Hey Everyone,

It's about 1AM, Dec. 20 2008, I'm sure it posts the time and date on here, but I felt like writing it anyway, if anyone has a problem with that... tough, ha ha.

Anyway, I'm not really sure where this post is even going to go, I just decided that I wanted to write something up here about my story and where it's been going, the reason I have not posted much on here is because if you read the last post or two, my ex (I don't like calling her this, I always refer to her by her name except on this site) stumbled onto the site through my e-mails so I decided I couldn't blog anything else on here because it would basically be like breaking NC and she would know everything about how I feel and she wouldn't even wonder about me, miss me, or think about me because she could just come on here and get what she wanted.

Life... ha, where to start, a month's passed me by without the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, the girl I thought I would have in marriage, the girl I basically woke up to every morning and kissed her and wished her a great day, the same one that fell asleep in my arms almost every night, the one who said she loved me, she loved me "a lotta bit" as she would say, and it still brings a smile to my face to envision her saying it to me... That wonderful female who walked out of my life, haven't heard from her she's off doing better things now I suppose, and I hope her the best, but hell, enough about her right? So maybe, some of you more interested on how this ole' heart broken soul's doing?

Stay tuned because I'm going to tell you.

LCM is fine. Plain, simple, to the point. Love... what a wonderful thing it makes one man sing and another man cry, it does things to you that you'd never think you'd experience or feel. I don't believe the feelings ever go away in my opinion, they'll always be there when you truly love some one. The most important part that I've come to realize about "love" is it's a game of learning and experience. I feel like if I asked everyone on this site to post their own definition of love every single definition would be different, and that's great it just shows how many different kinds of love are out there, and the question is how many are them are you going to let yourself experience in your lifetime? Maybe, you'll be lucky enough to just experience just one, one love for your whole life, until death do you part... and then someone standing on the other side would say, "What a waste, i fell in love ten times, and don't plan on stopping there." All I'm trying to say to you lady and gentleman, love exists in so many different forms, and feelings that once one love walks out of your life, don't deprive yourself from loving again because the truth of the matter is that you both could possibly find a better love, but you'll never forget about the love you had in each other, because it'll always be there.

I'm not writing this post to preach to anyone, or teach anyone anything, I'm writing this post to say how I feel about how this world revolves and somehow always seems to magically work itself out. We've all heard it tons and tons of times, everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, or it'll work itself out of it's meant to be. Don't panic, you've heard these things so many times because they are true. Your life is what you make of it, just like if someone crushes your heart and tears out your soul, you have a choice everyday you wake up. Be miserable, mope, cry, let the person get the best of you, or try and live your life to the fullest with out them, and live YOUR life for you now. Your all probably like hey LCM it's not that easy. Trust me, I know. I'll show you where the pain is in your gut, I'll show you how to try and force feed yourself so you can eat every day, I'll show you the notebooks, letters, poems, unsent texts, that you write to try and ease the pain of trying to get this person out of your mind for good. Guys, I've been there, we all have, and probably realistically will be again. Every time learn from the past, don't let it get to you because you realize your moping, crying, and heartaches don't make it better. You realize you need to stand up for yourself, and say no more of this, I refuse to let myself be brought down anymore by this person, it's time to get back to being me.

For everyone who sat through and read this, I do hope you take something out of this, I hope my experiences, my burns, my aches, and all my pain I've experienced teaches you something about the world, life, love, relationships, friendships, how to react, how you grow up, how to learn from your own experiences, how to live for yourself, how to realize life goes on without the person you love, and how to realize you only get ONE shot at life, and to make the best of it every second, of every day.

If this post touches one person out there where they sit back in their chair and say to themselves, "Wow." and begin to think about either their own situation or about mine and it helps them to realize something about their life, that's enough for me, it makes it totally worth it, so maybe I lied... maybe I did write this to teach after all... Did you learn anything?

Take Care,
LCM

I learned that you seem to be moving in the right direction... and that you're right, we might end up on the statistics at a later point in our life.

<I think its okay to let yourself be sad for a little while, but afterwards... b\c we need to have an afterwards and not let it eat away at us in the long run... afterwards we need to pick ourselves up and do something constructive with ourselves, our lives or whatever else we can do something constructive with...

I'm really glad to see that you're doing better LCM... I really am!

Love does come in many shapes and forms. You can find it in tiny things, huge things...

I find love in my sister yelling at me when I'm acting self destructive, or in hugs that I get from the kids at work

And I think its nice to see other ppls love for each other. Brings hope, you know?

My shrink tells me that I need relationship role models. Hehe she is so RIGHT about that. Growing up I had no healthy relationships that I could look to and want. Now I look for it in the people close to me...

Hepp hepp! LCM :) hopefully this will continue to go in this directions... and you know we're here if a bad day should fall in your lap and smosh your head..

And as I sit here today and write this to all of you about my past couple months experiences, please take it all in, and learn from my mistakes, and right choices I made during my 4.5 year break up that happened on Nov. 2, 2008, this very well could be my last post on the site, lucky number 300.

So, I'll just let it all out now that I really don't care about my ex, as it seems like I mean absolutely nothing to her now-a-days, so I really do not care if she's been sneaking around the site or not. (For you people who don't know my ex went through my email a few weeks after the break up and found this site, and read everything and was like I can't believe you said all those negative things to random strangers about me... negative things... you find some that I said, basically you will see a reoccurring theme in which she casts blame, and makes things up to make herself feel like this break up was right, instead of seeing that she truly has someone truly madly deeply head over heels in love with her, but I guess she'll find better.)

All right, so I went no contact from Nov. 2, until Christmas Eve, during this period there was a couple occurrences with my ex that started to get my hopes up that she maybe wanted to start talking to me again and start over, I'll explain, first I got a text about fantasy football, who cares, retarded pointless, then I got another text when she saw me driving in this girls car, ignored, then she wound up going to my job one day, and I wasn't there, never once did she set foot in my place of business for the two years I was employed there, so I was like this is retarded, then she wound up contacting my uncle frequently about a phone because she broke hers and had lent him awhile ago, then she started IMing my best friends on the computer trying to make small talk, nothing about me or us just stupid crap, So I was completely NO CONTACT this whole entire time, completely the right thing to do, but every time she did one of these things it would completely confuse me, and I would not be able to comprehend what she was trying to do, or accomplish from all of this.

Now, my mistake is right here, I contacted her on Christmas Eve, because I fully expected a heartless, screw with my head holiday text. So, I said hey, she promptly responded hey, I asked her what's your deal babe? What do you want from me, I'm tired of these games, do you want to talk or not? She said, I tried to talk to you but you ignored me so I figured you didn't want to. I was like what's their to talk about, I mean I have unanswered questions and I'm sure you do too, and she was like we can go get dinner on Friday, dec. 26 and I was like sure no problem sounds good to me.

Then this same day (Dec. 24, 2008), I'm sitting in my room and her birthday present (Dec 4, 2008 which I completely ignored, kind of I still had a bunch of crap for her) is staring at me, and I'm in this mood where I'm basically going to throw it all out there for this girl, because I love her to death and don't feel like sitting back doing nothing is bringing her back to me (So, dumb.) So, I text her back and say hey, I got some of your things I need to give you can I drop them off? She's like I'm out right now, I was like I'll drop it off with your mother, and she's like No, I'll be home in a few just wait, So I wait, and go there.

I give her the gifts she gives me a hug, her mother comes out gives me a hug, asks how everything is, I get invited inside I'm inside talking to her family for about a half hour or so, hugs and kisses all around, then I'm leaving her and I have some small talk but that's about it, hug, bye.

About 10 minutes after leaving I'm getting texts from her thanking me for her gifts and such, talked for about an hour or so, then I said I had to go, I will talk to you later. This all occurred about 4 or 5 that day, then I was at my buddy's house and around 10, I get another text from her saying, Donovan thank you so much for everything I didn't see everything in the box, you really didn't have to do anything and I really appreciate it, nothing more was really said a couple texts but, that was all. (I also, wrote her a poem in the card, but folded it up and wrote, "Read Me One Day." - about two months or so before she left me, I sent her a random text saying I wish I could write you a poem babe, and she said I'm sure if you did It'd be the best poem ever, so I thought this would be cute and I wrote this poem for hours guys, and entitled it, "The Best Poem Ever" I still don't know to this day if she read it, ever will, or even cares but, I tried and that was my last effort.)

So Christmas comes, I wake up with a text from her, saying Merry Christmas! I responded with the same, nothing else was said. Then about 4 o' clock or so, I get another text from her saying, "My dad says he misses having you around, and you owe him five dollars lol" I said something about missing being there or something, and that was really it. An hour or so later she texts me again asking about what the dinner plans were for the next day, I said I didn't care anything was fine, she said Okay.

About another hour later she texts me again saying she can't go to dinner, she was to go out with her family who was down from Buffalo, which is probably true and what not, but whatever I was like I can't take this anymore, I put all my feelings on the line, everything told her how much I love her and miss her, and asked her what she wanted from me, she responded saying, she wants to start fresh without expectations, talk, be friends, and she's not with anyone and doesn't plan on being with anyone. Then we started talking about problems in our relationship, and everything said was we did this, or we did this wrong, which I felt was very positive. Conversation ends, I'll talk to you later.

The next day at about 11, I receive a text from her saying hey, I respond later because I was busy and she was like I wanted to see what you were doing, but now I'm going out and I was just like okay, cool. She's like yeah I was leaving the bar but, now I'm going to a party, once again I was like congratulations, I didn't ask you nor do I honestly care. Then started talking about nothing special and I was like I'm going out I'll talk to you later, and she's like I'm going home to go to bed now, have fun where ever your going. I didn't respond.

I don't believe anything else happened until New Years... and here we go, I was at my buddys house and about 11:30 I went to the beach to be alone and just chill out, I get the Happy New Years text about 11:40 before the lines get tied up and crap, I start to get the I love you, and I miss you a lot, and we should be together right now, but then she has to tell me what bar she's at because it's so so cool, like it's all she ever talks about, kind of funny, but anyway she's like I don't want to have this important conversation while I'm drunk I'll text you tomorrow after work. Fine, I love you, I love you too, talk to you tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes, I assume as soon as she walked out the door at work she texted me, Saying hey I told you I'd text you but I need to sleep it was a long night, I was like I figured that but I need to ask you something, did you mean everything you said last night? She said, "I love you but, I just want to be friends FOR NOW." those two words for now come up all the time in conversation about being friends, all she can offer me is friendship now, because that's all she can handle. I asked her I was like do we have a future together or what? Like just tell me because it's only fair to me to move on from the girl I put my heart and soul into. She just said I'm taking everything day by day, and I can't give you answer for this question. So basically I just feel dangled around, and she's trying to keep me there so when life's not that great alone or something she knows I'm still there to love her, and I do, and once she knew she had control of my feelings, It was a wrap for me. I asked her to hang out the next day she said sure, I'll come over after work, cool, not.

I stayed up the whole night, the first time I didn't sleep in a long time, I sat up in my bed and just said to myself... This is it, I'm not doing this anymore to myself, I love this girl so much, and would go to the end of the earth for her, and never think twice about it, and doesn't feel the same way and wants to go out party, and mess around with other guys or whatever the case may be fine, let her go but it's not about what she wants anymore, and it hit me, that I just want to be loved like I love her, and for some reason as I sit here and type it I still feel like she loves me a lot but, just needs to get out into the world alone for awhile because she's only been with me, and she needs to see what else is out there, because I'd rather it happen now then five or ten years from now when we were married, Do I think it's over, no of course not, I think we care too deeply about one another for it to be over, but who knows what the future holds for either of us, all I know is when some one asks me do I love anyone until the day I die, she'll always be my first answer, and maybe the only one. I basically wish this girl I love the best, and hope she finds happiness since I couldn't give it to her after 4.5 years, but she's still my favorite person in the whole entire world.

So what did I do the next day when we hung out, what happened? You want to know? I'm going to tell you, I texted her a few hours prior to the hang out time, and I said to her babe, I don't want to just be your friend, I can't handle it right now, and I would appreciate it if you could please stop contacting me, my friends, and my family, thank you.

She didn't take this very well, she wrote some nasty response, like excuse you, I forgot that you had the right to tell everyone who they can and can't talk to, you'll always be controlling lol. I was just like, okay thanks, then the conversation went on her trying to just be friends FOR NOW, and that was said numerous times. I just knew I couldn't see my girl as a friend, and I decided to stand up for myself and do this. I asked her how meaningless I was to her? And how she defined the word love? And she just responded with stop it. So, I was just like I'm through I love her to death, and she can't tell me anything unless she's liquored up, I'm sticking to this for me.

The next day I get a text from her saying, "I think it's hysterical that you lied about going to the beach alone on New Years, but something's never change even when they are so different, lol I'll drop all your stuff off sometime next week when your not home and I'm glad we decided to be done forever" I responded with I left when the ball dropped, thanks though, and I didn't decide a thing, you wanted this."

And that's the last thing that was said between a 4.5 year relationship in which everyone around us, including me and, her I think, were going to get married and spend their lives together. I'll never talk badly about this woman no matter how much she hurt me, and how much myself and others around me thought the things she did were terrible, I truthfully hope the best for her, and she finds happiness and love. She'll always be my girl but, I guess now she's turned herself into that one that got away...

And if your reading this babe, you'll always be my love, and my favorite person in the whole world, best of luck to you in life, you only get one shot make it the best you possibly can, and know I'll always be there for you, even when you think I'm not, I love you.

This Is LCM Signing Out.

Yours Truly,
LCM

P.S. - Thanks you so much everyone on this site, you've been so helpful and taught me so much about relationships, life, and love and I can't wait to make some special girl very happy, and I probably have my ex to thank for crushing my heart, and you guys, my friends, and my family, for picking up the pieces and rebuilding me into a much more mature, better, and sophisticated person. I bow my head to all of you and smile, your all very special, and wonderful people, and I sincerely thank you for eternity, take care.

Good luck to you sir! You done with this website... or you going to stick around to be a shoulder for others to cry on?

I suggest you stick around, you have a lot of knowledge and would be a great asset to the board on here. I know I learned a great deal from this site and continue to do so, even with my current relationship which currently hit a rut which is a whole other story ha ha!

Stick around, grab some coffee and read your old posts about a year from the first one. It's breathtaking to see how far you truly have come when you read how much of a poor sap you used to be.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Stick around, grab some coffee and read your old posts about a year from the first one. It's breathtaking to see how far you truly have come when you read how much of a poor sap you used to be.

---

Allow me to grab a box of kleanex, crawl into the fetal position, and start to read my old posts... oh, how we grow. God I was such a baby!! :rolleyes:

HELL YEA! I remember my first posts saying she was my one true love and blah blah blah. Kick me in the b@lls!

Hey man I think you should stick around and offer advice to other based on your experience. I think you can really help!

If not, take care and good luck.

Hey man, I almost cried reading your last post. It really hit home. You sound like an awesome guy. I have no doubts you will be happy again--don't know if on your own or with someone else-- but you will be. I have no doubt about it. There's not really any advice to give you as you have learned a lot through this and are probably wiser now than many of us here. With 300 posts you must be!

Shame you area leaving for good but if it's part of your healing process than so be it. I think you could be very useful to all the guys and girls that will get their hearts broken this year.

Good luck mate. Wish you all the best.

Lcm I think you should stick around! ;)

Yeah... I think you should stick around too... you do give good advice on stuff, and you got experience... but you got to do what's best for yourself too...

My dearest LCM. You know what you have to do. You need to stay on here and help others that are just starting in life and have the long way you just went through ahead of them.

We know that the world is not at its best right now, and that there will be new financial, economical, political changes galore in the future. But when it comes to relationships between two people, those of us (including YOU) here can and SHOULD help those who are just getting their feet wet.

I personally am proud of the mature way you are dealing with all of this. And I think it's OK to have her in our heart and thoughts forever... I too still communicate with a few of my 'big loves'. We are friends and buddies who share a lot of history and we all wish each other the best. That is normal and healthy because it shows that we still care.

Please stay here with us and also come join us in some of our Lounge threads.. where we just let out a little steam or silliness - sort of to even the scales.

I am not often online right now as I have a few personal things to take care of in life, but I do check at least every two days to see how things are - and I want to see you on here... so, please listen to 'Momma C' and stay with our little 'family'.

http://www.postsmile.com/img/marine/53.gif
Check out the 'castle, or another castle' in the Member's section of our lounge and share with us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_8_14.gif
Chery

I suggest if you do not know who I am, that you read my original post first and maybe even breeze through the rest of the answers and posts and understand what's been going on and maybe this post about how life is for me now-a-days is going and can help you and build some strength for you and your woes, and for the fellas who have helped me and are still here helping the new guys, here it goes...

Well, I honestly don't even know where to begin... November 2, 2008... jeez... what a day... the girl I have been head over heels in love with for almost five years decides to walk out on me, it's funny how far away that is now, it's almost coming up to a year of being alone.

I wouldn't have my life any other way, I won't be able to explain how I truly feel in words about what happens to you, and what takes over your mind, emotion, and soul these past months but this transformation comes over you... Like you can't take anything for granted, you cherish every moment as your last, you take care of the truly important things in your life, and begin to realize the big picture of taking care of yourself. As I sit here and type this message I can truly tell you, that I am 100% a better person in all aspects of life, I'm such a strong person now, I'm emotionally indestructible and I would have never seen this coming, I thought for sure I was going to quiver and cry and weep for years until something came along, but here we are 6 months later, I'm the pillar of strength for everyone around me, and anyone who is having problems. When people hear my story they ask me, "How did you even get up in the morning?" or "How are you even functioning right now?" The answers simple. You HAVE To. There's no if and's or but's about it my friends, listen break ups are the worst but this next thing I'm going to tell you, your going to have to take the leap of faith and trust me here... You need this, you need to have your heart broken, you need to understand these feelings that you would NEVER wish upon your worst enemy. Once you make it through the fire and the flames... Life's Good, It's better, maybe even the best. I Promise.

Well, now I'm sure your all curious on my updated situation with the ex. I honestly have no desire to write this part of the response (comical isn't it, that six months ago I wanted her name in every sentence I posted on this site.) Anyway, it's plain and simple I just don't talk to her, ha ha. She texts me about once a week or so I suppose. Other then hey, or what's up, the only informative text I got from her went something like this, "I'm sure you think I'm only drunk texting you at 1 in the morning but I'm not, you were such a huge part of my life it would be nice to see how you were doing every once in a while." So, I haven't responded to her in months, you think she'd get the picture that I'm HAPPIER! Without her, who would have ever thought? I think the only thing I owe her is a thank you for putting me through this, because I love myself, and I love life, I wouldn't have it any other way. She probably can't stand the fact of how happy I am with out her, and can't fathom the thought of this but, hey life works in mysterious ways. So, I'm a firm believer of all those dumb sayings you hear like, if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and all that junk...

Another thing I just want to touch base on real quick, is everything is all in your head my friends... Once you learn to have complete control over your mind and thought process your life will become a 1000 times easier, and I'm not saying it's easy to do. I honestly think about my ex everyday, and wish it was the way it was, but you have to understand it'll never be the same, every day I want to text her or call her or just show up with roses at her house but, I know it's unethical for me to do those things, I've come to far to take steps back. You are ignoring and going no contact for yourself, it's the most important thing PLEASE PLEASE do not compromise the NO CONTACT rule it'll only get you hurt. Just a little bit of advice, I would wind up thinking about my ex a lot at work because I work by myself and had nothing to really keep my mind from wandering, so I used to think of all the good times I had with her and just laugh to myself, and say, "good times." Turn it into something that will make YOU HAPPY not to mope and cry about how you miss it, don't do that do whatever it takes to make yourself happy ladies and gents.

All right, so now your all like okay, LCM this is all great but your still alone. Survey Says! Eh, Wrong. Come on, no one is alone in this world I wound up getting so much closer with my mother and brother, it's scary. Another thing I did I started to weed out all the bad apples in my friends and focus on a click of three or four that you know will be there until the day you die. So, for all you others who just want a significant other good news for you too... I would say I have about three or four girls in my life right now that would do ANYTHING for me on the drop of a dime. Like and it has nothing to do with looks or anything like that, it's just me coming around and being myself and showing interest listening to them, just listen to everyone's stories you'd be surprised how many people just want to be acknowledged... think about it? I mean some even go the wrong way about it and do dumb things like... I don't know... drugs, sex, lies, or break up with the person they love to run on some pipe dream with some person they met at work... Come on... how weak minded could you be.

Now for everyone who made it to the end of this post, I want to say I hope this post helps to give some hope, or even spread some knowledge about life and what you can maybe expect from your own situations, and that everything is going to be okay, I promise. The universe tends to unfold the way it should. You could have thought you were happy, but chances are you can be A LOT happier, and some divine power will take care of you, you all can call this power what you want, faith, I prefer God. Just think about it, the whole reason I came on this morning to write this was to hopefully help some of you out there that were bad like I was, and hopefully for some old faces to see that I'm doing well.

Over and Out.

Your Friend,

-LCM.

It's about time LCM! I was wondering if you would ever come back. Good to hear the update and I really think you should be spreading your knowledge by offering advice to others in their situation.

Kudos to you my man!

Great job! It's great to hear from you and see that you are doing extremely well.

This is a prime example of how people change and grow from adversity. This is also a great example of the light at the end of the break-up tunnel that all of us keep talking about!

You da man LCM!!

Love it when a plan comes together. You are not the same guy who first posted here, and you have grown into being a good example of manhood. My hat goes off to you.

Wow this thread was great. I needed that lol. It's only a couple of months since my first big breakup and I'm already realizing how much of a little biotch I acted like initially, and it's embarrassing and funny to look back on. Got to keep on truckin'.

Wow! Long time and a good update to come back with. Good job man, this is truly a hopeful update for anyone on this site.

I wonder if she ever tried to get back with you