I know its easier said than done but really don't worry about this bird.

Just have the knowledge that she'll get hers one day.

You come out of this thing such a better guy and have learnt so much that one day when you do find that someone special this will be so far in the back of your mind that you'll wonder why you let it get to you so much.

Where as she, well she will probably never be truly happy if she is how you describe.
She can seek all the validation from shrinks, friends, boyfreinds she likes. But if she isn't improving as a person then she will get hers.

So its OK to be mad. In fact I wish I had reasons to be as mad as you (I think I do anyway).

Your just continuing to heal and grow. She hasn't even begun, and probably never will because she doesn't probably even know what love is. And chances are if she keeps on acting this way, never will.

I know who's shoes id rather be in!

[QUOTE=Skell]
I know who's shoes id rather be in![/QUOTE]

Perfect Skell!!

Yup, would not want to be her!

First of all You're normal in your feelings. Yes I agree she was the party girl when you met her and hoped she would change once your relationship grew. But if we wanted the person we care about to change then the two of you aren't really meant to be in the first place. You had so much more emotionally invested in the relationship that she did. Where you were getting serious and wanted more, she was still in the casusal stage. She didn't see things as exlcusively the 2 of you. She wanted to play the field and her provocative dressing and not wanting you around would be a red flag to me. Having you around(no offense) would rain on her sexy parade. Not too many guys are going to pay attention to another mans girlfriend.
Where you see white picket fenses and three cats in the yard, she still sees strobe lights and partying on. Its not your fault that the 2 of you are on 2 different wave lengths. And you can't worry about her now. She's living her life the way she wants and you need to heal and mend your heart.
I think in her mind that she was done with the relationship and you yelling at her was the excuse she needed to walk away without any guilt on her part. AS having been dumped many times in my life, I can tell you it does get better and there is someone out therewho'll apreciate the boy next store you appear to be. (I did fall for him and we've been married 12 years)
Keep doing what you're doing. Take time for yourself and keep thinking you're a great guy and worthy of something better. You're worthy of someone who'll love to show you off and love and repect you for the individual you are.
Don't let a bad experience ruin your faith in womankind. Think of it as a bump in the road and you basically hit a pot hole with this one.
Acknowledge the hurt and admit you deserved better and don't settle until you find THE ONE. Men have just as much right to feel heartache as we women do. Time does heal. We just need to give it time and patience. And yes a lot of faith.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chippers

First of all Youre normal in your feelings. Yes I agree she was the pary girl when you met her and hoped she would change once your relationship grew. but if we wanted the person we care about to change then the two of you arent really meant to be in the first place. you had so much more emotionally invested in the relationship that she did. where you were getting serious and wanted more, she was still in the casusal stage. she didnt see things as exlcusively the 2 of you. she wanted to play the field and her provacative dressing and not wanting you around would be a red flag to me. having you around(no offense) would rain on her sexy parade. not too many guys are going to pay attention to another mans girlfriend.
where you see white picket fenses and three cats in the yard, she still sees strobe lights and partying on. Its not your fault that the 2 of you are on 2 different wave lengths. and you can't worry about her now. she's living her life the way she wants and you need to heal and mend your heart.
I think in her mind that she was done with the relationship and you yelling at her was the excuse she needed to walk away without any guilt on her part. AS having been dumped many times in my life, I can tell you it does get better and there is someone out therewho'll apreciate the boy next store you appear to be. (I did fall for him and we've been married 12 years)
Keep doing what youre doing. take time for yourself and keep thinking youre a great guy and worthy of something better. youre worthy of someone who'll love to show you off and love and repect you for the individual you are.
don't let a bad experience ruin your faith in womankind. think of it as a bump in the road and you basically hit a pot hole with this one.
acknowledge the hurt and admit you deserved better and don't settle until you find THE ONE. men have just as much right to feel heartache as we women do. time does heal. we just need to give it time and patience. and yes a lot of faith.

---

I know you mean well chippers but this thread is months old now and it has been discussed and thrashed out at length.

If you want to answer thread look for one that are a little more recent. Preferably the last couple of days.

It isn't a problem and we all make similar mistakes here so I'm not having a go at you.

Just letting you know that your good advice would be better off on a newer thread.

Thanks!

Hi all,

I used to be a fairly active member on the board a while back. Been busy with life and not offering or giving much advice of late. This was my first post way back when: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ice-30454.html

Much has transpired since then. For those of you in similar situations my advice is "ditch the b!tch" or for you women, "can that man" from your MIND. Never call her, seek her out, or think it will ever be the same. False hope is your worst enemy. I never gave myself any false hope. In fact, anytime I felt any of it, I thought of how nasty it is to just up and leave someone with no warning, and I used that anger to never want to be with her again. It is a tough process, it took me almost 5 months to fully get over her. But I did.

And since that time, I dated, and was intimate with some women, and I seriously dated a girl this summer. And my new girlfriend, as cliché as it sounds, was just as smart, better looking, younger and MOST IMPORTANTLY, much more affectionate and loving than the girl my original post was about.

SO WHOEVER DUMPED, MOVE ON!! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE UNTIL YOU LET GO.

Anyway, my new girlfriend from the summer is gone now and I guess she is my new ex-girlfriend. I'm a graduate student and she was a summer student. We got very close, but I will never do an LDR, though my heart asks why, my head knows the answer to that why. And I already can feel the distance between myself and my most recent ex, even though we've been apart for only a week and a half. I think both of us would rather not get hurt, than take a chance on an LDR. And as I said, I have learned to let go based on my past experiences. Life has a way of working out if you DON'T FORCE THE ISSUE.

But I guess my point is, though I am sad she has left, I do not have any depression or anger this time. We had a wonderful relationship and it is now over. That is that. But I am grateful that I met her and we got close.

Anyway, read my first post for those of you who are in pain over an ex. It does get better, and better things await you as soon as you let go of the past.

Good luck to all of you with a broken heart. IT WILL GET BETTER.

--D

Good to have you back cali.