You don't have to give it a name-just stay focused on not falling off the wagon.

Stick with your decision-you know you can do it.

Cyberhug.

Hang in there, and if you have to call it anything, call it your new found freedom.

Thanks.. I would haven't be able to do it without your help.. I have taken lot time.. can't face myself.. I should have not get involved with him again.. You were always right about everything.. but I listened more of my heart rather than you guys.. that's why I am hurt again..

Face yourself and work on rebuilding your selfesteem.

See this as a learning experience,and now you can move on to a new happy life.

Painful yes, suffering NO! Do what you have always wanted to do to make yourself happy! With him out of your life, you are free to pursue other options and opportunities, that are better than suffering through a bad situation. Its called good clean adult FUN!

First of all, congratulations. Whew!!

I agree w/Tal. And everyone.

Remember what its like (or discover again) to be happy.

Without this burden. One-sided. Not happy.
Hes someone you don't need, or even worry about anymore. Out completely.

Just you. Stick with it. Don't fall back on your bad habits. Ever.

I am not able to come out of the guilt of getting physically involved with him... whatever has happened between us was mutual... and was not feeling bad that time too... but now when it ended and I am thinking about all... I am feeling all used... I don't want to blame him alone.. because I am equally responsible for that or may be more than him... knowing the fact of his marital status... I gave into my feelings... I am going on with these hidden wounds... I keep on smiling for my friends and family but whenever I am alone... I couldn't stop... and burst into tears with this guilt...

I think you should find a good therapist to help you sort this out.

Sometimes we need the help of a professional to be able to understand why we do what we do.

Your feelings are normal,but it's time you got the right help to enable you to start rebuilding your selfesteem.

A good vent, rant, and a cry on the shoulder of a good friend will do you good. One that will listen, and hug you at the end. Maybe an angry letter, and then burn it is also an option, or all the above.

Today I received his text message in which he has written that he agreed to my decision because he himself was feeling guilty of what all we did and he doesn't want to spoil his marriage life... he didn't marry me and chose her wife.. because his heart says so... and the moments we spent together now will always be special to him and that he has a place for me in his heart... he wrote that... he asked me... that he would love to meet me... to talk to me but just like friends only and nothing more... no physical involvement... and that he doesn't want to lose me as his friend... I didn't reply to his message... because I am not in a state to say or decide anything... I don't trust myself and my decisions now...
So need your help again... what should I say to him.. if he ask me again... I can never understand this guy... I don't want to think anything... he changes so swiftly... every moment he says something new... and his own words make a cross on his earlier one's...

You d o NOT reply to any of his messages-e v e r again.

Delete without reading them,better still,change your phone number!!

Please tell me you're not about to start this all over again!!

I am not going to start anything ami... I just asked here for your response... as I said.. that now I will not make any decision related to him specially on my own... he hurted me a lot and I want to live peacefully now...

I agree with Amicon, this has to be getting exhausting. Simply do what your head is telling you.. you know that is the right way to handle this. Just stop... period.

Stringer

>cyber hug<, for thinking before acting. That's a positive step to take, and deleting his text without reading or replying is the next step.

A thought came in my mind, was thinking over it... and I thought whatever question I am having can have the best answer here only... once he said.. that he got best wife.. he loves her and happy with her... if that's the thing.. if a person really loves.. adores and respect his wife... if a person really feels his wife to be the best wife in the world.. will he go to some other woman and have relation... its not about him only... its about the feelings which a person feels... will he do this?

Please stop analyzing his behaviour and his possible thoughts.

You don't need to understand where he's coming from-all you need to do is to keep putting your life,without him in in,together again.

I am not analyzing his words ami, its just his words have really hurt me a lot.. if his wife is so perfect to him... what for and why he was doing with me... he said several times that he loves me... I hate him for all...

Strong feelings of animosity are understandable,but my question to you is-what are you doing in practical terms to get help rebuilding your selfesteem?

Ami, I am following the NC strictly... in a good job and getting married soon... with a guy of parents choice... I am happy without him... but still whenever I am alone... these thoughts start coming in my mind... I don't feel upset on what has happened because I know whatever has happened could be wrong but that was my love for him.. I truly loved him... and now when I am going to be someone else part of life... I will be fully committed to him... still something inside is empty... I have all good things around me... everybody loves me... my family... my friends.. and you guys who supported me in my toughest time are there for me... I have learnt to forgive myself... and to him as well... but still these questions come and go in my life... what to say... it was my life... but his words keeps popping up in my mind... sometimes I smile with no reason... and sometimes get lost into thoughts... he was not ready to leave me... I was just trying to understand why these things happen... I have lost something... the trust on love... I am ready to compromise with my life... have lost my smile in all this...

You made the choice to leave him,finally-the memories will fade,with time and you'll,hopefully,be able to be happy with your new life.
><

Sometimes the words we hear do not match the actions another takes. You have to take them both words, and actions in total to get a bigger picture than just the narrow view of what you want.

And when we are hurt by the way things work out we must rebuild ourselves with a proper healing, so we do not hurt when we are alone, and dwell on the hurt, and the people that hurt us. That takes time and a lot of work on your part.

So I hope you heal properly before you decide to marry, and gain true happiness with yourself again, or your hurt and pain will make you an unhappy lousy partner, and that's not fair to someone, anyone else.

Be good to yourself, and heal before you make big decisions. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Got few emails from him, which I should have not read, but I did..
He used abusive language for me... said I have no character because I got involve with him emotionally and physically knowing he is married... his wife is million times better than me... and he doesn't want me in his life... my absence doesn't efffect him... etc.. etc... a week later got another email.. in which he apologized for the previous email and said that he was drunk and had no idea what all he sent to me... he came to know only when he saw his email in sent email... said he respects me and loves me a lot and want me back again... and is very much feeling sorry for what he wrote in his email... though I didn't respond to any of his email... and it didn't left much effect on me too... I know my mistakes and may be he is right in saying what he said... but again his changed words leave me in some thoughts... thoughts about what exactly this man thinks and want from me... if he hates me so much why he is coming back and if he loves me why he is saying such things... I am getting no answers to this... need help in getting clarity about his intentions...

Sex... something on the side. To me this man has no character, pride or integrity. Please give yourself a break and realize that this is all he wants... actions speak much louder that words.

Continue to ignore him and give yourself a chance at a happy life.

Proud of you that you have gotten this far but you need to have NO CONTACT at all... delete emails without reading them. Why even open them?

Stringer

Hes just trying to hurt you more.

Some people are twisted that way. Putting the blame elsewhere so they don't have to feel anything.
Especially drunk ones.

If you really go NC, you won't have to ever deal with that again.

But, you are the one that accepted the emails & read them.

Who's to blame now? You, for not blocking him for good...

Disappear from him. Act like he doesn't exist.

"his wife is million times better than me...and he doesnt want me in his life...my absence doesnt efffect him"

Ok, well, later then, you knew that already, right? No more reason to chat.

Block his email and keep moving on with your own life-it
Doesn't matter what he thinks,feels or does.

He's history.

He is history.. dont think so... every time I try to go away from him... life throws me in front of him... I left my job because my office was near to his workplace and in that situation it was difficult to avoid him... we came very close.. got intimate.. to the extent we never came in so many years... and when I think of the time I spent with him... I don't feel guilty... although its against our society.. our culture... but still I love the time I spent with him... I went for an interview yesterday... and he was in front of me.. he was there with some work... he ignored me... and passed by me... then outside the office... I said hello to him... he said he is guilty of the time he spent with me... and doesn't want those things to happen again... I know whatever he said was right... but when I heard it from him... I didn't feel good about it... hours later I called him... don't know why... I had nothing to talk about... but I wanted to hear him... he didn't answer the call... I waited... then sent him a text... he didn't reply to that too... as the time was passing... something was going in me... lot of thought were running in my mind... at one time I said fine he did it for good... and I should have not called him... and on second moment I again picked the phone and called him... the more he was ignoring my calls and texts.. the more I was calling him... but he kept quite... like I did to him... at last at the end of the day... I received a text from him... in which he told me not to call him because he is busy and at home... I know its my mistake... to say hello to him... but I want to confess something here... I went on NC.. tried everything to keep myself busy... but I never forgot him... 20 hours a day.. he is in my thoughts... in nights I couldn't sleep... shared my problem with a close friend... she also tried to help... I tried to be attentive to the guy I was engaged... but I was not there with him... my mind was always there to him... its over now... he cheated me.. and then cheated his wife... but still my heart wants him... I am sick... I know you all will scold me after reading all this... and truly I was afraid of saying that I broke the NC again...

No scolding, forgive yourself, and do better.

I love him Tal... and I want to spend my entire life with him... I feel scary when I think of getting married to some other man... he can never be mine in this life... I know... and I can't do anything... I have lost him already... but this pain never ends...

It will if you follow a few suggestions and not act on your own hurt feelings. Look, we all here have been dumped, and had our hearts broken, and it hurts, but we deal with the pain and act in our own behalf to thrive and survive so we can move on and do better for ourselves.

Every time you go back to the misery and pain, you get more misery and pain. As you now know. Remember that when you ever see him again, or have that urge to call or text him. Just don't repeat the action you know for a fact, are BIG mistakes.

Which part of you want to stay stuck in the misery of the past?

Why won't you allow yourself to move on?

That's what you need to look at.

Don't make this obsession, because that's what it is, a life style.

I agree. Your obsessed. Hes not the only guy in this world.

The sooner you put him out of your head, the better you will be.

Until then, you will be holding yourself back.

How much longer to you want to be unhappy?

You are doing all of this to yourself. C'mon now.

I am trying... and he is also no more interested in me... that's what I felt... whatever we lived is nothing for him...

All the more reason to let it go.

Hey guys.. thanks to all of you from bottom of my heart... finally I feel out of all this... thanks for all the support and good advice...

Hey,great!!

Take good care of you!

I love it when posters get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.