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I am afraid that he might be really gone this time...

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And this is at the bottom of all your fears. You need to recognise that after all the bad stuff he puts you through, you still cling to him like junkie on dope. You willingness to wait to see if he can be happy with another is degrading, disgusting, and unhealthy. The fact you wait for an outcome is... beyond stupid. If you don't have the esteem to look out for yourself then you need more help than you can get here and hope you do. Close this chapter in your life and move on. There can be nothing good in even considering taking him back. Dumb idea.

It is a shame that we must suffer such sadness after a breakup. They say time heals... It is really difficult sometimes. Some days are better than others... but the bad days can definitely be BAD! 2 weeks, NC contact. It has been really tough at times, and I have fought myself from going to him. A bad relationship that needed to end, I guess. But it still hurts. Can't wait till I am finally over it!

OK you summed it up near the end
A bad relationship that needed to end. Truly I'm sorry to hear that is where you've just come from it really sucks when things hurt but the real secret here is to somehow distance yourself from your pain and realise that this situation where you are right now was inevitable

Look to the future, imagine what it holds for you
Almost anything you want is possible in this life this universe
Start thinking about what you want in a future relationship and see how that feels by comparison to how you feel now...

By the way this is guy logic here so I might be out of order with what I'm saying, I just hope to be somehow helpful!

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

It is a shame that we must suffer such sadness after a breakup. They say time heals....It is really difficult sometimes. Some days are better than others...but the bad days can definitely be BAD! 2 weeks, NC contact. It has been really tough at times, and I have fought myself from going to him. A bad relationship that needed to end, I guess. But it still hurts. Can't wait till I am finally over it!!

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Just because the relationship was bad doesn't make it any less difficult when it's over. I feel for you. Before I met my dream man (who still isn't perfect by any stretch but worth the effort) I had a lot of bad relationships. It was hard. I remember one particular time I was driving away from my boyfriends house after he broke up with me. The reason he broke up with me was he thought I wasn't all that I had made myself out to be. (?? ) I still don't get that statement. But anyway, he told me he had been cheating on me and I wasn't even worth him taking the time to tell me he didn't want to be with me. He was harsh and there was no reason for it. I'm a decent person and did nothing but adore him. Anyway, as I'm driving away, tears pouring from eyes, I see a bridge abuttment and all I can think is speeding head-on right into it. Obviously I decided against it and I am so glad I did. That heartache was totally worth it when I see now what I got out of it. I'll never know what really happened in his mind to end our relationship and be so cruel about it. But I learned a lot, gained some perspective and matured a little more. Everything that we go through in life shapes us into the person that we will one day be. Sometimes it's all roses and fireworks and sometimes it SUCKS! If you didn't have your heart broken would you appreciate the next love in the same way? Would you appreciate happiness and good times? When you've cried for a long time doesn't it feel better than ever to smile?

Good luck! I'm sure you'll be just fine, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and silver lining around every dark cloud.

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Originally Posted by cely05819

Just because the relationship was bad doesn't make it any less difficult when it's over. I feel for you. Before I met my dream man (who still isn't perfect by any stretch but worth the effort) I had a lot of bad relationships. It was hard. I remember one particular time I was driving away from my boyfriends house after he broke up with me. The reason he broke up with me was he thought I wasn't all that I had made myself out to be. (???) I still don't get that statement. But anyway, he told me he had been cheating on me and I wasn't even worth him taking the time to tell me he didn't want to be with me. He was harsh and there was no reason for it. I'm a decent person and did nothing but adore him. Anyway, as I'm driving away, tears pouring from eyes, I see a bridge abuttment and all I can think is speeding head-on right into it. Obviously I decided against it and I am so glad I did. That heartache was totally worth it when I see now what I got out of it. I'll never know what really happened in his mind to end our relationship and be so cruel about it. But I learned alot, gained some perspective and matured a little more. Everything that we go through in life shapes us into the person that we will one day be. Sometimes it's all roses and fireworks and sometimes it SUCKS! If you didn't have your heart broken would you appreciate the next love in the same way? Would you appreciate happiness and good times? When you've cried for a long time doesn't it feel better than ever to smile?

Good luck! I'm sure you'll be just fine, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and silver lining around every dark cloud.

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Cely if he was cheating on you whatever his reason to break up was just a crappy excuse to get out of the relationship anyway, glad to hear you met your dream man!!

Sometimes it feels like the misery will last forever. The good times come... and I pray that they stay... but the sadness returns. I can't wait to feel "normal" again.

You know what the best thing to do is right now for you? Keep yourself busy
Double book with friends if you have to get busy busy busy
Socialise, go out meet new people don't get too close give yourself a few months solo to explore how you feel.. try not to let the negative outweigh the positive because whatever you focus most on in life tends to manifest itself into your reality, which is quite an exciting thought when you consider it it means basically anything you want in the entire universe you can have, make sure you spend some time with family too, if these things don't work try some things in life you never maybe considered before I don't know learn to knit, or play a computer game or xbox or go for a drive to some area (hopefully a safe area! ) that you haven't checked out before, explore grow and develop your senses, indulge them try all the new foods in the world you can bet you never tasted every flavour of icecream ever made, just some examples for you... see if trying some of that doesn't change things, let me know how you went.. and by the way sorry for jumping on your post earlier without any info for you personally that was kind of rude eh? I was in a bit of a hurry... hopefully something useful came of this this time around!!

Hurting a lot... I feel just the same! I see people and try talking to them but nothing is like the ex, despite how they treated me, which is why I always ended up going back. I can't believe she left me and I remember ALL the times together and it's so hard to believe we couldn't work things out. Remembering the discussions face to face and all the effort and seeing her face, it's killing me!! Always trying for her and surprising her to keep her happy but it was too late I guess... It's so hard to believe this will happen again with someone else. I don't believe it. I'm just letting you know that I'm here with you still. Last week I thought I was fine, but today it came back strong. I want to stop thinking about her, since she isn't coming back. But we should be okay... ::Cries::

Lifes too short to worry. Go drive in your car with your best friend, with the windows down, hair in the wind, listening to loud MUSIC AND SINGING :p Sing your heart out and enjoy the Summer!! :P WOOP WOOP

Let's look at it this way... Your karma with that person was over... u know all of us are travelling in a train and that train is Life. A person hops in at one station, sits beside us, we talk and have a great time or the bad time and then his/her station comes, he hops out of train... so till that period, we enjoyed with the person, and the train moves on... if you look at it this way, self realization will soon come and you'll be glad you've been enriched with a certain experience to make you a better person. Do not hold on to people or things, they are tangible, will go away... so be strong,love, smile and move on... that's my theory which gives me strength... hope it gives you strength too.

So it's been a while since I've posted... thought I was making some progress... (Maybe I actually have... ) But spoke with the ex this weekend. (I called but didn't leave a message... he called back... twice... ) He confirmed that he isn't dating anyone... and that he doesn't know if he's happy or not. I asked for him to "fix us"... and he said it wouldn't be the same... I said, No... it can't be the same, it needs to be different... it wasn't all that great! He agreed. We left it that he might call me again... he was going out with his friend and didn't know when he'd be home... I know I should just move past this guy... But I can't help but wonder why he called... (once to return my call... ok... but the second time?) Does he think he made a mistake? Is he missing me? What do I do now? Do I go to him to try to talk again? He knows I want to make this work...

Can you see what calling him did to you? It's set you back months and in doing that it's made you hurt and sad all over again. If he was really missing you he'd have called before now. I dare say he rang back out of curiosity, but I can guarantee you one thing, bet he's feeling pretty good now!
Don't keep boosting his ego, look forward, walk slowly and happiness could be just around the corner with someone who deserves you! X

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Originally Posted by kay13

Don't keep boosting his ego, look forward, walk slowly and happiness could be just around the corner with someone who deserves you! x

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This is an extremely important point made here. Sadly, this is something I did in the first couple of weeks after the breakup, ran after something that was gone and inflating her ego even more. What did it do for me?

Caused me more pain and heartache and confusion.

9 Months on and I can tell you hand on heart, time does heal albeit it is more of a matter of months rather than weeks I'm afraid. You never forget though, you heal but your heart carries a memory.

How can your heart heal if a memory remains?

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Originally Posted by diya

Let's look at it this way...Your karma with that person was over...u know all of us are travelling in a train and that train is Life. A person hops in at one station, sits beside us, we talk and have a great time or the bad time and then his/her station comes, he hops outta train....so till that period, we enjoyed with the person, and the train moves on...if you look at it this way, self realization will soon come and you'll be glad you've been enriched with a certain experience to make you a better person. Do not hold on to people or things, they are tangible, will go away...so be strong,love, smile and move on.....that's my theory which gives me strength.....hope it gives u strength too.

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I really agree with your perspective on life and relationships. I think maybe it was the analogy of us hopping on a different station in this place called life. It is so true, the time spent stays with you and it does make you better, if you let it. It is so tough to let go of people, more than things, because of the intimacy of just looking at someone in their eyes or feeling their energy being next to them. It is so hard to lose that, yet your theory gives me strength to smile, and continue to be open to love. Hard as it may be...

In response to your sadness, the train will keep going and you will have many more travelers come your way. They will be just as meaningful for even if they are with you for a brief time. Take from each one a sense of evolving and growing to the being the greatest person you can visualize. They were and are your teachers, whether you lose them by breaking up, or in death. We have to learn from the ones we lose, that is how we give it meaning and purpose and we have the strength to go on.

What if ex doesn't let you move on. I feel like I'm taking leaps backward now then from 4 months ago.

This is where the detachment comes in. Move on to fulfill your life with friends and family who do want to be part of your life. Sometimes unfulfilling relationships are just a matter of timing and heavy responsibilities. Sometimes the past obscures the possibilities for the present. Move on. Don't harden your heart if feelings are not mutual, but do free yourself from trying to earn the caring that should be a gift... Spread love and care to people who need you... and not to those who do not need you... right?

After a break up it is rough, but being selfish and serious about doing things you love, and being busy is the best way to move on. Time heals us, and being happy and forgetting the ex, is what stops confusion, and helps to move on. Not contacting them, or letting them contact you, may be selfish and rude, but its about you getting healthy, and getting your life back, not getting back with them. The sooner you can move on, the better you feel and the sooner you can enjoy your life. Look out for, and love yourself. DON"T BE STUCK ON STUPID!!!!

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

How can your heart heal if a memory remains?

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I guess it was just a figure of speech but you know, you can heal but I think there is always a scar there. Hard to explain, you don't forget but at the same time, you feel more healthy, more free. You don't need to forget, although it depends on the memory but bad experiences can be used as a learning tool.