Yes smoothy, what you say makes sense.

I think this Thursday will be 5 weeks since I last saw her and had a voice conversation. So I guess it has been close to 36 days of no contact. It is strange but I'm not counting days anymore, however I miss her more than anything and would do anything to have her back in my life. I'm deathly afraid of skydiving but I would skydive without a parachute to have her back.

But I need to be realistic, none of that is going to happen. I haven't called, texted, or emailed her one bit. She hasn't tried to reach me at all either. Just those brief texts about her pictures. I was hoping she would at least miss me and call so I could ignore the call. That never happened. But at least she has been very respectful about all this by not trying to string me along. I still hear a few tid bits of info about her but usually I don't even want to know. So far she isn't seeing anyone, oh well someday I won't care to know anymore.

I've been out and about lately and trying to find a decent girl to ask out. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. I've dated many girls in my life and my recent ex is going to be extremely difficult to replace(it felt like I looked 15 years to find someone like her). It feels like she messed me up from being able to fall in love again. I'm going to have a tough time giving love a chance. It is going to suck when I meet someone new. I am going to compare any girl I meet to her.

The only thing that has sort of helped me to move on is to actually understand what she might be thinking. I've put myself into her shoes in a sense. If I didn't care about what an ex was doing and wasn't afraid to lose them then it is obvious how I feel about them. She just doesn't really care for me anymore. I can't picture letting someone go and not being worried about them being sexual or falling in love again. This doesn't bother her so it is obvious how she feels about me.

Rough times. Trying to dig myself out of this hole. Afraid to start over again.

Don't ecpect the next woman you ask out to be the one... or even the one after that. Keep in mind what you are looking for is the right one, and until you go out and get to know other women you won't know which one it is.

Look it it like a shell game, without anyone moving the shells on you. The right one IS out there and you get all the chances you need to find them. But the important thing to remember is you won't find them until you start looking.

You know all the faults this one had... and don't forget those faults. When you think about her remember those faults.. and consider yourself lucky you don't have to live with those faults day in and day out.

It sounds a little confusing but you should try to confort her as much as possible and let her know how you feel about her but maby she just needs her space but if the situation is that helples give up on her because maby you 2 weren't meant for each other

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Originally Posted by yourman64

it sounds a little confusing but you should try to confort her as much as possible and let her know how you feel about her but maby she just needs her space but if the situation is that helples give up on her because maby you 2 werent meant for each other

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Yeah well I tried for 2 months straight. I called her and called her and called her, which she would only return calls and never initiate them. We would talk, and meet up. I went to 2 of her graduation parties blah blah blah. It was a very peaceful break up. Then I finally told her I give up and that I thought we should be together. She didn't agree and said she doesn't want me waiting around and that she has to be certain if we are to get back together. Whatever that means. I gave up and told her I'm done trying, nothing else to try. We don't call each other anymore and I have no clue what she is really up to. She broke up with me so it is up to her if she cares enough to call. But I don't want her calling just to play catch up. I'm trying to move forward and it has been rough.

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

Yeah well I tried for 2 months straight. I called her and called her and called her, which she would only return calls and never initiate them. We would talk, and meet up. I went to 2 of her graduation parties blah blah blah. It was a very peaceful break up. Then I finally told her I give up and that I thought we should be together. She didn't agree and said she doesn't want me waiting around and that she has to be certain if we are to get back together. Whatever that means. I gave up and told her i'm done trying, nothing else to try. We don't call each other anymore and I have no clue what she is really up to. She broke up with me so it is up to her if she cares enough to call. But I don't want her calling just to play catch up. I'm trying to move forward and it has been rough.

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What's up sand.. im in the same situation as you.. I mean the exact.. I was w my ex for 4 and ahalf years.. except my ex is a litle more stubborn.. she just up and left me one day.. seriously, one day she stopped talking to me, its been 2 months.. the only thing I've got out of her is her saying she needs time away from me.. why'? I don't get it.. she won't tell me anything.. I wrote her a letter today asking her for some sort of explination.. I wish I knew how she felt so I could treat the situation right.. ive already made the dumb mistake of chasing her.. im done playing that role.. so I guess we'll see what happens in time.. thats all you can do in these situations, let time sort things out.. I believe that if 2 people are meant for each other.. its always been said, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, you know its real. Don't think about time, don't think about days, think about nothing but yourself, surround yourself w positive thngs, this is what has worked best for me.. just keep busy..

Your situation is rather strange. Are you 100% positive she isn't seeing anyone? Did you do something real crazy that scared or hurt her? If you are sure about her not seeing someone then I would avoid her for a while. If you do find out she is seeing someone else then I would run real fast. Yes people will say to move on but 2 months isn't very long when it comes to this crap. I would honestly wait it out a month or two longer in your case but avoid contact with her. Wait until she contacts you. Make a set amount of time in your head when you will try to move on. People will probably say to move on. But move on to what? Yeah 4 years is a long time and I doubt you will go and find a replacement right away.

Moral of my story. My ex was completely in love with me for the first 2 years. She was the most jealous person I had ever seen. But somehow it didn't bother me. I was jealous myself but she went overboard all the time. And I wasn't even hanging out with any girls. So as time went on we had some arguments where I reminded her of her dad. Yes, yelling and throwing some crap. I was an idiot. Never touched her but a few times the arguments got crazy. Of the whole 4 years we were together we only had about 3 arguments of yelling. So I guess it wasn't much. Around the last year she wasn't jealous anymore which kind of showed her feelings were fading. Towards the end I slacked off and didn't give her the affection that I used to(cuddling, watching TV with her, going out on dates etc). But that happens to many of us where we take a girl for granted and slack off pretty bad.

Between work and school she was way too busy and I was the unlucky one that caught lyme disease(very long story). I caught lyme disease about half way through our relationship and was rather ill the last year. That is when I was on all sorts of antibiotics to kill the bacteria. I was not myself. I was very sick and extremely depressed due to the bacteria attacking my brain and nervous system. I used any energy I had to work and I would come home and take very long naps. I probably slept about 12 hours per day(night plus naps). The last year is when I really didn't care about much and completely neglected her, but do you blame me? It wasn't any fun and now that I look back on it all she wasn't a very caring person. I'm still on the drugs, I've been taking them for about 15 months. But I am almost symptom free and will be done with them soon. She left me during a critical point in my life. Very weak and uncaring of her if you ask me, I was extremely depressed and she just added to that when she left me. That is why I say I've never felt an emotional pain like this in my entire life. A double dose of depression. I sometimes think she lost her feelings because I was sick and she thought I was going to be like that for the rest of my life. But who really knows or cares, she is gone now and I'm concentrating on getting my life back. Yeah it sucks but I have no choice. She was very vague and told me she has to be certain to get back together. I still miss her like crazy but I keep trying to tell myself that my best friend is gone for good.

Sometimes you don't know what something is like until you get it or it happens to you. We had some major stress factors going against our relatioship. I don't think she ever stopped to realize that the last year of our relationship was a test. And she failed.

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

Your situation is rather strange. Are you 100% positive she isn't seeing anyone? Did you do something real crazy that scared or hurt her?

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I am 100% she isn't seeing anyone.. positive.. I didn't really do anything to hurt her no, but toward the end of the relationship we started going through the motions.. I was exactly like you and just kind of fell off.. didnt care as much, well I did, but I didn't show it.. we rarely went out.. the only time id see her is at night.. she also heard a lot of rumors at the end of our relationship that I cheated on her w 2 different girls.. which is not true at all.. I didn't even talk to the girls.. she never believed me.. I could tell she was unhappy now that I look back.. I was an idiot..

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

Moral of my story. My ex was completely in love with me for the first 2 years. She was the most jealous person I had ever seen. But somehow it didn't bother me. I was jealous myself but she went overboard all the time. And I wasn't even hanging out with any girls. So as time went on we had some arguments where I reminded her of her dad. Yes, yelling and throwing some crap. I was an idiot. Never touched her but a few times the arguments got crazy. Of the whole 4 years we were together we only had about 3 arguments of yelling. So I guess it wasn't much. Around the last year she wasn't jealous anymore which kind of showed her feelings were fading. Towards the end I slacked off and didn't give her the affection that I used to(cuddling, watching tv with her, going out on dates etc). But that happens to many of us where we take a girl for granted and slack off pretty bad.

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EXACT thing happened with me.. except we had many more yelling arguments lol.. we fought a lot.. not toward the end.. but before that..

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

Between work and school she was way too busy and I was the unlucky one that caught lyme disease(very long story). I caught lyme disease about half way through our relationship and was rather ill the last year. That is when I was on all sorts of antibiotics to kill the bacteria. I was not myself. I was very sick and extremely depressed due to the bacteria attacking my brain and nervous system. I used any energy I had to work and I would come home and take very long naps. I probably slept about 12 hours per day(night plus naps). The last year is when I really didn't care about much and completely neglected her, but do you blame me? It wasn't any fun and now that I look back on it all she wasn't a very caring person. I'm still on the drugs, i've been taking them for about 15 months. But I am almost symptom free and will be done with them soon.

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Very very good news, that's great..

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

She left me during a critical point in my life. Very weak and uncaring of her if you ask me, I was extremely depressed and she just added to that when she left me..

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I can somewhat relate to that also.. she left during a weak point in my life to.. I lost my grandmother and my best guy friend in a week.. she knew that I was having trouble coping.. and I was somewhat depressed.. she just piled it on..
That is why I say I've never felt an emotional pain like this in my entire life. A double dose of depression.
I know exactly what you mean!
I sometimes think she lost her feelings because I was sick and she thought I was going to be like that for the rest of my life. But who really knows or cares, she is gone now and I'm concentrating on getting my life back. Yeah it sucks but I have no choice. She was very vague and told me she has to be certain to get back together. I still miss her like crazy but I keep trying to tell myself that my best friend is gone for good.

Sometimes you don't know what something is like until you get it or it happens to you. We had some major stress factors going against our relatioship. I don't think she ever stopped to realize that the last year of our relationship was a test. And she failed.[/QUOTE]
Zach

After reading this post, it has helped me out and has kept me really entertained. Some one should make a movie about these situations. Lol. I am going through the same feelings and emtions as the you have posted. I don't want to tell my long drama full story because the answer seems obviouse of what to do but I love her so much.Weve been together for 8 years since the 8th grade. This past year has been the hardest with so many off and on breakups because of so many factors. At first in the relationship I was the one with no care in the world and now for the past year she is the one who has had the change of heart and does not want me even though I have been close to perfect from giving massages to just being there for whenever she needed me and letting her I will always love her. She has been lately going back and forth of wanting to be with me and then again thinking she is too young and not wanting to be with me. There is so much that happened this past year that I have been a lot more prepared for this break up though even though it is still just as hard. I am trying my hardest not to contact her and just trying to realize enough is enough and its over although hoping for reconciliation. Although I know she is not a very good girlfriend to me its hard because I still can't picture my life without her. Its been 5 long days but I want to thank you people that posted this comments because it's the only time where time doesn't seem like its standing still. And even though I am rooting for both of you to reconcile, giving hope for my situation, I know it is unlikely but still picking my hopes up that the world doesn't end here.

Hi,

Well from a girls perspective ;), I think there were warning signs it sounds like you may have ignored. She told you she wasn't happy, you even admitted that you took her for granted and didn't pay much attention to the fact that she tried to discuss issues with you... not only that but then you lost your temper and began breaking things. As a girl that went through an emotionally combative relationship for 3 years with a guy I was totally in love with... these things are a deal breaker for sure!! I think she does love you, but recognized that this was not a healthy relationship. I loved my boyfriend very deeply, but each time he lost his temper or ignored what I was feeling, that love was chipped away little by little until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. It chips away at yourself esteem to be in an unhealthy relationship, which would explain maybe why she was feeling so depressed. Now this is just a guess... I'm just relating this to what I went through. It doesn't sound like you are a bad guy at all and please don't think I am attacking you... but clearly she was feeling alone in the relationship for a while and it doesn't sound like you noticed. I'm sorry for what you are going through because it sounds like you really love this girl. Obviously she is hurting as well... why don't you let go of this tough guy attitude and tell her how you feel and that you want another shot? You keep saying that you don't want her to see you as a wimp but telling the girl how you feel isn't going to make you a wimp! Maybe she wants to see that initiative now... after all you have given her some space. It's just a thought... hope you get the answers you need or get some closure. Take care and good luck with everything... :)

I would not recommend that. I am sure you have done that already. In the earlier situation I stated, I had changed and then some. Told her how I felt and it just kind of worked against me. And who knows maybe I was too late or maybe just maybe, and not saying this about all girls consiously I pray to god, but maybe she just got what she wanted which was for you to change and appreciate her and now what else is there. No more drama, how boring for her. I stable life with a guy that loves you AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. I've learned my lesson. Right now I feel most girls don't want stability and is another reason why I will not , and nor should you, tell your ex how you feel. What comes from this is drama in her life because there is no doubt she misses you, you will eventually get over it, and (not too sure of this option) she might come around way later down the line. And trust me she knows you still want her. TIME is the ANSWER. I know these crappy comments are cheezy but it helps me remember also.

Sounds like y'all got it pretty much figured out... but from a different point of view... Her side, my side.

No, I'm not your ex... but your story reminds me of a past relationship that I was in. I was with him for almost 6 years. I called his parents mom and dad. He called my parents mom and dad. We went through some really rough times, and some really great times.

Something you have to realize though is that as people get older, they change. They may house all the same habits they have had since they were kids, quirky things -- you know, those things that in the beginning of the relationship they are cute... and eventually they do one of two things... they just become every day things or they start to annoy you. That's besides the point though.

She was unexperienced when it came to long term relationships, while you were the veteran. In my eyes, you saw her for who she was, you accepted her, and loved her... While, I'm thinking, she saw you as the guy she first fell in love with... It's hard to not fall into a relationship rut, and stop doing all the little things that made her fall in love with you to begin with... but then again, in her heart she was already set to move on. I remember when I went through all this -- my at-the-time boyfriend went to spend a week at his parent's house because he had lost his job and I was supporting us alone anyway. I told him to go and have fun, and he was going to help his brother move. I knew he was trying to call me and I wouldn't answer the phone... I just needed a break. I moved everything out. He never saw it coming, but I knew it was going to be sooo hard. I moved in with a friend, (she was my neighbor in the apartments) and when he came home... I knew what I had to do, and I cried. He cried. A lot.

I know that I cared about him a lot. I didn't like to see him hurt. I didn't like that his parents probably hated me. But I say stick with no contact. I wish I had.

About a week later I called... I just wanted to know how he was doing. His mom answered... She told me that he was OK, and that she didn't think I should be calling... and as she was hanging up on me I heard him ask if it was me... and he got on the phone.

I tried not to be cold... but I didn't want to give him hope that I had a change of heart either. It was harder than telling him it was over, just to try to be his friend. It all suddenly became so complicated. We didn't talk for a couple of years.. and then out of the blue, I got a call from him at my parent's house. Things were better, but of course there were always the 'is your new boyfriend better than me' question... sometimes I wonder what ever became of his parent's and him too.. but.. it's just not really worth it to find out either.

Just don't hold your breath waiting for her to call. If she sent a note thanking everyone, that was her end. Cutting all ties. It will be easier if you just accept it and move on. It's a big world, and there's a lot out there for you.

If you need to talk feel free to PM me anytime!

Well I had originally left out all the details about the lyme and stuff because I was worried she might stumble across this story some day. But at this point I really don't care. Jaydee, I'm glad at least something good came out of all this. At least it entertained someone and I hope it has helped you in your situation.

I have my own house and she basically moved in with me for the last year of our relationship. She did have a first love before me but I was the one she experienced the most with and spent the longest with(4 years). I was the one that actually got to meet both sides of her family. I guess her first love was only for a few months. I have my own business that I run and sometimes that required long hours. But anytime she wanted to go and do something I could drop what I was doing in a heartbeat. Yes, too convenient. Anytime she had a problem during her day, I had my cell on me to talk with her, no boss to tell me what to do. I paid the mortgage, mowed the lawan, bought new household items etc and she asked me what she should pay when she moved in. I didn't really want her to live for free so I asked if she could just pay, cable, phone, electric and gas. Came out to about $200 maybe. Nothing like I was paying. Well she had a shopping problem and would always come home with new clothes and expected me to smile when she showed me. To her this was a way to make herself happy, I understood that. To me it was a nightmare, I knew she had bills to pay and every time she would open the bills she would cause a big scene about how much they were. I don't think she realized that if she didn't waste all her $ at the mall then the bills would be no big deal. She was taking way too many hours at school(which I warned her to take it slow and don't rush graduation) and she only worked like 2-3 days per week. We ate out all the time and I tried my best to pay most of the tab. Usually I just had her get the tip and sometimes I had her split it with me.

Yes all the years before I pampered her. I paid every time we went out to eat and towards the last year I was realizing where all my money was going. When we did eat at home I remembered that she only cooked like 3 times for every 20 times I cooked. I'm not saying the girl should do all this but as time went on I had this eerie feeling that she felt all this was only temporary. She shared doing dishes once in a while and took the trash out. But she never went beyond that to make my place look cleaner or better. Never did she try to impress me. She didn't take any interest in my house and never bought any type of decoration to add to it. She only came home with clothes for herself. I would come home with a new plasma for the two of us to enjoy. It really felt like she was just some kind of roommate. I kept getting that feeling that one day she would not be there anymore. I constantly scratched her back, rubbed her legs and feet. But I never got any of that in return. Not that I really cared but she never offered to do it for me. She is one of those that needs to be reminded of how she looks. I tried my best to tell her how great she looked but never did she tell me how I looked. Not once. All of this was so one sided. And maybe that is why I started to slack off with my affection towards her. There was a point where I quit doing all the cute things.

Yes she did think about breaking up long before the actual break up. She did come out and say she was not happy. She said she would be happy with her work friends and then come home to my place. What does she expect? I was sick and didn't have much energy. I should have taken her serious when she said she wasn't happy but I ignored all that. But towards the last 3 weeks of our relationship I tried my best to give her what she wanted. After we broke up she said she thought it was fake and that it pushed her away even more. I could never win, I gave her what she wanted and it pushed her away. I guess I should have just ignored her and the break up would have never happened.

Well avaly, a few pages back I posted about telling her how I feel and asking for a second chance. She denied that and gave me the "I can't get back with you unless i'm 100% certain" excuse. That is when I told her I gave up and haven't contacted her since. It has been about 6 weeks of no contact now.

When we did have fights she did hit me a few times. I never hit her back but I went and broke things. These fights only happened about 3 times in 4 years but it reminded her of her dad. But she had no right to hit me. Somehow I didn't think her hitting me was such a big deal.

Yes this story is getting very repetitive and drawn out. We couldn't have ended the relationship any better than we did. I don't mean to sound like a broken record but I have this strange feeling that her and I will never speak again. I promise you all that I will never contact her first. She has made no attempt to contact me but maybe I respect her that she isn't trying to keep me waiting. It is taking a while for the reality to set in but each week gets a tad bit better. Thanks everyone.

Congrats on making it 6 weeks, I know the first 6 weeks for me were total hell.
It really sounds like this is the right thing to happen anyway just judging by your story above. It wasn't up to you to do more, it was up to her and she didn't. It sounds like you did all you could have.

Best thing you can do is No Contact... and even if she tries to talk to you send her on her way. You went out of your way and she took advantage of you. If she did it once she will do it again so save yourself the grief and find a new woman... I guarantee you the next one will be better than this one was.

Here is what she said after I sent her a letter begging for an explination.. this is the first time she has opened up to me about this what so ever..

Zach,
I am so terribly sorry I have been ignoring you and being a cold hearted... that is not my intention. This is hard to repond to your letter because I do not know the right words to say or even where to start. Our relationship has had its ups and downs... I miss the good times we had and to be perfectly honest I have been lonely and do think you very often.
For a long time we were both going through the motions of being togther, never really acting "inlove". It got to a point where I did not want to hang out with you for the fear of a fight or getting kicked out of your apt. It seemed like everything was conflict between us which made me grow tired and unsure about myself and the way I was being treated. I want you to understand that I do not blame you. It was both of us. Maybe we just weren't compatible, I am not sure? I am the type of person that gives people chance after chance no matter how big or small... But I do have my limit. When that limit is reached I just stop caring, It can be something small it doesn't matter, Its weird I have no good explanation for it. This is just the way I am wired I guess. I wish more than anything I could feel again. I am unsure about love and actually don't believe in it anymore, which is very sad. I want to feel, I want to love and be loved... But I cant. Not now anyway. I have just been hurt one to many times. I sometimes wonder how I could go from worshiping the ground you walked on to not wanting to be with you... the only thing I can come up with is that when I am with you I loose myself, my hopes, dreams, happiness for life, and honestly everything that I like about myself. Over the course of our relationship I went from a strong individual to a weak small minded girl who was dependent on a guy for all aspects of my life... and that is not who I am, or who I ever want to be.
Really sit and think about it Zach... Were you happy when we were togther? Yes maybe 20% of the time but the rest of the time we were fighting. I don't want that. That was disfunctional. I started thinking about the future one day and was like... WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING?? If I stay with Zach we could potentially get married or something... what would happen if we got in a fight?? Would he kick me out or leave?? My parents don't do that crap and I don't want that kind of a life someday. I also started thinking about how you don't trust me... If we stayed together you would never let me leave your sight, or just hang out with my friends. NOt to mention you would never come to anything where my family would be there.
One night Kent and I were drunk and talking about you, It was right at the beginning of summer... I said Kent... Do you think Zach really loves me? Or do think I am wasting my time? Then he said one the most eye opening things to me... he said... Kelsey how many years have you and zach been together? And how many times have I seen him? When I first started seeing brooke I hated your dad but I loved brooke and wanted to be part of her life so I went to family things because it was important to her...
He said enough without directly answering my question. Looking back It was never right... we just clashed.
Someday you are going to wake up and thank god that We are not together becaue the life you would have had with me would have been constant turmoil. I know this is hard, its hard for me to... but I know it has to be like this. I am doing both of us a favor and ending this before it gets out of hand and we are dug so deep we can't get out. I love you. You will always always have a special place in my heart. I thank you for showing me love and sharing many great memories with me, I will never forget them. Maybe someday along the road we could work.. But I have no idea. Anything is possible I guess.

And as for you thinking I am seeing someone else that is completely false. I have no desire to get into another relationship anytime soon. I hope this E-mail gives you some kind of closure. I only want the best for you and I hope that you succeed in everything you set out for. I do care and only want the best for you. I hope someday in the near future, after we are both strong and over the backlash of this break up, that we can be friends.


You are a great guy Zach just not a great guy to me! Someday you will find your true love, and when you do treat her right!





Love Always,
Kelsey

Sandstorm, that is really weird. My ex used to hit me on many occasions also and I would just take it. I would not hit her but I would explode and punch walls. The thing that pissed me off most is that I got cut once and stitches even one time. Her close friends befriended her and warned me don't talk to her no more. I loved her so much though and stuck by her side while she was all alone. I thought that was enough to prove how much I loved her and she would never forget it and would always be there for me no matter what. But her friends eventually started talking to her again and seems to have forgotten about us. I don't know why I feel so compelled to be with her still because there is a lot more reasons for me to stay away but I can't. Its almost like a drug. I don't get how someone can forget certain things that another person has done for them and be so selfish. I just hope this way of feeling doesn't effect future relationships even though its going to be a LONG time when that happens

You talk about a blast from the past, do you really think I can't rememeber how it use to be?? I recall so very well , the good days , and let me tell you this, I had to move on and grow, so I could raise my own.The crying and wonder you have now is in the past. It won't take long before you realise, that you can only live in the NOW, because you have to take care of what you've done, and as good as the dope was in the 70/80"s you still have to grow and pass the wisdom, and keep loving your children and theirs today. OMG! What year is this anyway??

Ok so I'm at work on my computer yesterday minding my own business. I'm about 1 week away from 2 months of No contact with my ex. And out of no where an AOL instant message pops up on my screen. This is what she IM's me.

She wrote

"hi"

"I know you prolly don't wanna talk, but I wanted to tell you that I got a job working for so and so company. corp office and now we both work with paint! Sweet."

"ok, bye"

So I've sat on this for a day now and I'm not even sure if this is considered reaching out. It asks nothing about how I've been for the past 2 months. I still miss this girl more than anything and I am very proud that she got this job. This was one of her issues she had when we broke up. She finally found a good job after graduation. I have my own business that deals with paint so maybe she was just thinking of me and wanted to show we have something in common now. I guess it is meaningless that we both work with the same thing because we don't talk. I only wanted to reply and say I was proud and congratulations but I'm just not sure.

Well looks like my relationship has died out, just like this thread. I'm sure these will be my last updates. I'm not sure if I would even call them updates but I don't have a personal journal so maybe one day I'll come back and laugh about all this.

So I replied 5 days later to her texts about her new job working with paint. I just said "hey sounds like you got a good job, i'm very proud of you and I always knew you would find a good job, hope all is well". She replied with something but I don't even remember what she said. Who cares, I didn't reply to that.

At this point I really don't care what she thinks of me anymore. I haven't shed a tear in weeks but I still miss her. So if I reply or when I reply doesn't really mean much anymore. I just replied because I was honestly proud of her.

So about 4 days went by and her cousin instant messages me to tell me that me ex was in an accident on the highway. Oh my, I'll never get away from her life. Now I have a sick feeling in my stomach because I'm worried she is dead. He said he doesn't have any details but just wanted to let me know, and thought it was the right thing to do. So now I know she was in an accident. So after a day of worrying and afraid to break contact her cousin fills me in that she hurt her neck but is OK.

Now I'm torn between ignoring it or being the caring person that I am. So I decide I don't care, I call her mom because my cousin said my ex has been sleeping almost all night and day. I asked her mom how she was doing and found out that she will be OK. So later that night I texted my ex to say "I was saddened to hear about your accident and just wanted to tell you that I hope you feel better and make a quick recovery." She replied with some kind of thanks and blah blah. I left it at that and didn't reply.

Her cousin even mentioned something about kharma. I laughed and didn't want to get into that conversation.

Ok so now I'm not out of the clear. My birthday is like 3 or so days after that. She texts early in the moring with "happy birthday" I replied with "thanks" she replied 3 hours later with "ur welcome".

That is where I leave it, I have nothing important to say to her. I still won't be contacting her. So it has been about 2 months now of no contact. I broke no contact because she was in an accident but that was a tough call on my part.

The guy that invented text messaging needs shot.

Hey Sandstorm,

What is she still doing on your IM anyway. Delete her!! Or block her and have some self control. Why does she keeps contacting you to tell you these things?? I think she misses you too, but that's human nature. Doesn't change the present though. Cut her off and tell the cousin and anyone who knows her to not tell you anything about her anymore.

I've been no contact now for 4 solid months and 7 broken up. Don't get me wrong, I feel like s#%t sometimes still, like today, but it's not as bad as before. Xmas will be brutal I know and other reminders here and there, but cut her off and take it one day at a time. F@#k her for what she put you through. Like, I keep thinking if I should call my ex and see how she's doing or email her, etc. But for what! This person, really doesn't care about me. If I (or you or any ex), disappeared off the face of the earth, she wouldn't even notice and it wouldn't make the slightest difference in her life. You, me and almost every other one who's been dumped, to our ex's, we're just somebody that they used to know.

It's cold out there bud. Cold and bitter, lol. Cheers!