truly had any love for the person you would accept their leaving you to do what they had to for their own self actualization.
Don't be the bitter ex. It's not flattering.
Wow George... You don't think that would be to mean? LOL just kiddingQuote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
Well, MissingHim2Much, I want you to know you are an "advisor emeritus", a dean of wisdom and insight, right up there with those others; don't you even begin to think you have graduated and can return to your private life, ever.
Never George... I'm an addict now.Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
Wow MissingHim, is it wrong that when I read that I got a big smile on my face and felt like jumping out of my chair and yelling YES!! What goes around comes around! :D
Just a response to the OP's disagreement of my post...
With no warning, my ex- walked out after 10.5 years of marriage and 3.5 of dating before that.. so 14 years in all... Why? To pursue her dreams... wanted other things in life... think I didn't feel betrayed? Still, you can't control someone else, and being bitter only poisons yourself... should I be happy at every thing negative that comes her way? I didn't want bad to happen to her before, and I still don't. Satisfaction isn't going to result from seeing someone suffer. Time to accept what was, and is no more. Often what we think we have is not the reality.
oneguyinohio writes: "Often what we think we have is not the reality." I disagree with this assessment of reality and think it is kind of sad. Maybe that is why you weren't more upset; you couldn't lose something you never had (to borrow from the title of a song).
Oneguy, I agree you have some very valid points and I admire you for being happy for your ex. I also feel a little bit of bitterness is human nature... And your right, often what we think we have is not reality. And just as often what we think we have is because someone else convinces us that it is reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by oneguyinohio
I'm all for pursuing your dreams.. What I have a problem with is telling someone daily that you are the dream they were pursuing and not really meaning it... As for being bitter.. that will fade in time and I will be a whole person again.
This reminded me a quote...Quote:
Originally Posted by oneguyinohio
“reality, the external world, exists independent of man’s consciousness...this means that A is A, that facts are facts, that things are what they are – and the task of man’s consciousness is to perceive reality not to create or invent it.”
Time makes a difference, and in thinking back... for the first year or two... I felt lots of anger, but having a child... I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child... our lives didn't go the way we both wanted... even if we didn't agree about it... we still have to go on.
Oneguy writes: "...I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child...." That's a horse of a different color; I'll drink to that.
"Missing him", time to change your name on here! I have followed your progress and am estatic for your vindication. I was hurt too, a long time ago, horrible circumstances. No, it does not go away. You learn to deal with it. After a time, we went on to have a better, stronger, happier marrige. Your ex deserves to suffer, how else would he learn? Empathy is gained from understanding pain. You should not add to his suffering, and enjoying it is of course not nice. But hey, I am proud of you. 'the strongest of all warriors are these two- time and patience' Tolstoy
That's great stuff :) vegence is ideal. Even more so when they bring it on themselves
Regards
I love KARMA :-)
Like Tal says though be careful if he comes sniffing around , I know you say you don't think he has the coconuts to but you never know. It's easy for us to see it as that little window of opportunity that we've been waiting for. But remember what he did to you and how he has made you feel for the last 6 months.
I think you are far enough in your healing process now to make the right decision and a lot of that has to do with NC and not being as emotionally blinded as you were. Without NC you wouldn't have come this far this quickly even though it seemed like a long journey.
Well done , I'm proud of you!
Thanks Hon, NC really is a blessing. If only we could see that in the beginning.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Well I just thought I would share the happy news with all of my good friends here at AMHD. My ex and his girlfriend got back together and she has since giving birth to the twins.
They were born on Valentines day no less... How special is that?
They broke up a few weeks ago for a short time because she had told him the babies weren't his. Well I guess she retracted that statement and told him she wasn't SURE if they were his so I guess that was all he needed to hear.
Well anyway I find it funny that he only left 7 months ago and has only known her for a few weeks before that and she's already had the babies. According to my estimate they would've been due no earlier then the end of April or beginning of May but miracle of all miracles they were born 2 months early and were both over 4 pounds each which is surprisingly big if they were born that much to early.
Anyway that makes 6 kids she has all under the age of 7 all with different fathers. WOW it's like the Ghetto version of the Brady Bunch.
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