Ask Me Help Desk - Mind says this, Heart says that

:) either way it is a really inspirational quote. I had a tough night last night, so you brightened my day with that quote HC.

Aww... shucks. Thanks, Delow.

I love brightening people's days!

Glad it helped :)

HC

Have to spread the rep so can't give you a greenie for those 2 posts earlier , but as you always say to others... you DA BOMB girl :-)

Me. Da bomb... Coolness... :D

You guys are going to give me a big head...

Nothing I ever say is life-changing or bombastically awesome... its all just life experience for me. I'm so very thankful that it is helping you out a bit. You have no idea how cathartic this whole AMHD is to me, as well. Giving advice helps put things in perspective...

Like you're quote, "M" - "There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that's not learning from experience!!" I've learned from my experiences!

I have to agree, this site is a big help. Just being able to ask questions,vent, and receive honest feedback, ideas, encouragment is a big help. And that quote, I read it any time I see you post, it's great.

So I finally got a car today (just a pos to get from point A to point B until I get my bike) which means I can go back to my apt, rather then stay at my parents. I haven't been to me and my cousins apartment since new years. So that sucked. I got the car today, my cousin informs me he is moving out. After 'losing' the rent money for this last month, and failing to mention he just didn't go to work for over a week (prob got fired)... so kind of had to dig deep to cover rent and bills etc while he partied. That sucked. But he is leaving so HOPEFULLY ill get what he owes, though I doubt it. At least I will have my apartment back, and I will have someone to be if I want to be alone.

So OK that's just what's up, now some philosophy on my part that I've come too.

Now this may make more sense to the younger generation (maybe) but Life is really like a good video game lol. (I use to be heavy gamer though not the nerdy type lol)

Now go with me, say I got some looong rpg game, takes a lot of time to do really well in the game you know? Well say I'm hours into it and I don't save my progress... and power goes out! Minus the cussing and screaming at the power, I lost EVERYTHING I had worked for. Albeit its just a game, still.

Now some people could say "scre-- this, im not playing anymore" and give up... they never get to see the end.

Me, I start over (and I'm very angry while I do that lol) but I quickly realize, that starting over I get much further, in a shorter amount of time. I do a lot better, because I already made the mistakes the first time around, saw what I needed and wanted, and what I needed to stay away from.

So at first I was angry, upset that I lost everything I had, and worked hard for...
In the end, I accomplish more, faster. I avoid mistakes I made. I do things I SHOULD have done. And I get to see the ending and feel that much more satisfied and content seeing as I worked hard, and didn't give up.

I thought that was a good analogy... or metaphor?

Basically it boils down to, learn from your mistakes... don't give up, and in the end its much sweeter when you don't.

(and remember to save)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delow84

First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.

Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.

During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.

She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.

And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.

Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.

So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.

I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.

It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)

And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.

But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.

So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.

But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just can't listen to my own advice i guess.

Be a man , get a life , she was head wrecker , your well shot of her. Get on with it and grow up . Why you look for women online anyway . You can meet them everywhere ,bookshops ,walmart, burgerking,bars, grow up get out there ,move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlee889

BE A MAN , GET A LIFE , SHE WAS HEAD WRECKER , YOUR WELL SHOT OF HER. GET ON WITH IT AND GROW UP . WHY YOU LOOK FOR WOMEN ONLINE ANYWAY . YOU CAN MEET THEM EVERYWHERE ,BOOKSHOPS ,WALMART, BURGERKING,BARS, GROW UP GET OUT THERE ,MOVE ON.

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...

People deal with things differently... not everyone is the same. If we were, the world would be borinng and there would only be one kind of product.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlee889

BE A MAN , GET A LIFE , SHE WAS HEAD WRECKER , YOUR WELL SHOT OF HER. GET ON WITH IT AND GROW UP . WHY YOU LOOK FOR WOMEN ONLINE ANYWAY . YOU CAN MEET THEM EVERYWHERE ,BOOKSHOPS ,WALMART, BURGERKING,BARS, GROW UP GET OUT THERE ,MOVE ON.

While I agree she was a "head wrecker" I don't agree in any way that I wasn't being a man, I was just a stupid man in love. And I AM getting on with it, and I AM growing up. I wasn't LOOKING for girls online, I used AOL to talk to 'friends' I had from where I just moved from. SHE messaged me first. Anyway.

So you, thanks friend4u :) I thought maybe the younger generation could have something they might be more attuned to as advice. I just say same thing much smarter people have said, just with video games as an example :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delow84

So ya, thnx friend4u :) I thought maybe the younger generation could have something they might be more attuned to as advice. I just say same thing much smarter people have said, just with video games as an example :P

Thanks Delow , and a good analogy too , I hope your not calling me old though :)

You wernt allowed go out with friends friends ,seems like she ran your life, you weren't a man in love you was aman being Controlled

Lol of course not friend4u :). And dlee889, I was a man who believed in compromise, I believed in understanding. She had personal issues, and insecurities I wasn't about to just drop her because of those, I would be a shallow person if I did. I DID stand up formyself at times, which is what we mostly ever fought about. She didn't "RUN" my life, and I wasn't being CONTROLLED. I am the one who ended it, as painful as it was. Not because of her insecurities or issues, but because she wouldn't compromise, she wouldn't work with me, and she was a lying hypocrite.

And don't get me wrong, I wasn't allowed to do a lot... but then I didn't CARE about those things. Turn my head during nudity in movies? Albeit kind of immature to have to, but do I care? How does it HURT ME to do it?

I CARED enough about her, to be understanding because Ya I wasn't perfect I did things just like her to hurt our trust (I never cheated or even close) so I was understanding, not controlled. I LOVE her and I wanted HER to be happy. Because if SHE was happy then I figured I would be to. But its all bittersweet.

I don't regret one thing I did OR didn't do. And I don't regret any of the decisions I made regarding her extreme jealousy andinsecurities. I did what I thought was best for the relationship at the time. I made that choice to go along with her.

So I will learn from what I did, I will learn from what she did, but I was ALWAYS in control of my own life. I was just trying to have her be APART of my life.

You tell me to grow up? Walk a mile in my shoes, before you JUDGE me.
I am open to critism, feedback, both constructive and destructive. But at least have experienced it, or know what your talking about if you are.

Thanks

Which is true... but honestly imo you never know someone is the wrong one, until they are. How could I have known what was going to happen? I am not going to go into any relationship thinking "this could happen, because she acts like this" or "she is going to hurt me bad because she does this" No one is perfect, I just got to be more careful.

She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned I think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delow84

She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned i think.

I'm liking your new-found philosophy, Delow.

Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.

Keep it up. :)

Lol you I'm going on 5 months now, with alotta ups and downs, along the way. So I guess for me a month for each year is kind of accurate. Though I doubt I'm completely over her or satisfied (thus far) Im doing much better now then a month ago. (or more)

NC is a big help (and I don't have to worry about her trying to contact me)... my recent change of shift prevents me from seeing her when I drive to work like it was the first 2 months >.< And me using some willpower not to look at her facebook/myspace is really helping.

And keeping busy!

I am a big philosophier lol. And I love how you put that HC, about my original post and how now my heart and mind are becoming more intune... I guess in everything that's been going on it started happening without me noticing. ^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I'm liking your new-found philosphy, Delow.

Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.

Keep it up. :)

Had to spread the rep, as what you say is so true. As we spend years to know ourselves, what we want, how to get it, and what we can't do. The bottom line is to know ones self, very well. You are growing, Delow.

So in 3 days it will basically be 4 months since I broke up with my ex (and found out all she had been doing)

My first post here kind of explains where I was at around 3 months... multiply that going back each month to day one, and I think I have come a long way thanks to help on here.
I finally completed a small goal of mine, got my tattoo. Kanji for "sincere faithfulness"" or loyalty". A small goal but one I met.

My routine has basically been, get up at 12pm or 1pm... get ready and go to work at 2pm, get off work at 2am, play some halo with my dad if he's up, otherwise workout till 3am. And fall asleep listening to extremely sad music lol. Repeat. Weekend I go out with friends, hang out with family, what ever comes up.

Ive kept myself from checking on ex :) or even bad mouthing her lol. I feel confident in my life right now, like I'm walking forward with purpose I guess you could say. Hitting small goals like getting my tattoo or getting 40 hours of OT (when the previous year I never worked OT and left early alot) and working out , and seeing a serious improvement in phsyique and how much I weigh (im to 140lbs yay me) and writing a poem that I thought, as did many other people, was extremely cute and beautiful and sweet, make me feel proud of myself.

My ex roommate recently screwed me over but I managed to handle it, kick him out of apt, and now this weekend I get to clean up the apartment (which he trashed) and actually make it my own, which it hasn't ever been.

I still get really sad sometimes, when I remember certain things, or something that she did in the end etc... but those moments are fleeting, and as much as they hurt, the pain goes away much quicker. Life definitely doesn't seem as bleak as it did a few months ago. And apart of me still wishes she was in my life. But then I realize now my life will be much better without her in it.

So I'm getting there, lol and I promise I won't keep ressurecting this thread now. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delow84

So im getting there, lol and i promise i wont keep ressurecting this thread now. :)

Delow
You keep ressurecting as long as you need , I like reading about your progress :)

resurrecting :) I figured I shouldn't keep bringing back both of my threads, just need one.

Its so amazing how much works out, and happens when you just stop trying to force it. The last week, and esp Friday and Saturday have been so amazing. I keep thinking of ex, here and there everyday. But, I don't know, I just feel so much more confident.

I have a cool little puppy, whom I have named Cassie (I stuck with the eee sound) She is a beautiful little Papillon. She is the sweetest little pup, and I don't think even on a bad night when memories are strong, ill get as down if she is around :P So you... and that waitress I was flirting with and got a date with... that's kind of a real big ego boost (that I definitely needed) she is very pretty, into A lot of the things I like. So we see what happens :) either way I made a cool friend that I can share my interests with.

My tattoo looks awesome, I get so many compliments, and tats are great ice breakers! Anyway... I hope people read this thread, realize that though details may be different... things will always get better with time, and if you try to better yourself for yourself.

For me, my next step, spending time with Cas, teaching her tricks and stuff and even going to obedience classes (and agility when she is old enough). And you know although I get teased at work for getting a 'girl' dog... the girls LOVE my dog lol. So you can do one of two things... get a 'mans' dog that is growling and barking when you bring a friend over... or get a 'girl' dog (which paps are 8th smartest dog) and have the girl go 'awwwwwww' then your like "hey cas go sit on her lap and shake her hand" bam... you smooth lol -.^

Hey Delow
Cassie... I like it. I think you should take a picture of her and use it as your Avatar.