Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend of 5years is breaking up with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyoverher

those are good points....but she is so loving when things are going great. thats why its so hard for me to let her go....another thing....she is f...kn so beautiful....face, body...everything! when we go anywhere, men and women look at her! anyway, we do have BIG drama..it seems like its a rollercoaster up and down....but when its goood its great! ive tried to tell her not to throw any more tantrums and she says: then dont piss me off and you knew that i was like this.....

so now what? what do you suggest i do?

You need to wake up, then grow up and be a man! Tell her to pound sand and make love to herself in the mirror. I am sure there are people out there who can see what she is, why can't you?
If she loved you she wouldn't treat you badly. If she loved you she wouldn't play games, throw tantrums and break up. You are enthralled with her beauty. But what truly lays underneath that beautiful epidermis of hers is a sick and cruel person. Is this beating she's giving you worth wasting your valuable life for? There are many other beautiful, sexy women in this world who are good natured people.
You are not in a relationship that is worth holding on to. Because this is not a relationship. She will toy with your emotions as long as she can. She is not a kind individual. You may as well let her go now, because it is just a matter of time till she gets bored playing with you and finds a new sucker to drive crazy. She is unstable. Things can get much worse with her you know. As she gets older she may possibly become meaner an even having you do things you know are wrong. Is this the life you want? One last thing. She loves when you come crawling! It feeds her twisted ego. Take this experience to gain a little wisdom in this area. There could be a real winner out there for you if you let go of this and move on. Be strong.

What you are going through is not love. It an obsession of the physical body and sex. It really matters not who she is sleeping with. I understand that your emotions are awry right now but instead of getting anxious over who she is sleeping with you should be sooooooooo glad you are free from her and feel sorry for any other man who she does this to. If she were ugly you would never have been with her at all. The funny thing is she is truly ugly you just have blinders on!

Well... thats an eye opener!

Thanks for telling me those comments!! It really fu#king helps me. I seem to keep forgeting all of that. I don't know why? Someone please tell me why I keep forgeting that?

I was going to give everyone an update: she emailed me just now asking me to reply to her request for me to recommend her. I emailed her back saying that I already did.

And, she began her email with my name instead of a term of endearment like she always does... ending it with : thanks :)

How about that? Well I was going to whine about that just now until I read those comments.. now I don't feel so worthless. But nonetheless.. what do you all think about this?

Comments please!

I am enthralled with her beauty. I guess that's why I wanted/want her so much. She is a looker guys. I mean yummy.

But yeah, she is an ugly person on the inside. It has taken me a long time to come to realize that but I am slowly understanding this.

Crazy,

You don't need our comments on how ridiculous it is to desire someone to call you hunny, sugarpie, sweet lips AFTER you have broken up.

You have one heck of a REALLY THICK skull on you there. Are you enjoying anything about you yet?

I can't tell you how many hot girls I have met that I would love to just slam their head into a curb... looks aren't everything. If you can get her, why is it so hard to believe you can't get another "looker"?

Sorry to be so harsh and violent guys, but it is Friday, NCAA basketball is heating up, and I am pumped!

Carry on... :cool:

Yeah I am stubborn... thanks for the reality check people!

And kctiger... ur right... I CAN get another looker.

Well now here's the problem... answer this for me please or how to handle it.

I KNOW her and she likes to toy with me just like the comments earlier said. So, when she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no? I mean id rather SHE think she broke up with me.. u know? I don't want her to get psycho on me. I know that she would even though it seems that I'm way too crazy for her.

Please let me know what you would do!

Are you afraid of her? I tell you what, I will handle this for you. Give her my email, and we can talk. Short, sweet, and I guarantee you she will leave you alone...

Continue carrying on... :cool:

NC!! You're the only one who cares how beautiful and yummy she is, as we all know your tripping over small things and keeping this thread alive. Your business with her is done, so now what are you doing for yourself?

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When she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no

Yes!! NC!!

Why do you want to deal with this?

You want to take all of your feelings back to day one? You want back onto the roller coaster? Come over here I will be happy to remove your nuts for you, since that would be the goal. Imagine how great you could feel to tell her that you are done being her punching bag.

So she might "want" to be with you again... and then she won't want to be with you again... and you can go right back to going through all of this from the beginning. You REALLY need to value yourself.

:)

Well said everyone. Well said.

:)

Ill keep u posted with the drama. Man, don't know where the hell id be without u guys. Probably on the end of a noose!

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyoverher

I am enthralled with her beauty. I guess that's why I wanted/want her so much. She is a looker guys. I mean yummy.

But yeah, she is an ugly person on the inside. It has taken me a long time to come to realize that but I am slowly understanding this.

Beauty is commonplace. Every corner you turn, every street you cross, you're bound to run into a beautiful girl or two. What is truly rare is when run into a person who has their crap together and is not a complete headcase that likes to play mindgames with you.

Quote:

I KNOW her and she likes to toy with me just like the comments earlier said. So, when she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no? I mean id rather SHE think she broke up with me.. u know? I don't want her to get psycho on me. I know that she would even though it seems that I'm way too crazy for her.

You don't tell her anything because you'd be encouraging her even further to play more games with your head and emotions. Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact. No more "excuses" to communicate with her. No more false hope. Start with an stick with NC!

I mean its cool if you're aiming for a post count record.. power to you buddy.. but seriously no more excuses OK? You'll thank yourself 20 replies from now (and if I'm wrong I'll just edit my post and change the 20 to however many it takes for you to get it). I promise.

Thanks unlucky ducky!

Trying to understand myself... help me out:

Why is it that I'm so strong in the daytime and then at night I fall "victim" to my emotions?

Just curious... anyone been through that? A little help please for tonight...

You feel more alone at night, and in the morning. Usually all you have are your thoughts, as you aren't very busy.

Because you are laying in bed and thinking about her I would imagine. Start taking a book to bed with you, read until you pass out. Then you aren't just lying in bed thinking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Because you are laying in bed and thinking about her I would imagine. Start taking a book to bed with you, read until you pass out. Then you aren't just lying in bed thinking.

Copy cat... ;)

Cool beans. Makes sense.

Thankx.

Hopefully things will start getting easier.

Previous post edited: To prevent any lawsuits from kctiger Inc.

Ya read a book or watch some TV, something funny, late night comedy. Whatever you do, do not drink! It's a depressant. Im still too stupid to give up on my ex after we broke up 2 months ago. I think about her wherever I go, when I sleep when I wake up. I still keep breaking NC. I guess I don't have the will power. I might be taking another trip to leave this environment again, the Caribbean did me some good, but I was alone with no friends or family. So another trip to see family overseas may help me more. The thing to do is keep busy or your thoughts will consume you. The thing is most people review their day by the end of the night which gets your brain in the thinking process.

Get an Xbox, it worked wonders after my break up. I couldn't sleep, so I'd turn on my xbox and beat the crap out of some 13 year old punk kid in Halo 3.

And yes, I did feel good about myself for picking on the younger kids:P

Guys... this is the email I just got from her:

First of all...thank you for doing that reference check for me....and no, I hadn't seen the e-mail...haven't checked it for several days. I have a lot to say about what you said in this e-mail and one that you sent a while back, but I really haven't been able to put the words together.

I'm sorry to hear about all the crap going on in your life right now...but I'm glad at least you have FCD to lean on. I'll get back to you soon about the 2 emails.

take care of yourself

What the hell?

I'm sooo pissed. I don't want her to get back to me.

Then delete her f-ing emails! That simple. You are doing this to yourself! Take back the power and be done with this entire mess. Wipe the slate clean my friend...

Then put her e-mail address in the SPAM filter, you will have NO IDEA she responded that way

::banging head on wall::

Some people NEVER listen...

Running out of band-aids here fella.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Crazy,

You don't need our comments on how ridiculous it is to desire someone to call you hunny, sugarpie, sweet lips AFTER you have broken up.

You have one heck of a REALLY THICK skull on you there. Are you enjoying anything about you yet?

I read the first 2 comments the OP wrote then posted my message. I should have read the following messages before making a comment. My bad. Sorry.

Then don't let her get back to you, put it in the spam folder or delete. If you read what she has to say, then you might have something to say back to her, and it never ends. Im in the same damn situation and because of my curiousity I still do it. Im attempting my final and 8th time of NC. Why I invited her to breakfast this morning and pick her up in a viper... I don't know!! She didn't come anyway. Too bad the viper was really cool to drive around and the food was great.

Wow heartbreak. That's pretty awful. I'm sorryto hear that. Well if I get an email from her I'll just delete it.

I'll let youall know. Thnkx for being there for me. Im sure she has her own support group. Her loser whore friends. But u guys r great!

All right guys... n gals...

I broke nc. Damnit. But she emailed me the one I showed you. I emailed back giving her a deadline / ultimatum for her if she wants to TRY to come back. I know I know... :(

Anyway, I said that if not by this date, then don't do anything... and it will be over.

Now, at least she can be the one to blame and have it on her instead of me.

I feel lousy. But I knew id have this problem if she emailed me...

Comments?

You have to do what everyone is saying... do not contact her you will never get over her.
It took me 8 months to figure out she was not coming back that's when I started the nc and its great.

I don't know what she's doing because I don't ask or have her tell me... so there is nothing to worry about because the less you know the less it will hurt..

What I started to do was look at myself through someone else eyes.. and let me tell you I looked like a fking sucker.. thought I couldn't live without her.. the stuff I used to say or do to get her back were sad... no wonder she didn't lol... I wasn't a MAN... I'm dating and I realized there's something about me that women like and it feels good..

STOP TALKING TO HER!!

You know what people?

Along with finding out that she thought I was too submisive... which is NOT the case, I was just being sweet. Believe me I can be an a$$hole very easily... but firsttime... brings up a good point

I want your opinion...

She did tell our mutual friend that she questioned my manhood! Canu believe that crap? I couldn't.. so that's when I told her and my friend... my ultimatum and not to contact me until she decides...

AND if she decides not to try with me again... then not to do ANYTHING. In the meantime... im going to stick to NC.

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she did tell our mutual friend that she questioned my manhood! Canu believe that crap? I couldn't.. so that's when I told her and my friend... my ultimatum and not to contact me until she decides...

Anger, frustration, confusion, pain, etc. All of these emotions eventually dwindle once you step away from the entire situation. Both physically and emotionally. You need to posses friends of your own. Either that, or, tell this mutual friend not to spring up any information or concern regarding your ex.

if u love her really love and do anything for then do something romantic for her like randomly show up at her door with flowers and choclates and if she's willing to go with you bring her to a romantic dinner... but if its just puppy love and you could do better forget her... just remember every girl is after her romeo and will always test you and fight with you because basically us girls we're es

Thankx justwantfair...

Got confused for a moment there. But justwantfair... im feeling very vulnerable now. I gave that ultimatium but I really feel that she's not going tocome back :( as disfunctional as it was, we were going to get married.

So you see the agony I'm going through here. Now I have to wait to see if she contacts me in about one month. If she does then she wants me, if she doesn't then we are broken up. Simple as that. But those were my terms but damn... I really want her to come back to me. Am soooo crazy for her. Maybe I need some pills or something. I was down all day long today. Wonderng what she is going to choose... help!!

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as disfunctional as it was, we were going to get married.

Are you starting to see the point here?

You two are DYSFUNCTIONAL together.

You need to separate yourself from this girl. Stop all means of on going information gathering, and contacting, immediately.

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I really want her to come back to me. Am soooo crazy for her. Maybe I need some pills or something. I was down all day long today. Wonderng what she is going to choose... help!!

Other then drowning yourself in self pity, what did you do today that was productive for YOURSELF?

I just moved from an apartment that we were going to share to a single bed apartment. :(

Quote:

I was down all day long today. Wondering what she is going to choose... help!!

That's your problem, your wondering what she will do, instead of planning what you want to do.

The ultimatum was dumb, and self serving, an you would have felt better about yourself if you had disappeared from her life, and followed the suggestions here and began the healing process.

You don't need pills, you need to stop chasing ghosts.

Just examine honestly, your progress over 24 pages of advice, over nearly a month. Are you happy with that? I'm disappointed myself, but you get no empathy for self inflicted misery, and pain.

talaniman:

Yes I was very proud of my progress with everyone's help here. I tried and did do all that was suggested except for when she reached out and emailed me that goddam#ed job request and then emailed me about that she will get back with me on my other emails.

Then, I admit, I lost it.

Its so hard to walk away from your loves desire. And I would have felt better if I walked away from her life but now I'm stuck with waiting to see what SHE does to me. Damnit.

Can you tell me what you mean about "chasing ghosts?" does that mean I'm just in denial or what? Is it false hope? A lot of bad things beside her are going on in my life and I KNOW that this is effecting how I am behaving about her.

I want her to respect me but she doesn't. She used to and I used to be strong like that but like I said, lifes problems are really bad with me right now and she knows that and seems that she has... wants to bail out on me rather than helping me through everything.

Example: I had my home forcloesed on last week. I lost my job due to downsizing. I have to file bankruptcy. I have depression because of it all. And NOW my girlfriend... of 5 years is freaking leaving me too!!

God never gives you more than you can handle right? Well it sure seems too much for me to handle. The one person that I need, isn't there for me. Are you surprised that I'm fighting for the one thing that I love? As bad as it might be, without her I have nothing left.

Not trying to have a pity party but reality is what it is... comments please. ANYONE.

You have nothing left?

You are alive, you are able to type, you have access to a computer, you have a TON of people that care for you (just look at your thread of heartfelt replies). When things get tough it is especially important to look at you have, rather than focusing on what you don't have. Seems to me, you are getting the shot to prove to yourself, and everyone else, that YOU alone can do this, and this girl who has no respect for you DOES NOT matter.