Yep, she is 10x better in every way.
She tried to get me to talk to her after 2 months of NC, then after we broke NC after 5 months it started with the whole, could you see us together again?
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Yep, she is 10x better in every way.
She tried to get me to talk to her after 2 months of NC, then after we broke NC after 5 months it started with the whole, could you see us together again?
I don't contact her, and she doesn't contact me. As for sleeping, I don't know what to do about it, I wake up early go to work, and after I rush around doing stuff, trying not to think.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
As for changing the subject with my cousin, I have, but have told him I am there if he needs anything, I would have liked nothing more, but for someone to be there to talk to at anytime. So I'm doing that for him. We only have our grandparents up here with us, so we have been staying close, and doing things together.
I think I have accepted the fact that she isn't coming back, and the she never with try to contact me or get in touch with me.
I had some success with sleeping, and eating by doing things at the same time every day, and smaller meals, but more meals, (like on a diet nowadays) helped with the eating right, and a hard workout earlier in the day before dinner just plain knocked me out at night, as eating, or exercising, right before bed may not be the best time for either activity.Quote:
You need some sleep to function. In my experience, the anti anxiety pill helped me to relax & sleep, and you need doctor's prescription.
Never took prescription meds to sleep, as two aspirin after a hot shower, always relaxed me enough to sleep.
Its when, and how, that's more important, than the just doing, for maximum effects.
I felt better last week, and now have lost all the progress.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Don't worry, it's all in the normal process of healing, it takes time but you DO feel better after a while. I do hope you kept no contact during all that time. Have you been doing a lot of sport and hanging out also with friends? Friends are going to help you a lot during that time, and they will support you. Also try to see if you can join a group of sport or activity where there might be women, so as to give you an idea that there is something else out there. When my ex was stringing me along, flirting with other women helped me take the decision that I didn't want to be with her. I am still waiting 5 month before I am starting to date someone else though.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
I have kept with no contact, and plan on that. I have been lifting and for the last two weekends have been going hiking/climbing for about 7-10 hours. Feels good except for the sun burn. I have been hanging out with friends and meeting some new people.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I really just want to go back to when I kept my emotions to myself, I'm tired of hearing advice from my friends who have never been in a long term relationship. But I also don't want them to see the hard parts in my life.
I'm considering moving. Not that the place bothers me, but moving closer to work, and away from her. Good or bad?
No bro,
That's a horrible idea. Moving out just to get away from her is the worst idea you can get. I mean you are not going to change job, country just not to be with her. Don't do anything harsh or sudden because you feel sad. You are 22 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want to become. Once you get that into your head that life can be much more interesting.
We're about the same age and have about the same problems, except I'm 3 month ahead of you. I was starting to heal a bit after 3 weeks ( of course she contacted me on and off during 2 month ) and then I decided to go to Europe with some friends, and I just knew I didn't want to be with her. How long has it been on NC?
Well about moving, I just can't afford it without her, I'm starting to burn through money I set aside.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
It has been no contact for 18 days. I haven't attempted to contact her, nor has she tried to contact me. Which is kind of driving me insane
You mean you can't afford not to move or you can't afford to move? Don't worry about her not contacting you, if it makes you feel better she is probably suffering also or not and she will soon, except if she doesn't have a heart. In any case it's her loss and your gain right? You're a great guy and she lost something wonderful ( this is what you should put in your brain ) and then brush the thought aside.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
My ex is just starting a 2 year long distance ( 1 ocean apart ) with a guy she just meet 2 month ago... talking about dysfunctional and she is hurt like crasy ( I know that because we have the same friends ). This is why we never know what may happen down the line, if you take care of yourself and get better, you'll feel like a new man, and in the end the breakup may be much more horrible to her than to you.
Maybe I am reading this wrong, but it is almost as if you wish this to be true.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
When you move on, truly, you won't give a rats a$$ about your ex, one way or another, but holding anger... that isn't moving on, at all.
You're a bit right but I am just stating facts and trying to make a point so that he can move on. I just found it dysfunctional but it doesn't go farther than that. I'm pretty much happy with my life and I'm a happier person without her :D. I may have some small anger when I see her because of all she did to me, but it's more annoyance only when I see her ( when we are in a group of friends ).Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I can't afford to stay at the place I'm at, cause I can't cover her part of the rent but for so long. I doubt she is suffering since she has gotten a new guy alreadyQuote:
Originally Posted by paxe
In that case move on! It's going to be perfect for you. As for her and from the experience and the stories I get, she hasn't healed properly and it will just hurt her down the line. But you shouldn't even think about that and you should concentrate on yourself. You are doing the proper healing and the result will show soon.
Why isn't it bothering her now?Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Should you even think about that? It's plain and simple she just replaced you by someone else... that's why she's not bothered. You could have done the same thing but it's not part of healing...
Yeah but after such a long time, it would still hurt to replace a 4 year relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
My ex replaced me after a 3 years relationship, it seems it's not that hard for girls (don't want to sound sexist, but there is plenty of similar story to go around). She probably went for another guy because she couldn't bear the pain of being alone.
Then everything is being done off emotions not logic. She seems to always act off emotion, so logic won't change anything down the road. I don't think I'm still acting off emotions, but I don't do anything more than ponder. Other wise I look at the facts in front of me.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Great! That's a great step toward getting better. Now get out there and go find an apartment or go do some sport, or concentrate on work! You'll get better much faster than you thought.
I got a feeling I'm going to be taking more steps backwards in time. Not saying I'm going to break no contact, but if she does I just don't want to talk, but the act of her trying to contact me will bother me.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
That's just a feeling, it's not your brain that's working. What is your brain saying? Use it :D
The account has finally been closed. So now I don't have to take care of that. And all ties to each other have been cut.
Great! Keep up the good work!
It would be awesome if the butterfly effect could be achieved, just a thought
What butterfly effect?
If someone could go back in time, by just changing the smallest thing, you could change the course of the future. But it could be changed for better or worse.
I wouldn't go back in time, and once you get over this, neither will you. Sure it's easier to say it now, but think of the consequences. Had I chosen to go back in time and "fix" things, I wouldn't have met my fiancé, or grew closer to my friends, got in better shape or advanced my career.
In a few months, re read this thread, you will think of yourself as an arseclown, I know I sure did
I don't really want to change the past, and I know it is impossible. It would just be cool, to see if I could change things for the better between her and I, then go back to normal. I could learn a lot from thatQuote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
100% right! Same here. If I went back in time and made some changes, I wouldn't have meet wonderful girls, lost weights, traveled everywhere and grow closer to my friends and family. My brother is telling me all the time that it is the best thing that even happened to me. You'll probably see why soon. The past is the past, try to concentrate on the future ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I still wouldn't mind the second chance to work things out. Which everyone is telling me she won't contact or come back ever.
You're doing great, don't dwell on those thoughts.
Today is a hard day, it's my birthday, and I have spent the last 4 years with her on this day. Her birthday is on the 7th, which we always did something special together. I really want her here with me! She just sent me a private message on Facebook, saying " just wanted to say happy birthday"
Why would she do that when she doesn't care? She has done enough damage, why is she putting gas on the fire?
I don't think it does, but does that count as breaking contact?
Should I do the same in 5 days when its her birthday?
NO! That's just an excuse to break NC
Yeah I figured that, day 21 with no contact.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Not really sure how I should look at her contact me. Or why she even bothered
Don't break NC! It's the perfect time to be doing something exciting ALONE and with friends or family. For some reasons the dumper always wants to know what the dumpee is doing, aka they want to know if we suffer. Don't answer back!! Just do something yourself or with friends!
Well she isn't really trying to find out how I am doing, she just said happy birthday.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I never delete people off Facebook, I think it is childish, should I make an exception for her and her family/any of her friends? Like I never post anything about what I am doing, just basic stuff, like something that I see happen, that was interesting, or a cool fact, or what not
Don't mention her birthday.Don't say anything.
No txt/email/call/im/in person
Think of all the control she has had over you.
This is your one chance besides the NC to get some back.
The girl is worthless,does not care about you or how you feel,why notice her birthday?
You aren't important enough to her,that you would be replaced in... not even a few months...
So..
Just another day... move along.
She does not deserve to even see what you are doing in your life,or feel the comfort of 'oh I can talk to him in Facebook any time... what I did couldn't have been that bad'Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Stop giving her the comfort blanket
Pull it off.Be a man.
By the way
The effect not noticing her birthday may have?
She might contact you asking why you forgot.
Or if she's as stubborn as my ex she will say nothing,to get on your nerves even more,and again the mature response to that is,don't notice she 'didn't notice' you forgot her birthday.
And to keep this on the same page, on my birthday,my ex called me to wish me a happy one as well.I was aggitated at the time and asked 'why did you bother,it isn't as if I wanted to hear from you'
They replied with 'well I just remembered and.. so... do you still love me'
2 weeks later they're in love with someone else
So go figure.
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