Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend wants a break.how to accept it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

I hear you - I have my moments where I am the same way. But one thing K said to me during our most recent conversation was "What would K want you to do?" So if you have the urge you sit back, breathe and say "What would she want me to do?" I know K would want me to be strong and not let my emotions run wild - so I sit back, breathe take a moment to say "Stop, you are being irrational" and I move on. I can't say I will always be this posed about the situation, but it is helping me right now. I try not to think about what he is doing because that doesn't matter - its that I am getting better for myself and my future.

What if I do that and all I can see in my future is being with her? I mean I do tell myself to relax and just take it easy but I think about the future and what I want and I think of her by my side. That's what keeps telling me that I shouldn't let her go, its like the saying, when you want something and believe in something to go for it. I don't know how long I can sit idley by w/out saying something again or doing something. So many ideas go through my head that say, hey if you do this maybe she will change her mind or see that you love her so much you will do anything and realize that you are the one for her. I guess that's a fairy tale dream world but its hard to accept reality sometimes when you want something really bad and you can't have it , for now at least.

To be honest, I am just going to stop replying here because everything everyone says isn't enough...

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

to be honest, I am just going to stop replying here because everything everyone says isn't enough...

Sorry I know I am messed up, but thanks for the replies, I do appreciate them. All your advise is sinking in, slowly, but sinking in and making me think in ways I never thought. Thanks

So the bottom line to all of this madness is just play it cool, don't say anything to her and allow for her to miss me? Is that the only way I have a chance of getting her back? I feel like I am at the end of my rope and just wish I knew what to do to make everything better.

I mean it sounds so easy to do but the fact that she may be thinking of someone else already really makes me feel horrible inside. I just hope this guy or whoever ends up treating her like crap so she can realize how much better I was to her because I feel I treated her great, nothing was perfect but I would do things for her that most guys would not, and I know that for a fact. I just wish we could sit down and talk about what was good and bad in the relationship and if anything can be done about it. I just keep thinking that she kind of gave up too easy on us. I don't know anything anymore I guess I just have to let time take its course but I keep finding myself waiting for her to call and looking at the clock and my phone, even though I don't know if she will call or when. My hope is just way out of control right now.

When your through driving yourself crazy reread some of the good advice you've been given and make a plan to get healthy without her. Simple, but we here all know how hard it is. Give yourself a chance to heal.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When your thru driving yourself crazy reread some of the good advice you've been given and make a plan to get healthy without her. Simple, but we here all know how hard it is. Give yourself a chance to heal.

Thanks tali, I have read my whole post again, re-reading my own posts and everyone's advice. I am trying to get through this the best way possible but its just difficult for me to move on from her. I keep hoping for that moment where she realizes she made a mistake and wants me back in her life. Until something comes from her I know I have to just focus on myself, thanks for the support.

Perhaps you should start reciting the serenity prayer...
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The knowledge to change the things I can and
The wisdom to know the difference.

You should take that to heart. Perhaps it would be best for you to tell yourself its over and move on. That way if she does change her mind, it is a pleasant surprise.

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Originally Posted by star3114

Perhaps you should start reciting the serenity prayer...
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The knowledge to change the things I can and
The wisdom to know the difference.

You should take that to heart. Perhaps it would be best for you to tell yourself its over and move on. That way if she does change her mind, it is a pleasant surprise.

I would love to take that approach but its too hard for me to accept right now. I just don't want it to be over so badly that I can't think clearly about anything. I am messed up bad and I guess only time will make me feel better. Should I tell her not to call me at all anymore? I mean I really do like talking to her and it makes me feel better for a while but then I just miss her more. I just don't know if I could say that to her.

No one said breaking up is easy... especially when you are on the receiving end. But everything happens for a reason... and the longer I have lived... the more I realize that is true. I remember being crushed when I got dumped... but if that wouldn't have happened, other more important people wouldn't have entered my life. Where every door closes, a window opens (and it has a ladder :O) ) Sometimes, you need to take the glasses off long enough to see that the room has a window... and then you can appreciate the open window. If I haven't said it clear enough... get off your duff, get a hobby, have fun. She doesn't want you (why is not important), but there are other girls out there that are better suited to you. Stop sulking and enjoy life. There are many people out there that are less fortunate than you... savor the fact and be honored that you have many blessings in your life. STOP THINKING OF WHAT YOU Don't HAVE AND START THINKING OF WHAT YOU DO HAVE!! Ghostrider, I am over and out.

Thanks star I will try my best.

You can do anything you set your mind to... use that brainpower for good... instead of a situation you can't control.

I know , I hear everyone's advice and it sounds so good. Just for some reason tonight is worse than the past few days. I am really feeling it and I feel like such a wuss. I mean its hard to tell myself that the love I have for her and the feeling I feel inside can't be expressed. Its all coming out in other ways an I am really emotional. Maybe I just need to get it all out.

Then call her and tell her and let the chips fall where they may.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. This is something that a couple billion people go through every day, after breaking up, but this is also something that a couple billion people “get through”.
You will get through it. In the mean time breathe. In the mean time, even through all the pain won't go away, you can make at least 0.005 percent of it go away by doing things, working out, eating right, writing, reading, saving, etc.
I can't stress this enough: please work out and eat right. These two things will increase your endorphin like you wouldn't know it! You can't afford to eat things that will give you depression right now (and a lot of junk food is like that out there). Believe me, that it will help to eat right because not only will you look better, but you will think better and feel better.
You'll be okay. You can choose to be better than okay if you just use your time properly. I know how those super low nights can feel like your heart is going to burst inside you, but I promise that those nights will become (slowly) less and less. Good luck, and keep with no contact.

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Originally Posted by Sad Soul

I’m sorry for what you are going through. This is something that a couple billion people go through every day, after breaking up, but this is also something that a couple billion people “get through”.
You will get through it. In the mean time breathe. In the mean time, even through all the pain won’t go away, you can make at least 0.005 percent of it go away by doing things, working out, eating right, writing, reading, saving, etc.
I can’t stress this enough: please work out and eat right. These two things will increase your endorphin like you wouldn’t know it! You can’t afford to eat things that will give you depression right now (and a lot of junk food is like that out there). Believe me, that it will help to eat right because not only will you look better, but you will think better and feel better.
You’ll be okay. You can choose to be better than okay if you just use your time properly. I know how those super low nights can feel like your heart is going to burst inside you, but I promise that those nights will become (slowly) less and less. Good luck, and keep with no contact.

Thanks well I mean I know in the long run I will be all right, its just dealing with right now that is hard. I haven't been eating junk food but I probably haven't been eating as much as I should and I really don't have the urge or energy to do much else. I am just watching TV and trying to keep my mind off where she is and what she is doing.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then call her and tell her and let the chips fall where they may.

What do you mean? Just tell her everything I feel and to just tell me whether its over or not? She knows how I feel and has said we aren't together but she keeps putting a spin on it like she is confused and she needs time. Do you think she knows deep inside if she wants me back or will want me back and is not saying anything/?

You are not her conscience. Don't try to be. She is a big girl and she can make her own decisions and mistakes. That is her place. Your place is to control what you say and do. If you go around trying to be people consciences... they will never live up to your expectations. You can't control other people, but you can control what YOU say and do. Keep up the no contact.

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Originally Posted by star3114

You are not her conscience. Don't try to be. She is a big girl and she can make her own decisions and mistakes. That is her place. Your place is to control what you say and do. If you go around trying to be people consciences....they will never live up to your expectations. You can't control other people, but you can control what YOU say and do. Keep up the no contact.

Do you think she even cares if she talks to me or what I am feeling? She says she does but I don't know, sometimes I think she is just thinking about herself and not worrying about the person who has been there for her and loved her for such a long time. I don't think I would be able to do what she is doing. Saying all that, I still prety much would forgive her for almost anything. I guess love is just so confusing and makes people think and do crazy things.

If she truly cared for you... she wouldn't have left. It is a hard reality but it is true. People don't leave those they care about. People leave those that they don't like.

Quote:

Originally Posted by star3114

If she truly cared for you....she wouldn't have left. It is a hard reality but it is true. People don't leave those they care about. People leave those that they don't like.

That's another way to look at it. A harder and more cold way of looking at it but it kind of makes sense. I don't think she likes hurting me and doesn't care about me but I mean it definitely isn't nice to do this to someone so who knows what she really feels. I guess I can take her words into account but her actions speak louder. I still don't have ill will towards her and don't love her any less though.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

what do you mean? just tell her everything i feel and to just tell me whether its over or not? she knows how i feel and has said we arent together but she keeps putting a spin on it like she is confused and she needs time. do you think she knows deep inside if she wants me back or will want me back and is not saying anything/?

See you know what the deal is, now you need to give her space, and while you're doing it, go on with your life too. I think she may be confusd, but I think deep inside she knows you guys are done.

Well I hope she is just confused but I guess I have to go on as if we are done for now. I guess that the only way I can start to feel better about everything and myself. Thanks

You're welcome. I really do wish you the best. You will get past this.

I know it sucks right now, but it WILL get better. Then you will meet someone terrific and understand that this all happened for a reason. Fate has a way of working itself out in mysterious ways.

I hope so, I also still hold out hope that she is the one for me because I really do feel that in my heart. I know now though I can't make her feel what I feel, if we are to be together again it will come naturally. If not, I know someone is out there for me, it just seems so far away right now.

Just take each day at a time. Reward yourself for getting through the day... rent a favorite movie, take a bubble bath, paint your nails... uh wait, those are chick things :O)

Okay, so scratch yourself and grunt loudly during your fav sporting event. j/k

Do something that you really feel at peace doing. I garden. Helping something else grow makes me feel that I have purpose. Find your own passion, or borrow mine if needed. :O)

What do you like to do in your free time... before you met her... or what have you always wanted to do (not a retorical question... please answer)

Quote:

Originally Posted by star3114

Just take each day at a time. Reward yourself for getting through the day...rent a favorite movie, take a bubble bath, paint your nails ....uh wait, those are chick things :O)

Okay, so scratch yourself and grunt loudly during your fav sporting event. j/k

Do something that you really feel at peace doing. I garden. Helping something else grow makes me feel that I have purpose. Find your own passion, or borrow mine if needed. :O)

What do you like to do in your free time...before you met her....or what have you always wanted to do (not a retorical question...please answer)

Well you know its hard to even think back to my life before her. It was just a typical first year of college when we met and I was just hanging out with friends back when everyone was still down here. Since then its been her and me with occasional friends here and there. So I guess I like to play golf, video games, car stuff. So I mean I could do all these things with her, I guess now I just have more time to do them. I guess after some time I will figure some other things that I can do. I just hope I do these things and get my mind right and then see where we stand in the near future. But I don't know where she will be, although we may still be in touch so I don't know how I will feel when I talk to her, when she calls me.

Okay... so this weekend (weather permitting) plan a golf outing with the guys. It will give you something to look forward to. A baby step would be to take a cool car for a test drive. Get you out of the house and into some fresh air. Test drive something with lots of ponies under the hood. That will bring out the spunk in you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by star3114

Okay...so this weekend (weather permitting) plan a golf outing with the guys. It will give you something to look foward to. A baby step would be to take a cool car for a test drive. Get you out of the house and into some fresh air. Test drive something with lots of ponies under the hood. That will bring out the spunk in ya.

Thanks for all your help and support, I really appreciate it. Don't think I would be able to even think right now if it wasn't for you and others on here. This is one of the best sites I have ever found. I just wish the circumstances were different.

So what kind of car are you going to take for a test drive? Huh... huh??

Quote:

Originally Posted by star3114

So what kind of car are you gonna take for a test drive? huh...huh????

Haha I don't know. I will see what's out there. Anyway, this morning I didn't call her again. We haven't had contact since she texted me yesterday morning. I pretty much doubt she will be calling me today since she works till 6 then probably will be busy tonight going out or whatever. So I am fighting the urge to call her or text her, its hard but I am trying. I mean I do hope she calls me eventually this weekend for some reason, but I know it probably won't do anything to make me feel better. I do have the urge to just ask her if space is what she really wants or if she just wants to be with someone else, because I know she is hangin out with that guy and those people from work and it bothers me. I sort of look forward to the week because at least I know she's not out late doing whatever with whoever. I know its messed up to think like that and not good for me but that's where I am at the moment. Maybe after this weekend I will feel a little better, but I don't know.

Should I even text her to say "have a good day at work"? I mean do you think that she will take me not contacting her as me saying that I am OK with everything and don't want to hear from her? I don't want her to get the idea that I don't want anything to do with her anymore and therefore reinforce her decision. But I know that probably isn't the case, just feels like it sometimes.

You're driving yourself nuts - go out and do something. Get away from the computer - for like three days straight you have been on here. Write in a journal - something... staying inside alone is going to send you to the loonie bin!

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

You're driving yourself nuts - go out and do something. Get away from the computer - for like three days straight you have been on here. Write in a journal - something... staying inside alone is going to send you to the loonie bin!

Well I am at work most of the time I am on here. Its hard to concentrate on work when I have all these emotions and thoughts in my head. So I mean I am not choosing to stay inside willingly, coming on here helps me because I get what I am feeling out and read what other people have to say, it keeps me stronger than I would be all by myself.

Is your work getting done?

Yeah I get my work done, I really don't do much as of now, its my first real job out of college and really just a job to gain experience on my resume. Nothing really hard or exciting. I have just been in a funk ever since this whole situation started, I am trying to act normal around people but I just feel depressed and its not so fun. I like coming on here to read everyone's comments and stories and advice. It makes me feel better sometimes that there is hope that things will work and yet give me the reality that they may not.

Do you use any IM clients at your work?

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Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

Do you use any IM clients at your work?

No, I think I have msn messenger installed on here but that's about it.

I ask because maybe there are people on your messenger list that can help you talk things through.

Quote:

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

I ask because maybe there are people on your messenger list that can help you talk things through.

I wish, but not really. I mean I am able to function like a normal person and appear to be fine but inside is where I really hurt. I just want things back how they were, and my heart keeps saying to try and fight for it. But my head is saying that's not the right way to approach it, its just a battle between the two. Sometimes I feel like I am going to cave in and call her and then I will think for a minute. It's a hard battle to fight with yourself, something new for me and I wasn't ready for it. I keep thinking this is like the other times we have fought or she has been upset or something but it definitely isn't. I guess the bottom line is I Wish there was something I could do, I don't like when a situation is taken out of my hands completely.