If you are texting her everyday, you're not leaving her alone. Maybe in time you will see things more clearly. You are obsessed with this girl you have only seen once.

You haven't left her alone, you texted her yesterday.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Cool, now leave her alone as obviously you have no clue what you are dealing with, or how to deal with it. Go about your own business and maybe more will be revealed later, or better yet, you will lose the obsession and gain a better understanding of this situation.

How dare you judge her and say what she needs to be doing, and you have yet to do for yourself. Don't mean to be harsh, but that kind of assumptive thinking is way beyond your control. The urge of wanting to help and pursue your attraction is what keeps you from seeing a bigger picture, and you do more harm than good for you both.

What mom with a dependent child would allow a stranger to influence their child's future adversely? Oh you say you care, but are NOT the one responsible for her. Mom is, and you have said your peace, now leave her alone.

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I'm not telling her what to do or think Iam infavour of people improving lives and making a difference too. So I was not telling her to give up her career and yes I probably got too involved too soon but it's fine I'm just doing what I need to do and letting her do her stuff thank you

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Originally Posted by J_9

You haven't left her alone, you texted her yesterday.

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Since yesterday I have left her alone

If you are in favor of her improving her life like you say you are you will leave her alone. You will stop texting her.

Let her improve her life on her terms not yours.

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Originally Posted by J_9

If you are in favor of her improving her life like you say you are you will leave her alone. You will stop texting her.

Let her improve her life on her terms not yours.

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The last time I texted her was yesterday morning to apologize that's all

Then don't text her anymore. Let her make the next move but don't expect to hear from her for a while, if ever. Get on with your life. Get busy and have fun with friends during the holidays.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Then don't text her anymore. Let her make the next move but don't expect to hear from her for a while, if ever. Get on with your life. Get busy and have fun with friends during the holidays.

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You honestly don't think she come back

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Originally Posted by jj2014

You honestly don't think she come back

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I don't think she will. This all started after your meeting. She said she wanted to break it off and you would not leave her alone. You are obsessed with this girl and I would imagine you have freaked her out.

The reality is that this was an online relationship. You met in person once. You became obsessed with her to the point of scaring her. She has other issues in her life that are a higher priority than an online relationship. No, I don't think she will come back.

Take this as a learning experience to use in your next relationship. Don't be so needy... Make yourself more unavailable, and for goodness sake meet women in person, not online.

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Originally Posted by J_9

The reality is that this was an online relationship. You met in person once. You became obsessed with her to the point of scaring her. She has other issues in her life that are a higher priority than an online relationship. No, I don't think she will come back.

Take this as a learning experience to use in your next relationship. Don't be so needy... Make yourself more unavailable, and for goodness sake meet women in person, not online.

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I think this was a case of right people just at the wrong time and maybe I should look around for others just in case she does not get back to me

Don't wait for her either - she's not interested. No girl gives a guy that many excuses if she has any interest at all. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings but doesn't want to date you either. Family issues, job issues, stress and so on and so forth - she covered every category of excuse and added a few more. She's NOT interested. Move on. Date other people.

And for future reference, know this - many, many people say the right things but they are just trying to be nice and bow out gracefully. Your job is to pay attention to their behavior. If you ask them out and they say they are busy, you can ask, "is there a better time for you?" If they don't come up with a better time, you have their answer - they aren't interested.

If they text back a fraction of the times that you text them, they are less interested than you.

If they tell you it's a bad time, chances are it will never be a good time. The reason - when things stink, but something good happens, like we get a great new job offer, or win the lottery or meet the perfect man or woman, we don't say, "Oh, well, my life sucks now so I am turning down everything positive that comes my way for the time being." Rather, we might say, "If you can bear with my work schedule, I'd love to see you".

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Don't wait for her either - she's not interested. No girl gives a guy that many excuses if she has any interest at all. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings but doesn't want to date you either. Family issues, job issues, stress and so on and so forth - she covered every category of excuse and added a few more. She's NOT interested. Move on. Date other people.

And for future reference, know this - many, many people say the right things but they are just trying to be nice and bow out gracefully. Your job is to pay attention to their behavior. If you ask them out and they say they are busy, you can ask, "is there a better time for you?" If they don't come up with a better time, you have their answer - they aren't interested.

If they text back a fraction of the times that you text them, they are less interested than you.

If they tell you it's a bad time, chances are it will never be a good time. The reason - when things stink, but something good happens, like we get a great new job offer, or win the lottery or meet the perfect man or woman, we don't say, "Oh, well, my life sucks now so I am turning down everything positive that comes my way for the time being." Rather, we might say, "If you can bear with my work schedule, I'd love to see you".

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Okay thank you for that apparently I was her first proper boyfriend which I did not realise because she told me she had been with a couple of guys.
Anyway she is 21 so she probably does not understand relationships? But all I have done is leave the communication open for her and she can contact as and she feels.

I'm already looking around I hope I'm not doing it too soon

I don't think you understand relationships either, otherwise you would have realized that she is just not in to you. It's good that you're looking around.

As long as expectations are reasonable and you are not just replacing the high hopes you had before with more high hopes of getting what you want. This female is not relationship material for sure at this time, for whatever reason. Not with you anyway.

Most encounters with the opposite sex or romantic partners are fun while they last, until it's not, and its time to heal, and move on. Let yourself heal from this disappointment.

talaniman is right. Get over this and don't get so intense right away.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

talaniman is right. Get over this and don't get so intense right away.

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To be honest we both got intense too soon and we all have issues and we need our own time and space to sort them out. The sad part for me was she is a decent sweet girl and very supportive too hopefully I will find that again in someone else or maybe her one day

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Originally Posted by talaniman

As long as expectations are reasonable and you are not just replacing the high hopes you had before with more high hopes of getting what you want. This female is not relationship material for sure at this time, for whatever reason. Not with you anyway.

Most encounters with the opposite sex or romantic partners are fun while they last, until it's not, and its time to heal, and move on. Let yourself heal from this disappointment.

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Why is she not girlfriend material with me ? What's the difference with other guys ?

The biggest is the distance, and her priorities. Even bigger is her mom's influence on those priorities. To many obstacles and issues to overcome. Bad timing, really bad.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The biggest is the distance, and her priorities. Even bigger is her mom's influence on those priorities. To many obstacles and issues to overcome. Bad timing, really bad.

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Her mum is loverly and I enjoyed meeting her but she was texting her quite a bit when we met but my girlfriend said she does this on first dates despite hher been 21. She has been in some odd relationship s for example she met this guy who she did not feel comfortable with so she met him instead of taking het own car so if something happened she could leave quickly she called her mum to pick her up and I said to her did you not think of taking driving to the restaurant so you could leave with out any hassle she did not think about that .
I don't regret meeting her and how is the mother been an obstacle

In my experience when a female is not yet ready to cut ties with mom and seek her own path, there is nothing you can do. I have seen many mothers smile sweetly and are engaging and charming while they work against undo contact or influence of the guys that date their child.

You may think such an attitude is wrong, but I doubt you will change anything. There may be a million scenario to speculate on. What good would it do but make you defensive? This could be as simple as YOU having an unstable or uncertain future to risk HER future on getting too attached. Who knows.

It is what it is! Possibilities are ENDLESS, and for sure it's not working NOW! That's the bottom line, and the reality you must deal with.

If it makes you feel better to say this woman and her mother are flakes, so be it but leave her alone. If you continue to want to hang on, the problem could be you.