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Originally Posted by vanheart

Who knows why? People can be cruel.
My guess is guilt.

Thats why NC is so crucial. Not to succumb to the BS & drama anymore.

We all want answers, for our ex to know the damage, etc.. But, the more you hear from her, or be in contact, the more pain it will bring. Because at this point you have different motives & expectations than she does.

But at the end of the day, she doesnt want you anymore. So disappear. Let her live with her decision and allow yourself to figure out who you are & who is deserving of you.

Its hard yes, I know, and very painful at times, but way less painful than dragging yourself through more mud over and over. That will make the healing process much harder and drive you crazy.

Block her, delete her, whatever it takes.
You should only exist for those that truly care. Not for game players.

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Yes you're right with everything. I know you're a man who has just experienced it all so I appreciate your advice. Its so hard because I opened my heart to her again and tried in my heart to have her as a friend because of the deep love I had for her and she just took off and left me with more pain. Im so mad I crumbled and IM'ed her back. I truly was played one final time from her. Now I know we can never be friends and I will never see her again. I was so happy yesterday and miserable today. I was just happy thinking I'd see her again. Time to move on:(

Yup exactly. Time to move on.

You can't be her puppy dog that's available whenever she's feels the need.
String you along & get some twisted satisfaction over it.

Once you cut that out. You won't have to worry about those hurtful games.

Rock on, buddy. If I can do it, you can...

What sux the most is that I still miss her. I went on about 10 dates since her and I never even kissed one of them- had no desire to. I compare all of them to her and feel they don't compare.

What if years go by before I find someone that I love like her? Why is it so easy for her to meet all these new guys and so hard for me to meet anyone? I know she's had at least 3 guys she was seeing at one time since our breakup 3 months ago.

Yes it sucks. But that will pass.

Use this as a learning experience about who you are & who is right for you.

Let it happen. One day you will realize that this wasn't right.

Don't compare yourself to her. It will only cause confusion. She can do whatever she wants. No longer your concern.

Live in the moments, not too far ahead.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Yes it sucks. But that will pass.

Use this as a learning experience about who you are & who is right for you.

Let it happen. One day you will realize that this wasnt right.

Dont compare yourself to her. It will only cause confusion. She can do whatever she wants. No longer your concern.

Live in the moments, not too far ahead.

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Thanks... I'm trying to use this as a learning experience. This is only my 2nd real relationship in my life- the 1st one was a relief when it ended so there was no emotions when it ended for me. This is my 1st time I had my heart shattered. :(How long did it take you to get over your ex?

That's a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thats a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

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So its been 6 months for you but do you still miss her/think about her/ wonder what she's doing?

I wouldn't say "miss" I honestly realize that she wasn't right and probably never was.

Of course I think & wonder, but honestly, those thoughts don't serve me one bit. They don't make me feel good, so I try to keep all that at bay & after time & work, they become seconds, not days or hours.

That's the key. To recognize that she does not define your happiness.

Didn't before, won't now or again.

Experience good times without her. Friends, family, whatever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thats a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

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I'm exactly where Vanheart is. It's been also 6 months and I've done some major improvements. I still think of my ex from time to time, and it does tingle a bit when I think about her, but it doesn't bring me down.

It takes time, but as long as you work positively on yourself, you will be happy everyday. Time DOES heal all wound.

I would say, life goes back to normal (little or no emotions) between 1 month to 2 month (there is improvement everyday) if you apply NC and heal actively.

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Originally Posted by paxe

I'm exactly where Vanheart is. It's been also 6 months and I've done some major improvements. I still think of my ex from time to time, and it does tingle a bit when I think about her, but it doesn't bring me down.

It takes time, but as long as you work positively on yourself, you will be happy everyday. Time DOES heal all wound.

I would say, life goes back to normal (little or no emotions) between 1 month to 2 month (there is improvement everyday) if you apply NC and heal actively.

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Hey Paxe- well its been 3 months since she dumped me. The 1st month killed- couldn't eat, sleep, non-stop thinking about her, couldn't do anything really. Now after 3 mo's I still find myself thinking about her a lot- just not all the time. On my comp there's hundreds of pics and videos and I can't help but look at them from time to time. It would probably be easier if she would leave me alone because her contacting me just reminds me of her.

In 3 months from now I'm sure I'll still think of her a decent amount. I think because being single is so very hard to meet a girl that's the total package- It makes me more depressed. It just seems like with my ex right from the start there was no games... we talked and texted for hours right from day 1:( I'm realizing how it stinks being single because most girls don't want relationships and the real good looking ones are usually y- my ex was one of the few beautiful ones that wasn't a b****.

Get rid of that sh$$t. Those pix, videos, emails. Cards, photos. Vms. Texts, love notes, gifts, blah blah.

Stop letting her contact you. Leave her alone, yo.

You mean good looking on the outside, but not inside??

Figure out who you are first.

I think I begin to see the reason of your pain. You have to delete everything from her or you won't heal, that is for sure. Instead of taking 3 more months, it should not even take you 1 month to get life back on track.

Do you go to the gym everyday? Do you socialize with friends and try to meet new people? Did you into new activities or did you start volunteering? Are you concentrating on work or school?

I was in the same place as you before. I thought since I was in electrical engineer, and I don't meet that many women everyday, I won't find a good women for me.

Well after 3 months, I was proved wrong, very wrong. I've met a lot of women, all of them lovely and beautiful. If you go out there there will be a LOT of women you can meet and all are different.
You just need to take care of yourself, dress better, gain muscle, work on your posture, and be confident. If you work on all that, you WILL gain confidence.

Now start applying full NC, delete her images, videos, EVERYTHING.

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Originally Posted by paxe

I think I begin to see the reason of your pain. You have to delete everything from her or you won't heal, that is for sure. Instead of taking 3 more months, it should not even take you 1 month to get life back on track.

Do you go to the gym everyday? Do you socialize with friends and try to meet new people? Did you into new activities or did you start volunteering? Are you concentrating on work or school?

I was in the same place as you before. I thought since I was in electrical engineer, and I don't meet that many women everyday, I won't find a good women for me.

Well after 3 months, I was proved wrong, very wrong. I've met a lot of women, all of them lovely and beautiful. If you go out there there will be a LOT of women you can meet and all are different.
You just need to take care of yourself, dress better, gain muscle, work on your posture, and be confident. If you work on all that, you WILL gain confidence.

Now start applying full NC, delete her images, videos, EVERYTHING.

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A while back I joined the same gym as my ex and got in the best shape of my life- however from being so depressed I stopped going right after being dumped and now 3 months later I lost all my gains. So after talking to my ex on Friday and hearing that she's seeing the one guy from the gym I am very motivated to get back into it- I plan on pushing myself harder than ever. Can't wait to go 3 miles on the treadmill tomorrow.

There was a basketball & volleyball league that I was going to join but never did and I filled out all the paperwork for volunteering (big brotheres/big sisters) but never sent it in. So basically on weekends my friend and I go bar- hopping and although we meet lots of girls they're either too old/too young/taken or just not very attractive. Seems like its always something. Oh and a lot of them are bit***. That's how the better looking girls are in my area.

I definitely need to meet some new people and start being more active during the day. I work nights so I'm sleeping in the morning. That's part of the problem- my crazy hours. When I do go out and around town I try being social with people just to start gaining my confidence back.

Go to a different gym, first of all, or do something else.

Especially since she's seeing someone from the gym.

Yes, be social and do stuff for yourself. Meet someone new everyday, with no expectations or judgement. Not necessarily girlfriend prospects. Just people. There are lots of cool & nice people out there.

Volunteering & giving back is a nice idea.

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Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

A while back I joined the same gym as my ex and got in the best shape of my life- however from being so depressed I stopped going right after being dumped and now 3 months later I lost all my gains. So after talking to my ex on Friday and hearing that shes seeing the one guy from the gym I am very motivated to get back into it- I plan on pushing myself harder than ever. Can't wait to go 3 miles on the treadmill tommorrow.

There was a basketball & volleyball league that I was going to join but never did and I filled out all the paperwork for volunteering (big brotheres/big sisters) but never sent it in. So basically on weekends my friend and I go bar- hopping and although we meet lots of girls they're either too old/too young/taken or just not very attractive. Seems like its always something. Oh and a lot of them are bit***. Thats how the better looking girls are in my area.

I definitely need to meet some new people and start being more active during the day. I work nights so I'm sleeping in the morning. Thats part of the problem- my crazy hours. When I do go out and around town I try being social with people just to start gaining my confidence back.

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I like seeing positive points! If you're ex is in this gym, go in a different one like Vanheart is saying. You will see a tremendous difference and you'll be proud of yourself, and you'll attract more girls.

As for the volunteering and activities, there is a lot more out there (amnesty international, oxfam... ) so you can just pick one.

Now for the bars, that's bad, really bad. Of course you won't meet decent women there, and there is actually way more guys than girls in those places. Plus, it's really difficult to get talking to girls, they are really defensive. I don't say don't try, I say, don't give too much expectations.

The best way to meet girls is... to not think about it. Sounds cheesy but it really work. My schedule is really busy and I study in an environment with plenty of men. I still manage to get a lot of girls interested in me. I do this by taking care of myself and hanging out in places where I want to meet decent girls (aka volunteering, activities, friend's parties). For now don't think about getting any girls, take care of yourself, meet new people, then you can worry about finding a new girlfriend once you've completely healed. And the best way to look for them, is not to look for them.

Agree with Paxe, Van... if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony... etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

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Originally Posted by Reactor

Agree with Paxe, Van...if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony...etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

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Let us give him some time before that. Also I do believe guys need to learn how to talk to ladies. I mean online dating is easy, so let's not rush it. Take life easy and go slow.

True; was being a tad selfish in my post. That's what helped me. Then again, I did what John did, not once, but over and over... and over... for 4 1/2 months of torture.

... kinda comes off as a cute death metal lyric..

Let those endorphins run wild John. If running's your thing, there's not a better high in terms of endorphin levels. Even weight lifting doesn't produce the significant amount as running does.

Fight fire with fire.

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Originally Posted by Reactor

True; was being a tad selfish in my post. That's what helped me. Then again, I did what John did, not once, but over and over...and over...for 4 1/2 months of torture.

...kinda comes off as a cute death metal lyric..

Let those endorphins run wild John. If running's your thing, there's not a better high in terms of endorphin levels. Even weight lifting doesn't produce the significant amount as running does.

Fight fire with fire.

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Yea, I got my own share of pain here when my ex broke out with me: near suicidal, lost hair, hair turned white, had diarrhea for 3 weeks.

Luckily I passed this time and I've reborn from my ashes to help you guys out. And yea, go do some crazy sports, it helped me out. 2 hours everyday minimum. I went from utter blind shock, to life getting some sense of normalcy in 3 weeks with sports.

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Originally Posted by Reactor

Agree with Paxe, Van...if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony...etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

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Hey Reactor and Paxe--yea I think I know why you always hear the quote "sick of the bar scene"- it really does get old real quick. :rolleyes: I'm going to the bars more for just getting myself out there and talking to as much girls as possible. "Bar warpigs"- never heard that before but I like it haha

Yes I have tried plentyoffish- that's how I met my ex fiancé last September. I'm back on it now and actually had 4 dates last week- some of them pretty good ones. However I realized after the dates its still to early so I'm giving things a rest for a while.:D