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A little crazy? Why am I the bad guy here?
Sit & wallow or get on with it.
The whole reason we are here is because of you. We heard all of this already.
Stop letting us down. Screw her.
Get out. Get some fresh air.
Again you're are posting, reading, experiencing things, but its one ear & out the other.
Let me ask you? Why do you love this girl so much now?
Or why do you hate yourself?
We all have bittersweet memories from our past relationships.
The thing is to not allow yourself to swim around in the murky pond of a failed and abusive relationship.
You have to chose yourself,life and happiness.
Only you can do that.
Vanheart, you have mistaken. I mean the things I'm going through now are a little crazy. Not you, as you guys have been very helpful. Without you guys, I wouldn't be where I am now. I guess maybe when I got to know she's moving to another part of the world, the feelings just rush in again. It's like I'll never see her again. It's silly to feel this way, it's silly to even think of it. I started to wonder if my feelings for her would ever change...
Sorry guys, I was using my housemate's desktop. Didn't know he didn't sign off from it. He was the one who recommended this site to me...
I've finally calmed myself down... I know there's nothing I can do but to let go. It hurts so bad.. I guess one of the things that's holding me back is she may be a different person now... A better one maybe? And it does take a lot of time to forgive myself for not treating her right in the past too. And the reason why I find it hard to let go is because she was the first person I fell so hard with. I made her my priority and now I'm left with nothing but tears and heart aches... I skipped my classes and wandering around like a lost soul. I thought I've had enough of bad news... till my friend told me that she's moving. I have a lot to pick up... I will try harder this time to get up from this fall. I will try not to dwell in the past... and concentrate on the present moment. I hope I will feel better soon :(
Whenever I got in a blue mood, and wanted to go crazy over a lost love, I always remember the bad times, to remind me how lucky I was to be rid of the problem, most times I got mad at myself for putting up with so much BULL CRAP!!
I don't know if this is normal but somehow I feel that she's just want to "erase" all the memories we had by moving far away from here so that she won't be reminded on how we used to be whenever she goes... Is it normal to feel this way?
Your over analyzing the situation , she's not the one in pain or denial so why should she move to another country to forget the memories?
Bottom line is you're the one who's having trouble letting go , like we've been telling you to do now for nearly 3 months :rolleyes:
It's normal to have feelings of loss and heartache after a breakup but there comes a point where you just have to accept it and realise that wondering what she's doing and thinking means absolute jack sh*t because it's totally out of your control.
The sooner you do that the sooner you'll heal and not be stuck with all this turmoil in your life , it's 3 months now Tragedy , and we can't do it for you , we can only cuddle you through the initial period and advise you what you need to do , you're the one who needs to do it.
Tragedy,
We've given you love, advice and harshness. Oh, yeah & cuddling...
Its beyond time for realization and some SERIOUS EFFORT on your part. Doesn't seem like you listen or want to take the steps. Why is that? Do you want to keep letting yourself feel like sh$$t?
After she dumped you, she didn't hurt you any longer. You just continue to hurt yourself. All in your head.
She's gone & is doing what she wants.
No more reason to hang on. Start doing something, anything as long as its for you.
Hey man,
She will NEVER hurt you again.
This is something I would never thought it will happen but it does. My ex wanted to meet up with me! And she denied the fact that she's moving. Why? It's already confirmed she's moving and why does she need to play games with my head and told me that ain't true? She made the entire context like I was the one who avoided her first, but in fact she avoided me like the plague. Again, why? Won't she get tired of lying and stop playing games? That reminds me of how she "showered" me with love on my birthday by giving me a 2nd hand PS2! Now it makes me feel like I'm worth nothing. What's with the meet up? Should I even go?
She will , if you stop reacting to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by tragedy
Yeah sure go , if you want to go back to square one and undo all the healing you've done so far :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by tragedy
Stay with the NC, and be done with the games, and whatever else she has in store for you.
What could she say except "I'm sorry for being an idiot", and I doubt that's the case.
I doubt she'll be saying that too. She did tell me that she wanted to make peace with me that's why she's asking for a meet up. What's with making peace? So that she can forget about the past and have a better life with her current man? I was ditched like a dirt for god's sake! What does she want from this meet up? To tell me how wonderful her new man is? I feel sooooo betrayed.
The Dumper often feels guilty for the dumping , that way they like to stay in the friendzone to ease their guilt , ie: knowing you don't hate them.
It's actually quite selfish which is why it's wise to stay NC , and that's for your sake not hers.
Call it a hunch... I think she has completely moved on and ready to be friends again. In another words, she no longer stings when she sees me. But it still stings when I see her. She moved on so fast with another man and I'm very sure it helps her a lot since she's being showered with "Love" where else I'm stuck here crying like a sick puppy. :(.
Now, when she's ready, she wants to meet up. How selfish is that? Can't she recall what she did to me?
Don't meet up with her.
There is no point and it will set you back.
Whatever her reasons are,they are not important now.
The important thing is your own continued healing.
Tragedy, you've got to be kidding here. Honestly.
What? Still not listening to a piece of advice here. Were getting blue in the face.
What exactly are you looking for? Someone that says its OK to go after this girl. Ok go after her. THERE.
You are being a total idiot. C'mon.
This is becoming another joke. Don't take this help for granted.
Think about that.
Vanheart, thanks for the slap. You guys have been a great help. I will not meet her because deep inside I know it will not do me any good. I seriously need to heal. Too much of pain. :(. I've been keeping myself really really really busy lately, so that whenever I reach home, I'll feel extremely tired and doze off. This saves me from having her images flashing through my head, which hurts a lot.
You must make a conscious choice to leave all this,sorry,BS in the past.
Make your mind up to do that,and stick to that decision.
You deserve to start being good to yourself.
Get on with it,and keep up the staying busy-thats the way to go.
Thanks, amicon. I know it's a tough journey, but I have to go through it. Thoughts of her with her new guy really hurt me bad. Someone told me last couple of weeks that her new guy is one of her ex's friends. It means that they knew each other for quite some time, obviously way before me and the thoughts of me being her ex's rebound makes me feel so sad.
I'll try to be good to myself from now on. I've been grieving for more than 1/2 year. I hope this will stop soon.
Don't just try-do it-be good to yourself.
Do at least one thing every day that makes you feel happy,really happy.
It's a new week,make this the week your new life starts.
Yeah just try. As if. Do you know how?
You're making it tough. Yeah you. By wallowing and relying on this cuddling here.
When are you going to do something? Haven't heard jack sh**t about that, only boo hoo-ing.
If you'd started NC etc. at the start like we all advised you to the grieving would be virtually over by now. That's why we say the sooner you start accepting it's over and start to move on the sooner you'll get to that good place.Quote:
Originally Posted by tragedy
Bottom line... it's your choice!!
She is probably going through mental problems or she ended up -ucking around on you and instead of her looking like the bad guy maybe trying to make you look and feel like the bad guy to make herself feel better for whatever reason. She obviosly is not remorseful for screwing around which is probably exactly what happened.
Why are you apologizing I wonder what set her off, truly. Sometimes others hate other people for no reason. Obviously she disposes you for some reason but what does it matter?
Whatever the reason is it is over, and I hope you find somebody in the future that is more sane and less mental problems.
Good luck.
Hi guys, it's been a while since I last visited this site. I went for a one month break. I was feeling good when I was away from the country. Although her images did flash through my mind, it wasn't that bad, as I was busy walking around, enjoying different cultures, trying new things and most importantly I met a lot of great people. When I was away, my ex kept sending me myspace messages but I deleted it right away after I saw it. I think she is ready to be friend again. But I'm not, as I still have feelings for her. Sometimes I don't, and sometimes I do. It's weird. She thinks that I hate her for all the heart aches she puts me through. I didn't respond to any of her messages. She makes it sounds like I was the one who didn't want to be her friends but in reality she was the one who cut all ties with me. Why so? I'm trying to heal as much as I could. At times, I'm OK. At times, I'm not but I know I'll get through it.
Thanks guys for your advice. It helps a lot!
Good,you're getting there.
Ignore her messages forever.
It doesn't matter what she thinks or feels.
Keep healing and keep being good to yourself.
Come back and let us know how you are.
I must say that the one month break did help me a lot. Being away from the country is definitely a good way of healing. Also, resting my burden to God has helped to get through this difficult time. And not to forget, without you guys, I think I'll probably still keep dwelling on the past. Of course, I will think of my ex off and on, but nothing serious. Lately, I've got a feeling that I'm ready to love. Erm, it's like... I can't wait to love someone. The feeling is so strong, however, without any doubts... I have not met her yet! I can't deny that there are some setbacks till now, but I'll quickly turn it around. Is this a sign that I almost reach the finish line or I'm already there?
I think you are just about ready to cross that finishingline-great-no more tragedy-but harmony!
Of course you'll love again,just take your time and enjoy your life till that happens.
Happy Easter!
Thanks, Amicon... I'm waiting for that moment to come... and Happy Easter to you too! ;)
I think your feeling better, and that's great, don't get me wrong, but there may yet to be more work to be done, as the process is ongoing, but that doesn't mean your completely healed, just feeling good about yourself. There is no hurry, keep working, and see what life brings you, and you will know if you're ready or not, to cope with it.
Healing is never about a partner, past, present, or future, but about your ability to cope with anything you're faced with, especially your own feelings.
Hi guys, I just thought of giving a little update on my progress. One of my friends who's just back from another part of the world invited few of our friends including my ex for some kind of short catch up. Initially I didn't want to go because I do not want any setbacks anymore. But, somehow, something is telling me to go. I went... but I didn't look at her directly. Maybe I should put it this way. I didn't even want to look at her. When she started to talk, I felt a little weird. It's like I could feel the blood was rushing through my veins, and I quickly changed my focus to other things. The interesting part is that weird feeling just vanished a minute or two. I don't feel that kind of pain I had last few weeks or months ago. Of course, I do think of her once in a while (I just dreamt of her yesterday). I don't know how to explain it but the feeling is no longer the same. It's like... I wouldn't want such a friend. I was myself the whole night and I pretended that she doesn't exist at all. I'm glad that I went for the short gathering... I know there'll be some part of me still think of her and I hope it will go away soon. In short, I hope I can reach the finish line soon :)
Thanks, guys for your help and support! :)
Nice milestone. A dreaded & uncomfortable one.
Glad you handled it well & came away feeling good.
In the past now.
Cheers, man.
Great to hear , I think we did mention to you it gets better with time :)
And you didn't believe us did you ;)
I'm proud of you!
Time is a great healer.
Keep going.
It's been a while since I last posted on my progress. Recently, my ex spoke to one of my mates and she kept asking him whether I'm still mad at her and she no longer has that feeling for me and only loves me as a friend. I told my mate that she shouldn't care for me anymore when she no longer loves me. Well, my mate told her exactly what I said and she replied that I should grow up. I find that's ridiculous. Can't she recall what she puts me through?
More drama from not being total NC.
Its up to your mate to respect that.
Whatever you hear isn't going to be good.
Like:
"she no longer has that feeling for me"
Stop worrying about her.
Who cares right :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by tragedy
I really don't care what she wants to say but one thing for sure is that I don't need her sympathy. I'm leaving the town in the next few weeks, moving on to a new place. She can continue to pretend that she cares for me as a friend or being nice in front of my mates, I don't really care. Sometimes, I just don't get it why people behave such a way after they broke someone else's heart...
All Im hearing is her.
Screw that.
You already got it, get it?
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