Man.. holy crap... WHY does she not get the picture, and if she does why is she that f'd up to mess with you? I've finally got through all your posts lol.. took me a bit because I've been goofing off with the kid. Man I feel for you on the not being able to use NC at first.. I'm stuck for life lol. I'd do what Tal said, and yes, it does feel great when you're presented with options and when you can finally choose your own path.. That's with anything in life. Was nice to even initiate NC even though it was hard because YOU chose to do it. It's a power thing I think. You've stolen hers and she wants it back it seems like. Enjoy the fact you don't HAVE to see her or talk to her.. you should do a little get away for yourself once you get this other job going.. Take the weekend or set of days you have off and just relax.. don't even work on yourself.. Just Chill! I plan to once custody is settled. Bruh, I feel for you so much. Had I not initiated the no tearing up policy I would probably have broke down again on your thread lol. It's so weird how women hit that switch in their brain as SOON as they say it's over. It's like they grow this new personality and don't see it even themselves and wonder why you're being so mean to them. Like they're schizophrenic.. Best of luck at the forces thing man. Sounds like it'd be a good route. Keep everything updated dude. You have no reason to give into her.. make a new life man.. the one you always wanted!

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

man.. holy crap... WHY does she not get the picture, and if she does why is she that f'd up to mess with you? I've finally got through all your posts lol.. took me a bit because I've been goofing off with the kid. Man I feel for you on the not being able to use NC at first.. I'm stuck for life lol. I'd do what Tal said, and yes, it does feel great when you're presented with options and when you can finally choose your own path.. That's with anything in life. Was nice to even initiate NC even though it was hard because YOU chose to do it. It's a power thing I think. You've stolen hers and she wants it back it seems like. Enjoy the fact you don't HAVE to see her or talk to her.. you should do a little get away for yourself once you get this other job going.. Take the weekend or set of days you have off and just relax.. don't even work on yourself.. Just Chill! I plan to once custody is settled. Bruh, I feel for you so much. Had I not initiated the no tearing up policy I would probably have broke down again on your thread lol. It's so weird how women hit that switch in their brain as SOON as they say it's over. It's like they grow this new personality and don't see it even themselves and wonder why you're being so mean to them. Like they're schizophrenic.. Best of luck at the forces thing man. Sounds like it'd be a good route. Keep everything updated dude. You have no reason to give into her.. make a new life man.. the one you always wanted!

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Very inspiring! That's EXACTLY what all my friends have told me this is about... her power. And the beauty of it is, I ended it so peacefully, that I honestly left with nothing else to say to her, and it feels good. She on the other hand, said nothing, and is probably feeling guilty as s**t. So, to quote tal from another thread-no need to be an emotional tampon.

I started the other job this past Wednesday. Haha its far from the dream-but its better than what came before it, and I work with a ton of nice people. Lots of cute girls too. And I have my interview with the forces on April 29th... so we will see how that goes. It feels good though, at least I can look back at the past 3 months and say I have accomplished something.

If she tries to contact me again-i will ignore and continue to ignore. Short of her completely crossing the line and making some effort to see me in person, I have no need to speak to her again. Those feelings could change in a second, but I have learned at this point not to trust them. It's like an arm wrestle between your brain and your heart... just got to decide who wins.

Yeah man.. never let emotions get the best of you if you're in a position to out think them. Emotions are illogical and stupid is what I've learned from AMHD.
LOL @ "emotional tampon"..
Grats @ the job and the cute girls! Cute co-workers always make you feel better and make the ex feel like crap. A win win.. lol..
Best of luck on your forces endeavor! I want to join the services here but the felony knocks that out. Show them what you got man!
Your accomplishments are awesome and came fast! Now I feel as though I too can get past these feelings of total sh** and it's safe to try something. Hopefully my path follows this same route or something similar..
So you got your eye on any of the girls there?
Also, would you really consider giving her another chance if she went out of her way to try to show you she made a mistake? Do you draw lines? (sex with another man is unforgivable and can't be undone etc.)

Most people who go through a proper healing, enjoy moving forward, because they finally see new options and opportunities, and are amazed that they don't want the exes back.

That's been my experience.

Can't rep you yet,Tal,but I am in complete agreement.

No contact and healing most often makes us happy that we are no longer with the ex.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Yeah man.. never let emotions get the best of you if you're in a position to out think em. Emotions are illogical and stupid is what I've learned from AMHD.
LOL @ "emotional tampon"..
Grats @ the job and the cute girls! Cute co-workers always make you feel better and make the ex feel like crap. A win win.. lol..
Best of luck on your forces endeavor! I wanna join the services here but the felony knocks that out. Show em what ya got man!
Your accomplishments are awesome and came fast! Now I feel as though I too can get past these feelings of total sh** and it's safe to try something. Hopefully my path follows this same route or something similar..
So you got your eye on any of the girls there?
Also, would you really consider giving her another chance if she went out of her way to try to show you she made a mistake? Do you draw lines? (sex with another man is unforgivable and can't be undone etc.)

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Haha of course I got my eyes on them... but I won't act on anything yet. Its fun just getting to know new people right now. The last thing I want to do is try and hop right into another relationship, or worse face rejection. Still a bit too soon I guess.

I don't know if I would give her another chance. We both made mistakes in our relationship, but she left me, and had some good reasons to do so. I did give her 2 months after we broke up of me crying, telling her it could be different, and wanting her back. She was hearing none of it. So, I honestly don't think I could, because if she were to want to fix things I would wonder what the hell changed so quickly again. I do draw lines, sleeping with another guy would definitely make me think twice about getting back together, as have some other things that she has done in the meantime. Honestly though I try not to think about it, if that situation pops up I will deal with it than. As of right now, we are broken up forever, and that makes it a bit easier to deal with as opposed to holding on to false hope.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm completely over her-far from the truth. Yesterday was a particularly off day, just felt crappy about everything. Her messages don't help at all either. It was like everything was starting to fall into place for me this past Monday, and Tuesday she starts calling again. Damn women, its like her brain knew I was happy and finally getting past this lol. Lots of healing time ahead still... but it gets easier. And yes you too can stop sitting there with these feelings of s**t. Eventually, you will get bored of feeling like crap all the time and decide its time for a change.

Smart move @ not another relationship so soon.

Yeah, it's hard to tell what actually would stop anything in the future, and you're absolutely right.. Thinking of it as forever done does kind if get you back to thinking logically. It's almost like you literally make more room in your head to maneuver and see your options when you push those feelings aside. 2 months is a pretty good amount of time and that's probably why you feel satisfied that you tried everything you could. It's weird how us guys have to sit and try every option before giving up. Glad to see you made it out of that phase! You're a pretty strong willed dude lol.. that's for sure.
She's messaging you STILL? Can't you block her? Good to hear that's it's all coming together for you for the most part. Lol @ the brain thing.. Yeah I agree.. they smell feelings out pretty well and they definitely try their hardest to manipulate them. I think they're all evil : /
So you looking forward to the 29th? Are they going to test you and show you your options? I know they do that stuff here on like the first hour of meeting you. You interested in the air, sea, land, or special ops part? Man I want to know how you do! Lol This is pretty inspiring. Maybe Canadian Forces will take me too lol.. I'd have to move a billion miles to the north pole, but heck.. I've done crazier lol.
How's this new job doing you?
Take care, home slice..

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Smart move @ not another relationship so soon.

Yeah, it's hard to tell what actually would stop anything in the future, and you're absolutely right.. Thinking of it as forever done does kind if get you back to thinking logically. It's almost like you literally make more room in your head to maneuver and see your options when you push those feelings aside. 2 months is a pretty good amount of time and that's probably why you feel satisfied that you tried everything you could. It's weird how us guys have to sit and try every option before giving up. Glad to see you made it out of that phase! You're a pretty strong willed dude lol.. that's for sure.
She's messaging you STILL? Can't you block her? Good to hear that's it's all coming together for you for the most part. lol @ the brain thing.. Yeah I agree.. they smell feelings out pretty well and they definitely try their hardest to manipulate them. I think they're all evil : /
So you looking forward to the 29th? Are they going to test you and show you your options? I know they do that stuff here on like the first hour of meeting you. You interested in the air, sea, land, or special ops part? Man I wanna know how you do! lol This is pretty inspiring. Maybe Canadian Forces will take me too lol.. I'd have to move a billion miles to the north pole, but heck.. I've done crazier lol.
How's this new job doin ya?
Take care, home slice..

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Hey bro
I haven't had a message from her since Saturday (that was a text) but I did block her on Facebook from sending me any more little private messages. I have this gut feeling that tells me it stopped now, which puts me at ease. It stings a bit (I mean it WAS nice to know she was at least thinking of me) but really all the confusion it brought was so not worth it. Here's hoping she took the hint and backed off.

Yea man, I did try everything. I must have spent the better part of 2 months begging, crying, calling, texting, telling her she's beautiful, and all the time I was doing it, she did not care. It was like I made no difference in her life what so ever. So I try and remember that coldness when I think of doing anything like that again. She didn't deserve all the attention I gave her after we broke up, and all it did was reassure her that SHE was in control.

On the 29'th I have first just what they call the medical... just a basical physical evaluation and a doctor checks you out. I have to do some average number of push ups/sit ups and things like that, just to make sure I meet physical standards. Once the doctor gives the Ok, I have an interview with a Military Career Counsellor and they discuss the 3 options you chose for your occupations, and figure out which one is best for you. It also serves as a character judgement kind of thing I've been told. Usually there would also be an aptitude test, but I wrote it 2 years ago when I first applied, and don't have to take it again.

And the new job is cool. It's just in a coffee shop right now, but it's a lot better than the convenience store I came from (really small town, jobs suck round these parts lol). I work with tons of nice people... alot of them are within 2-3 years of my age. Its usually pretty busy as well so time goes quick and it's actually a relief being there because I don't have the time to dwell on the crappy stuff in life.

I will say though, right now for me mornings are the toughest. Even this morning I woke up and wished all of this was a nightmare, even though last night I remember going to bed not even thinking about her. It is weird man, hard to control these stupid feelings sometimes.

Dude, I know exactly what you mean. Those feelings like just jump at you at random for no reason at all. I also feel you on the nightmare thing, but that's at nights for me.. I just say out loud.. let me wake up from this as a nightmare with a lesson learned. It's weird the things you think. I watched 'The Truman Show' the other day and I actually sat and thought to myself.. "hmm.. Maybe I'm on a television show and they're just making an @$$ of me".. lol.. I know.. it sounds crazy..
Man if that doesn't get through to her I duno what will. I'm betting it does stop.. However, I'm also betting that it starts again down the line when something reminds her of you.. Watch your back man.. Does she have her friends/family contacting you yet?
lol.. man that sounds pretty simple @ joining.. are you in shape already or is this going to test your limit? Lol
Man, GRATS on the new job again.. I bet you feel like a million bucks in comparison lol..
passing out at the comp now.. later you.. BEST of luck,

Truth be told her sending me messages has really screwed me up. Every time my phone goes off now I wonder if its her again. I'm not even thinking about breaking NC, I'm not sure what my problem is. Her family and friends haven't said anything to me thus far-nor do I expect them too. I'm not even sure who her circle of friends includes these days aside from this one junkie girl.

I like to think I'm in shape (haha) I know what their averages are and its pretty easy I only have to do like 22 pushups and 19 sit ups or something like that-easy as pie.

The new job does feel good, its really helping in the moving on process. I can't even say how brutal it was having to see her every night at work for 2 months straight. Especially since she would have this kick a** perfume on every time, she dyed her hair (looked good too) man everything just killed me. It's nice to be able to go to work and not be heartbroken anymore.

Today seems kind of rough too-its my day off and I'm just sitting here so that's probably why. Her messages really did set me back-they came at just the wrong time. Take it easy though man, I got to find something to keep me busy before I go nuts.

Dude, that sucks! Block her every route man. Turn off text messaging (cheaper anyway lol) for a month or two. It'll also help you interact with people on a more personal level and get you back into the world. Those people can be the distraction you're looking for. Too bad you don't live in the states lol.. could use a fishing buddy.

Man that test sounds pretty easy.. lol. What are the 3 categories they offer? Got one in particular in mind?

I bet it does @ the new job. Out with the old, in with the new! Sounds like everything in your life is changing for you. That's awesome man! You're stronger then I my friend. I would have just straight up quit lol. I need to take notes.. lots of them.

Yeah dude, I know what you mean @ hair and perfume.. Last time my ex left she wore this hot outfit, the perfume I bought her, showing her tan off, hair looked amazing, and she had the little preppy sexy thing going on. I see that picture hourly in my head. I think it's all on purpose.

So no more running into her, aye? Lucky SOB.. lol..

You have hobbies or friends to preoccupy yourself with? Nothing to do in little po-dunk towns.. I feel you. Call all yer buddies.. I do it time to time to keep from doing something stupid.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Dude, that sucks! Block her every route man. Turn off text messaging (cheaper anyway lol) for a month or two. It'll also help you interact with people on a more personal level and get you back into the world. Those people can be the distraction you're looking for. Too bad ya don't live in the states lol.. could use a fishing buddy.

Man that test sounds pretty easy.. lol. What are the 3 categories they offer? Got one in particular in mind?

I bet it does @ the new job. Out with the old, in with the new! Sounds like everything in your life is changing for you. That's awesome man! You're stronger then I my friend. I would have just straight up quit lol. I need to take notes.. lots of them.

Yeah dude, I know what you mean @ hair and perfume.. Last time my ex left she wore this hot outfit, the perfume I bought her, showing her tan off, hair looked amazing, and she had the little preppy sexy thing going on. I see that picture hourly in my head. I think it's all on purpose.

So no more running into her, aye? Lucky SOB.. lol..

You have hobbies or friends to preoccupy yourself with? Nothing to do in little po-dunk towns.. I feel ya. Call all yer buddies.. I do it time to time to keep from doing something stupid.

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I would turn off text messaging... its just how I talk with most of my buddies too so it would be a hassle haha. If she sends more text in the future I will probably block her number. Haha I love fishing it is too bad I'm way up here.

What do you mean when you say you would straight up quit? I don't think your stronger than me... yours is just more fresh and your situation has a few more complications in it. You will move on when your ready... eventually you will tire of putting all of your energy and effort into someone who doesn't even acknowledge it.

LOL @ them dressing like bombshells on purpose the last time they see us though. Yea your right it has to be on purpose. When we were together my ex never got all dolled up for work like she does now.

I made a huge mistake yesterday though, I typed in her name on Facebook just to see a picture... I don't know why, first time in over 2 weeks I have done it, and I'm so disappointed in myself. It didn't do too much damage, but I know not to do it again because I couldn't handle if I saw she was in another relationship right now or something else like that.

I have lots of buddies that have been pretty good about coming over. I can usually get on average one person to come over and chill with me for a bit each day. I also have some cool neighbours (there is only 2 apartments in our building) and they are a young couple my age who I get along really well with. It sucks seeing them all lovey-dovey sometimes, but they are really nice and the BF went through a similar situation so he's like my real life advisor right now haha. But your right, it is the best way to keep from doing something stupid. I remember when I first got her messages my buddies right away said "Dont do it, ignore, leave her alone".

Not much has changed the past few days though. I still wake up in the morning really depressed and I can't figure out why. Once I get my day going I'm generally OK, but mornings suck. I guess its just waking up alone in that bed.

On the plus side though, a girl who I used to like messaged me the other day and told me she was moving home from school to do home schooling and that we would be getting together soon :)... so I'm hoping that once she does that it will keep my distracted for a bit haha. Hope all is well with you man

Hey Florida by the way... mind giving some tips on quitting smoking? I really want to do it, but sometimes through out this whole thing I feel like smoking has kept me sane... how did you do it? What methods did you employ and how did you fight withdrawals?

Falling apart today... I don't work until 5 so tonnes of free time sitting here by myself. I am realllllly struggling trying not to break NC today-im thinking I almost need to do it to get my heartbroken again and move on. Her messages have really screwed me up... and the fact that they have stopped is worse in its own way.

My curiosity is killing me. I feel like I should just text back and say "hey whats up" kind of thing and see where it goes.

I don't know why I haven't been able to make any progress the past few days. A week ago it felt like everything was falling into place getting better, now I feel the opposite. I am curious about how she is doing, and curious about if she would say anything about us-unlikely and I don't know why these thoughts have crept back up into my head. I'm trying my best to make sure my actions match my words, I haven't broken NC yet, but everyday the temptation too gets stronger and stronger. I know contacting her would almost definitely be a waste of time-her messages sounded like she was trying to go the friends route which is not I what I want. She didn't get the message across at all that she was even contemplating getting back together-so why am I? God damn everyone keeps saying time this time that, its been almost 3 months and I'm still a wreck. Should I just break the NC and find out once and for all (again) that it IS done and maybe that well help me in the long run even though it hurts at first?

Bumps in the road-and normal feelings.

Stick to Nc-you k n o w you will not only regret breaking it,but it will make you feel like.. . If you do break it.

Normal feelings 3 months after the fact though? If I were to go back and time and ask myself on February 1st how I would feel halfway through april-this wouldn't have been the answer I hoped for.

Lets take a hypothetical situation. Lets say I want her back, than could I maybe reply to her message (now its been a week since she sent it so it won't seem desperate at all) and just say "hey, im doing great, new job is great, hope all is well with you, and take care". Would that be so bad? Half of me thinks it would be good because I would be taking control of the conversation, and ending it on my terms, not showing any interest in her work life/date life/ etc. The other half feels like her response or lack of it just sets me up for future disappointment and a longer healing process.

I think sending the message might help with the fact that if I end the conversation with "take care" I can sit here and not wonder if its her each time my phone goes off or if I have a message on Facebook.

Your right amicon, I bet you I would feel like crap, but part of me thinks its what needs to happen. I can't just sit here all day waiting for her to text or call again-im driving myself nuts.


This is the message I was going to send... I haven't done it yet but I have left it open in another window... thoughts please:

Hey you
Just got your message my bad it took so long work has kept me pretty busy these days. Coffee Culture is great, its nice to be able to be awake during the days and actually sleep at night now lol. Plus most of the people who work there are pretty cool and all of them are nice and patient with me (I suck at making some of the drinks lol) so yea its been a pretty good experience so far. Plus we all get tips so that's a nice first!

If you haven't moved yet good luck, and if you have I hope your liking the new place! Give Molson and Otis a few pets for me!

Take care and ttyl




... thats not so bad is it?

Your proper NC didn't start till you left your previous job.
So your feelings are normal,considering the amount of time you have spent in NC.

You're suffering from false hope.

Why are you sitting there waiting for messages from someone who broke up with you?

Get busy,you have tests coming up.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Your proper NC didnt start till you left your previous job.
So your feelings are normal,considering the amount of time you have spent in NC.

You're suffering from false hope.

Why are you sitting there waiting for messages from someone who broke up with you?

Get busy,you have tests coming up.

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Your right, I don't know why I am sitting here waiting for them... I wouldn't have been if she hadn't sent me anything in the first place but ahh oh well that's just an excuse.

I do have tests... maybe time to focus on the positive for once.

It's true though, its been 3 months but because of the job it only feels really REAL the past 2 weeks... each day is another one though ill take a look back on July 1st and see where I'm at compared to now... hopefully there's a bigger improvement

Focusing on the positive and your goals is a good idea.

You're doing fine,it just takes time to mend a broken heart.

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Quote by the_original;
This is the message I was going to send... I haven't done it yet but I have left it open in another window... thoughts please:

[I]"hey you
just got your message my bad it took so long work has kept me pretty busy these days. Coffee Culture is great, its nice to be able to be awake during the days and actually sleep at night now lol. Plus most of the people who work there are pretty cool and all of them are nice and patient with me (i suck at making some of the drinks lol) so yea its been a pretty good experience so far. Plus we all get tips so thats a nice first!

If you haven't moved yet good luck, and if you have I hope your liking the new place! Give Molson and Otis a few pets for me!

take care and ttyl"

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I think it's totally OK to contact your EX.. AS LONG AS you don't want ANYTHING in return. If you are cool and INDIFFERENT (A magic word for those trying to have power and confidence after a break-up**) then do it. You are a cool guy who doesn't care. BUT if you care who she is seeing, what she is saying, what she is thinking... And it could hurt you -- I'd wait a bit.