Ask Me Help Desk - Not handling the break-up well.what else can I do

Quote:

Originally Posted by mik2007

i am agreeing with all the advice i am getting. thanks everyone!! Some tell me that meeting her will give me closure and answers to alot of questions that i have while others tell me that she is not worth my time. I agree with both!! she isnt worth my time anymore but i also would like answers to what gave her 6 years to realize she didnt want to be with me but only 4 months with someone else to get engaged. I also want to know from everyone if you were invited to the wedding would you go? and would you be happy for that person if you just recently broke up with them??

Wow... would "I" go to the wedding? Personally, from my own experience with all of this stuff, I couldn't, but maybe that is because I'm an emotional female. They say that sometimes, when you love someone so much you have to let them go... it doesn't change your own feelings for the person, you still love them and want the best for them... so, I guess, one day, yes. You will be "happy" for them and their happiness. Its not going to come right away, but someday your phoenix will rise from the ashes...

(wow... feeling rather literary-cheesy this morning! LOL! Please excuse that!)

BTW: I also agree with a previous post about living with the "what if." You don't want that. So, whatever you decide to do, best of luck! :o

My ex, while we were dating, had asked me, "if we break up later on, and we go our separate ways, would you come to my wedding?"

... my answer was no. granted, if I had gotten over her, and we really did go our separate ways, then possibly. But if she had gotten married within a year or two of us breaking up, not a chance.

It's too cliché of an opportunity for me to say I OBJECT TO THIS WEDDING! In hopes that the bride will jump off the altar and run away with me.

... yeah. Couldn't give that one up... just for poops and giggles.

My ex's mom gave me a call asking me what the matter was and I told her that I just found out about everything. She told me to hang in there and things will get better and if I need anything she is there for me. My ex probably now knows that I know about her engagement... even though I was bound to find out from someone. Because of her knowing already she probably isn't going to try and call me back anymore so is it still a wise decision to talk with her like she wants or just leave it as it is?

You should have nothing to say to her. She is engaged and doesn't even care how you feel about it. Selfish. Im sorry she doesn't care about the last 6 years. Dude you can do better. Trust me, she loves the fact that she knows it bothers you, Mabe ust act civil. She isn't with you so don't worry, But her and this guy WILL NOT LAST. Im sorry, not trying to give you false hope of her return, but just so you know this new relationship won't last. . Things that move this quik die out just as quik

Quote:

Originally Posted by mik2007

she sounded really nervous on the message but i just deleted it cause i dont know what point of talking to her would do for me.

People do not get nervous unless they still have feelings, otherwise she would have just avoided you. None the less, my take is that she is infatuated with the new guy, its new, fun, exciting, where after 6 years in any relationship things slow down and either you mature and become best friends (love) or you search for new excitement.

But unfortunately, she's in a position now where it could impact you for a long time if you pine after her. I would simple tell her that I hope that you are happy and I need to back off and heal, may be in a few years we can be friends again.

Then NC, and take the time for you to heal. Sorry for your loss, I had one of those too.

You could just be honest?

Send her an email, tell her you got her message but have been reluctant to call back because you still are hurt and not ready to deal with that conversation emotionally. Tell her you also saw the new engagement notice and wish her all the best. If she's the pushy type, then ask her to "respect my decision to not converse in person at this time".

That may be enough to answer any question she has. And no harm done on your end, but you get a bit of closure.
Knucklez

If I decide to email her what is the right way to do it. Do I lie and act normal or should I be honest with her in how I feel about all of this. She has tons of people congratulating her and finds no problem with this and then there are some people who think she's crazy and tell me that there is no way this engagement is going to work. Even her mom took it in as a shock but that's what she tells me that probably not her. I think I want to contact her but I don't know how to do it right or what good it will do for it or me for that matter

Quote:

Originally Posted by mik2007

if i decide to email her what is the right way to do it. Do i lie and act normal or should i be honest with her in how i feel about all of this. she has tons of people congratulating her and finds no problem with this and then there are some people who think shes crazy and tell me that there is no way this engagement is going to work. Even her mom took it in as a shock but thats what she tells me that probably not her. i think I want to contact her but i dont know how to do it right or what good it will do for it or me for that matter

If your unsure about what's right, and what's best, do nothing.

Well, I did something that a lot of people will give me crap about but maybe not I don't know. When she got engaged she texted me asking if we could get together, after a week of feeling depressed about it I took the advice of meeting with her to gain some closure in the my soul. What I got was no improvement and I feel the same and maybe a little worse.

We meet and I soon understood that this was maybe a mistake. She first told me that she was surprised that I wrote her because she thought that when I received the news of her engagement she thought that I hated her. I told her that I don't hate her I just hate this situation. Like how does someone end a 5 year relationship, dates a new guy in a month and then gets engaged 4 months later? She said that she wanted to get together so she could tell me the news in person and that she is sorry that I found out on Facebook and not her. She told me that she is just confused on how to handle this break up and is upset knowing that I am upset and wants me to tell her what I want her to do to make me feel better about all of this. I told her that if the roles were reversed what would she want me to do... she said she doesn't think she would know what to say. I said what I want I can't have so I don't know what to say. I told her that I still love her and there hasn't been a day since we broke up that I haven't thought about her. She told me that she knows that I feel this way and that it hurts her to see me like this. She told me that she has nothing negative to say about me, that she wouldn't have changed the 5 years we had together for anything, and that I made her what she is today. When I would ask her why she did the things she did she would just say that she doesn't know why she did them and that she is confused on how to handle all of this. We left our meeting and she said that she was happy that we met and that if I need anything I can call her and then she gave me a hug. I went home very upset and cried a little bit thinking that maybe that meeting was a mistake cause it didn't make me feel any better. I said what I wanted her to know but she already knew how I felt already.

I am sure she loves him cause she wouldn't be engaged if she wasn't but everyone I talk to all believe that she is making a mistake. They think she will soon find out that mistake and will regret it. She looked sad when we had our meeting so I know she cares but pretty much nothing I said to her probably did anything and I kind of expected that. Friends think she seems like she is wanting to keep me on the backburner in case this doesn't work out and probably loved hearing that I still love and care for her. This just hurts so much and I I hate feeling like this. I just can't feel happy or excited about anything anymore and I don't know what else to do to make this better. I told her that when I talk to her it makes me sad and when I don't talk to her I feel any better either. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I guess maybe I should have taken some time to think it through and shouldn't have gone to meet her so fast. I guess I am wondering why it gets harder than easier to stop feeling this way?

You must take one day at a time, something is stuck in your ' gullett ', that is the place where deep feelings are held. It will not be easy but depending on your situtation, maybe you should take one HOUR at a time by keeping yourself busy. Keep your mind busy. Do things for others. Keep very busy, and go to sleep tired. Find a person that your trust, and DON'T TALK ABOUT HER. You thought that I would say TALK ABOUT IT, no! Don't keep very busy.

Dude, you said you think no contact is the best thing to do, so why are you still contacting her and trying to get her back? The best way to stop the pain is no contact.

Do that for yourself, it ll get easier slowly. You said she doesn't care anymore, so let her go and move on with your life. I know its hard but you have to do what's best for you now and not her.