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How amazing that little things can change your attitude. That's why my routine is one where I am never to
Tired
Hungry
Angry
Stressed
And when I take care of those areas of my life I generally can deal with anything. A good daily routine helps me make it through a good day(I choose to have a good day)
If you're not contributing constructively here, you are contributing constructive there! :D
Yeah, those basics are really important and its up to each person as to how well they manage them in their life.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
If a person doesn't manage them well, then they get what they get. But that is true for all of us. I learned how to manage them by disliking the effect of mismanaging them enough to do something about it! DOH LOL
If you're not meant to be with him, you're meant to be with another.
Anyway I'm going to try hard not to ruminate about the past, but instead looking forward to what's coming. Like many of you said "the best is yet to come!" I want to be happy, and no one else can help me with that. I've done enough grieving, learning, blaming, and regretting. The only person that's making me sad is myself, by not letting go, and by saying I'm sad all the time. I'm going to stop thinking that I want to be with my ex, stop wishing for a second chance, and stop plotting. It's time to move forward and focus on the positive things in life.
Some good things that happened because of this:
- I've learnt not to rush into a relationship
- I've learnt more about myself
- I've learnt some new technique to deal with break ups LOL
- I met a bunch of GREAT people on a random forum, that I came across by googling "How to get your ex back"... (hey most people came here asking aobut that too lol)
- I made a new friend in real life, and he's the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever met. We were strangers when we first met, but now he's one of the few people that I want to talk to whenever I'm down in the dumps.
- I'm single and freeeee :)
I want to be happily/purposefully single!
http://www.baddteddy.com/adventures/1/frog/frog.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by kaitou
For asking if I am old :p and to do your studies!! (but yes, I've accumulated enough years to be your Mom, a very very young Mom :)
Being a fish may be fun for a day or so, but I think the fish community needs to come up with a more respectfull way of laying their loved ones to rest other than SWISH down the drain.
Nice perspective Kaitou. Let me offer a little more
Some good things that happened because of this:
- I've learnt not to rush into a relationship
Do you know how many people don't learn this for 2,3, 5 relationships later?
Scary, huh? I can show you threads here like that. Big big lesson --- BRAVO!
- I've learnt more about myself
Always a good thing. Courageous and pays handsome dividends all down the road, keeep that up!
- I've learnt some new technique to deal with break ups LOL
Actually you've learned some skills that will be handy for all disappointments, rejections, failures and losses and this one is probably the most significant one in my mind. Life has those in store for us and when we learn we can and do survive them, we are empowered to take better educated risks as a result. Powerful stuff.
- I met a bunch of GREAT people on a random forum
I just wanted to sat THANKS for that one :p
When I learn something new it spins my beanie. When I see you learn something new, it spins it twice as fast--weeeeeeeee!
I think you have given some great input here "it is truly about learning how to deal with a situation". One's reaction to deal with loss is so important. It can help you or break you.
Feels like this thread is becoming my journal >.>
BUT I want to report to allheart that I did fine in both of my midterms today :O!! They were surprisingly easy. I feel like I lucked out :)!! That brighten my day so much, doing well in schooool. AT least I don't have to stress about my marks :)
Dear Ex, may I call you Ex?
See what you've done to me? I am on some random website assembling my thoughts for no one - to rid my head of the looped video that is you. I am not mad. (that's an emotion that I don't waste much time on). This letter is the equivalent of finding me in downtown LA swapping scoring crack in a back alley and ducking police cruisers. In some ways I am revelling in this feeling of utter vulnerability. But at the same time I sense you were not 100% honest. And honesty is the cornerstone of your re-built self. So, I know that was eating you up. It eats me up too. In a few days I'll wander away from this site and head on back to life. But I'll leave this note, sure you will never see it. You were born with a something... it is special, and it is dangerous.
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
--Plato
Lost love is the one thing that stops us all in our tracks and makes us equal. Where we go from there determines our character.
--Me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash123
Oh Ash,
Everything you said just is worth repeating. Only thing is, I hope you don't wonder too far away from us. Your contributions have been amazing!!
I love your quote:Lost love is the one thing that stops us all in our tracks and makes us equal. Where we go from there determines our character - written by Ash123.
Hey. Stumbled upon your idea and I must say it's brilliant!! I'm going to give it a bash coz' I definitely need some closure from my last break-up.
Dear Removable *ss*ole,
Since you broke up with me I've realised a lot about myself. I can run everyday now, without having to listen to you whine about it, I can lie down and read a book, without you telling me that there's no point coz' they made a movie and above all of that I wake up every morning without a hangover coz' the only time I had a drinking problem was when I was with you. Honestly, I loved you with everything and this is what you reduced me to, a breakdown, se and a tarnished reputation from all the lies that you've told. I know that I'm better off without you now, I know that now when, in my awesome job, I make my awesome salary I can buy myself awesome stuff instead of paying for your alcoholism. More than anger or hurt I'm disappointed, the one characteristic that I thought would never fade from you soul was your good nature, I guess I was wrong. I've lost all respect for you and your entire family because you fed them all those lies and they believed you. Initially I told you that I was nothing without you, but you know what, you're nothing without me! I'm no longer around to buy you this or pay for that. I no longer have to put up with you immaturity and your worthless freeloading friends. I know that regardless of what you may say about me that I am better off without you, I've never done so well for myself in my entire life. All I need for you to know is that you're not the person that I fell in love with anymore, but guess what, I'm still the person you fell in love with and when you're all alone because you've treated everyone the way you treated me, and you finally realise what you had with me and how you ruined everything, maybe, just maybe I'll take the time to actually cut your call.
On second thoughts no, I'll just leave it ringing...
Thank you for giving me the best gift ever, my passion back!
Fornever Yours...
Dear Ex,
On one hand, I hope that your life is good now because I think you have a lot of special qualities and can be a nice guy. You taught me so much. You opened my eyes to the world really. You are intelligent, funny, witty, interesting, sweet, polite, worldly, unique, and beautiful. But, on the other hand, you can be selfish, self-satisfied, unyeilding, and a bit of a know-it-all. You do have a superiority complex. I think we both know that. I found it challenging at the time, but looking back you could be very condescending to people... me included. That irritated me. That part of you, I don't miss, but your wonderful qualities, I do. Another part of me admittedly hopes that your life is unhappy now because of how much you hurt me. I hope that the relationship with the girl that you left me for turned out to be a situation where the grass was in fact NOT greener on the other side. Was it all worth it? Was she worth the fact that you lost me even as a friend? Worth the fact that we no longer even speak to one another? It's sad to think about the way everything turned out.
I find myself wondering now if I ever even knew you at all. Were you a master deceiver? Why did you lead me on? Was I blind? I truly thought that I had found the one in you. The one that made all the other bad relationships, unrequited crushes, and short lived flings worth going through... because they led me to you. Maybe my head was in the clouds or I am guilty of being a believer in stupid sayings like "love conquers all". I should stop watching those chick flicks I suppose. Those movies tend to make us girls believe that the guy that left us will have a change of heart at the end... that he will come running through the rain to declare what a terrible mistake he made and declare his undying love. I guess that's why they call it fiction.
I was very thrown and very hurt when you broke things off with me literally out of nowhere. At least it was out of nowhere for me. Why couldn't you discuss your feelings with me? If something was bothering you about our relationship, why didn't you try to fix it rather than just deciding to end it all of a sudden? We didn't even have a fight or anything. In fact we were making plans for the future. I have never had a relationship end so mysteriously. That is partially why I found it so hard to get over. I kept wondering what the h**l happened. It just made no sense... unless you were pretending to care for me. That must be it because people that care for someone don't just up and leave for another partner. I think maybe you were using me for some purposes that I was not aware of.
I know that we were long distance and I am not blind to the fact that that is an obstacle. I know the distance was hard, but you knew that when we met. Maybe you gave it an honest try, but couldn't do it after all. I appreciated the fact that you wanted to remain in touch and be friends and even still see visit one another, but how could I do that? I would see you and my heart would want more. My feelings didn't change overnight. I can't just switch them off like a light switch. How can I discuss your new relationship without a pain in my heart when I was hurt and cast aside so that this relationship could flourish. That makes your wanting to discuss the relationship with me like a slap in the face. Why can't you understand that?
I know you didn't seem to understand why I found it hard to be your friend after the breakup. You falsely believe it to be because I "hate" you, but that's not true. You have some uncanny ability to stay in touch with all of your exes and not seem bothered at all by their new relationships, but I'm not like that. I wonder about your ability to even love someone. I knew it was a red flag when we you told me that you had never been in love when we first met. That's kind of unusual for a 28 year old male. Also, you told me that you never wanted to get married, never wanted a family, and that when you fell for a girl you would always do something stupid to ruin it. Red flags which I chose to ignore because of how attracted to you I was. Yes, I got hurt but I couldn't just not give things a try. Lesson learned the hard way for me.
I miss you evey day. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss planning our next vacation or trip together. You wanted to travel the world and so did I. I grieve for that dream coming to an end. There really is no one that I would rather see the world with than you. I had a lot of respect for your opinions and it is very hard for me not to tell you things that happen in my life. I miss sharing things with you, from the small to the important. I miss walking down the street in a strange city and holding your hand. I miss sitting in a bar in a new town with you and getting into conversations with the locals. I miss lying in bed with you and reaching over to hug you when you stirred. I just miss you.
Maybe I was crazy, niave, and living in a dream world. Maybe if things had actually worked out with you and I moved to your city, they might not have been as good as I had hoped. It may have been a mistake, but I was willing to try at least. As I told you in our last conversation, "At least I know I tried. I have no regrets. Take care".
Goodbye ex. I guess this is the way it has to be.
SouthernBelle.
Excellent letter Belle!
You've made a great deal of progress, especially coming to grips with the liklihood that you were used by a dishonest person -- that one is never easy for anyone to get their head around or to come away from less naïve but not jaded. BRAVO!
Yes wonderful letter Belle. Great stuff. Thank you for sharing that!
I echo Val's sentiments. It is a hard thing to be so brutally honest with ourselves at times. Often we convince ourselves to believe things that aren't necessarily true. It isn't until we are honest with ourselves that true healing begins.
This post shows how far you have come.
I know you still hurt and I can see that there is still some way for you to go but if you maintain the healthy and honest and honest attitude you have shown here than it will be closer than you think!
Well done!
This thread is just the best!
Here is one a bit reversed...
To the Sweet Guy Who Tried:
It wasn't your fault I was so screwed up and it wasn't your fault that we failed. I came that way already and was trying to hide it from everyone, especially you. And I was really a mess. I take responsibility knowing now how that truly frees me. It took what it took for me to finally get help and it cost more in time, money and effort than you might ever have guessed it would too. I know I would never have guessed and would have never begun had I known how much it would actually take. Good thing I didn't know. There is no way I could do it for you though, even though I wished I could. I had to do it for me and barely managed that as it was.
I am sorry my act was just an act and that you genuinely bought it. Sadly I bought it too at the time. I've since then learned that's called denial. I regret looking like I was up for offering you a shot at a real relationship when I was in no shape whatsoever to offer anyone anything at the time. I wasn't even date material, truthfully. I found out later what a con artist I had been, how deep my denial, how practiced my lies. I was good at lying to myself so it came as second nature to lie to you. I am very sorry for that.
You left me shaking your head, no doubt and I was somewhat embarrassed at the time too but I got over that. I just wanted to let you know I got the help after all. It was really hard work but I finally made it to the real me. I will be forever grateful to you for not adding to the big pile of things I already had to heal from and overcome and mostly for leaving me on my front porch with the lingering impresson of your kiss on my forehead.
You were such a sweet guy.
Love,
Me
Brilliant Val!
So genuine!
I like that letter Val. So many times others take rejection personally when it's not there fault or there was nothing wrong with them. The timing just wasn't right.
Dear Ex,
I gave you six years of my life, the best years, and you threw them all back in my face.
Everything you said about our future was a lie, you looked at houses with me knowing that it wasn't what you wanted, but even when I asked you, you never told me the truth.
For six years you said you would never cheat on me because you had seen the hurt that it caused others in your family, so you can imagine my shock at finding out you had kissed another girl.
But the worst thing is, I didn't even get the dignity to break up with you myself because you dumped me, and two weeks before xmas!
I have had contact with you every week since and you play with my emotions and shout me down, you have no remorse for what you have done and take great pleasure in rubbing it in my face.
The worst thing is I love you and hate myself when it should be the other way round. I hate myself for being so weak and pathetic and wanting you back. I hate myself for not seeing it coming and blaming myself for everything that went wrong. I hate myself for trusting you and giving you my whole heart and not keeping a bit for myself.
I never wanted to be this person, I gave you everything that was humanly possible to give another person and you threw me away like an old dishrag.
I hope you hurt like I hurt one day, to know the pain of someone taking your heart out with a spoon, to not be able to look at yourself in the mirror because you feel completely worthless. To see other people and compare yourself to them knowing that you weren't good enough even after you gave your all.
But it's not just you I have lost, its your family who were like my family. You have never considered anyone's feelings other than yourself. You panicked about commitment and now spend your time giving 18 year olds high fives and sending ringtones to one another (your 23 for god sake!)
I hate it that you had nothing when I met you, but we worked together and I supported you when you wanted a job in the emergency services. So you walk around with all the power and your badge, wowing the girls with your uniform and forgetting the person who helped you get it in the first place.
You say things to mess up my head and we kiss when I see you, I know you love me, and one day you will realise the mistake you have made. When you grow up, give me a call!
X
Dear exes,
Thank you for putting up with my immature wild ways and kicking me to the curb. I know it wasn't easy being with me, and sorry I just didn't know better. Thanks for showing me that I could be better, and can enjoy and be happy with my life mate, and kids and grand kids. All of this because you all had the wisdom to tell me to get the hell out!!
Thanks so much, for the freedom to find my happiness.
XXXXXXXXXXXX:)
Dear you, see you in another life and all the best
Love me
X
OH here's mine you had to be so immature as to go and tell anyone who could read or hear your lousy, dirty, lowlife untrue lies. Did it make you feel like a man to humilate me by doing this? WELL YOU IDIOT OF A FOOL OF A LOUSE SNAKE OR ANYTHING ELSE I CAN THINK OF.. YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A JUVENILE IMMATURE CHILD IN A MANS BODY.. HOPE YOU ROT IN... because I am moving on in life and am a much more better person than you could ever wish to be.. at least I have honesty, and morals that you could never have.
That is my contribution lol... feel so much better now :D
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