Think it was in another thread, look into a mirror each day and tell yourself that you are okay with who you are and will work to being a better person
Then do yhour work/read a book/ watch a movie/ learn an instrument/ etc
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Think it was in another thread, look into a mirror each day and tell yourself that you are okay with who you are and will work to being a better person
Then do yhour work/read a book/ watch a movie/ learn an instrument/ etc
Well, here I am. I spent this whole day alone. I went to work and came home. I mostly spent my time in bed since I was sick but I did get to hang out with this one girl for a while. I played the guitar and browsed the web. I did not feel lonely nor was I sad but I did not enjoy it either. I wish I could have done something more active with a friend or (ex partner). But life is such and I need to get used to this. This is so different and I do not know if I like it at all. I enjoy the time I have to myself but I enjoyed time with my ex even more.
You have to live your life as it is, it is still new for you so you're adjusting. It's OK to go out but leave some time for yourself to just chill out alone doing whatever you want to do. Learning to live alone is not easy in the beginning but after a while things do get better.
I prefer my life now then when I was with my ex. I have girls chasing me but I don't care too much about finding a partner right now.
Wow you seem like a very nice compassionate man, which is very hard to find. It hurts there is no possible way it would not hurt when a love ends, especially when you are the one still in love. I believe it is one of the most excruciating feelings to endure, it is almost as if someone has died. Despite the fact that you might believe these feelings will never subside, they will. If it takes weeks, months, it will pass, everyday it will be easier to move on. Everyday your heart will become a little more healed, and your thoughts of her will become less and less, even if thinking of her 23 hours of the day lessens to 22 you will slowly make progress. Eventually you will learn to live life without her, because time heals almost everything. You will learn that there are others out there for you, even if it doesn't seem that way now there is. Someone like you, with obviously so much love and compassion to give, will have no problem finding another to love and love you back. Stay strong hun and realize that with losing someone you love, can never be healed by anything but time. Good luck and please know that there is someone else out there to love and love you. Imagine what you felt when you were with her and know you will feel that again one day.
You would be surprised at how many college girls are looking for someone like you, I almost think it is the reverse, do you know how hard it is to find a college guy who wants a long term committed relationship? Most women want a relationship and love not to get laid, which no offense is most guys (note I said MOST). Have you tried dating anyone else? Maybe that would not be such a good idea considering the mental dependency you still seem to have for her, but it is worth a shot. There are lots of beautiful girls with wonderful personalities out there, who ARE looking for relationships and love, even though they are in college.Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
Thank you for you comments white-rose. Yeah there are others out there and I already met some. I just need to take things slow and work on myself so that I am ready to date again. Also, right now I just enjoy getting the attention from others. I also agree with you that time will heal my feelings and this is still a very fresh wound. There is a lot of adjustment that needs to be done now but hopefully in the end it will be worth and I will find another woman to love. She might even be committed to me and not think about dating others while she is in a relationship with he. Haha
I enjoy getting attention too, lol! Knowing that girls are interested in us can make us feel better about ourselves and I used that a lot. Flirting a bit is great as long as you don't show you want something serious.
You're a great dude you just need to control your emotions and actions... by hoping you are NOT going to break NC yet again *sigh*.
Yeah, I'm not the best at keeping NC hence why I keep hurting myself. But I am getting better slowly each day.
That's the right spirit, emotions are emotions and they might just get in your path but taking bit by bit is still progress!
Wow, I can't stand this emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm fine and the other I am a mess. I miss her so much right now. I cannot believe I lost someone so beautiful as her. She was perfect in every way. Yes we had an issue here and there but no relationship is perfect. I am having such a hard time accepting the fact that she is out of my life. I would do anything to get this girl back but I can't. I need to be strong and stay away from her. Just like many people mentioned she is like a drug and I am going through withdrawal now that I do not have her anymore. If you all only knew her and what type of woman she was. Any man who falls in love with her will be one lucky man because she has so much to offer. She can make you feel like a million bucks in every way. I miss her and I wish every night to myself that one day she comes back. I hate these lows.
If it helps any, I have let many a fine women slip through my greedy hands. I kick myself every time and vow, "Never again"!! But it only takes one who comes along to change that and today, I am truly grateful for being butter fingered in the past.
Sometimes though the what ifs, and close calls, haunt you. It passes quicker now than it use to.
Kudos for not getting carried away by passing emotions, and feelings. Expressing them here is a lot better than dwelling to long, so back to the game, >sigh<.
Yeah, I think expressing these feelings somewhere helps a lot instead of having to dwell on them. I decided to go to the gym to work some of these emotions out.
Excellent decision, say hello to someone new while your there.
Its funny that you say that because on my way back from the gym I stopped in the kitchen that is located on our floor to get some water and introduced myself to 2 girls that were chatting in there. The workout helped a little with the emotions. I am not really depressed or sad. But I am not really all that happy either. I am in this between stage were everything feels new and strange.
But since we have broken up I have been trying to become a better man in every way. I bought myself a guitar and started learning how to play it. I started going back to the gym to bulk up and just made sure that I learned from the mistakes that I made in this relationship. My only worry though is that she was my first real relationship. I never really dated anyone before. I have no problem meeting girls and having them be interested in me but I just have not been in many relationships. I worry now that I will not find another relationship and if I did find one that it would not be as good as my past one.
I mean, I am confident in who I am in almost every way. I dress well, I am in great shape (6-7% body fat), I have many talents, and am very comfortable with the opposite sex. I just do not know why I am lacking confidence in myself right now. I think it is because of my past and how in high school not many people were interested in dating me. I think that has stuck with me and affects me now.
I have met one girl though. She is beautiful in every way (personality, looks, etc... ) I feel though she is out of my league though because she is a graduate student and I am still a junior in college (undergrad). Also, I met her through a friend of mine who is in the same grad program as her. This friend of mine is totally into me so I can't just go up to her and ask her questions about her cute friend. I am not ready to date either yet since I am still working on myself but this girl is so beautiful.
Ya know, when guys get carried away by their attractions, they want more, and then they act more like suitors trying to impress, than friends who pay attention. Let them be impressed and want more, then all you have to do is pay attention, and just be your happy charming self.
Talaniman Rule-Never express interest in a female to her friends, you don't need the drama of having them to into your business. Keep 'em guessing and wondering. Just keep paying attention.
I will try that. I mean the only times I see the cute one is when I am hanging with the other grad student. I have no idea how to approach her since I barely know her. But her beauty just swept me off my feet. It definitely made me realize that there are other fish in the sea.
I have no idea why my mind can't stop wondering about my ex. I am doing everything right. I went to the gym, played the guitar, and focused on my homework. Her image is burned into my mind. I remember all those precious moments we had together. I remember the warmth of her body as we cuddled into bed every night. I remember the in depth conversations we had about our lives and what we went through. I remember the gaze she gave me as we became intimate. I remember her soft touch as she kissed me in the mornings. I remember her beautiful voice as she sang every morning while getting ready. I remember all the wonderful hours spent together embraced in each others arms. My life was complete with her. She meant the world to me and still to this day does. Knowing that she is/will be soon with another man will destroy any remaining parts of my heart.
I know, I know. I need to let her go and focus on myself. I need to build myself up and let go. I need learn how to be alone again and be OK with it. I know all this but the fact is I just want to be with her.
I am feeling sick to my stomach again. The more I think about us the more I realize what I could have done to make our relationship better. I could have been more adventurous and been more interested in her interests. I could have taken her rock climbing more. Listened more to music she preferred. What a dumba** I am. But now she is gone.
I guess you know, but I had diarrhea for 2 weeks after my break up. Even 5 month later I'm still thinking of her in those terms but it doesn't hurt that much. There is nothing wrong you're doing. Just keep doing everything you are doing.
Isn't the feelings dimming down though? You have to stop putting her on a pedestal, you are a super dude who deserves the best. It's her loss and your gain, literally. You also need to understand you are missing the affection, not her.
Buddy, it sucks. That's the hard part of the breakup. When my ex and I broke up for the FIRST time (I say first because I was stupid enough to take her back 4 more times... ) I couldn't eat or sleep for weeks. I was a zombie. I felt like a complete loser, myself esteem was shot, and I was a wreck.
However, now is a different story. You have to be patient with yourself, be forgiving. Part of loving yourself is understanding your weaknesses, as well as your strengths. Your feelings will ebb and flow like the tide. Some days you will feel like a "new man", chatting up girls, and discovering how awesome single life is. Some other days, you will be lonely and bored, and your mind will flash back to the good times with the ex.
In my opinion, you're doing fine. You're still in the shock/denial stage, but you're slowly getting into the bargaining stage... where you realize what you did wrong, and you want to fix it to make it all better. You think there's still a slight chance of getting back together, and everything will be bliss like it was. Eventually, you will accept the breakup is final, and move on.
I've been broken up with 5 TIMES by the same girl! Hahaha, you don't want that to happen to you, do you?
Just let the natural progression take its course. Keep your head up, don't cry in your beer, and stay focused on building yourself back up. You're doing all the right things, just trust in the fact that eventually things will be much, much better.
There are lots of women out there in college looking for relationships. I know this because I am in college and have been in a happy four year relationship. Being that I have so many girlfriends, I know what most of them are looking for. My friends want stable relationships with nice guys, and a lot of girls in college who sleep around blah blah... in the end want romantic relationships to a man they can come home to every night. Yes A4Effort I feel very sympathetic towards you, because I am still in a relationship with my first love, so I could not imagine how terrible losing him would be. Being that she was your first love, I can see how hard it would be to move on, because she is the only person you experienced love with, you must be apprehensive to thinking you could find love with anyone else. And of course, you will, YOU WILL.Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
I am glad that you understand how I feel and I also appreciate a college females perspective on this too. I just need time pass so it can heal my wounds. Every day some piece of me heals a little. With every girl I meet I become more comfortable with being single.
It is just weird because my entire life I had this fairy tale in my mind where I would meet the girl of my dreams and eventually we would marry. I met her but it did not turn out into a happily ever after story.
You also should understand we all have that fairy tale mentality. Just because this one didn't work out doesn't mean it is all gloom and doom. Good thing about dreams is they don't become impossible until we stop believing.
I have met more than my fair share of dream girls... one of which I was certain would be my wife one day. That clearly didn't work out. That doesn't mean there isn't someone better out there for me.
It's true what KC said, it's important not to focus on the ladies (or the boys) and live our life. Life should not be about finding the right person, it seems people are too focused on being in a couple. Don't forget you will have a lot of break up before you find the right one.
Yeah, you two are right. I never focused so much attention on it before until I met her. Before it was all about succeeding in my education. But once I met her it was a whole new experience and I decided to invest a lot of time into this new way of life. Now that it is gone I need to revert back to the old days and make myself #1 priority again.
It is just so strange though how she made me believe that her and I would last forever. She always used to tell me how I was the one for her. I was the one that made her complete. I was the one who she saw marrying one day. I was the one who she was most compatible with. I was this and that... etc... It is sad that she came back the first time around and lied to me about being committed to me and telling me that she will not have the same feelings again. I asked her and made it clear the first time around that if she needed time to explore that she should have taken it then. I asked a billion of times: "If you come back to me will you not question yourself/our relationship?" "If another guy walks by that you are attracted to will you not regret having stayed with me?" Yes, yes, yes!! I won't regret. Blah blah blah... So what does she do? After spending an entire summer together, working on our previous problems, and having a great time together, she decides to have those feelings again. It pisses me off! Why did she lie to me in the first place and why was I so dumb to believe her?
Me and my ex was supposed to get married right before she broke up with me, it was her idea :). You are young, very young explore while you are ahead. What does it help you to know the answers to these questions? There is a huge difference between a girls talk and what they do. Read their action, not their words.
To tell you the truth, I really think that I am getting better. Each day, I think less and less of her but that doesn't mean that I am not thinking of her a lot. I am continuously meeting new people and making new friends. I have no problems socializing and meeting new people. I also enjoy getting looks from girls every time I walk around campus because I dress well. I never noticed before. Things are looking up slowly but surely. I still have the pain in my heart about having lost my ex but I feel OK with it. Its not the end of the world anymore. But I do miss being in a relationship.
Well there you go. Same thing for me, I also enjoy getting looks from girls, especially when I dress well but I generally look good though. Even though you miss the relationship part, you have to learn to be completely and fully happy and not wanting a relationship, before you look for one or that one comes to you.
Well I have no idea why this happened but I ended up dreaming about her all night which I usually don't. I dislike Tuesdays and Thursdays now because it means that I have to see her in my classes. I always build up over the weekend because I don't see her for about 4 days and then comes the day I have class with her. I have two classes with her and I am fine in one but in the other there is that guy who keeps flirting with her. One thing that surprised me a lot is once I talked to her (roughly 2 weeks ago) about him and she told me how she knew he while we were dating. She told me how she always found him interesting. I was really pissed off inside because I thought to myself how she was picking out guys while we were together and was just waiting to break up so she could pursue those guys. But like last time. I will sit in front of the class, engage in class discussions, and look nonchalant if front of her even though I will probably be tearing myself apart inside.
So this was very odd. I was working in my psych lab and my ex walked in. She works close by in another lab. She engaged in a conversation and asked me how my weekend was. She asked what I did and then she proceeded to talk about her weekend. I felt very strange because she never approached me before like this. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and told me to have a good day. I was very confused as to why she did that. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to talk to her because there were others in the room. Has she moved on and is trying to make a friendship? Is she just trying to hurt me more? Why did she do that? I don't feel well now having talked to her and I have a class with her in an hour where that guy will most likely flirt with her.
Maybe she was just trying to be friendly, or she could be screwing you around. I'm not sure what her purpose was of doing that because nobody here knows her disposition like you do. The vibe that I get from her is she wants her cake and to eat it too. It seems almost like after a period of her freedom with other guys, she thinks she can just come back to you, and everything should be okay, like you shouldn't care. I just believe that she seems insensitive, if she knew you well which I'm sure she does, she would know that you are extremely upset and hurt inside. If she will flirt with other guys around you and honestly not care, what does that say about her? Sorry A4Effort Im constantly replying to your posts but I have a lot of opinons! Haha :pQuote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
No I appreciate your opinions very much. I don't know why she is doing that. But here I am in class and I can here her and her "friend" talk a out how they want to gt together and study. She already has his number and probably hung out with him. Having her come in earlier and now hearing this makes me feel so great! Hearing them talk makes me hurt and pissed off at the same time. Why does she screw with me? I hate seeing her now because I immdiatly loose anything that I have built up.
That's not very sensitive of your ex I agree with previous poster.
And you have to attend that class I guess?
Grin and bear it is all you can do though-tough as that is.
Maybe this will help you knock her of the pedestal?
Yes, I dread every time I have to be in this class. I am minding my own business and I am acting like nothing is happening. I can't wait until I feel better. This does show me that she is not the goddess that I thought she was. I hate this day!
Its progress when we can start looking at the exes and realise that they weren't Miss or Mister Perfect.
And you re doing a good job keeping your dignity intact by not losing your cool.
I am flipping out inside. I don't know what to do with myself. I have this fake smile on my face but I am clawing my insides. Every time this happens my anxiety that I once had comes back. Staying strong is so difficult right now.
You know what, screw her! Seriously. Tough love is coming A4... DO NOT give her the satisfaction of your anger! You stay strong for yourself and the hell with her. It sucks but you'll get through this.
Hang in there -you can do it.
I stood strong. I did not let me see me in the state that I was in. I left the class and went to my next one which I have with her too. The only difference here is that I am one of 3 guys in that class so no flirting happening there. As I came in she asked me how I was doing. I told her calm mannered that I was fine and left to sit down in my spot. The whole time during class she kept on looking at me discretly but I did not give her the chance to make eye contact with me. I paid attention to the class and walked away after it was done. I can't believe what she did to me and I can definitely see her ugly side. This is helping me get over her much easier.
I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel. I am not the one to ever get angry at anyone. I am very calm mannered but I just want to tell her off. But I won't because I know it would only feed her.
Just stand tall and strong-you don't need this.
A4, this falls under over-analysing her acts. Doesn't matter whether she's just being polite, friendly, or acting like a drama queen, you don't wan that to bother you at all! First we act like we don't care, it's a good first step, the next step is to just DON'T CARE. Stay strong !
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