This woman who you think you need so much, was probably sent into your life so that you could find yourself and get out of your head and into the real world.

This happens, you've had your chance with her, you've said yourself you blew it, by not being completely honest with her.

Now you have to learn that if you aren't fully honest about yourself a relationship built on that kind of unstable foundation isn't going to work, its build on quick sand and not a solid ground .

There are all types of people sent to us in life most bring something we need to learn, others come to us because we are to show them something. Some stay a while some a long time some forever and some briefly.

Obviously you are learning the lessons this person was meant to show you. But now she's gone. You only have how you were to blame, or to learn from.

Its painful because you are only just realising what you should have learned a long time ago.

Be yourself...

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

This woman who you think you need so much, was probably sent into your life so that you could find yourself and get out of your head and into the real world.

This happens, youve had your chance with her, youve said yourself you blew it, by not being completely honest with her.

Now you have to learn that if you arent fully honest about yourself a relationship built on that kind of unstable foundation isnt going to work, its build on quick sand and not a solid ground .

There are all types of people sent to us in life most bring something we need to learn, others come to us because we are to show them something. Some stay a while some a long time some forever and some briefly.

Obviously you are learning the lessons this person was meant to show you. but now shes gone. You only have how you were to blame, or to learn from.

Its painful because you are only just realising what you should have learned a long time ago.

Be yourself...

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I don't want to invalidate what you've said, I just don't see where I come across as that I need her so much. I'm to assume you see me "needing her so much" from how I want her to give me a chance with the awarness of my emotions and actions.

I brought God into my life following my first break up and cleaned up my act tremendously. I had always stayed as far away from religion or God that I could. For some reason I turned right away to spirtuality and God/Jesus after my first break up.

I believed it had to be for a better woman to come into my life.

Well she did, and she had gone through a break up as well. She for the first time in her life was reading parts of the Bible from proverbs when we met. She didn't believe in Jesus, hands down. She was Jaded as she put it. By the fifth month of our time together, we had been going to church for 3 months, and she finally believed in Jesus. She came out and said it on a car ride home from one of our day trips.

She didn't believe a guy like me existed. Like I didn't believe a woman like her existed.

We both did many things in each other lives in our time together.

I realized the last parts of my dishonest ways that needed to be repaired and things about life like communicaton, physchology, business and life.

I finally am free from my crooked past and the lack of awarness on mcuh of life.

I agree tremendously what you said positive parent about certain people coming into each other's lives to show us something and/or to learn something.

That's my problem and maybe why u see me as needing her.

After this relationship and seeing everything that has happened and with all the reading I've done, I am certain that 100% there are no such things as coincidences.

We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

All I see is such a solid foundation, such a healthy real relationship that could be formed if we were to start fresh, meet each other new.

Ty for your comments. They mean a lot.

I don't want to invalidate again what you said but I was being myself as best as I could, I just felt so trapped and I didn't know how to say it to her, I tried to dodge the truth in order to have her stay with me out of fear, fear of telling the truth and accepting the consequences. My problem is now, not in hindsight, is if I had told the truth, will I have grown and took this path that I have taken these last 3.5 months. I really question it.

From the bottom of my heart I know that if she were to give me a chance, it would work the way it did then, but with a solid foundation that wasn't there last time.

God finished his work with me, fixing my dishonest and cutting corners ways, I never want to stop growing but a chance with the love that we shared before without my passitivy and lack of awarness and cutting corners.

Sorry OP but she has already given you a chance, when you were with this person you must have known she was all you wanted, and met all of your requirements, in view of this I feel I must ask you why didn't you turn yourself around there and then and make good what you had gotten wrong at the start, surely that means you had a chance, you could have shown her all you wanted to back then. So you were and are responsible for the way you now find yourself.

This comment here though seems somewhat contradictory;
We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

So I will ask what caused you and this person to end the relationship you had. Why did you not work harder at improving yourself whilst she was still in your life. When you had a chance to make something worthwhile and lasting with her.

If as you say you were not honest with her then that is why I feel it didn't last between you and unless you admit this fully, not try to make excuses for your actions. Face those truths. Then maybe you'll begin to move on.

You need to take full responsibility for your life your actions your choices your motives and the outcome of every choice you make as being yours and only your responsibility. No one else brought you to this place you're in now, only you and the choices you made...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Sorry OP but she has already given you a chance, when you were with this person you must have known she was all you wanted, and met all of your requirements, in view of this I feel I must ask you why didnt you turn yourself around there and then and make good what you had gotten wrong at the start, surely that means you had a chance, you could have shown her all you wanted to back then. So you were and are responsible for the way you now find yourself.

This comment here though seems somewhat contradictory;
We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

So I will ask what caused you and this person to end the relationship you had. Why did you not work harder at improving yourself whilst she was still in your life. when you had a chance to make something worthwhile and lasting with her.? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't think straight, my emotions and thoughts were out of control, I couldn't see clearly.She ended the relationship with me because I tried being honest by being dishonest and said something I didn't even know I said that broke her heart. A month and a half later she left me.

If as you say you were not honest with her then that is why I feel it didnt last between you and unless you admit this fully, not try to make excuses for your actions. face those truths. Then maybe youll begin to move on.

You need to take full responsibility for your life your actions your choices your motives and the outcome of every choice you make as being yours and only your responsibility. no one else brought you to this place youre in now, only you and the choices you made...

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OK

I didn't know how to be honest then, I didn't know how to speak from my heart. I didn't understand empathy, I didn't understand connecting to someone's heart. I didn't know what true love was until she left me. Life hit me pretty quickly and hard when she left.

That's what hurts the most. I needed this to realize and become one with the things I just mentioned, to actually feel them and feel the truth and meaning behind it.

There was no other way.

Its hard for me to love her enough to let her go and move on.

By God as my witness I love that woman from the bottom of my heart. We had the most heartfelt relationship there could possibly be, we took it slow and connected on so many levels, just not the one level that is needed to maintain and grow,

I let her down, If I had gone through this after my first break up, there is no way this would have happened.

It hurts more then the world to move on and let go, it was a dream come true, so magical.

I guess no matter what I did and didn't do,

God will bring us back together if we are meant to be,

I have to believe that, otherwise I know our heavenly father will bring me someone else.

Give your best and final shot in trying to get through to her,communicate your love for her and base your future decisions on that outcome.

But be careful how you approach her and what you say/do etc.Be prepared this time,right down to the last detail and carry this out as you would any plan you would like to see succeed.But whatever you do,don't bank on her reactions/responses.

Just give one final try,in order to give closure to yourself and then let go.

Hi OP I can understand you're feeling heartbroken at losing this girl, however you will get over it, and you will also love again, just learn from this and take what you learn into any new relationship you get into at some point.

Or perhaps this girl will agree to meet up with you at some time and if so perhaps you could tell her everything the complete truth and why you deceived her. She might be willing to give you another chance, but whatever you do you must tell her the complete truth.

You could try this you've nothing to lose, if she doesn't agree to a 2nd chance then you'll just have to accept that and move on and let her do the same.

JMO, Please let us know what you decide to do, and Good Luck.

You need to tell her all the stuff you told us here. She needs to hear this. If she still cares, she will be there for you. Stop beating yourself up. Life is about growing, and you have grown from this situation.

Communication IS key and she is right on the money. So you need to start communicating and what better time than the present! I am a huge optimist in matters of the heart.

My problem when I wrote all this was as you see that date was July 26th, well from April 20th till July 26th I bombarded her with texts. I tried one last time about the end of July and she threatened to call the cops on me for harrasement.

I'm pretty stuck still, none of it makes any sense.

She threatened to call the cops and you still say you are stuck and don't know what all this means?

What would it take you to realise that THIS IS FINALLY OVER AND DONE WITH... hope you don't want a situation where she actually calls the cops and ensures you are put away?

Leaving her alone is what makes sense. Going to jail does NOT make sense.