Ask Me Help Desk - I need opinions about my situation

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

I want to try to win her love back and prove to her how much i love her though but i dont know if its a good idea or not. Thats the things, i know everyone tells me its not and it makes sense to me what everyone has told me but i dont know if thats how i want to do thing you know what i mean? Truth is i ll probably just end up with more pain than i am already in. But i guess you will never know till you try? I want to fight for my love for her but there are some days i just dont feel like doing that anymore...

Love is not supposed to be this hard, and once you go through a period of NC and get rid of the emotional cloud that is stuck in front of you, that realization will creep in. Nothing you do will change her mind my friend. If she wants you, she will find you. You must know that all of the romantic Hollywood movies that portray what you are talking about ARE NOT real life. You have to quit worrying about proving anything to her, and start proving things to yourself. You are a mere shell of who you once were... time to change that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

Love is not supposed to be this hard, and once you go through a period of NC and get rid of the emotional cloud that is stuck in front of you, that realization will creep in. Nothing you do will change her mind my friend. If she wants you, she will find you. You must know that all of the romantic Hollywood movies that portray what you are talking about ARE NOT real life. You have to quit worrying about proving anything to her, and start proving things to yourself. You are a mere shell of who you once were...time to change that.

Update~
Hey thanks for posting. Today when I woke up out of no where I decided how stupid I have been. Everyone on here was completely right. They were always here giving me the same advice over and over again even after how stubborn I have been. I would just like to thank you all for being here for me.

Today out of no where I decided that its time for me to move on no matter how hard it is and even if she wants me back right now, I won't her back anymore. I learned a valuable lesson in this experience, never give everything you have to someone because you never know if they ll have a change of heart and take everything away from you. I gave her valuable time with my family, my best friends, spent so much money on her, dreamed my future with her and have everything planned out and now its all gone. My family and friends are still here for me, they have always been no matter how bad I've treated them. I feel so stupid for not seeing that and I'm so sorry of how I treated them.

She is a b1tch. I gave her everything and she took it from me leaving me with nothing. After everything I have done for her, she left me for some other guy. I felt all used up and stupid for all the things I have said on here. To think just yesterday I would go to the end of the world for her. Why would I do such a thing for someone who replaced me just like that, all the things she said was a lie. She was not the person I fell in love with, I thought she was loyal, I meant more to her than that and she just threw me out of the window without any hesistation. She told me she was better than me the other day... That was so cruel. She is definitely not the person I want to be with anymore and I've made up my mind for sure and I'm not going back on it anymore.

As for her, I am cutting her off my life for good. Even if she wants to rekindle things later on, ill be long gone. I deserve so much better than that. I deserve someone who is loyal to me to the end, appreciate me and love me for who I am. Well, this is how I feel today, if it ll change tomorrow? I don't really know. It still hurts me when I think of her with the other guy. I still love her but that was because she was once the person she was and now she's changed unless she was always this way and I never saw this side of her. It still hurts every now and then that things had to end up this way but now I actually think of the possibility that this might be the best for me.

Anyway, what's the problem now? Well, the thing is I'm ready to move on. But like I said now I'm left with nothing, I'm kind of scared of the future. I know what I have to do is spend more time with my family and friends and I'm so grateful for them. Im glad I haven't lose them yet. They mean so much to me now. I also have to study hard in school build a future for myself and find a good job to support myself. The thing is, about my love life? I don't know if I will ever find anyone to love anymore. I would like to have someone to love me back and spend the rest of my life with but I don't know if I would ever find that person. I don't want a rebound, just anyone to be with. I want to find my one true love and I don't know if I ever will and I'm scared I won't and just end up all by myself with no one loving me... Im scared of the future and I feel kind of lost right now.

What you're feeling is normal and natural. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there... some of us, time and time again it seems.

None of us have a crystal ball. It would be nice if we could be enlightened with a vision of our future and pointed in the right direction... but that's not living. That's no fun, really. That's not what life is all about. We have to find out on our own. That's how we learn and grow and become who we are.

Some of the best advice I've been given over the years is to just be myself, be the kind of person that I want to attract.

In other words, for me, I am happy, content, fun, strong and independent and most importantly open to love... and if I am these things, and they're conveyed to others, hopefully I will attract someone similar.

I can say for sure, though, because of your young age, that, yes, you will find someone else, probably more than one...

I agree with you about the rebound. It's natural to want to fill that void up right away with someone else to temporarily ease the heartache, but rebound is not a good idea.

You need time to clear your mind and heart of this girl. You will be no good to anyone else until you do. Trust me, I've done it. I hurt someone and it's not right to do and it only made me feel worse about myself.

Rebound just delays the inevitable pain and loss you MUST go through to get to the other side. It will make you a stronger person and you will learn about yourself.

It's okay to feel lost. You will land. Hang in there!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Survivor07

What you're feeling is normal and natural. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there.....some of us, time and time again it seems.

None of us have a crystal ball. It would be nice if we could be enlightened with a vision of our future and pointed in the right direction....but that's not living. That's no fun, really. That's not what life is all about. We have to find out on our own. That's how we learn and grow and become who we are.

Some of the best advice I've been given over the years is to just be myself, be the kind of person that I want to attract.

In other words, for me, I am happy, content, fun, strong and independent and most importantly open to love...and if I am these things, and they're conveyed to others, hopefully I will attract someone similar.

I can say for sure, though, because of your young age, that, yes, you will find someone else, probably more than one...

I agree with you about the rebound. It's natural to want to fill that void up right away with someone else to temporarily ease the heartache, but rebound is not a good idea.

You need time to clear your mind and heart of this girl. You will be no good to anyone else until you do. Trust me, I've done it. I hurt someone and it's not right to do and it only made me feel worse about myself.

Rebound just delays the inevitable pain and loss you MUST go through to get to the other side. It will make you a stronger person and you will learn about yourself.

It's okay to feel lost. You will land. Hang in there!

Yup. She was my first love and it has been really hard on me. But at this point I don't think I could take her back even if she wants to but at the same time it would be awesome if all of this never happened you know what I mean? But the future is scary now. You ll never know what happen... if you ll ever find love again or not.

Omg guyz >_< today I am so bored sitting at home doing nothing... I feel the urge to talk to my ex >_< and break nc!! But I know if I do it ll just lead me to more pain... What should I do??

Do you really need an answer or can we skip right to the sympathy since you know the answer to your question.

Get unbored, find something to do for you.

Call your friends!! Good job committing to NC. Time to fill up all of this free time with fun stuff. That fear you have will soon turn into excitement for the future and unknown.

Your finally stepping in the right direction. The road will not be easy at first, but the longer you stick to it, the easier it gets.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Do you really need an answer or can we skip right to the sympathy since you know the answer to your question.

Get unbored, find something to do for you.

Yah pretty much I know the answer. Don't contact her at all no matter what. That's part of what no contact is. >_< And I know that is what everyone will tell me and I know it's the right thing for me to do.

Hmmm... get unbored? How? What is there to do?

Call your friends...

I know you have some. Play some video games, take a walk, go for a nice long drive, go fishing, just get out of your house for a while. Go to the mall and by some new clothes. Go to the book store and buy a book. Maybe go to starbucks and get a coffee. Just do something instead of sitting on the computer wondering what to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmw0713

Call your friends....

I know you have some. Play some video games, take a walk, go for a nice long drive, go fishing, just get out of your house for a while. Go to the mall and by some new clothes. Go to the book store and buy a book. Maybe go to starbucks and get a coffee. Just do something instead of sitting on the computer wondering what to do.

Wow its been a LONG time since I talked to her. I don't feel as close to her anymore. I feel like the feelings for her have changed and their not as strong anymore. Is that really what I should be feeling? Anyway wutcha up to?

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

Wow its been a LONG time since i talked to her. I dont feel as close to her anymore. I feel like the feelings for her have changed and their not as strong anymore. Is that really what i should be feeling? Anyways wutcha up to??

Yes, this is how it works. You will have ups and downs. You're on your way. Breaking NC will take you backward and you'll prolong the agony. You want to stop the agony.

The others are right on. The fear you have for the future WILL turn into excitement.

As soon as you find an outlet for all this "energy" you've put into her, it will be easier. Exercise always helps me. Also, reading. Getting out with your friends and forcing yourself to NOT talk about her while with your friends is good, too.

P.S. You will find love. Most likely when you're not expecting it. Don't focus on that too much. Be patient.

Guys. I feel all used up and thrown away like yesterday's trash. I gave this girl so much, did so much for her, sacrificed so much for her. I left my family, friends for her. I don't have much friends but I have a few really close one and I left them for her. I went to a closer university to study so I can spend more time with her.

Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.

I feel all used up. Kind of embarrassed now that I'm left with nothing. My family and friends are still there for me. They have been loyal and supportive of me no matter what I did and was always there when I needed them. As for her I thought she was loyal but she betrayed me for a new guy?

Basically I feel all used up and there nothing more for me to give to anyone including myself. What do you guys think? >_<

Feeling used and abused comes with the territory.

I think there is a lot to learn about yourself here.

Sounds like you gave too much. That's not anyone's fault but yours.

Don't repeat this. Love yourself before you can love someone else.

What happened to you, happens all the time. You pick yourself up and move on. Learn.

Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.

That is what happens when you give too much of yourself. If you lose yourself in someone, if you cannot maintain who you are in a relationship, this is what happens when it is over.

You need to be YOU and maintain your hobbies, interests, education, work, relationships with your friends and family----so when a love relationship ends, you aren't left feeling like you have absolutely nothing. She didn't take all of these from you--YOU did.

Yah... it is all my fault. Its just so hard for me right now. Sometimes I feel strong enough to get through it and sometimes it is just so hard. I just don't know what to do anymore. Actually I know what to do, but I don't know if I can survive it...

Stop feeding the guy on the pity pot. He is a loser who will keep you down. We support the other guy who is willing to work on himself and not be a big cry baby.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop feeding the guy on the pity pot. He is a loser who will keep you down. We support the other guy who is willing to work on himself and not be a big cry baby.

Yah I know but my feelings are everywhere right now but I feel stronger now to move on. I think I'm almost there. NC is working its wonders and I have nothing to do with her life ever since. I don't feel as close to her anymore, but sometimes the pain is still there like it hasn't completely disappeared yet

Sorry, Tal, had to spread the love.

I agree with Tal. Get rid of the 'poor me' attitude, it will get you nowhere.

Lighten up, too This is not the end of the world here.

Tell us something positive about YOU.

That was pretty mean tal >_< what I do wrong? I can't help the way I feel...

The truth hurts my friend... the only thing you are doing wrong is always dwelling on this now instead of actually learning from it.. thus making sure it will never happen again.
What I found useful was to list all the things I had learnt from the breakup... i.e.. To see the red flags, to realise that actions speak louder than words, to have happiness within MYSELF... etc etc...

A persons character is judged by how they recover and react after a nasty knock back... show your strength of character... dust yourself off, get up, learn the lessons and improve yourself in every and any aspect of your life... it will be much more attractive to ladies and will be much more rewarding in the long run!.

Good Luck..