They will call back. If not..?

Hi Jami, I'm glad your finals went well for you, and you have some cool opps! Don't get too into Mr. Non-manogamous guy! That is a recipe for rebound disaster!

Just wait and see if you get a call from that # again. Although, I don't think after him seeing you on campus for all of this time, and not saying a word, that he deserves for you to pick up... if it is him. It's up to you if you want to, but I think it will only bring back the feelings and hurt that was so raw before.

Take care girl! I think you're doing pretty damn good! :)

I would definitely not waste anytime in trying to figure out if it was your ex who called or not. Don't bother trying to look up his number, etc. as this borders on obsession and you have come SOOOO far to go back to that. If he calls again, which he may or may not, only you can decide at that moment whether you pick up the phone. For some people, they need this kind of thing for closure, for others, this could result in falling back several steps. You have proven to yourself that you can go on without him.

Good luck in your future. Keep us posted if anything major happens, whether good or bad.

I love the historianchick post, I recently split up with my boyfriend of 15 months. But he has been involved in my life for nearly two years, we went to the same high school and he was a charmer, attractive centre of attention kind of lad, I lost my virginity to him and he has been the only person I have slept with. Although he had 2 previous sexual partners, one of the being his first serious girlfriend, who he had been with for a long time. I always had issues about her although soon, I realised he loved me and we shared the happiest moments together but unfortunately 8 months into the relationship I discovered he had cheated on me with a girl from my high school, it was humiliating I was distraught and hurt beyond words, but we did get back together. I forgived him. The problem was I couldn't forget, I was very insecure and he was convinced I would pay him back. Anyway in the end we split up again in the February, in that week I discovered he'd actually also slept with two other girls. It was the most heart breaking feeling, it literally felt as though my heart was aching. Yet after 4 weeks of being apart, I forgave him again, it sounds awfully naïve and I'm a level headded person I am currently doing a levels and have aspirations but love makes you do crazy things. After 4 months though I have realised things will never change he will always cheat and although he loves me he does not respect me, and it is so heartbreaking.

Can I just say I really like the advice on this site, I think its great, I have friends and my mum, but sometimes its nice to speak to peiople who understand and are going through similar experiences. I'm just scared I'm going to go back I don't know how to stay strong! Anyway, I do believe that everybody can do something if they out their minds to it. Thanks xxx

Hi Ladada,

I'm sorry you got involved with a cheater. Been there, done that, (more than once) and never want to go there again. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's too bad this boy had to be one of them for you. The best predictor of future behaviour, is past behaviour, so you are well to be rid of him. You are right in saying that he didn't respect you, but he didn't truly love you either. When you truly love someone, you will do anything to protect them from hurt. He didn't do that. He betrayed you in the worst way possible. He destroyed your trust, and that is a hard thing to recover from.

With that said, I'm really sorry that you're first experience had to be one with a boy like this. I know it hurts. Never blame yourself, or play the "what if" game. That is a useless game to play, and it chips away at yourself esteem. Give yourself the time you need to mourn the relationship, and then move on. Get out with friends, get involved in activities that you enjoy. The best revenge, is being confidant with yourself and living well. Every GOOD man is attracted to a confidant and interesting woman.

(and... Jamie girl, we haven't heard from you in awhile. Hope everything is good with you)

Thankyou Starbuck (: your right, he can't have truly loved me if he cheated, although he's proved it in other ways ultimately if I wasn't good enough for him too be with me and solely me, it was his call and deep down he didn't respect and care like he said he did and always would, the reason its harder is because its my first serious relationship and love. Can anyone remember how they got through theirs?

I'm just looking on the site and I find it great how people are actually getting stronger, but I don't see it happening to me! I split up with him on Sunday night, and we haven't spoke since Monday. Although we wanted to be friends, do you think it will be better if we don't talk? I know its early days, one day irl look back and think hang on, why did I even forgive him? But the weekends are hardest, because its hard to predict where they are going to be and who they are with! I've been told by a friend today that he's already texting some girls, it was hard to hear, but I actually feel really proud of myself because I'm not ringing him demanding to know why!

Also I have met a lot of people through him, I built a huge social circle, luckily I have not deserted my original friends, and they are great, but its hard when you're a public couple who people thrive of hearing gossip about! I'm delving myself into my studies, but I really can't stop thinking about him, but I'm adamant too not go back.

Anyway jamimama, I think you've done great! You was with him for 3 and a half years and so far you're an inspiration to me and how I'm feeling, hope you post something soon.

Thanks everyone (:

You're welcome ladada. Have you gone to any of the "sticky's" under "relationships" There are 4 of them there, and you might want to read a few, or all of them. It just might help you a bit also, when you get into a rough spot.

I can tell you how I got through mine, but I'm not sure it is the best advice. It was a very long time ago, but for some reason it worked for me. It was a little pathetic actually, lol. I'm not recommending that you do this, just thought I would tell you. This was when I was in my early 20's. I was married, and he left, with another woman.

I locked myself in my home, closed all of the curtains, unplugged my phone, got out all of my fave comfort foods, (and I must admit, several bottles of wine) grabbed every song that ever reminded me of him, got out all of the pics of us together, and literally sat in my jammies for 3 weeks, and cryed and cryed, and cryed somemore.

After the 3 weeks were over, I put all of the pics and things that reminded me of him in a box, and gave them to a friend to put in safe keeping, just in case yrs from then I wanted to reminice. I called my best friend, and told her we needed to have a girls day out shopping, getting our hair done, the works... and then we went out and partied till we dropped. I had half of the guys in the club asking me to dance, and it actually felt good to turn half of them down! Then I called my other g/f's or guy friends too, and made sure I had one of them to keep me company, when I needed to get my mind off "him."

I'm not saying it still wasn't hard after that, but the more I got out and did other things, the easier it got, day by day. Then probably the best thing I ever did, was I packed up everything I ever owned, and moved to a different city. I didn't know a soul, and it was a little scary, but it turned out to be one of the best times in my life!

To be quite honest, if I passed him on the street today, I'm not so sure I would even recognise him, although I just got that box of mine back just recently, and the pictures and the songs were just a very nice memory.

It will take you awhile, but I'm sure you'll get through it just fine! :)

(wow, sorry, I didn't realise how long that was... lol)

You and a lot of people posting on here are such inspirations to me. I was actually reading all these stupid things like, "how to get your ex back", when really I should be concentrating on me. I tried to go through with the no contact then I realised I was doing it because I wanted the result to be me getting back with my ex, and that's so wrong, it should be so I can move on. I know why I want to be with him, it's an easy solution to this misery, he made me happy and kept me occupied (and I obviously love him) so in my mind that versus all this pain and misery and feeling sick to move on just doesn't compare. But reading everything on here has made me realise I need to MOVE ON. I just wish it wasn't so hard. :(

I totally understand where you are coming from. I too want to see my ex but at the same time want to avoid her like the plague.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Boristheblade

You and a lot of people posting on here are such inspirations to me. I was actually reading all these stupid things like, "how to get your ex back", when really I should be concentrating on me. I tried to go through with the no contact then I realised I was doing it because I wanted the end result to be me getting back with my ex, and thats so wrong, it should be so I can move on. I know why I want to be with him, it's an easy solution to this misery, he made me happy and kept me occupied (and I obviously love him) so in my mind that versus all this pain and misery and feeling sick to move on just doesn't compare. But reading everything on here has made me realise I need to MOVE ON. I just wish it wasn't so hard. :(

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I also used to read all those "How to get your ex back things." Ahh never again. I totally empathise with what you wrote.

Wow starbuck! I'm sorry to hear you had too go through that :( I'm going to try the NC thing now.. last night I was awful because I was drunk and it was my first weekend without him in a long time... so I failed! But today I'm determined although I think its hard.. yes I read those stickys! They were great I'm going to buy a calender tomorrow. I have a girly holiday too look forward too, and I'm hoping that will distract me.

And boris the blade its unbelievably hard! I think it will take a long time, but slowly it has to get better? I totally agree with relaising your only with them because you don't like life without them.. and you can't bear them too be with somebody else! But that just proves you are not ultimately happy and that relationship will never work. Keep us informed on your progress as well!

Xxx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ladada

Wow starbuck! im sorry to hear u had too go through that :( im going to try the NC thing now.. last night i was awful because i was drunk and it was my first weekend without him in a long time... so i failed! but today im determined although i think its hard.. yes i read those stickys! they were great im going to buy a calender tommorow. i have a girly holiday too look forward too, and im hoping that will distract me.

and boris the blade its unbelievably hard! i think it will take a long time, but slowly it has to get better? i totally agree with relaising your only with them becuase you dont like life without them.. and u can't bear them too be with somebody else! but that just proves you are not ultimately happy and that relationship will never work. keep us informed on your progress aswell!

xxx

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Don't beat yourself up over your minor setback. It happens! Just pick yourself up the best you can, shake yourself off, and try and remember that it will get better. Tell yourself that HE is the loser in this deal, not YOU! Hopefully sooner than later, you can look back on your relationship, when you find someone that is good to you, and say to yourself... "lesson learned", and it happened, to teach me something about myself and about relationships. :) Keep us updated.