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I think it's kind of rude for her to not even call me, it doesn't seem like her.
I had gone no contact for a little while when we first broke up, and when she called me one night and left half a dozen messages and then called me the next day and said "if you're not going to talk to me at least have the decency to let me know". Should I say something along those lines to her? I haven't called her since yesterday afternoon.
In your previous posts you said that she broke up with you because she feels she wants to grow as a person. If you already know this, why keep pressuring her?
At your age you should recognise a bad situation, this relationship is over, done, dusted, finished, dead. Why keep dragging your heart through this? You don't have long enough on this planet to sit there wallowing and licking your wounds.
If she rings you again, don't accept her calls. Delete her messages, delete her number.
Just walk away. Simple as that. WALK AWAY!
You're right I've got to move on, but it's hard when you love someone so much. It doesn't make it any easier when she lives a mile from me.
Even if she does call me you're saying to not answer or call her back? I can't imagine that she would just end things this way.
Well, imagine it--I think that you should just move on, cold turkey. Yes, it's rude of her, or perhaps she doesn't want you to think you have a fighting chance of getting back together; whatever the case may be, she's made her feelings clear: she's done and wants to move on.
Let her go. Don't try and tell her she's wrong or that she's rude or whatever: she will either become defensive or completely ignore you, which will just make you feel worse than before. It can't end well. So let her go out into the world and screw up on her own; then and only then will she figure things out... hopefully.
My god man! Take the pill to a better life... No the ex back books don't work and are a waste of your money. However they may help you on a better way of life. Everything in those 'books' are on here and are free across the net.
The message everything, these books and everyone gives to you is "get a life without her!" o and where your happy 2 :)
I know what'll happen, I'll move on and she'll come back - this is my life. Call it a gut feeling but I don't think this is how it ends for us. Does the dumpee's ego ever prevent them from wanting to reconcile.
You are in the false hope stage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
This won't or at least should'nt last very long, a few months maybe.
Yeh, false hope. Few months and ull be over it. Just keep on with your life, plan some trips away and get some good experiances in your life.
Don't be so ignorant either! Fck her and what she wants.. its you who's important, in twenty years will you be pining for her? Blimey I had people come and go from my life for many years so have you. Get used to it, its t he only constant, change!
Don't they always come back just to torment you?
The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.
This I agree so very much with geoffersonairplane. Imagine yourself craving for something like let's say an ice cream,and then when you have, you have half of it and want to throw the rest away... u feel your appetite is done with.Same way here... the girl realized she has you... and left you right there. Don't worry, it happens... learn and make no mistake like this next time. Keep your cards close to your heart. Baring your emotions can be fatal... sometimes though..
Excellent analogy diya,Quote:
Originally Posted by diya
Only thing is, my appetite is never done with ice cream, its just too darn nice. Good job I don't shop for it anymore.
Also, I think that this means that the ice cream knows it has me.
Sorry, I don't know what's happening with my humour today.
No disrespect to the poster by the way with my off topic humour. I realise you are hurting and this is quite a tough time for you and I urge you to re-read the advice you have had so far. Take some time to yourself to think about what it is you need to do to get through all this and you will, I promise.
Geoff I kind of gone off ice cream a bit, I do quite like a snow crème though or a ribenna ice when its sunny!
Learn to not give 100% of yourself to someone? Sounds harsh.Quote:
Originally Posted by diya
Another thing, she's my wedding date in a month- should I go no contact until then or should I just tell her now that I don't want her to be my date (or) that I'm taking someone else (make her jealous). The thing is she used to be friends with the bride (they kind of stopped being friends once we started seeing each other (weird situation) and she was invited to the wedding just not as my date but then we both decided that we would go together. Now that she hasn't called me back since I sent her flowers the other day or yesterday what should I do?
First take a deep breath and Relax. It is quite clear, she is off you right now, so in that situation if I were you, I would act mature, let the days go by NC till the wedding date, won't say anything to her.. all this to make jealous is too childish an act.. and still go to the wedding irrespective she attends it or not. You should have your share of fun with or without someone. It's your life and moments to preserve. IF someone is determined to not be part of your life, to hell with them, there'll be other people to love you.. don't foget to remain happy during the wedding so may find someone charming there... hmmm!Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
Thanks for the advice, I'm not going to call her/text and I'm in the wedding party so we won't even have to be together that much during the wedding so I'm going to have a great time.
I guess it's her loss - all the little things that I would do for her that meant a lot I hope she misses out on because I don't know if someone else would do what I did for her.
I just can't believe that she wouldn't even call me regarding the flowers that I sent her.
U know most of the times we do certain things for people out of expectations, that is the root cause of being unhappy. Now if you truly loved her, sent her flowers to make her feel happy, u did the best, why should you think she should respond in the same fashion. You love her that makes u do things, she does not, so she doesn't respond. You do your best and as they say leave unto the rest... some way it gets repaid. You did a nice thing by sending flowers, that is a beautiful gesture, it certainly is a loss on the psycological being of the receiving party who doesn't recognize love... so sad isn't it!. so buddy, let this not bog you down, do nice things and something good happens at the right time... I firmly believe in this... be optimistic... hoots to what others r doing...
You definitely make a lot of sense. Thank you again for your advice, I will get through this, I think NC will really help this time around, she's being selfish right now - so should I.
If she really loves me and we were meant to be together she will find her way back to me.
Exactly. Very true. If she does love you, she will find her way back through the path she has led to get back to you.
It has to be hard for her to not even call me right? It's hurtful that she wouldn't even return my calls or thank me for the flowers. It just doesn't seem like something she would do.
One thing we all try to do is figure out why we get dumped. We think of all sorts of reasons they don't love us, after all the love we gave. The thing that our hurt feelings don't let us see, and accept is, they don't love us anymore. The reasons are theirs, and completely irrelevant to you. The only thing you should do at this point, is forget them their motives, or their feelings, and deal with your own. Save yourself the misery and pain, and get to the place where you can resume your life without them. Acceptance, as opposed to denial, will allow you to see what you should be doing for yourself, and not let you waste time trying to find answers that may not be there, and wouldn't make sense anyway. Save the confusion which has you stuck, and let no contact start your healing.
I am starting no contact, it's better this way. This girl really got me - I was always there for her, made sure she was happy, always a gentleman. She could always be herself with me and I with her. I can't imagine she'll find that in a new relationship, I give up.
Right... so stick to your guns buddy... it may be hard in the beginnin, but not impossible... if u make up your mind. Just a matter of time, and u'll be sailing through all of this pretty well... trust me... and don't dig your thots of what, why, if and buts... lead u to too much confusion... give a damn to people who r no more a part of your life... they're out and out forever... what they're doing aorund the globe, should be none of your business... be happy where you are and meet new people... keep moving... good luck.
I just feel like she's making the mistake of a lifetime. I don't want to be the that got away, but I may have to be.
u're still thinking about her , what she's gained and what she has not... One thing is certain you have certainly not learnt anything here... not gained an insight into your personal growth and I am sure what we all are saying here means nothing to you and you come across as a weak willed person... if you think you're not, get her out of your system... NOW.
Believe I am, this is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime.
Righthearted...
Stop listening to country music.
My Ex introduced me to country music. And I also have concert tickets to a lot of big shows this summer, hopefully I'll have someone to go with me.
Yeah... like I said. Stop listening to it. For now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
But then come back, cause it's clearly the best.
If this is the toughest thing you've ever had to go thru' then go and ask people who are dying of hunger all over the world, who have no money to feed their kids, who are dying of cancer and other dreadful diseases... mmm if what u're going through is the toughest... then imagine what they'e going through... think about it... what you're facing is much trivial to lot of problems people are facing in their lives... uh!Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
Come on, be fair, he said it was "probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime"Quote:
Originally Posted by diya
He didn't liken his situation to anyone else's, he didn't compare it to poor or starving people's situations, he's meerly stating how he feels... in pain! I don't think his pain is trivial at all! :confused:
Hey, what he needs to realize is that there r tougher things in life and he needs to be strong... if he realizes what I've said above, his problem related to the person who cares about him no more would prove trivial... and though all of us go through these situations, we get stuck, rather than realizing there are so many other problems life put forward that we need to be always be confident to facing them with strength and practicality. Once again I reiterate that if he keeps thinking his problem is one of the toughest he will never be able to emerge a stronger person... period.Quote:
Originally Posted by iAMfromHuntersBar
But you could respond to 99% of the questions on this site with that answer! (Unless the question was 'Help - I can't afford to feed my starving kids')
Surely if Righthearted thinks this is a really tough situation (and I agree with him) AND we help get him through it he'll be stronger person than if we say it's a trivial situation, get over it!
First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.
Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.
OK then keep sympathesing with his toughest problem in life and give him a crying shoulder in disguise of saying you're giving him strength... think about it... we need to get him out of it... soon before he posts another depressing suicidal note on this forum...
Whoa-nothing suicidal here, just looking for some advice and to hear how others cope.
I guess the decent/right thing for her to have at done (if it had been me) would've been to call on Monday the day she received the flowers and said thanks for the flowers but I don't think you should be doing these things for me as I don't deserve them if we're not dating. The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??
How long were you with her and how long has the break up been?
Almost 2 years we dated and we broke up almost 2 months ago.
I guess the decent/right thing for her to have at done (if it had been me) would've been to call on Monday the day she received the flowers and said thanks for the flowers but I don't think you should be doing these things for me as I don't deserve them if we're not dating. The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??
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