Nice to hear.
Thanks for the update.
Keep going.

So glad to hear that you are feeling better. Take a lot of time to do things for you that you want to do, and don't worry about when your next relationship will start. It will happen eventually and you should just be totally happy to be single until then! Lots of great reasons to be single, like doing whatever you want whenever you want with whomever you want - and you don't even have to tell anyone where you are going :)

Been 6 months, it still stings like crazy, everything else in my life is fine, but the break up is still a very sensitive, soft spot, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a feeling I'll always have to live with.

The sting will fade and it won't be as sensitive-leaving just a bittersweet memory.

Severe wounds are always sensitive until they heal. It takes time so stick with taking your medicine.

I had a scar on my leg from a hockey skate blade, the scar was purple for about 5 yrs, now you can't even see it hardly!

Time and NC is what it takes so that the sting go away. Make your own life interesting and enjoyable and you should be fine soon.

Great story!! I read all 21 pages and every post! Its amazing to see people change and grow after such a hurtful grevious time in there lives. If you find joy in the journey then you can take your trials and tribulations and weaknesses and turn them into a strength for yourself!! Keep us updated!!

I am not having a setback, nothing happened, but I've been trying to fool myself this whole time. I keep telling myself I'm over her, I can find better, but deep down I know that I'm not anywhere close to being over her. I've done EVERYTHING right, I've been in NC since like, I don't know early November, the last time I looked at her fb was every December, this semester, I'm so busy, I've got work, I've got school, I've been lifting, I'm learning the piano still, and I just recently joined a fraternity, and everything seems perfect from the outside, the fraternity, I love it, I've met so many people, there's always someone to hang out with, school and my job are amazing, I've put on weight, but to be honest, I'd trade it all back in a second to be back with her, or to have back what we had.

It's very sad because I know that even if she wanted me back, I could never go back to her, after what she put me through, I don't think she deserves me, I couldn't let myself do it. But that's what I want so bad, and I've always wanted it.

What eats me up the most is how quickly she moved on, if we were both single, I probably would have been healed much quicker, and I'd probably feel a whole lot better, but her moving on, downgrading in the eyes of most, makes me feel so much worse. I probably have at least one dream a night thinking of her having sex with her new guy. In my mind, she's having the best sex in the history of the world.

It's just something I've learned to deal with though. It bothers the crap out of me, but no one knows, I don't let my emotions show, everyone thinks I'm over it. But to be honest there have been times, maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks that I cry thinking about everything.

I don't know if anyone can relate to what I'm saying, I don't want her back, I can never take her back, but I wish I could.

I feel like I'm thinking about everything that's perfect about our relationship, and she's thinking, or was thinking about that's bad about it.

I feel like, I'd be able to move on better if I knew she was hurting just as much as I was, she might be, she's sort of hinted at it a couple of times, but I don't know. It wouldn't give me hope, it would make me feel like I wasn't the only one who had invested emotions in our relationship.

I don't know, I'm all over the place, I'm just venting, its been almost 7 months, and I still haven't really moved on any. I've been gotten to the point where I've been able to deal with it all, but I still hurt like crazy, I probably think about her on average once every 5 minutes. I really really loved her, and I've changed a lot, humbled myself, become a nicer guy, and really grown up, but Idk, I feel like I need her to share it with, I don't know what to do at this point, I get the temptation to contact her, but that will do nothing, I want to look at her Facebook but that will only make it worse, I don't know my imagination is really killing me right now, I'm at work and I've been typing this up for the past half hour, I don't know I need some help

Look at everything you have achieved and be proud of yourself.
That's what you need to focus on now.

There is no rule book that says you have to heal after a specific number of days.

I do think though,that you should stop measuring yourself against your ex.

It really doesn't matter how she is or what she is doing.

What matter is that you keep going the way you are and that you are patient with yourself.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Its been almost a year for me and I still sometimes wish it would work out between us, but at the same time I don't think he deserves the time of day from me. And yes, it is because you still are only thinking about the good times with her when you do think about her.

There is nothing I can tell you to do that you aren't already doing, except in time you will meet another person that you will have fun with again and then you won't compare your life to your exes any more.

Just think about the fun you are having with your new friends, being single, and don't compare your life to hers. I always think of everything as the next step to where ever I'm meant to be. There is someone much more amazing out there that you haven't met yet.

Keep doing what your doing... there's a lot of people in your boat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadnlostedddd

I don't know if anyone can relate to what I'm saying, I don't want her back, I can never take her back, but I wish I could.

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Classic case of denial. You say you would trade everything just to go back to the way things WERE? WHY? I can see that you have been trying very hard to move on but the fact remains that you continue to dwell on the past and all the what ifs

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadnlostedddd

I feel like I'm thinking about everything that's perfect about our relationship, and she's thinking, or was thinking about that's bad about it.

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You have to stop thinking of what she thinks. STOP IT NOW! It took me a minute to come to the realization that things were over but if you have one last though of her let it be this "she left me, that tells me she just doesnt care and why should I?". That works for me and every time I think about getting back with my ex I remember this thought.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadnlostedddd

I feel like, I'd be able to move on better if I knew she was hurting just as much as I was, she might be, she's sort of hinted at it a couple of times, but idk. It wouldn't give me hope, it would make me feel like I wasn't the only one who had invested emotions in our relationship.

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Again, you have to stop wondering about her and hoping she is going through the same pain. She may or may not be. I don't contact my ex anymore but I do hope she is well.(I used to wish her pain, but that does no good it only stoops to their level) that makes me feel better. Be the bigger man and walk away from this mess for good. Like others have said, there is no timeframe to get over someone but you need to really dig deep and know that there is no going back, only moving forward.

Hey it's normal. It's going to be 6 months for me too. It's funny because I think about the same things like she is having the best sex ever. Then it made me laugh after you said it and it made me realize it's something we all think of. They are not having the best sex in the world. I highly doubt they could find better sex. After doing this one girl who keeps coming back and she wants to hang out again, it showed me that sex is just as good with another girl. I used to grab my girl in the neck and have her smack my face and tell her to touch herself and lick her breast and I'd kiss her feet and bang her saying dirty things. I mostly missed being close and being able to do that stuff. After doing those same things with the new girl, I realized it can happen again and it helped. It's not exactly the same but that's because there isn't that love feeling but it helped me realize sex is just as good and can be a lot better. Sorry for the vivid details but I'm trying to help you out. You are probably having a bad day or thinking too much at work. It happens to me and I can't even write about it here anymore so I suck it in. You will be fine though. I had one love that was very short and the other for about a year and the longest and closest bond was my last one. There is always another one out there. Be patient. Trust me and keep your head up. You've had bad days before, right? These are just those days. You will be a better man at the end. You are maturing and you don't even know it. You are doing great so stay positive and continue being the best you can be. ARMY. LOL

I can def understand why it bothers you that she's with someone else. For me, even the notion that my ex has hooked up with someone or may have a new boyfriend is unsettling, knowing that it's a fact is probably a killer. Hard as it is though, we have to try to follow NewGuy's advice and stop thinking about how she's feeling and how/what she's doing. Keep up the effort, it will pay off eventually.

Hey everybody, thanks for the support, the bad feelings go away, and then come back very quickly, I think it's just a phase and this weekend I'll let out some frustration and have a little fun.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend from hs last night who goes to the same college as me, and her and her hs boyfriend broke up last year, and she started dating someone else soon after, she said that she no longer has romantic feelings for her ex, and doesn't look at him like that anymore, but she still deals with their breakup...

Our breakup was pretty ugly, we broke up, got real emotional, said some pretty harsh things to each other, tried being friends, stopped talking, and then she started dating that other guy, one of the things that bothers me the most is that we were so close and then overnight everything fell apart the way that it did...

Will I always have to "deal" with out breakup, even if I'm in love with someone else?

I don't think you'll have to deal with it much longer,it's a learning experience and its part of life.

That doesn't mean you'll feel sad whenever you remember it,it'll be a memory,though bittersweet.

People don't just break up over night. She had been feeling this way for some time, you just didn't see it.

Deal with the breakup head on by NC her. Over time you will heal and move on completely. Sure you are going to think about her from time to time and wonder how she is doing. That's normal. But those thoughts will become less frequent as you progress through life

Once you fall in love with someone else, your feelings won't be the same for your ex. You will still care about her, but not in the same way -and you will be glad that you two broke up, because if you had stayed together you would never have met the next and better girl :) There is a reason for everything.

Believe me, never want someone who has left you. They are gone for a reason you cannot understand at this time. Actions do speak louder than words and if she has moved on with another guy so soon she has been looking for someone else way before you knew. So don't look back, keep your good memories but don't waste your energy and heart on someone who can walk away from you.

You will move on to other things to deal with soon. But if you haven't learned from this experience, you will carry your mistakes to the next relationship as unpacked baggage.

You are getting way ahead of yourself. Don't worry about those things.

Concentrate on yourself and having fun. Healing now.

Time will tell. You may find that you wake up one day & she is a vague memory.

And you are stronger from it.

I've been reading all of these posts, and I'm really impressed with your progress. Seriously, you were a shell of the man you were at the start of the thread, and now you've realised that you need to move on, and you're beginning to do that. Well done. I'm serious because realising what you have to do is the first step. Don't be hard on yourself when you have setbacks, because it happens to everyone, there is no deadline for being over her, it will take as long as it takes. But you're definitely on the right track, she won't be the end of you, she'll only be one chapter in your life, and when you think about it, a life has about 10-20 chapters, not all centred around one person. Your life is so much bigger than one person.
You'll find someone else, she's out there and she's coming for you as fast as she can.

Very interesting developments over the past week, I think my setback was due to it being springbreak, everyone else was gone and I was lonely so I started to miss her, cause as soon as I started hanging out with my friends again she jumped to the back of my mind, anyway, 2 things, first, last Saturday I went out with one of my pledge brothers and we hung out with these 2 girls, and 1 of them I met last year and we talked a lot and have been talking a lot over the past week, and she's such a sweet girl and I can tell she likes me but I don't want her to be a rebound and I honestly do not feel like being tied down right now AT ALL, she invited me to go to a date function with her tomorrow night, so I'm going with her and her friends and a few of my brothers are coming too, should be fun, however, I don't know how to handle her, I'm interested in her, but bad timing, I feel like she thinks we're already together, she likes kind of clingy, and amidst the intoxication tomorrow night I don't want to do something that willl give her the wrong idea, so what do I do? Should I just let it be, or talk to her about it?

ALSO, I was at a party last night, had a great time, she wasn't there, but I was talking to a lot of other girls, I got a text from my ex, she asked me how I was doing, didn't respond, blah gross don't care about her, her brother messages me this morning and tells me that her and her boyfriend broke up, and I know I shouldn't have let it effect me, but it honestly pissed me off more than anything, I had finally accepted that she was happy with someone, I got to the part or I have been getting to the poitn where I do not care, and this happens,when her brother told me that I was so shocked ijust stared at the screen, but yeah, she's done though, not talking to her, I'm so proud of myself for not responding to her or for not getting all excited that they broke up, I really am moving on, but I'm just worried about this new girl because I do not want to hurt her feelings, but there is the possibility of maybe id want to date her maybe sometime and the near future when I'm not so busy, I've been single a bit longer, but of course nobody wants to be left waiting...

Well before you go out with the new girl tomorrow, tell her the truth. You like her, but you are just getting over your last relationship, and you don't really want to date anyone seriously until you are completely over your ex. You want to ahng out with her, but you don't want to lear her on because you are afraid it would turn into a rebound relationship. Be straight up with her in the beginning. Try not to get completely trashed, and let it get out of hand - because then you'll have to have the conversation all over again the next day or next time you see her.

Definitely just keep doing your thing - don't think about your ex whether she has a boyfriend or not - I wouldn't go back to her - she had her chance, screwed it up to go out with someone else, now you are going to move on, and she will have to accept that you aren't waiting around for her.

Just because she seems eager doesn't mean anything. She maybe is just staking out her territory for the upcoming events. While I believe in honesty, I believe in paying attention before jumping to conclusions and staying out of bad situations, especially where alcohol, and females are freely being mixed.

You would feel foolish if a one night stand, and not a relationship was on her mind, or worse yet, just casual making out. Isn't that what young people do when they party, just hook up??

Relax guy, and have fun, stay alert, and have no worries that are not there yet.

Beats tripping off the ex, got to admit!

Hey man Ive been reading through your thread all day long, seems like it hit you really hard and sorry to hear about it. I had my ex breakup with me back in Jan and it was my first love as well. I have to admit it does suck a lot but you will see the brighter side of things soon. I was a wreck after I got dumped, thought she was the best the world had to offer blah blah blah. She isn't s**t. Im going to put you right around 20 right? Im a little older and to be honest the only person that should matter at a age like this is you. I still think about my ex everyday but I found that you just have to start hating her for what she did and for being so selfish. I know its not easy and not sure how far you are with healing but everything will workout bud. There is always somebody out there that will better the person you are with. Anyway hope you are doing well, keep up the healing!

Haven't updated in about a week and a half, but wow, I feel like a million bucks right now. The ex is no longer the biggest stresser in my life, as a matter of fact, whenever I think about her, it's like a numb sort of indifference towards her. I went back home for easter, and it was a nice day out so I took a book ("the 7 habits of highly effective people" if you haven't read it, I recommend doing it, it'll really change your outlook on things) anyway, I took a book to our 'spot' while we were dating. I can honestly say, she didn't cross my mind once while I was there, I think this past weekend, on Saturday, it was the first time I went a whole day without thinking of her once, and if I did it was subconciously.
I don't know how I've fast forwarded so quickly from about a month ago to now, I think just being around other girls, and seeing that other girls are attracted to me makes me feel a lot better, I'm still not ready to date other people, and besides that I don't think I want to, I'm having wayyyyy too much fun being single.

But when I look back at all that I went through last semester and at the beginning of this semester, I'm so happy that I went through all of it, I'm such a better person, I'm much more humble and down to earth, I try to treat everyone with as much respect as possible, and I've done things that I've always wanted to do, like learning to play the piano (still working on it). I've made sooo many more friends, and I've met a lot more girls, and now I'm starting to gauge what I'd want in my next girlfriend, however far off that is.

I'm going to keep updating, but no more setbacks, I feel that even through all of this, I still wantedd her back, or at the very least, to be as miserable as I was, now, I don't want her back, she's not good enough for me, or 'she's not my type', secondly, I want her to be happy, just like I want everyone that I ever come in contact with to be happy, and maybe in a few months, or years, we can be friends again, right now I'm focused on me and I'm looking forward to my future.

Thanks for all the support, and following my story, all of the advice that I've received has helped me go from crying boy in my bed last August, to the maturing, confident young man I'm turning into.

That's great to hear my friend! Proof that things get easier with time.

Glad you are doing well! Keep it up!

Great news!
Keep going.

Right on, buddy.

hey man, your posts are courageous. The pain does go away and all that are left are fruitless memories. Kind of on the same note... I hung out with my ex ex girlfriend last night randomly after a year and 3 months of not talking really and not really seeing each other. I was like you when we broke up, bed ridden and depressed for months!! My first love and my first everything!! We dated 3 years and I was crushed when she broke up with me... but when we hung out we went to BJs pizza and had dinner... dude there were NOOOO feelings at all!! It was rather just awkward and I wanted the night to be over because I had moved on emotionally, phsicall and mentally and to me she was just another stranger... we had nothing in common really and our lives have gone completely separate ways! I look back now and I'm SO grateful I went through that time of trial and strife! It made me such a better person for myself and my next relationship! Time does heal wounds whether you like it or not. Its amazing how when your in the moment nothing seems like it will ever compare to her again, but when time goes on... you kind of get just a feeling of disgust and uneasy feeling when you think about them. When we departed for the night, I walked her to the door... said my good byes and peaced it out of there for the last time I would ever see her!! She said we should hang out again and I said maybe ( when in all reality I will never in the light of day) when I got home she kept texting me and I didn't respond. I'm so glad I hung out with her in a way, because it let me see the truth and not see her for the all the "happy" and "good" memories of her. Not to be harsh, but to me she's literally nothing. Anyway your doing good man, each day u get stronger. Keep it up.

I've been doing pretty well, but there are some times, like right now, that I really really miss this girl lol. Haven't been in contact since like jan. but there are just times, usually when I'm alone for long periods, where I miss our relationship and wish I could go back. Ever happen to anyone else?

Yep - still happens sometimes. It's normal to miss someone - My ex and I broke up April 2009 and I still miss him on occasion - just get your mind off it and think of how much fun your life is now. There will be another... :-)

Just be glad you aren't in contact.
Believe me.

Happens to me that's for sure. It's easier to deal with if you've got a lot of other stuff going on in your life, but you know that.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, absolutely no contact for the past 7 or 8 months I don't know not counting, no fb, no email, nothing. Ive got a job and Im taking a summer class, but if I get stuck in one night and I'm by myself, my mind goes straight to her. It's frustrating to me now because, before I thought I was over, I didn't care about anything going on in her life, now I understand that I wasn't over her, I was just distracted.

Its strange because I remember thinking probably about this time last year sitting in church "i hope i dont forget about how unhappy i am now if we break up", but for some reason all I can think about was all of the good times we had and all of the things she was to me. Even still, it's been almost a year, and sometimes ill sit at work for hours at a time thinking about her, I can't let it go and I don't know what else I can do to move on, I know it takes 'time' but a year is a long time to still be skipping meals sometimes because I can't stop thinking of her.

The key for you is to recognize when you have these thought (sitting alone), and get up and actually change your focus. Instead of sitting and dwelling, have things to do, like clean your mirror, rearrange your desk at work, or polish your shoes, anything that takes the focus from random thoughts, and feelings, to actual actions to refocus your attention, in more productive ways.

It's a way of developing coping skills, that we all have to have to deal with our feelings in positive, and productive ways. I think this is more about you finding out things about yourself, and having coping strategies that work for you. I doubt that its about her any more, or the healing process, but taking what you have learned about you, and putting it to work for yourself.

Didn't think it could be so complicated did you? Its not after some practice.

I LOVE threads like that, and yes, I've read all 24 pages because it is a story of yet another triumph. Sadnlost (what's up with this name, lose it already!), you have a slight setback and I'm sure you will handle it properly just as you had in a past. But I have a question for you - after so much time apart and pretty much healed, why are you still not dating? Are you sure you don't harbor any hope for you to be back together with her? I know you don't want to - otherwise you'd jump on opportunity to restart the contact when she broke up with her boyfriend - but what's keeping you from completely moving on?

Oh and on a side note - don't you love how they feel so entitled to waltz in and out of our lives - the second she broke up with her new boytoy, she tried to restart things with you - until another boytoy will come along and she'd beak your heart over again. I doubt her brother was contacting you - after you ignored her, she texted you from his phone out of desperation.
So selfish.

Stay strong. You're the winner!

Really you aren't alone in the fact that she pops into your mind still. I wore a shirt my ex gave me today to a phillies game and he popped into my head - its so easy to think about the good things. No one likes to remember the bad times. Its OK to think once in a while, but like the others said - change your focus and start dating.

There are a lot of wonderful people in this world once you go out and meet them.