I have read them Tal, & I completely agree & have made small steps. I know that I will get stronger. I guess time and effort will do that. Sometimes the hurt sets me back.
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I have read them Tal, & I completely agree & have made small steps. I know that I will get stronger. I guess time and effort will do that. Sometimes the hurt sets me back.
I got set back a lot! I was on my way to full recovery, was at the gym everyday, then 2 months into my NC, when I thought I was fine. My ex texted me "just heard you're moving to California, wanted to wish you good luck and maybe I'll come visit you!"
Set me back for a little, but I still keep trucking along
I do recognize and due to my personality that I analyze. I do also understand that this right now is not about wondering, fixing this, getting answers. That's directed towards this and her, not really me. What's frustrating is that my understanding of that hasn't been enough for me yet to make that transition. I still feel heartbroken.
Rome, its hard to fathom those motives and callousness. Hopefully after 2mo. It didn't hurt as much.
Nah, a minor set back, but I had already seen that my life was better without her in it
A quote that I liked a lot
"And even on my worst day, I'll still be better off without you"
That's a good one, thanks.
Our posts are "bumping into each other," so we are a little out of synch. I can't type fast enough to keep up with y'all!Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
My advice is not to analyze and apply logic. All the logical input you have been getting, while reasonable and healthy and sincere, can't touch the part of you that is enmeshed in suffering right now. That part is not logical.
My advice is to follow the feeling of insecurity inward, and let your unconscious mind reveal to you where it originates. You can do this by listening to your inner self, sensing the insecurity and relaxing everything around it, getting quiet and sensing a little deeper in your body, breathing to go deeper, relaxing some more, listening a little more deeply, breathing a little lower, getting more quiet, etc. until you can have direct contact with the part of you that feels insecure. It's not a very active process, but more like doing less and less while following a subtle trail.
The model I am proposing presumes that one's mind can be considered a community of parts, sub-personas that carry out essential functions and who work on behalf of the whole person (you). If you need, I can describe this model more, but the point is that you can address the part of yourself that is suffering and be your own catalyst for healing in the same way that the people here have been catalysts for you: through dialog.
But you can do what we can't: access your inner mind. You can establish a conversation with the part of you that feels broken. Not all of you feels broken, just a part, and the rest of you can be resources that nourish, protect, guide, and generally help heal that part. This will happen sooner or later inn the natural healing process, and through some inner listening and sensing (and asking good questions) you can make it sooner.
The procedure I'm pointing to is called reframing, and the system it comes from is NLP. (neurolinguistic programming) I can walk you through the reframing process, and the web is full of NLP data. Knock yourself out. There's a whole world to get into. (Note to other posters: you might enjoy some of the NLP stuff. It can prove very useful.)
So, the first step is to do a meditative sort of thing, to sit down and get quiet, and see if you can get a dialog going with yourself that can become dialog with a specific part of you. It doesn't have to be That part of you, just any part so you can experience talking with yourself without concluding that you are crazy.
When you get this going, it will seem like you are imagining the whole thing. On one level, you are. But from the perspective of that level, you (and the rest of humanity) are imagining all of the reality that we live in. Just go with it and talk with the parts of your mind that are inclined to talk with you. (BTW, everybody does this, just unconsciously most of the time)
The key moment is when you feel comfortable enough to ask, "Would the part of me that males me feel insecure be willing to communicate with me in consciousness?" and to just sit there and listen. You will get a verbal, visual, or kinesthetic (physical: either sensory, like a tightening of a muscle, or emotional, like a rush of euphoria) response. You might get no response that you can discern, and that in itself is a response. You might get a positive or negative message. (The first time I did this process—circa 1974—I asked the question and heard a loud voice in my head that said "F**k you! You haven't spoken to me since you were six years old. Why should I talk with you now?"
I apologized and slowly got a dialog going with that part of my mind. The task was to get him to know that I was no linger six, and that the trauma that caused me to create him was long gone. I didn't (HE didn't) have to do what he had been doing since that trauma occurred. It was like updating software.
Your task, if you so choose, is to become an ally and resource to the part of you that feels insecure, anxious, and not ready to stop suffering. This is bigger than the relationship recently lost. This is about how you shaped yourself as you were growing up. Be that part's greatest friend.
'Nuff for now.
Tao
Hit the "enter" button by accident on the rating. I meant to say, "that's a great quote."Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I lift weights and building muscle is small steps but gets stronger the more you keep doing it. Sometimes I come home from the gym and I'm hurting as well. But it's not a set back, it's part of the process for growth and strength.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
My mom sat me down and had me watch the The Secret. For those of you who don't know, it's an interview-type movie where people tell you how they got what they wanted because they kept thinking positive, had faith, and were patient (just like NC!); they essentially prayed for it;"the secret is a universal truth". It's not a secret and it bothers me that this clown Rhonda Byrne is making money capitalizing off people's emotions. Anyone will tell you that if you believe in yourself and have true faith, good things will happen, in least in my experience. True faith isn't a secret, it's just something everyone takes for granted.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I mention this because faith is the core to NC. Self-loathing and false-hope won't help, you need to realize this.
Just hang in there. The best way to get over someone is posting on this message board. Give other people advice so you to sort out your own emotions, it's how I made sense of my last two break-ups.
So yeah, maybe you should see The Secret, it'll at least give you something to go on.
"until you can have direct contact with the part of you that feels insecure."
Thanks tao, that's a lot to soak in, but I'm understanding what you mean by inward.
Slapshot, that's interesting you say that, I just chucked any and all materials I had re: The Secret. My ex got me into it. It hurt too much having that around especially given what transpired the week before she dumped me, I have always had many of those or similar core beliefs and never had to study as hard as she to practice them. I think she resented that and given the manner in which she did this...
taoplr, just wanted to say that your post re: NLP has truly resonated with me, although hard to grasp at first. Did a little searching about the core and outcomes/methods and am now asking myself some serious questions. The first one which helps me with restlessness and anxiety, especially when I wake up is: What am I afraid of exactly? I have jotted down probably 20 questions and am answering in my head. I will post them when I have my responses. Gee, thanks! That helping very much.
hey, just got home from a bbq with some really good friends. Was a nice time. I started to deteriorate, and started thinking about her what she's doing etc.. Went from jealously to anger then feeling so incredibly degraded and used. Can't seem to get it out of head out calculating and evil this all came down. She has been studying my weaknesses & chose exactly the worst way to make me hurt. I feel so devalued almost beyond comprehension, even though I know its her disorder. Hard to really grasp how someone can be like that. I just keep feeling like she is laughing all the way through this, and has lined up someone to take my place of 5 years for her personal fancy, however long. Im going to write those posts I promised answering my inner questions, but right now I feel like Im going to lose myself. She really knew how to do it, never felt this way before. Been running through my head our few short breakup conversations and the lying & deception of every word, through crocodile tears is coming to the surface. Im not even angry, don't even know how to describe my emotion. I guess it's the sudden pain of being stepped on by a narcissist.
I feel like, for her,whether we lost contact or not didn't matter she knew how to keep me hurting in a clever way. In fact, this works her plan even more effectively than having to lie over the phone, and run the risk of me going up against her. So hard to believe. Sucky & devastating.
In doing this exercise, from an outward and objective level, I have, in the question, included recounts in context of our relationship and breakup.
Thanks taoplr for turning me on...
Im hoping this will help my bad dreams & anxiety and my struggles between being lucid at times then suddenly helpless. Here goes:
I pinpointed & asked myself this simple question: Why am I afraid, exactly?
Q: Why am I afraid of losing her? (Thats almost a non-question)
A: You already have, you know that, in fact she lost you. You haven't lost anything but time, what you will gain will prove to be invaluable.
(Remember how she rarely gave back, and how she screwed you around so evily?)
Q: Why am I afraid of her being with someone better?
A: What is better? Better for her? Even if she is with or is searching for her ultimate, ideal man and attains that, its actually in a way meaningless, it's a trophy for her. Any well-adjusted man will most likely recognize that & see her coming a mile away. If not, she will find a way to discard that & move on to the next catch, or he will bail. That is no concequence to you. Nor should you let let enter your head. If they stay for any period, they will end up like me. If anything, you should be afraid for her next victim. Scratch that, why should you even care?
(Remember how she would say "I want us to be a hot couple" or "I want a bf to be this or that" Never in context of me, only what her "ideal" was.
Sick stuff.)
Q: Why I am I afraid that she will flaunt her new catch to me & everyone else?
A: She certainly will, to the people that matter to HER (which isn't really anyone, not even you at this point, she hiding her secret for now). You may never see. Stick to NC forever & you have nothing to worry about. Remember you don't really matter to her anymore, she's washed her hands and has found a new victim. Not even worth those thoughts.
(Remember how jealous she was of nice couples, even friends that had what she didn't? Would always comment on how stylish or rad some complete stranger was, her obsession with tabloids and "beautiful" people. Her frustration with her body & appearance even though nothing was wrong. But had no problem revealing everyone's flaws.)
Q: Why I am I afraid that her new boyfriend will be doing the special things we did?
A: They were never truly special to her, only you. And she surely will, she is a creature of habit in denial. BTW what do you care? Those places etc.. Are cool memories regardless of her, you always had and will have special times with or without her. Do what you enjoy & find special new times.
(Remember how she always found a way in fun times to about work, someone or something, only to turn it back around like it was my fault, she wasn't having fun. You walked on eggshells many times and went to sleep hurt many times wondering why.. )
Q: Why am I am afraid she is justifying her decision to friends & family & slamming me in the process?
A: She is. She's an exerienced liar, to protect herself. She can never make a wrong move. But again to no consequence to you. You know that now, and the friends & family that love you truly do, and always have.
(Remember how she would go on about all of the people she discarded & convince regret at the same time? Bfs, friends, family, many of which she had little contact with at all. In fact, some she still, in contradiction hangs out with. They threatened her & had to go.)
Q: Why am I afraid of her trying to contact me to hurt or suck me back in. (ie: try & get her belongings back)
A: Her belongings are way gone, in a landfill by now. If you practice NC, you have nothing to worry about. You may never see her again & be happy for that. Ewww.
(Remember how she always made a point of making you feel like she loved her place, yet discarded & paired things down to the point of zero sentiment, but couldn't feel at home at yours?)
Q: Why Im I afraid that I will be lonely with no intimacy?
A: You were for the most part lonely WITH her. She exhibited distance regardless of our respective cities. You have had great intimacy in the past. You will certainly again, don't force it, get your act together first.
(Remember the times when you felt like a guest or she made you feel like was doing you favor by being here after a bit of time went by? I was excited, she put on an act. Oh, there's also the sex that made you feel like it was obligitory at times or rushed, as she complained how "we need to spice things up" even though I always was initiating, willing & passionate.)
Q: I am afraid that this healing will take a long time.
A: That's up to you. You are on your way. You have an amazing support group here and with your close friends.
(Think of it as a race to heal yourself. You are already making great strides. Keep it up!)
Q: I am afraid that I am not as "good' a person that i think I am or others do.
A: Thats crazy talk. you have some amazing friends & others. Plus you exhibit that in all that you do.
(BTW, Have you done anything bad, vindictive or mean here? No.)
Q: Why am I afraid that she has forgotten all about me & could care less?
A: Caring doesnt exist in her vocabulary unless it serves her. So she probably doesnt really. She will remember when it serves her to make her feel like she has true feelings, or to draw you in, but thats the extent of it. Would finding out help you in healing anyway? No.
(Sometimes I would get pissed that she wouldnt remember special things I cherished with us even after a short period. She always shrugged it off. It only served her in a fleeting way.)
Q: I am afraid that I am too old to find someone else.
A: You are as young as you feel, and work on being healthy inside & out. Plus anyone regardless of age, that is well adjusted, will look inside and see you & disregard those superficial notions.
(How many countless people have been shocked when you have revealed that you are 45? They could care less, including your younger friends.)
Q: I am afraid that I may fall in love too fast.
A: You need to discover what "falling" in love really means in context of true love. Not infatuation, necessity or to aleave loneliness. In order to even to discern that notion used so freely, you have to heal and truly find out who you are & what you are to yourself and that other potential person.
(Maybe you confuse true love with other emotions... Think about that.)
Q: I am afraid that I am insecure and disguise that by giving, I will be taken advantage again.
A: Well, not by her anyway.
(I think this may be the subject of my next series of questions... )
Whoa, that felt amazing. Thanks for listening. Want to wake up feeling empowered now. I can see this exercise offering guidance in everything big or small. I pray my thoughts of her & the torture its causing will fade sooner than later. Do you think I should try & get her back? Hehehe?
That was incrediable. That is something every person should do after a break up, and maybe just a various times in their lives. You tackled emotions head on. As I read the questions, I was even asking myself the same things. The question you asked about being alone and then answered it that you were alone when you were with her spoke volumes to some of the relationships I have tolerated but never actually been in, since I was giving constantly and they were taking.
Later today, I'll address taking this exercise deeper... some psychological housekeeping... have your mental floss ready. For now, a hint: What happens when you change all your "Why" questions to "What" as in "What do I get from doing this?"Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Tao
I will look forward to it, tal. Thank you.
I meant taoplr, sorry. No disrespect...
Next you'll be forgetting what I look like... Then what?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Not offense taken. BTW, I couldn't get to the computer until now and I won't able to finish the next installment until later. But I'll get it done asap.
Meanwhile, try the same exercise asking "What" questions instead of "why," as in "What do I get from (Feeling this, doing that, worrying, imagining her being with another guy, etc.)?" "What stops me from ________." "What might happen if I _________?" "What part of me causes me to _______?"
Get creative.
That will bring up a different information set. Enjoy the ride.
Tao
Thanks no worries, that gives me a lot to think about. Putting the question in context to the future in a positive light (action oriented) Im pretty bagged only slept 3hrs. Last night. Will come back with something when I can gather my thoughts, If you have time expanding upon that in the meantime, I would certainly welcome any thoughts. Thanks... Wait, you just did.
The next step is to take the process a little deeper. First, let's repeat the premises of the model, and acknowledge what you have done so far.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
You successfully created a state of mind in which you communicated with yourself in a way that enabled you to ask some useful questions and make some declarations. You made the courageous choice to pursue your fear, and got answers. It can be said that two or more parts of your mind communicated with each other, and that each has a perspective, an opinion, and even a personality. Based on that, the model presupposes that you, and all of us, can be seen as communities of parts, rather than single, congruent selves. Seeing ourselves this way makes accss to our own unconscious minds possible at levels and in ways that make changing and growing easier and more reliable than most approaches, most notably logic and reason.
You have found that out.
Each of these parts has a job, a function, and is created for and dedicated to its function. Think of them as having been created in childhood, either because of genetic instructions, or modeling the people around us, or because we create them. Some of them are dumb and simple—I call them "brain bots"—and jut runsimple routines, others are very smart and complex and handle Big Item strategies within us, like how we make a living, or what kind of lover we are. Smart or dumb, they operate like software, faithfully doing what they are created to do until given a reason to stop.
And I'm going to stop here because I'm testing using Dreamweaver to compose my text. I find it hard to write into the window on AMHD's site, and want to see if I can copy and paste from my desktop. I'll be back.
Tao
Tao,
I totally get it & for the first time I am getting the sense of being free. The child reference really helped me understand the notion of conditioning and what you meant by "floating above" yourself. Being in touch with those "brain-bots" and as you mentioned & actually being the "user" of that software. Learning to get the system running efficiently again & almost recognizing that that system is always there & running for you. Thanks so much. I will be thinking about this.
Honestly, Tao is amazing. I've been thinking about aspects of my life not even related to relationships and doing exactly what you did here by writing them down just like you did. I live by the belief, "I will take something good from this." and I hope you are getting that, even though the emotions are raw. I hope you are getting the feeling something good and I dare say better will come from this experience. They say that that does not kill you makes your stronger, and I think we've seen that today.
Its funny that you just wrote that, chuff, As I was ready to call it a night, I was feeling guilty that the thoughts of ultimate revenge were creeping up and made me feel out of touch, in a way. So unlike my nature. Then recalled your post about turning my frustrated & confused rant around. Then thought, this feeling is one of my last negative feelings and will be easy to discard. As it has been challenging to remove her out of all the context, I wrote a note to myself before: "This is the only favor that she has ever has ever really done for you" And for that I am grateful & I will be empowered for that in truly grateful & positive way. It will only be realized in how I use that gift. Thanks man. And yes, both you & tao rock.
OK. That worked. Good. And thanks to you both for your kind comments.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Communicating with one's parts of mind is like diplomacy: you have to build respect, trust, safety and the willingness to take creative steps. If you establish and sustain rapport you can get access to the depths of your mind. (Rapport - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) If you approach yourself in a harsh or blameful manner, access is quickly denied; you just lose focus somehow, like your brain did the Jedi mind trick on itself, or you get no answers, or some part of you gets defensive. Your inner self has had enough brutality inflicted on it, and will only let you in if you listen and talk with gentle respect.
That's one reason why the anguish you have been going through takes so long to run its cycle. And that's why the answers you got so far are about her, but not yet about the depths of you. You connected with a part of yourself that has wisdom about this relationship, and is giving you good advice. This interaction serves as an example of whether you can be trusted if allowed further in; you're not going to break the furniture in a fit of self loathing if you get some insight into your unconscious patterns. But you don't yet have access deeper down.
Acces to deeper levels is like reputation on this forum (Askme). The more positive interactions, the more trust. So the next step is to go inside yourself again (and again) and talk with whichever parts are willing to talk with you. General "getting to know you" conversations are fine, or you can try addressing problematic things that you do, like suffering over this girl beyond a certain point. The key is to enter your inner world and take everything at face value; if some part of you emerges, take it seriously.
You might visualize parts of your mind, ask them their names, interact, play games, re-experience history, think some things through, and more. I spent almost a year hanging out daily with that six year-old boy with whom I hadn't spoken for almost 30 years; sometimes we talked an hour at a time. I would just go into my office, lie down on the floor, and visualize him and talk with him. He was me at six, a part that dealt with trauma, and who stayed there and then, trying to recover. Over that year, he slowly got what he needed to integrate into the adult me, having updated his function of getting affection.
Eventually, you will want to talk with the part of you that suffers fear and anxiety within you. The information that emerges in that conversation will not be about anyone else but you. That gets difficult, but you will find out what you get from some of your emotional states and behaviors.
At this point, you will find it useful to understand that each part, no matter how troublesome their behavior, is there to do something good. Each part gets you one or more results, which are called "secondary gains." The part of you that makes you afraid might have motivation as its secondary gain, for example. It drives you to grow or act on your own behalf by scaring the s**t out of you. That's just an example; I'll show it below.
But the bottom line for now is that each part gets you something that you need. It's method might be obsolete or obnoxious, but it drives behavior that gets you something you want. One form of reframing is to separate this method from the intention behind it, and to enable new methods to form while preserving the intention. This process is guided by evaluations of the actual outcomes you get, like what you get from feeling anxiety. You can achieve this through dialog with the part that owns the function of making you feel anxious.
To clarify, you have: Intention-->Method-->Outcome. You intend to get to work; your method is to take your car; your outcome is that you arrive on time. If you were stuck with an out-of-date method, like taking a horse, the outcome might be poor. If you still cried when you were hungry—the method we all are born with—instead of updating the method—developing gestures, words, sentences, reading menus, and as an adult,"I'll have the chateaubriand, please."—you would never get fed at Chez Pierre's French restaurant.
While being shattered by having your heart broken is absolutely normal, so is healing. The parts of you that are sustaining fear and anxiety, independently of this episode in your life, are exercising methods that give you something that you need in general, but in his case are keeping you from healing and being done.
This means that you can ask what that part gets for you and go deeper and deeper, layer by layer, until you find the secondary gain that you truly want. Then, you invite your creative mind to invent several methods for getting you that, methods that don't make you suffer. Example:
"What do you get for me by making me fearful?"
"I make you miserable."
"What do you get for me by making me miserable?"
"I make you insecure."
"What do you get for me by making me insecure?"
"I motivate you to get off your and grow."
"Thank you for that because I really need it. If there were a way to get me off my and grow that didn't include being fearful and insecure, and so didn't make me suffer, a way that worked at least as well as the current method, but without the downside, would you consider using it"?
(Long silence; internal scanning going on)
"Yes, I would consider it."
You get the idea. At this point, one gives the creative parts of the unconscious mind the task of coming up with three methods, each of which fulfills the job of motivating you better than the current method, and presenting them to "the motivator" who picks one, two, all three, or some hybrids combinations of the three. The amazing thing is that almost all of the process happens outside of consciousness.
More on that later.
tao
Thanks, tao for breaking that down further. When you say "parts" what are you referring to? The part that make you feel_______? Need to let all this soak in and try communicating with myself in a deeper fashion. Appreciate it, very much.
Just a question,
Being that long distance relationships are difficult at best, what carried this one for 5 years with no end goal insight? Most normal relationships have a direction, and a goal to work toward, but from what you have written, I don't see that here, is why I ask.
Tal, that is a good question & something that I really need to take a hard look at. What I am faced with seeing that the majority of what I believed from her and any goals were false. Don't get me wrong, I take responsibility for this as well. What I feel is that she kept me at a distance, was frustrated that there was no plan, yet kept any plan from occurring.
The reason I asked was because I would have been pizzed at the lack of progress in this area, and confronted her about it. (a year or so ) and instead of being mad for long, would have been backing out on my own.
But remember, I have been dumped by many females, so what does that say about me? I don't think I could have lasted a year, let alone 5 years.
You're absolutely right. I was frustrated, & didn't know exactly how to remedy things & move forward for whatever reasons whether it be coasting, confusedness or lack of effort on my part. (These are the some of the things that I really need to take a closer look at) Maybe I don't truly give to myself and feel that sacrificing for someone else makes me feel invested or associate that with love.
Let's make sure we are tracking so far. Have you understood my definition of "parts of mind" in general? i.e. sub-personae, aspects of your mind, each with a function, personality, etc. The idea that we can see ourselves as communities of "parts" instead of homogeneous wholes...Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Has that been clear?
If so, the part that makes you feel fearful will appear as distinct from the part that makes you love, or the part that motivates you to do your job, or that has spiritual experiences. For every function, there is a "part."
Yes? No? Are we on track?
Here's an example: a part of you feels that sacrificing for someone is associated with love. Other parts of you are questioning that.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Yes, got it. Thanks.
Have begun to think about all of those parts & which questions I can ask.
What is starting to help is not looking at this as purely an exercise, but more of a dialogue.
Its funny that you said that, while I was in the shower, that became the subject of my first & many questions, thanks.
OK, now that you recognize that it's an ongoing dialog, it becomes obvious that you are changing, via this dialog, the relationship between you (your conscious mind) and various parts of your unconscious mind. Keep working on this relationship and you will gain access to the depths of your being. Some more key realizations are:Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
- You can change how you relate to yourself by changing how you relate to (dialog with) one part at a time, or groups of parts. It is in your interest to talk with the part of you that has been recently heartbroken, but whenever you want you can also address and update your relationship with any other part.
- Operate with the assumption that all the parts are working for you, doing an essential job for which they were created. There are no "bad" parts, just obsolete or dysfunctional methods.
- How you relate to the parts of your mind IS how you relate to other people.
That means that you have a part for every person you know, an internal representation of all the people in your life. That's who you talk to when you run an imaginary dialog with someone who is not there with you. Change the dialog and you change the relationship.
If you want to improve the way you relate to women, for example, start a dialog among the parts of you that empathize with them. Then add the part that is drawn to them, fears them, idealizes them, objectifies them, and so on. Invite them all. Just do the meditative thing you did yesterday and imagine yourself in a room with these "people" (they are all you, just different aspects of you--parts of your mind visualized as whole individuals) and start a dialog. Let your imagination run. Get into the conversation. Let parts come and go in the dialog as they want. Just get quiet within your own mind and let your unconscious talk to you.
Whatever these virtual people/parts say, take it as truth... their truth... the reality that they live with, and the motivation for the job they are doing for you. Understand that they don't know about time, calendars, CNN news updates and the fact that you have developed since you created them. They remain at the time and place of their creation until you bring them up to date. The whole idea is to make new choices available to them (you) and to cultivate a self-knowing, self-respecting, self-correcting, high-velocity-learning, productively entertaining relationship with yourself. Peace of mind comes with the package, BTW.
Dialog away, dude. You will discover more of who you are, and will find yourself effortlessly forgetting your heartbreak. Instead, you will be learning faster and at greater depths than ever before. When you have questions, let me know.
Tao
Wow, tao. That's really helpful, I'm starting really understand. What's helps is to imagine myself in dialogue with different parts together as in a group situation. As well as possibly one or two. Thanks so much for this insight & dedication here. Truly appreciate ALL of it. Cheers.
Great exercise to get you to think before you make impulsive decisions based on feelings and not facts.
Most partners go along with the other partner as a way to keep peace, not make them mad. The motivation for ignoring their BS? Keeping them in there lives. After all you can't live without them.
That's exactly the frustration I felt, almost damned if you try.
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