If you've been thinking of cheating, get out of the relationship. It's obvious you are not committed to her.

If you're asking us how to cheat and get away with it, we aren't going to help you with that.

No that's not what I am asking. I am trying to understand how they can do it. I have been cheated on before... it's so easy for some people you won't know about unless they tell you.

Because some people are just that good. I know a girl who has cheated on her boyfriend at least 5 times, each time she got caught managed to flip it and make the boyfriend feel bad and that he deserved it. Some people are just classless and have no heart

Wow... I won't call that good on her behalf, but there is no other word really.

Its damn sad to think people can cheat on their partners for their own selfish desires. Yes sure I think about cheating... who doesn't? But its still a choice if you do it or not.

And I know myself I won't. What gets to me is that some people like to justify their cheating. Be it to hurt their partner because they made them angry, or just to get back at them for calling them fat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

Yes sure i think about cheating... who doesnt?

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I don't. I've been with my husband for 19 years. Never even considered it.

Wow... I honestly did not think there are still humans on this planet who still has respect for others.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

wow... i honestly did not think there are still humans on this planet who still has respect for others.

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There are many people who have respect. You just have to be choosy when looking for a lifetime partner. Don't settle for less.

My husband and I are total opposites. He loves head banging metal, while I love pop music and tunes from the 60's. He goes to Korn concerts while I go to broadway plays.

We not only have a life together, but we respect our lives apart as well. Every story from his concerts and/or my plays brings freshness back into our relationship.

Boy, that really sounded sappy didn't it? :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

wow... i honestly did not think there are still humans on this planet who still has respect for others.

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I'm sorry, but this is just offensive to me.

Yes, there are people with respect and a moral compass.

Sounds like you need to find some better friends!

In my opinion, this question is nonsense. "How to hide something from your partner" isn't a question that should be asked here. People that are here to give help are helping from the side of honesty, a good conscience, fostering trust and commitment, not cheating, lying, and dishonesty.

I'm glad you're "not going to hide something from your partner" but this question is seriously concerning.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

wow... i honestly did not think there are still humans on this planet who still has respect for others.

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Sounds like you've been disappointed many times in the past.

Bottom line, you haven't met enough people in life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

Hi.

If you did something bad, how do you hide it without becoming too distant or detached.

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I'm going to answer your question.

If you want to do something bad and hide it, first get rid of your conscience, your heart, your soul, your morals. After you do that, it should be easy as pie to do whatever you want with no regrets.

You can't have it both ways. You're either honest and loyal, a good person, caring and true, or you're not. It's your choice what path to go down.

I really don't understand why you asked this question to begin with. If you aren't thinking about cheating and getting away with it, why wonder about how to do it?

Hi.
Well me and my fiancé have a set date now for our wedding. I love her with all my heart and cannot understand why am I looking for another girl. It might that I'm scared of commitment. I mean honestly, me and my fiancé have been through a lot. We worked out a lot of issues and I am confident we are compatible sexually, emotionaly and in all aspects. I couldn't have asked for better girl.

I recently ran into a girl I knew since I was 4 years old. We have been talking. And today we almost agreed to have a fling. She is also getting married soon. So I don't know if we are both experiencing the same thing. Why is this happening? We decided to stop talk talking to each other after almost getting it on.

Is this normal? I don't know if I should tell me GF.

Cold feet or not,if you are thinking about a fling,and have even made arrangements,your not ready for marriage.

Put yourself in your girlfriends shoes,what if this was happening to her,how would you feel,hurt? Betrayed? Of course you would.

If your close to getting married,these feelings are not going to disappear by magic,you need to deal with them NOW.

My advice,talk to your fiancé about your concerns,your worries,if you cant,there is a serious red flag in front of you.

Sounds like you're all over the place. Get your act together.

Marriage is a huge step and if you can't take it seriously, then you shouldn't drag out this relationship. You should let her go now before you end up in court over a divorce.

Hopefully you have seen that the solution to your fears is not to seek comfort in the arms of another.

Why not be honest, and just tell your g/f the truth, you are scared. You love her, but you are SCARED!

While its normal to be afraid of taking a big, unknown, life changing path, and to find comfort any place that looks good, the better course is to be honest with yourself, and the partner whose will be most affected by your actions. At least then you can have a chance to work together, find a solution that benefits you both, and don't have to make excuses for bad behavior.

Cope with your fear with facts, gotten through honest means, heck she may be more scared than you are.

Thx guys.
talaniman, she has admitted to me she is scared. She also said from time to time she thinks about leaving me as the commitment is too much for her.

I think we are both terrified. I understand most of her concerns. Her biggest being her mother cheated and left her father and she is worried she is making a mistake, that we might get a divorce.

I am not trying to justify my actions or bad behaviour. But there comes a time where a man has to step back and realize that if you are nice, conciderate and loving... your girlfriend gets upset about minor little things, dishes... laundry... this and that. Then there is a light and you realize what's the point in being perfect if you still going to get mauled.

And yes, I would be upset if I found out she was doing the same thing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

Thx guys.
talaniman, she has admitted to me she is scared. She also said from time to time she thinks about leaving me as the commitment is too much for her.

I think we are both terrified. I understand most of her concerns. Her biggest being her mother cheated and left her father and she is worried she is making a mistake, that we might get a divorce.

I am not trying to justify my actions or bad behaviour. But there comes a time where a man has to step back and realize that if you are nice, conciderate and loving... your gf gets upset about minor little things, dishes... laundry... this and that. Then there is a light and you realize whats the point in being perfect if you still going to get mauled.

And yes, i would be upset if i found out she was doing the same thing.

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You're simply NOT ready to get married. You are trying to line up an "ace in the hole", BEFORE your life long commitment. You are setting it up to fail already. Making excuses along the way.

This is the biggest crock of &%#@ : "But there comes a time where a man has to step back and realize that if you are nice, conciderate and loving... your gf gets upset about minor little things, dishes... laundry... this and that. Then there is a light and you realize whats the point in being perfect if you still going to get mauled." B.S.!

NO, there comes a time in a REAL MAN'S life that he realizes that he loves a particular woman so much that he cannot see going through his life without her. That he wants to love, honor, respect, protect, and cherish, that lady so much, that he wants to TRY to be "perfect" for her. At all cost. And "nice, considerate, and loving" just comes natural. There is no "mauling". This is just a cop out.

Do yourself, and most importantly HER, a favor and don't even consider marriage until you realize that fact.

You should be planning a family, a future. Not a "fling".

I got married in my mid thirties. Because I knew that I wasn't ready to settle down and commit to one woman yet. I went through a lot of bad relationships before I found an angel. She is not "perfect". But she is perfect for ME. And for that reason, I was truly happy that she gave me the opportunity to be her husband. And I will be the best husband to her that I know how to. I am not perfect by any means. She doesn't want perfect. She wants honest, loving, and respectful. Most brides do.

Why are you rushing something that is doomed from the start?

So what your saying is, that no one ever thinks about cheating before they get married and statistics lie that most couples cheat before marriage and 1 year after marriage?

So you are using statistics to plot your future course? Not a great idea at all, in my book, as you make your own life rather than go by statistics.

With all your fears and issues why are you getting married? You don't seem to have any reason to.

I think instead you both work on your issues with each other, to see if they can be resolved by communicating, and working together, and having a partner with a drug addiction is a big red flag that she may NOT be a good choice any way. To have a healthy relationship, both partners have to be healthy, and in this case, neither of you is ready for such a step.

OK I hear you.
So just to recap considering a lot have changed since this thread was created.

Some background. She has not used any sort of drug for 5 - 7 months now. Including weed. Nor have I. We are now straight edge and excersize often and instead of looking for a high we look for adrenaline rush such as going "kloofing" or "caving".

We have open communication in 99.9% of our relationship. The one exclusion would be my thoughts of cheating. The people around us in our lives, my parents her parents and our friends have all stated without us asking about it... that both of us have grown exponentially emotionally and as a couple.

We no longer have "fights" that gets out of hand. Its now more like she gets mad at something and I understand, she feels better and vice versa.

Our sex life, well that's pretty healthy except I might have a slightly higher one than she does... but we deal with it when that time comes.

That being said... its mostly why I don't like threads being merged seeing as circumstances change and people here tend to keep waving the same flag around.

Also, I am not looking for judgement. More like someone who can relate and give constructive advise.
EDIT:
And to answer a question. I want to marry her because I cannot imagine living my life without her by my side. Its cliché but yes she does complete me. Still, its insane to think that for the rest of your life you will spend it with one person, and you are not allowed to have sex with anyone else.

This rule makes very little sense. I think it was placed in society to create conflict. Why else do so many people fight about this issue? Why am I strugling with this issue. And yes, most of you might say you have never even considered cheating. But you will be lying to yourself and not me. Its human nature. And comon knowledge that every pot has more than one lid.

Then you will have no problem telling her that you can get married but screw whomever you want, and let me know how that works for you.

I have had many clients who get together while they are getting clean, so I tell you like I tell them, don't make any life changing decisions until you have both been clean at least a year. And then think about it and talk, before you do anything.

Recovering people are notorious for having fears they can't, or don't know how to deal with, and feelings that change, when a better option comes along.

Don't play with your recovery, and don't be in a hurry to assume that someone else feels as you do.

And healthy people know that they have feelings for others, and always will, that something you can't control. You do have absolute control over what you do about those feelings, and whether you will cross the lines of good behavior, which is something you define for yourself, and as a couple.

That's what honest communications is about, not just feelings, but FACTS.

So go talk, and stay sober, and keep growing.