I agree with Zeenie, your emotions are all over. She wants to be friends, but right now that is hard for you. I honestly, don't think it's a good idea, to go for drinks this weekend. You love her and she just wants to remain friends. Your not comfortable with her dating other people, and the more you stay involved you will never heal, and won't be able to move on. You will stay stuck. I had a relationshp with someone for a couple of years, we ended like a 1 1/2 ago. We are friends now, and enjoy each other's company, but that is it. We are both at a point now, we have no problem dating other people, either one of us our jealous. I think right now you need to cut all contact out, and heal.

I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!

I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou I miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and I don't see why I have to lower my standards from someone who I loved to friendship- that's like me dropping my standards by many levels.

Friendship works two ways- I am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.

Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.

Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by zeeniee

I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!

I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou i miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and i dont see why i have to lower my standards from someone who i loved to friendship- thats like me dropping my standards by many levels.

Friendship works two ways- i am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.

Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.

Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.

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I agree she does seem a lot different now, when I talked to her the other day she didn't seem the way I used to know her. I really have been question sense I got off the phone with her if our friendship is even the same anymore. She really doest seem like she cares about me too much anymore. I don't seem in the loop with hings anymore at all, I mean its only been like I week sense I stopped talking to her when I called her, and it seems like she already moved on and was cool about it.

Read my post and see what happens if you continue down this route.

Only way to move on is to cut contact completely. Let her live her life - without you in it and you live yours.

Until you are comfortable with the situation you will not be able to move on and let go. You still love her deeply and she doesn't, you both aren't on the same page and nothing you do will be able to change that

Sorry to put it so bluntly but this is the advice I wish I got when I was in your situation contemplating cutting off but not doing it just to hold on to her and be in her life.

Point is, right now, you will only be in her life as much as she wants you to be. If she gets a boyfriend it will be that person who she talks to about everything - you will be even more hurt.

Let go, move on, get strong and get busy!

Good luck my man

I found the same thing with my ex- just like a click of a second he changed into another person- the way he talked, the lack of respect and oh lets not forget the 'ego'. As he was so in love etc- everything seemed so cool and fine-- he did not even realised what he did was wrong- in fact I don't think he realised he did do anything wrong. He said he was fine with everything and wanted to be friends- he could not see what state he place me in, how he left all his responsibilities here etc and so on.

I was really shocked- and just like that I fell out of love- as he is a different person in the same body ( and even that did not look so hot anymore).

Not worth wasting time on someone who is so narrow-minded like that.

Zeenie, kudos

Same thing with my ex; she completely changed and acted like nothing she did was wrong when in actual fact she left me for another guy - not sure she even realises now.

But to be honest only 7 days in NC - hurts like hell but I know I am better off and I know I don't want someone who changes as soon as something better pops up or due to loss of interest.

A relationship is what it is because it takes compromise, hard work and true love - saying you love someone non stop and turning around and being completely different a week later doesn't really lend to the true love, hard work and compromise aspects which are needed to make a STRONG relationship work

Well I am no expert and I can only speak from my recent experience- give it 6 months or so. Many of my friends told me- just watch Zeeniee- and I just laughed and said no- I think he is totally in love etc...
Question: did you find out or did she tell you/

I still don't think my ex as realised he has done wrong- the only thing he has acknowledged is that I am the one-- it's a f*** joke if you ask me and I get really upset as he has no idea how to treasure good things that came his way in his life.

DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!

I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.

Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep yourself respect buddy!

Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!


Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.

Take care,

-Xm8

The thing about NC- is when you feel you want to call it is because you miss them, the good times etc-- instead think of all the crappy things they did to you-- soon you will think twice about ringing. Change your mindset is the key- I think.

Thank you all for spending the time writing back on here. Yeah I spent 7 days of NC and I just missed her so much I guess, I don't know it makes me feel really weak. After I talked to her though I did feel like I had a good conversation with her, but then questions started to rise as to why she said things and was acting like everything was cool. Like really she didn't seem herself almost like she really didn't know me anymore and I was just some person she just met. Kind of hurts now that I have been thinking about it. She did ask if I wanted to go out for drinks once this weekend, I might but just to say bye to her I know I need to end it and I'm going to. I don't know I more just want to spend that time if we go out remembering the old times and going out with a clear head. I don't want to leave her being mad at her or wondering what her deal was I guess, I dotn know that's just me. This going out could be a total disaster but I guess I'm willing to take the chance.

Scratch what I said here and move to next post.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by XM8

DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!

I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.

Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep your self respect buddy!

Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!


Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.

Take care,-Xm8

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Really me just reading this has given me the power to say F*** it and not do anything with her if she askes me I'm doing NC right now I need to thanks. Really I feel a lot better now really. So thanks

DJ, I know you want to have a clear conscience by meeting her for the "last time" for a few drinks, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

I don't think anyone on this forum is going to tell you it's a good idea, because logically, meeting her is only going to lead to more heart ache. Just imagine you have one too many drinks and then start begging her to come back to you, or something like that. It would totally lower your level of pride.

I'm trying to help you here, so I'm going to give you my opinion, a lesson that I had to learn the hard way :

Every time you contact, or try to contact your ex-girl friend, you lose self-respect. Not only will she respect you less (as if that matters anymore) but in the future, when you remember this period, you will feel bad about yourself and think "what an idiot I was for calling/meeting her".

Not only that, but every time you speak to her, you're delaying the healing process. Right now she's like a drug for you, and you just keep on going back trying to get a little fix and that's just not going to cut it. You need to go on for no contact and stay that way.

We keep on telling you it hurts and it's hard, and you agree with us. But if you keep on going back to her, you're just making it harder on yourself. Stop calling her dude, it's for YOUR own good.

And by the way, don't try and kill the pain by getting another chick, you will just complicate things even more for yourself. This is your own personal time, and it must stay that way until you're fully healed.

-Xm8

Btw I'm glad I could help - Remain strong brother.

I agree with XM8, seeing her is not a good idea at all- however th eonly good thing would be is that you will see with your know damm eyes how much she has changed- how you don't know her anymore- that can also give you the strength to start doing the really NC- it is what happened to me.

Well thanks guys I'm starting the NC now, if she calls me to hang out this weekend I'm not answering at all, screw her. She really doesn't deserve someone like me anyway who always made time for her and did anything possible to make everything work. When she never did anything. Honestly I just felt this way now that she doesn't deserve me at all, so thanks. I believe I have to power now to start NC for good. Here is a secret I don't tell many people I stated a while back that she gets abusive when she drinks, we she hit me in the eye one time when she got so mad and crazy that she gave me a nice back eye, and all I did was to see if she was still awake. So why would I want to be with a person like this. Anyway thanks again.

A good vent = good sense of feeling= a form of healing!
Keep going as we all know what it is like and so we do understand how hard the situation is. The important thing is you will come out of this situation as a BETTER person- that matters.

Kick her worthless a$$ off that pedestal and move forward. She ain't worth it... I know it, and you know it.

Yeah she was not a cool person at all do go out drinking with she drank to get obliterated, and she would always black out and when she did she would go totally insane. I mean one time we were at this bar with her sisters and this one guy started hitting on her which whatever, but then he tried to get her to go home with him well I was right there when all of this was happining, I told him to cut it out and she is totally drunk so just chill. Well it happened a few more times and the last time he tried she went ape S*** on me. Well her sisters saw this and one of them made her come with them to go back to this house we were at, her one sister drove home with me in the car back to the place. Well her sister and I talked for maybe 30 min in the driveway when we got there so I could vent. Well when I got inside she went insane and started yelling at me to stop f***ing her sister in the car and all this stupid stuff. The next day she remebered nothing, of course. She is nuts I really don't know why I always put up with any of this. There are so many more stories like this I could write a book.

Well it's a good thing- she is an ex!

Looks like your life will be more peaceful now- without all that crap!

I am sure one day you will meet a really nice person- and she will be nothing horrible like your ex.

You should be smiling!

The only thing worse that a girlfriend or boyfriend that treats us like trash, is believing we deserve it...

BTW this new guy that's in her life I guess all they do is go to bars, which I think is kind of funny because he will see her true colors sometime. But oh well I don't care anymore honestly I feel better now. I feel like this blanket of stress is lifted from me really. So thank you guys. I guess I just needed to get all that out and realize how much of a Bisnatch she was.