"D.B"
I went out with you against my better judgement, forgave you for abandoning me when I was pregnant to dillydally with your ex and as I'm sure you remember we were so happy in our honeymoon phase. I was all too happy to be with someone I'd dreamed about being with and you were so happy to be with someone you liked so much-that was so grateful to be with you.
I remember the first time we fell out like it was yesterday, I remember telling you about how to communicate properly, I remember you telling me that you felt a weight had been lifted because I showed you how to effectibvely deal with problems. You called me your sunshine. I thought that was the end of silly arguments and break ups but you didn't stop.
You kept causing arguments and breaking up with me for silly reasons. Apologised and told me you'd do better. I was naïve enough to believe you-up and down we went. Me crying, you apologising. I remember the day you told me you were thinking about getting back with your ex- I told you I'd understand if you did. You said you didn't mean it. We argued about her so much and you convinced me it was me you wanted me I guess I really believed it that time you said "I love you Lola" in your sleep.
But you didn't stop, remember before we went out you said if I brought any drama you'd end it straight away? I never did it was always you. You're 21 I'm 17 but I was always the mature one, the reasonable and rational one. You acted up so much, you were posessive, you were aggressive. I had enough. You humiliated me that night on new years eve in the club. How could you break up with me like that in front of everyone? Then the next day we met and I saw a change in you, and that is the only reason I decided to give it another shot, it's like it finally hit you what you had with me,
It wasn't to last though was it babes? The next day who talks to me? Your ex. What does she say? You'd been cheating on me with her. AGAIN I left you, you proved to me you meant what you said and you hadn't been talking to her. I guess I thought and wanted to believe you've changed. You didn't.
I remember June the 2nd when you said you "didn't feel the same anymore" I remember how much it hurt that I'd stuck by you through ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING just for you to say that to me. Most people's pain ends there. Sacrificed so much for a relationship not worth it-they break up and it hurts but that's that. No it gets worse for me doesn't it babe, that was barely the beginning of my heartache.
I find out you'd been seeing your ex for nearly a month before you split with me and THAT'S why you brokeup with me. Found out you still love her and NEVER loved me. All the time I thought you did- I still ca't believe it. I told you so many times to tell me if its her you wanted you didn't, you strung me along knowing I was in love.
Then I find out from HER you'd slept with someone behind my back. You didn't care how much it broke my heart "get over it" you said when I told you I knew. I didn't ever talk to you but it wasn't enough for you to know you broke up with me, broke my heart by cheating on me, being with your ex all the time during and straight after our relationship. You talked about RESTRAINING ORDERS for NO REASON, other than to HUMILIATE ME. THIS IS ME YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO MARRY, ME THAT YOU LOVED??
It gets worse. I miscarry our baby I didn't even know . Do you care? No. Of course you said I'm an attention seeker. When you found out it was really true after faffing about for weeks we meet up and I thought you'd really look after me then. But you couldn't be arsed, that was as much support I got from you who I called my best friend, who called me his BEST FRIEND. Do you know how much that HURT AND STILL DOES?? I literally gave you my world and didEVERYTHING to make us work, FORGAVE you through my pain and I lose our baby and you sit around your ex that you sworrrrrre you didn't loves house eating chinese while I lay in hospital, alll the times I was there you never came to see me. All the things you said about me, telling everyone I'm fat when I'm a 34" 28" 37". Your ex always asked me what I did to you for you to behave abhorrently, I give you the answer you always gave me when i used to ask you what id done to you for you to treat me so abhorrently.
NOTHING.
Now i'm alone, I hate you but I love you, I think of you all the time, dream of you all the time, I miss you so much it takes my breath away. I talk about you sometimes, people laugh at all the things we did together, we're such funny people, they laugh at our jokes and everyone agrees we are so compatible. But you ruined everything. Turned my world upside down. Remember when you wanted to date me and you said "you should get with a nice guy like me for a change" because I told you about my unkind ex. Look how nice you were? I put myself through so much for you to be happy. I have to watch while you parade around with your ex, I've seen the converstaions you know, "you know you're the only girl for me" do you know how that FEELS? Instead of asking me if im ok when i miscarrired you were saying that to her and despite EVERYTHING you've done, there's nothing I want more than to have you back. To see your family, to get the number 5 bus to come and see you, It hurts when i see that BUS. You've let me down so badly, and unlike most people. YOU.JUST.DON'T.CARE
I've lost 2 of our babys and you said "no point crying over spilt milk.
I never want to see or talk to you again. Most days I don't want to crawl out of bed because you've made me feel so bad about myself :( like I'm unlovable. I trust no one now. I hate knowing you're with your ex all the time I HATE IT. You took her on holiday with the money you saved for us to go. You've emotionally and mentally abused me you've neglected me and I am SO . HURT. I look fine, no one knows how much you've destroyed me though, least of all... you
I don't know why. I guess I never will
Goodbye
