Now this depends on how you are defining this "LOVE". Some people mistake "love" for all different kinds of emotions. Some of these emotions can be tied together, and sometimes they are just one at a time.

For instance: Puppy Love, or young love is just an exciting feeling that you have. When you part ways, you remember the excitement of it all, and are sure that you are going to die without that person. Then there is the jealous or obsessive love, where you think if you lose that person, you will lose yourself. There are many more types, but hopefully somewhere in there, there is self-love, and then there is true, respectful and unconditional love... sans a deal breaker... where you have a lot of communication and are best friends first and foremost, before anything else. That is the kind of love that takes very hard work and a lot of energy. It needs two people to be 100% committed to get to that stage.

In my opinion, it many times depends on how the relationship played out, and how it ended. If it was a rocky relationship, and ended badly, the love is gone for good, although the memories of the good times stay. This is where you were maybe in love with the person you wished they would be.

On the other hand, if the relationship went bad, but ended on at least a civil note, the love and good memories linger, but the love is more of a respectful love, of the times when things were good, and your ex still has a little piece of your heart, and although you love them, it goes back to the caring about their well being mode.

So where does the love go? I guess it depends on the level of the relationship.

I hope that answered your question somewhat. :)

I'm with the others on this one...

I loved and still love my exes. For me, it hasn't faded, persay, but has morphed into a sweet remembrance, a smile for a long day, a little giggle when seeing something that was shared, a tiny grin upon hearing a song sung together.

Love is a many splendored thing that changes and grows with time, while leaving happy little imprints of experiences shared in our hearts.

Its when you can look back and smile that you really know that you shared something special.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Now this depends on how you are defining this "LOVE". Some people mistake "love" for all different kinds of emotions. Some of these emotions can be tied together, and sometimes they are just one at a time.

For instance: Puppy Love, or young love is just an exciting feeling that you have. When you part ways, you remember the excitement of it all, and are sure that you are going to die without that person. Then there is the jealous or obsessive love, where you think if you lose that person, you will lose yourself. There are many more types, but hopefully somewhere in there, there is self-love, and then there is true, respectful and unconditional love....sans a deal breaker...where you have alot of communication and are best friends first and foremost, before anything else. That is the kind of love that takes very hard work and alot of energy. It needs two people to be 100% committed to get to that stage.

In my personal opinion, it many times depends on how the relationship played out, and how it ended. If it was a rocky relationship, and ended badly, the love is gone for good, although the memories of the good times stay. This is where you were maybe in love with the person you wished they would be.

On the other hand, if the relationship went bad, but ended on at least a civil note, the love and good memories linger, but the love is more of a respectful love, of the times when things were good, and your ex still has a little piece of your heart, and although you love them, it goes back to the caring about their well being mode.

So where does the love go? I guess it depends on the level of the relationship.

I hope that answered your question somewhat. :)

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Got to 'spread it' dear, but you are 100% on this. A great big TUMBS UP to you. Love you!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Wow thank you everyone! This has helped me a lot to realize the kind of love I feel.! I just think back to the good memories and smile. But I know I loved who he used to be.. because my ex is a totally different person now. But I'm OK :)! Thanks everyone

It was an interesting question to answer!

OK I've done 3weeks of NC (plus didn't call on his bday) But I still miss him a lot (not the relationship because I deserve better) but him as a person and I want to know he's OK. But its probably best I don't talk to him. But how do I just stop caring??

You can't just stop caring because he was an important person in your life. Only time can heal you. Don't force it

You can't stop how you feel :)

But control how you act.
You are doing a great job.
Keep up the good work

If you want to call someone call your mom or dad. Or a friend

Take them out to the movies get your mind off him.

Good luck

Thank you, actually I went to the movies the night of his birthday! Lol , I just hope he's OK I care about him as a person (how could I not! ) but he still hasn't cancelled my cellphone (I leave it turned off but I checked it yesterday and its still not cancelled) its weird but I hope he's not planning anything :S

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Originally Posted by h0llister

ok ive done 3weeks of NC (plus didnt call on his bday) But i still miss him alot (not the relationship because i deserve better) but him as a person and i want to know hes ok. but its probably best i dont talk to him. but how do i just stop caring???

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When you're saying "not the relationship because I deserve better", are you entirely certain you don't actually mean that it's the relationship you miss, and not him?
If you truly believe you deserve better than this man you were seeing, it seems to me like you want to call him not necessarily to talk to him but because you miss the bond you two once had together, even though you feel like he wasn't right for you.

Try this. When he pops up in your head tell your brain, "I'll think about him in an hour, right now I need to focus on this" By doing so you are acknowledging the thoughts in a positive manner and giving your brain permission to think about him but put him off. Eventually you will just put him off forever.

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Originally Posted by h0llister

ok ive done 3weeks of NC ....its probably best i dont talk to him. but how do i just stop caring???

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Keep it up. Healing any deep wound means not picking at the scab, you know? So keep the NC, don't pick at it.

You DON'T want to stop caring. Knock that thought out of your head. You won't stop caring and that's a good thing. In the end you want to be able to access your positive feelings and memories of him as good references for future relationships. Memories are good if you let them be.

What WILL happen is you will eventually stop having those pangs that urge you to do dumb things with your present life because of those memories. THAT will stop happening, eventually, thank goodness. Just hold the line until then.

How do I get rid of feelings like.. looking at mutual friend profiles to see pictures of him. Or even today I signed on to Facebook and I guess he made a profile because under 'people you may know' is his name so I clicked ( iknow I know bad) and he had just made it and his only friend is a girl I thought he had be cheating with and like I got all jealous again.. how do I stop checking, I know you will say just don't.. but you know how hard it is :S!

It's going to be hard, very hard. Just keep yourself busy.

Brief background : With a guy for almost 2years, long distance. He broke up with me a month ago because he just started university and was super busy and never had time for me. Of course I was heartbroken.. welll...

I just did 1month of NC. But tonight I was msn and my ex came on (on his OLD OLD account) and said hi to me. So I replied and we talked for a few hours just about work, and whatever (normal conversation) he ended up calling me and we talked on the phone for quite some time. He said how much he loved and missed me and but we did agree how it was better to stay broken up (because we are 2000miles away from each other) but like I am OK now from the breakup and I don't no quite what to think of this. Has anyone ever had this happen? Like he says I love you hunny and stuff as we did when we were together. I don't no what to think of this, like do you think he's doing this because he misses a relationship or what. He does agree its best for us to stay single. But acted like a boyfriend.. what do you guys think?

I still think it's too early in the healing process to start talking to him again, especially when he is saying things like this and trying to win you back as it sounds like. He may stir up feelings and then you are going to be in a long distance mess.

I'd probably stop talking to him for your own sanity, do you think its worth it?

Yeah, I would stick to NC. It is cool to see that he still has feelings for you, but the only things that does is bring up questions in your own head. As long as he is 2000 miles away the probability of any type of successful relationship happening is pretty low. Take everything with a grain of salt and keep on chugging along. You did awesome to reach a month of NC, now pick yourself up and do it again. The point here is to be able to emotionally move on from a break up. I am not saying years down the line you two won't get back together, but that is not for you to worry about.

Stick with NC, he's testing the waters out and seeing how everything is. Avoid this as you're too early into healing to try and deal with the mind games.

Can you not see how distracting, and confusing, it is to talk to an ex??

That's why No Contact works. You don't have to be concerned with his motives or make them a bigger deal than they deserve.

What's on his mind is not relevant.

I would not talk to him for your own sanity I know how hard it is, but it'll be good for you in the long run.

I just screwed myself over by contacting my ex today. Believe me, it isn't worth it. It just opens up a wound that doesn't need to get any bigger!

I though you jumped out his pocket a month ago? I guess he had a string attached to you.

He's testing the waters and you shouldn't respond to be honest. He's not wanting a relationship instead he wants that comfort zone back without the baggage.

I wouldn't talk to my ex for any reason tbh. Not worth my time and there is nothing to be said. Not a factor in my life.

How do I tell him not to call or anything without completely hurting him, I wouldn't mind talking a few times a week, even if that. I am OK with the break up, I'm happier with him as a friend, and he feels the same, because we are both really focused on our career. Is it wrong to talk?

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is it wrong to talk?

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Ask that question after you heal sufficiently to see some reality. I have heard every excuse in the world to try and get back together, and this is just another one. "We can be friends."

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Like he says I love you hunny and stuff as we did when we were together. I dont no what to think of this, like do you think he's doing this because he misses a relationship or what. he does agree its best for us to stay single. but acted like a boyfriend.. what do you guys think?

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One of you(or both) needs to let go and let each other go to stop confusion, and false hope.

You have the rest of your life to be friends, if that's what you want, but for now don't play games with each others feelings.

Protest all you want, but that's what your both doing. Not healthy, nor realistic.

I think he's just testing you and seeing if he still has some power over your feelings.

By breaking NC your just stirring up feelings of False hope.

Thank you everyone. I have told him I don't want to get back together and he agreed it was best as well.. so is it still wrong to talk?

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Originally Posted by h0llister

thank you everyone. i have told him i dont wanna get back together and he agreed it was best aswell.. so is it still wrong to talk?

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Depends can you keep past emotions in the past? I don't think your at that level yet. And she sure isn't by saying that L word.

He says he believes we will get married later in life, but now we are both focuses on our career.. its like a friend with benefits (but not those find of benefits lol cause we are so far, but like talking and stuff.)

So be friends get a career, get married, is that the plan?

Mm I don't think so... I am not planning on that. But who knows the future.

Hey as many of you know, my ex (long distance) and I broke up almost 2months ago.. about a week ago we started talking again and he was going to fly 2000 miles to come and fix things with me, I was so excited for it. But I thought we were moving to fast so I told him no (also I would get no time off work and I'm busy with church things). He agreed we were rushing things. But now we barely talk and I don't no its weird, I care but I also don't. I don't no how to feel. We still want to work on things but I know we wouldn't be able to see each other until the summer now. So should I cut him out of my life completely now, or still try to work on things, I like talking to him but I still feel like a girlfriend in someways. ( I don't want him to date other people , etc) but we aren't together. I'm so confused, I don't even know if this is a question somehow, but I don't no I needed to vent :( sorry .

From what I recall the breakup seemed like it was for good reason. He was busy with school, right? And you guys don't get to see each other much? Were you guys trying to do the no contact at all? It seems that's what always messes people up is breaking the no contact. How many years does he have left of school?

Well... talking to him makes you feel at ease correct? So stick to contacting him casually nothing more try to stay out of bringing up the relationship talk of old or new, and wait to see each other until you have time for each other to give it a real shot if you truly want to try and give it another go. Hope this helps!

He has 3more years and I have 2, but he told me he's going on vacation with his family to my country in the summer and his family invited for me to meet them as well. So like we talk good and stuff.. but what makes it hard, if we both lived close, our relationship would be amazing, we both know it.. so I guess we are waiting until we can be close to be in a relationship together

I see. Keep in mind a lot can change in 2-3 years. You might wait until you're both done with school to find that you are two totally different people and things won't work out the way you both hoped. Or you might get back together and it would be totally worth the wait. It's hard telling with situations like this. Just think though, if you wait those few years for him, you're missing out on meeting new people in the meantime.

That's true.. I don't want to wait for him, but I do care. Its hard to know :S I'm so confused, ill just go day by day I suppose

I just added a signature I want to see it.. lol

I remember seeing that top quote on here. It's so true.

Take things day by day though, like you said.

its just every weekend I get worried he might hook up with some girl, like he has A lot of close friends that are girls, and I'm not worried about them, but random people. And I don't no how to deal with it :S

This is time to NOT worry about him or what he is doing. You are no longer together. He should NOT be worrying about what your doing either. This is time to leave each other alone and experience life with out being with one another. Your in school, go to parties, meet up with friends and do stuff together. You only go through college/university once. HAVE FUN!

Just because he wants to fly 2000 miles to fix things... will it actually fix anything?

What happens when he goes back?

You will be right back where you left off... far away from him and missing him more.

Concentrate on school for now. Get through that first and THEN see where you two stand. Don't shutout other people you may meet either, you never know who you may meet.