You are playing games and you do contact her when it is convenient for you and then you go NC when it is convenient.
You both are sending mixed signals to each other.
Stop. Pee or get off the pot!

You're both playing games,what's the point?

Are you sitting down and discussing how to repair your relationship and getting back together again?

No,you are not.

So make your mind up,either stick to NC and move on,or keep breaking it and stay confused.

Your call.

Quote:

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The truth is, I'm just not over her

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Now your getting somewhere. One of the reasons for healing is to cope with feelings we have in a positive way, and that really is what NC is about, because if you really look at what goes on with all of us, when interacting with a romantic partner, it is our own feelings that motivate us, drive us, confuse us, make us act, and react. Feelings, especially strong ones, make us sometimes not see facts.

Take your situation as an example. You are so bothered about getting things back the way the were that you fail to see the relationship has changed, and will never go back to the way it was. But your contact with her that is fueled by false hope that it will, you fail to see that fact. That's why you leave her alone until the dust settles, and you have your own emotions, and feelings, under better control.

Exes seldom play games, doesn't matter if they do, they do what they do, but its US that act, and react with confusion, fear, and false hope. And thats something YOU can control!

She obviously doesn't know what she wants. She says she wants to see you, but doesn't want to be friends, but also thinks it would be too hard to have any kind of relationship with you, and then you make out, and don't hear from her.

Leave her alone - she WILL CONTINUE to do this, and you WILL CONTINUE to get your hopes up and get hurt.

She may not be playing mind games intentionally - she just doesn't know what she wants at all. Leave her alone. If she does email you, a short email back in all honesty that says "I cannot be your friend right now - we need to go our separate ways and perhaps in a year or more we can try to have a friends only relationship". You need to do it for your own sanity. You may even need to block her email, and phone number.

This will continue, you will continue to be her prey, and will not get over it until you see the need to.

All, thanks for the advice. It is just so difficult when someone tells you they want a "break" and then continues to contact you and make out with you.

I'm not trying to play any games, as the truth of the matter is, I want her back and she knows this.

But I also don't want to put pressure on her/keep contacting her because as everyone on this board indicates - this will only drive her further away. Plus, every time I put myself out there I just open myself up to more pain and rejection.

From what I've read, 99% of the time when someone tells you they want a "break" they are breaking up with you usually to date someone else or have an interest in dating someone else. If I knew that was the case, then I would want nothing to do with her. But instead, since the day she gave me the "break" speech - she has been flip flopping from "I want to see you/I miss you" and "I'm not dating anyone else" to "we can't be in a relationship" and not contacting me for days?

The only conclusion I can draw is that she is unsure of what she wants and is still trying to keep me around in case something better doesn't work out. It's awful, but as much as I want to be with her more than anything, I can't accept the fact that after 5 years I am not her first priority anymore. I can only move on and hope to eventually find someone that will make me as happy.

So, a quick update. After not hearing from the x for a week, I ran into her at a house party thrown by one of my friends. She showed up with two mutual girlfriends of hers that knew the host. I'm sure she new I would be there. When she saw me she simply said "hi" and then didn't say another word to me for the rest of the night. Every time I saw her she was trying to talk to one of my male friends or talking to other guys. Eventually, I decided I just wasn't having fun with her there so I left. That was last Thursday.

The following Monday, I get an email from her asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I thought are you kidding me, after Thursday night? Instead of not replying, because I had enough of this, I simply replied "No, I'm done meeting you". To which she responded, "Too bad for you". A few hours later I get another email from her telling me one of her friends got engaged and it made her think that it could have been us. I didn't respond.

Another week goes by, and I don't hear from her. Then, Monday morning comes again (yesterday) and I get a text message from the x asking me if I wanted to meet her for dinner tonight? I didn't respond, and only an hour later I get an email from her saying, "You are so immature. You have no reason not to talk to me. No wonder you are not married yet at 33 years old. Be a man and at least respond." So, I did, by emailing back, "I have no desire to go to dinner with you or talk to you." To which she responded, "Cleveland is a small town. If you can't handle the fact that we're both living here and will see each other, then it's you that has the issues, not me. Your problem not mine."??

Not sure what this has to do with my response or what's she's talking about? Is it because I rejected her asking to hang out with me twice? Why is she even bothing to ask me to meet her? Another manipulation thing? She didn't have more than one word to say to me at the party and then days later wants to go to lunch? And then again after nothing for a week, wants to meet for dinner?

It seems like every time, I'm doing good with moving on and NC, she knows when to contact me again. I guess when it's convenient for her or she's lonely. I'm guessing after rejecting her twice, I won't hear from her again. Just don't understand the point of her continuing to want to see me?

She is a flake and she is immature and selfish.
Be done with her. She has done this to you many times, it's not going to change. Ignore her and she will stop. Keep relenting and then replying she knows she can continue to play her games.

Man, oh, man. After denying her request to have lunch with her twice I thought it would be done. But no siree. She just emailed me a picture of her naked from the waist up and asked if I wanted her to come over tonight and show me the rest?

I hope you told her no thanks.
Until she can talk to you and tell you exactly what's on her mind, unless she can tell you she wants definitely you back, ignore her.
Right now she is playng games.

I don't know what to do with this? I'm getting conflicting advice from my friends. Most women will not just have sex with a man - so some say this means part of her wants me back and wants to maintain an emotional connection? Others, say she is only doing it because you've been denying her. And, it will just mess with your head if you do. Do I respond? If so, what do I say?

You don't do anything.
She said she wanted a break. If she wants you back, she needs to tell you that. Not hint or play games. She is not a child.

If you just have to respond, ask her what all this means. Ask her if this means she wants you back, and if she says she doesn't know, tell her to leave you alone.

Ok, so I woke up this morning and had six missed calls from Lindsay, the x, last night around 11:45pm. Then a text message from her at 5:00am saying, "I got mugged last night. They broke my arm and stole my wallet. I am bruised all over. The My sister had to pick me up from University Hospital. Thanks for being there."

What do I do about this? She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. Then she constantly gets in touch with me when it's convenient for her. Ignores me when I see her. Then asks me to go to lunch with her. But then tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Then calls me when she has to go to the hospital and slamz me for not being there for her?

I don't want to be heartless and feel bad for her, but what do I do? Call her sister to make sure she is OK? Visit her? Call her? Nothing?

You continue to leave her alone.
You are not responsible for her.
She needs to stop playing games with you.
Call her sister and make sure she is OK but don't talk to her.

Do what you feel is right, man. Don't lie to yourself about what you want to do. This isn't a life or death thing seeing she lived and will live, but it's a big event in someone's life who you care for.

If you want to call, call. If you want to drop by and leave a "Get Well Soon!" card, do so. If you want to give flowers, go for it. You obviously do care and probably are worried for her. However, if you do any of these keep to as minimal contact as possible. Do not speak to her about anything other then saying "Sorry this happened to you.. I hope you get better soon". DONE.

It is breaking NC, but which is worse.. If you do care you'll end up doing it one way or another and at least doing this while controlling yourself allows you to walk away without discussing you two. Doing this after you've made yourself wonder all day/week, then breaking down and calling and maybe even confessing your feelings, is going to bomb you pretty bad.

Other then that I'd do what everyone else says about NC until she flat out tells you she wants to work things out. Anything other then that is B.S. mind games and are only words and ego/power flexing tools..

Good Luck In Whichever Way You Go!

So, I called her sister to make sure she was all right. Other than the broken arm, her sister told me she was doing fine with some minor bumps and bruises. A few hours after calling her sister, I got a voicemail from the x thanking me for calling and asking me if I would call her back to speak with her. Thoughts? I understand this doesn't change anything as she hasn't said anything about wanting to be back together with me - I'm sure this wouldn't be the first thing she would talk about after a mugging! So do I call after weeks of NC? What would be the point? Or would it just make matters worse starting this whole process over again? Or is it selfish of me not to respond and ask her how she is doing - because all I'm concerned about is not wanting to talk to someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with me.

Don't call her.
She wanted the break and if and when she wants to be with you, let her come to you without game playing.
Don't play into her hands.

So I would appreciate some serious advice from all of you that have read this whole story. This afternoon I got an email from the x. It read "Bill, I have been thinking about everything that happened. I have been miserable since we seperated and realize that I want you in my life. I thought I wanted to take some time to figure my life out and see what else was out there. But I realized that you make me happy more than anyone I have ever met. I would like to try things again with us if you are interested. If not I understand. Please let me know either way."

Now, I understand that after the mugging she is feeling very vulnerable and acting on emotions. When things were previously good she had no problem telling me she "wanted a break" and didn't want to be in a relationship with me. As a result, this may be the emotional trauma talking. She has flipped flopped so many times over the past month - from wanting to see me to not caring. She goes from one minute being great to the next minute being the biggest manipulative non-caring b**** in the world.

I still have feelings for her, but do not want to throw myself back into anything if it is only going to be the same cycle over again and months down the road she again decides she doesn't want to be with me. Plus now there is this history of everything that happened which I don't know if I can ever get past. On the other hand, I honestly don't know if I will ever meet anyone as compatible as her (I'm 37!) recognizing that we all have flaws and all make mistakes. But then again according to y'all less than 2% of people who get back together after breaking up work out in the end.

What do I do?

Tell you you two can talk once she is feeling better. Let her initiate the talk then.
She may be out of commission right now and is bored and lonely. She seems to be awfully fickle. I would not trust this last text.

I think you are slowly getting over her and if you two got back together I don't think it would last long. You have seen a different side of her.

I should have listened but I didn't. So days went by and she kept emailing and texting me, telling me she "missed me" and "wanted to try again" multiple times. Eventually, I caved and spoke with her. She told me she wanted to see me so badly, she wanted me in her life and wanted to give us a chance. So, I went to meet her and we spent the afternoon together at a boat show. Things were going well, I thought, maybe she did realize she made a mistake and we can work things out. As the night was ending, I decided to be honest and tell her, I too wanted to try things again but that I was hesitant because things would be difficult from everything that happened and I didn't know if we could ever get back to where we were.

That's when she hit me with, "I still don't want to be in a relationship with you". She went on to talk about how she missed having me in her life, and wanted to see me, but wanted to stay single? She said she wanted us to be with each other, but right now she needed "time on her own". Not friends, but not in a serious relationship? People that dated, but didn't talk about other people they were dating to each other? After all the "I want to try things again" and "I miss you" messages and texts.

She then said me bringing up this discussion at all ruined the evening. She kept repeating that she did not want to be in an exclusive relationship right now but wanted me in her life. She tried to spin things and say that my saying that things would be difficult if we tried again and that there was not a good chance of us working made her too upset and that she couldn't see me anymore. She said that if I didn't like this, the only person who was at fault, was me?

I'm sorry but am I crazy? Or is this girl just completely and majorly toying with my emotions? She "loves me" and "wants to try again" when I don't want to be with her and then "want's to be single" and "doesn't think we should see each other" when I do?

I guess she is right, I am at fault for constantly going back and believing her when she tells me she loves me and misses me only to be rejected over and over again. I wouldn't wish this turmoil and pain on my worst enemy.


So here is to day two of NC again. Even when you think you are out of it after a month, it starts all over again with the crazy dreams, being all you can think about, immense sadness and feelings of complete lonliness in the world. At this point I don't know what to do, go see a shrink? Maybe there is something wrong with me, when one person can single handedly make you love life and think that the world is great when you believe that you are going to be together again, and then hate waking up and feel like there is no hope when they don't want to be with you?

I just don't understand how someone can go from "i love you", "I want to be with you", "I want to start over" and then a fews days later, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you"? It is cruel and manipulative, but then she blames everything on me?