Damn... ok mckenzie134... thanks for your brutal honesty.

Its helps me realize all that she is... and has done to me. It reminds me that she is not the person that deserves my love.

That's right. Although of course its going to be very difficult as we well know. You will not be over this for a while. But to help you through the bad times as you probably know you can think of things that wernt so great.
Although when you break up every thing seems to be great about her. I know that. But at least you had a good 5 years together. Thankful for that part of your life.

Some people get 0 years of love and happiness, so yourve done well there.

But anyone who treats you in that way in the end obviously was thinking about it and well I know if I don't like a girl whom I've been with I let her down slow maybe give her some small hope! Hell I don't waana upset her...

Just keep to yourself and see how it goes. The only way to get her back if that's what you want
Is to do "nothing at all" she will come back if she wants!!

Or on occsaions if you're a little wussie boy with no spine and the other dog runs away...

Hey, Well I am going through the same thing like I said in earlier posts. Its definitely hard. If you want her back you have to do nothing. Maybe she will maybe she won't. Life is too short for feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, its her loss. Everyone can see that you definitely care for her. My ex was seeing someone 5 days after she broke up with me... crazy! We had amazing 5 years right down to the end. She will always know that you were that guy who wanted her to be happy, you were the loyal one and you didn't do anything to push her away. One day she will realize.. There are a lot of a**holes out there and trust me the next person will not be her perfect match. Maybe not in the near future but I guarantee if it takes a while you will move. One day you will look back at this and laugh. Its been a month of hell for me but its getting better. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and I'm sure many do. I came to my acceptance by thinking: why would I want someone who can just throw away 5 years like its nothing. You want someone who cares for you like you do her. Sounds like she's really ugly on inside. This is better it happens now than if you were engaged or married. You can't let her keep you on that leash. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life is let her go but I know something good will come out of it. Just think, do you think she is sitting there moping around, I don't think so. She obviously thinks about it but something is blinding her and making her blow it off. This is because she knows that you are still there. That she can come back any time. The girls come back when you least expect it. When you finally let go totally. It was so hard for me to hear this stuff when I posted my situation, but like I said, life is too short. So seriously, man up, get that confidence back, show her and everyone else that you Don't need her, and watch what happens. No matter what does happen, you will be the winner.

Both you guys are dead on!

I mean everything that you two said made som much sense to me. Its hard to see it for what it is unless someone else is looking at it too.

Problem is... well not really a problem but you know when we broke up before and she got back with me... she made ME the bad guy... not caring about her blah blah blah... and that was crazy! I think that she really believed that.

Anyway... I am happy to report that because of your posts... I deleted her old voice messages to me AND her contact.. phone info so she is no longer on my phone and I don't know her number. (cuz she got a new phone)!

Comments?

Well done! You seem to be taking the proper steps in erasing her from your life. Stick to it, and carry on...

Thanks kctiger!

I'll tell u what, I wish I could tell u that I have no regrets about doing it. But it hurt to delete her phone number. Oh well what can I do? I've got to heal!

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

thnx kctiger!

I'll tell u what, I wish I could tell u that I have no regrets about doing it. But it hurt to delete her phone number. Oh well what can I do? I've got to heal!

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It's not an easy thing to do, to let go of someone (and this is a key step in letting go). But, you did it, as you know you had to. No excuses now!! Keep moving forward.

Hi Crazy,

I must commend you! You sound like a great, caring guy, and you don't need that kind of person in your life. You are so much better than that, and in time, you will meet someone who is deserving of your love, not someone who takes you for granted. Keep up the positive work you are doing for yourself, and keep us posted. We are all here for you.

Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I couldve been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...

Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...

Thankx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

Hi everyone...well i HAVE NOT contacted her....but i am feeling pretty down today. Its the weekend and i wish i couldve been with her. u know? obviously thats not going to happen but still...

another thing...id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. you know? is she gonna be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing...etc.

Does anyone have any advice on how i can get over this thought? and, please dont say "man up"....thankx

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MAN UP!! :D

No, seriously, the thoughts come and go. I had the feeling to vomit sometimes because of how worried I was about what she was doing. The common sense of this situation is this: you cannot control what she does, so why worry about something you cannot control? Do things you want to do, have fun, and occupy your mind. If you just sit around, your thoughts will dominate your head, but if you gather around friends, do something entertaining, I promise you, the thoughts, althoug still there, will be much less powerful.

Those thoughts suck!! I know, believe me. But, don't let what she "may" be doing destroy what you should be doing! Moving on with your life... you get no refunds on time baby! She is going to go have her fun, so who says you can't have yours?

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Crazyoverher;1587774, Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I could've been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...

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But still nothing!!!! Instead of wishing for her, figure out something to do for yourself!

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Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.

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If you put as much thought into yourself as you do her business, you could figure out some nice things to get into, and people to see, this weekend.

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Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...

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Get busy and keep your a$$ of that pity pot. Thats what keeps you stuck on stupid! You actually have to physically get up, and get out, no excuses. Go wash your car, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen windows, positive physical action. Call a friend you haven't seen..............don't get me started as I would have your tongue hanging out in an hour. There is always SOMETHING to do, whether its fun or not! Do It!!

All right I agree... but check it out everyone...

She texted me just now... I pawned a camera for her because she needed money... her camera. Now the ticket is up and she wants to get it out. The thing is... its in my name.

She texted me saying that if I could meet her next week so that she could give me the money to get it out!

So now, I got to meet her. Damn!

Now what? Any advice... I was cold to her on the texts... nothing nice... just factually answering her.

Anyway... advice anyone?? Please.

Throw yourself a party, you found your excuse for contact that is a good feeling isn't it..

So when she keeps it ALL business crushing your hope is it turns into an all day event.

Or the second option it turns out how you hope and you start seeing each other and since nothing is resolved really you break up again and start all over from day one.

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

that's true... I have always treated her like a lady.. NEVER cussed at her, etc... and yet she has cursed at me... thrown me out of her apt... been mean to me... etc... and like a fool I go back and then its like she is thinknig that she can do whatever to me and that its OK... I am getting tired of that behavior but I love her. You know? And the times that I put up an argument, then she totally cries and says I'm so mean. Its like I can't stand up for myself with her even though she can treat me like dirt. I have a good self esteem in everywhere elsel in my life... but I just can't seem to be tough with her. :(

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Quote:

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Toxic relationships are battle-grounds mistaken for what is thought of as "love" in which the personality-disordered and the non-personality disordered come together, intersect, interconnect and increase each other's pain and suffering no matter how hard they try to make things work. (sometimes both parties in a toxic relationship are in fact personality-disordered)

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The Legacy of Toxic Relationships (article) by A.J. Mahari on AuthorsDen

Your wanting her back so desperately despite the toxic nature of this relationship is very telling of a dysfunctional relationship that gets you hooked.I suggest you follow the link and read the entire article.You may find some very familiar patterns there and you can break this cycle of destruction that is not at all healthy.

Damn... just want fair... thats tough love!

Harsh.

I don't mean to be mean, but it's the truth.

Although you hope to break the no contact, it is harder than suffering through the break up. Imagine where you are now, although you are still hurting, it's not the same as day one, it's different.

When you go back, any contact, takes you back to the beginning and you start this HORRIBLE process all over again.

I know the praying for any excuse to make contact, but it never ends well. The sooner you see these things the better off you will be in the long run.

All right... fair enough... but that I have to see her next week... she just can't get the thing out of hock on her own. So now I'm screwed one way or another right? How can I be cold to her when I see her again? It sucks.

Handle your business in a efficient polite way, but don't get drawn into the feelings conversation, that's what will confound you.

So talaniman...

I'm sure she Won't get into feelings... she will be a hard .

Are you saying that its best for me to be the same? And, I'm an idiot for asking...

But do women really respect a guy that is that way? Do all of them WANT to be treated as if they don't matter? Will that make her want me? U know?

Its confusing... I just heard from our friend that she "loves me" but "isnt ready to make a decison"

I know I should just suck it up and move on... and I have been doing that very good up until today. Now I feel like a total PU$$y...

Yes, you need to be cold for her and for yourself.

Handle it like you aren't concerned about her at all. Go get the camara, pass the camara on and leave. That's it.