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Hey Van- every day that goes by I think less and less what she is doing. Slowly I'm healing but I will admit I do still miss her. I very well could have been one of her rebounds( I think I was for a few reasons but she denied it)
Yes she was very young... she was 21 when we met. Sometimes I felt like I was with a high school girl.. she did some extremely immature things.
You're right- I do need to get my act together first-even after almost 4 months I realize I'm not ready to date yet.
Dude, I know.
I was with someone 10 years younger.
Im glad you are doing the right things. I commend you & know the challenges.
What helped me was to write stuff down that I was thinking even words or phrases. I actually did a lot things like that, even writing down everyone Ive ever known & my relationships with them. Stuff like that.I work in the creative biz & that's what works for me. Reading did too. As well as fun outdoor stuff & hanging & partying with friends that mutually care.
I wasn't & still really aren't trying to search for the next person. Im still healing after 6 months. Ive had some dates & fun, but seriousness is the last thing on my mind.
Hang in there & do whatever it takes for you to get through this. The path will become clearer & straighter, believe me.
You will hopefully never forget this. Because you can use this as one of MANY live lessons to come.
Rock on bjohnrupp...
No I definitely will never forget this for the rest of my life. Going from being engaged and beginning to plan the wedding to nothing almost overnight. This was the 1st time I had my heart broken and never saw it coming because we always promised each other we'd work anything out that may be bothering us in the relationship. I still can't even think for 1 second of her with another guy- the very thought kills. I can thank her for giving me a life lesson and I have so much more knowledge for the next relationship. I'm just worried I'm not going to find someone again for a long time- I always felt very comfortable with her in every way. :(
Don't worry. Worrying doesn't serve one positive thing.
Those feelings will pass, even though it hurts at the time & its difficult to hear.
Then a feeling of relief will happen, but, will stages attached. And ups & downs. Its actually up to you.
I didn't really see it coming either & that's beside the point. BUT, I did after that fact realize how wrong it was.
And like that cliché, that I used to snicker at: Things happen for a reason.
Or reasons.. we usually know what they are & are either in denial or whatever. Generally because we don't have our emotional act together.
I certainly didn't.
Well, you're not feeling comfortable now. But will.
Van- does your ex still contact you? How long have you been doing no contact?
Nope.
6 months. 5 days after she dumped over the phone. The last call, she hung up on me at the end.
Contacted me a few times via text & email & to hookup when she was in town, but I never responded.
She even had her pals try & then went after my friends. To no avail.
All probably 3 months ago.
I don't wish to ever hear from her or see or again. No reason, Only brings bad feelings.
Later, skater. I say.
I only want good feelings.
Wow- good for you man. That must have been tough to stick with the no contact. I know what you mean about bad feelings though. I really believe I won't ever be able to be friends with my ex because I would/could never hear about her new man. Its been over 2 weeks now since I last heard from her which is the longest since the break up. Maybe she'll stop contacting me now for good like your ex has done.
Consider yourself NC.
Yeah, it was one of the hardest things for me.
But now its easy.
I have way more important things to think about & do.
I love happy endings , Good for you van :)Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Was that a typo? Happy beginnings... hehehe.
Thanks. Appreciate that.
Ah! I love it when people get their life back on track and see that there is something else out there, a whole new world.
Hey everyone- I just wanted to rant on here because I feel like I'm going to lose it if I don't. For some reason I'm having a really bad day. I don't know why but I notice somedays I'll be doing good and won't think of the ex that much and then other days I think about her a lot and get this strong urge to look at her social networking sites. I don't look because I know all the pain it would cause.
This is the longest that I haven't heard from her and part of me gets upset that I may never hear from her again and it feels like a death that I'm dealing with. Are these feelings normal? Soon it will be 4 months and I thought days like this would be far and few between. I'm also realizing just how hard it is to get into a relationship with someone. I just hope years don't go by before I have another relationship. I just think being in love and having someone love me (that I adore) is the best feeling ever. Any feedback/advice would be appreciated.
Yup.
Absolutely normal.
Only time, hard work & self-realization are going to get you there.
We all have those days. Just hang in there & do good things for yourself.
This relationship is not your end all & it doesn't define who who are. Only who you were.
Don't be so concerned with worrying if you will find the right person.
You are never really alone if you are emotionally together as a person.
Just give yourself a break, and heal from this one first. Don't get into something right now, just be cool & have fun.
And yes, resist those urges to check up on her. Its pointless.
I know this sh$$t hurts, but it will pass & you will be back on your feet.
Think about how you were before you even met her. You will survive and be a better person after.
Thanks Van for the quick response! I just don't know why some days are like this but I get that slow aching pain in my chest all day and start thinking about all sorts of things and what went wrong. I know some people say to stay busy and actually today I was busy all day and I still kept thinking of things.
I know what you're saying Van but I wasn't that happy before I met her... was very happy when I was with her and now I'm not happy again. I know people say about going to the gym and all which I started doing again but it seems like what's the point when I'm single anyway- it hasn't made me any happier.
Well, that's a problem.
Needing someone to make our life better. Or that's the only reason to be happy & content.
That's like a stamp on your forehead.
Muster up the strength to be happy, together & confident.
Then the universe is yours.
And don't worry about what went wrong. Be more concerned about what you are going to do now, to feel good.
The more you wallow, the more time goes by. Life is WAY too precious for that.
Do whatever it takes for you to get there. And working out is for you, to be healthy, not for someone else. That's crazy.
Yea I know... you're right. I'm trying to find ways to be happy alone but its not easy. I feel incomplete- something I need to work on :(
Ya, know.
What helped for me was to make a list of my positive attributes & negative ones. And to be brutally honest w/myself. Not second guessing or telling myself what I thought I wanted to hear.
Then look at how to fix those negative ones.
To place a picture in my mind as to what kind of person I really want to be.
Project myself.
Yea that's a good idea. I'm going to do that. Right now I still kind of feel stuck- makes me feel scared to ever fall in love again because I don't want to deal with this kind of pain again.
Dude, fix yourself first. One pain at a time, OK? Hehehe...
If you are not together, then you will only attract the same.
That would be the same recipe.
Imagine being totally & emotionally together & desiring nothing less but the same from everyone else.
Takes time, man. But most importantly hard work on your part. Your methods.
There's no magic here.
Thanks Van. With Christmas and New Years coming up I have a feeling she's going to send text messages those 2 holidays- It's going to be hard but I know I'm going to have to ignore them. I'm sure she'll send something mean if I do but I have to ignore it.
Yeah, I know that anxiety.
BUT, if you are dedicated to NC, then you are all good.
Happened to me. But, I dealt with it & moved on. They just want to keep you playing their BS game. If that happens, who cares? Not them. Its just selfish twisted sh$$t at that point. Only to be ignored.
After all, they are but words on a screen.
Remember, actions speak louder than words... And her actions have already been documented, right?
She's already exited. Everything after regarding her is of no consequence to you.
That's the key.
Yea you're right Van- she's not coming back/she has a new man/ she really could care less anymore now that she was able to relieve some guilt. I should have never responded to her 3 1/2 weeks ago when she IM'ed me because maybe she would have actually started to miss me if I never ever responded. Oh well- doesn't matter anymore... I know she's gone for good. I wish I knew what I could have done differently. I should have known the outcome of this relationship wasn't going to end good... too many red flags and she didn't seem happy for a long time. :( I definitely was blinded by love- as hard as it is to accept she didn't feel nearly the same as me as I did about her. I guess what really threw me off is how she always wanted to have a baby right up until days before she dumped me. Still makes no sense to me- sorry for ranting.
Don't be sorry. Just continue now.
Good that you know & realize all of that stuff & what to look out for.
But make sure that you have your sh$$t together first for the future.
She's history now.
You are really the only one that matters. Its your life, after all...
Thanks van- I still wonder if she got pregnant like she always wanted if she would have still left. I don't think she would have... I don't know- like you said she history now- can't wait until memories of her are more of just a blur/fuzzy
Who cares. All women say they want babies.
That too was surely bs. To suck you in & keep you. Words vs. actions.
This will all fade. But if we don't learn as humans, then we are nothing.
Why am I feeling so alone lately? Nothing has worked out with any girls- it seems almost impossible to find someone like my ex. I've been going to the gym but I still feel really down.
4 weeks ago I sent my ex the text saying not to contact me unless she wants to hangout or get back together and now I wish I didn't send it because besides the 1 time I never hear from her and its making me miss her... especially because absolutely NOTHING is working out with any other girls. Girls that only look 1/2 as good as my ex are twice as big of bit****.
I'm really fed up with it all. Lately I've been blaming myself for things ending- thinking I should have given her a lot more freedom. Part of me is worried we'll never even be friends again and even though she hurt me that would be hard for me to deal with
Not to worry.
It takes time.
The really important thing is to keep up the healing process & get yourself back before you jump into anything.
Blaming, comparing & worrying won't serve you one bit.
Don't even be concerned about friendship until you are completely over this.
You may find at that point you have no desire to be.
Also,don't worry about finding someone that measures up to her-knock her off the pedestal-and when you're over the ex,you will meet someone who will be a much better match.
Once you let go of that last remaining false hope you'll really feel how you bounce back and become you again.
Thanks guys--but why is it that she's already been seeing/having sex with different guys (4 or 5) and moved on before she even dumped me and I'm still struggling? It just seems so unfair that I'm the one with all the hurt and still haven't met 1 person and she's having the time of her life boucing from one guy (relationship) to another.
I know you'll say don't worry about her or what she's doing but how can't I? I mean she moved on as though I never meant a thing to her. I wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. Maybe she was happy when I sent that text because now she could put me permanently in the past.
What good does it do thinking about that? Does that make you feel good?
She's your EX. Remember. She can do whatever she wants.
You need to put HER permanently in the past.
She has already done her damage. Any further damage is caused by you.
Van is right-you're doing this to you. You can decide to let it go. Or not. I vote you do.
How do I just let it all go? Is time the only thing that will do it for me? I've tried staying busy, gym, going out with friends but still find myself thinking about her... I think because nothing at all has come close to working out with other girls.
Just stay on it & try not to dwell. Keep your mind busy.
And yes, its time and hard work, but it will pass.
Know that you don't NEED someone else to make your fun.
Let me tell you something, I still think about my ex, but it doesn't phase me at all... the sadness is gone and I just laugh her situation and knowing that my situation is 1000 times better...
I stay busy and keep it moving... I keep thinking of the next big things that are going to happen in my life now that she isn't holding me back... that helps a lot!
I have yet to work on trying to find another girl, I want to work on me and not be an idiot like my ex and jump onto the next person I see...
I want to work on myself so I won't fail again...
Do things you really enjoy.with people you really like. Maybe take a vacation,go somewhere you've not been before.
Change your mindset,that takes concentration and some work,but it can most definitely be done.
I really appreciate all your help guys- This forum has helped me just get my emotions out. I think its much better posting things on here than wanting to contact my ex. One thing I could say is I'm surprised how strong I was in never contacting her since she dumped me (although I did respond to some of her texts) I forced myself to let her go and never begged for her back because I never wanted to look pathetic/desperate.
Hey Jaffey- I've been following your thread but how long has it been since your girl ended it?
Good job man, I express a lot of anger on this forum, its helps a lot...Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
Its been since Saturday, Nov. 28th... so almost 2 weeks?
You are strong,and you're getting there-no doubt about it. Good night from old England.:-)
Good night Amicon-thanks. Hey Jaff- sounds like in such a short time you're doing good already. Have you heard from her lately?
I'm doing good already because of my strong support system of friends who tell me how much I have on the table now that she is out of the picture...Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
It also helps that I hear my ex keeps saying little things bad about me... like subliminal messages... it proves she can't get over me whether she has a new guy or not... im enjoying her anger and changing it into positive energy...
And I haven't heard from her since the day I talked about her kids... I don't expect to hear from her until maybe 5 to 8 months... I just have that feeling... but I'm not living just for that moment to happen...
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