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Originally Posted by tiodaat

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

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1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.

Flowers are a good thing but won't make her miss you.

2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on

NO...You can't get closure with flowers, that is just hiding the fact that you are running after her but denying to yourself that you really are and at the same time viewing it as a potential pro. Not good.

3. The flowers make you look needy, or something else unattractive.

YES IT WILL

4. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

:confused: Not sure how flowers can do that.

Here we go again. Whether she come back or not, makes no difference what so ever to what you must do after a break up. Getting healthy, and realistically dealing with your emotions and attitude is essential, and what is obvious with all these stories is the fact that you think you can carry a relationship on your back with will power and talk and Flowers and that is the BS our minds tells us fueled by hurt feelings. It has to be TWO people who are HONESTLY willing to work together. A break up occurs when there is NOT TWO PEOPLE willing to work together. Break ups hurt like hell, but the difference is loving yourself and accepting the change, and getting healthy enough to REGROUP, so you can think clearly and make good decisions.
Forget the ex for the sake of your own health, and start to rebuild your life, and self esteem to where your HAPPY with what life is about.
In the two years, and more than 7000 posts I've seen, not one ex ever came back because of no contact and the relationship lasted any longer than a phone call or dinner.
You can analyze all you want, but if the result is not about you, and the way you deal with yourself and life, (GROWTH/MATURITY)... you lose. Get busy and work on yourself, and be ready for what life WILL throw at you, anything else is a waste.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Here we go again. Whether she come back or not, makes no difference what so ever to what you must do after a break up. Getting healthy, and realistically dealing with your emotions and attitude is essential, and what is obvious with all these stories is the fact that you think you can carry a relationship on your back with will power and talk and Flowers and that is the BS our minds tells us fueled by hurt feelings. It has to be TWO people who are HONESTLY willing to work together. A break up occurs when there is NOT TWO PEOPLE willing to work together. Break ups hurt like hell, but the difference is loving yourself and accepting the change, and getting healthy enough to REGROUP, so you can think clearly and make good decisions.
Forget the ex for the sake of your own health, and start to rebuild your life, and self esteem to where your HAPPY with what life is about.
In the two years, and more than 7000 posts I've seen, not one ex ever came back because of no contact and the relationship lasted any longer than a phone call or dinner.
You can analyze all you want, but if the end result is not about you, and the way you deal with your self and life, (GROWTH/MATURITY)................you lose. Get busy and work on yourself, and be ready for what life WILL throw at you, anything else is a waste.

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Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

As I have ruled out flowers, should I phone my ex to welcome her back home--or should I just let her be altogether?

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or should I just let her be altogether?

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Sounds good to me. That you even ask the question, shows your focus is on her, and not where it should be. ON YOU

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Games are the best way thats what wins a girls love and they don't even no it!! That's why one minute they are in love and the next they are confused...

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And that is exactly why games don't work. They don't foster real feelings and real love. They create a false sense of feelings and blind love. People who need to play games don't know what love is. Sure they may be smitten on each other, but love, no way! Confusion, yes way!!

You proved my point perfectly with this comment mac.

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Originally Posted by tiodaat

Although I don't want to step into the middle of your discussion with Mac, I just wanted to point out that you are essentially answering my original question the same way--i.e., that I should not send my ex flowers.

Where you seem to differ is in how I should carry on with my life in the meantime, and how I should handle any future communication from her.

I have decided that I will not be sending the flowers--so thank you for that.

In terms of your subsequent advice, I am not sure what to say. I have never played games with anyone before, let alone someone that I care deeply about. And, I feel that ignoring someone on purpose, or things like that, ultimately is just playing games.

That said, I know my ex must have lost her attraction for me at some point, especially given that she more or less said "it's not that I don't like him (me), it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

I don't know how, or if I even can, rekindle the attraction that she felt for me in the past. It seems like my best bet is to just try to be the best person that I can be. Maybe being more scarce in her life would be useful, too.

Like I said, I am really not sure what my best course of action is; but, I will not send the flowers based upon the advice given in this thread.

I had a really rough day today, for no particular reason, and am starting to feel anxious about still being so hung up on her some ~five weeks later.

Thanks for taking the time to offer some advice, whatever that may be.

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Hi Tiodaat.

I can genuinely see that you are trying to understand just as I can genuinely see your love and subsequent pain for this girl. I and many others here know it only too well.

Which is why I'm trying very hard to make you realise that no tactics, games, flowers, no contact rule etc is going to bring her back. Sadly all that crap is just that, CRAP!!

I never accused you of playing games with her. I can see you aren't that kind of guy. I was merely having a disagreement with mac about the manner in which his advice took. He is right in what he is saying about not sending flowers etc. However in my opinion his motives are wrong.

Your actions should not be designed at getting a reaction out of her now. The relationship is over and there is nothing more that you should be worrying about now other than your healing process. After all the only person she is worrying about right now is her.

Sorry for your tough day. You will have many of them. It is a roller coaster. But in time you will be fine. How long is up to you really. Speaking from experience I can assure you that staying hung up on her and devising tactics to win her back will only cause you more pain. As is said that is what I did. I was a fool and was silly enough to be convinced that playing games and tactics would bring my ex back. It didn't and in the end it only aided in it taking longer than it should have to get over her.

Focus on yourself and what you can do to make you feel better. Perhaps you should some flowers to yourself. Hahaha:D

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Originally Posted by tiodaat

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

As I have ruled out flowers, should I phone my ex to welcome her back home--or should I just let her be altogether?

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Why? Do you hope it will make her realise how much she has missed you and want you back? The same way you thought flowers would do that?

It won't. So you will only be disappointed.

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Originally Posted by Skell

Why?? Do you hope it will make her realise how much she has missed you and want you back?? The same way you thought flowers would do that??

It wont. So you will only be disappointed.

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Thanks, Skell.

I guess I am not sure what my motive was behind considering calling her to welcome her back.

She's been the only one to initiate contact since we've been broken up, and she kind of went out of her way to mention the fact that we are still friends the last time that I talked to her.

In all honesty, I am not sure if I can juggle the roll of friendship with her, given my strong feelings for her. That said, if we are going to be friends, or at least friendly with each other, it seems like a polite thing to do (i.e. call her to welcome her back).

In either event, it seems likely that she will contact me again in the relatively near future. Am I simply suppose to be polite when she does? I guess I don't know how I should handle our conversations, given how I feel about her, and her apparent desire to remain on good, or even friendly, terms with me.

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Originally Posted by tiodaat

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

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I think that if u love her the you should send her the flowers with a card. Good luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tiodaat

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

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You shouldn't - there should be a reason why you broke up and if you think from there you might be able to think of a better idea to get her back.

You got that right skell games will not work and trying tactics to win back your right won't work. But this bloke wants advice. YOU SHOULD DO NOTHING AND HEAL YOURSELF and while you are doing this she ma MISS YOU and then when she calls she may want you back.

This is a game though if she calls Don't ANSWER why are you talking to her if she dumped you. Dumping you means she no longer gets you in her life...

If you were a part of her life she wants she will let you know. If she does call just don't answer she will get vthe message. Adventually she may text and say she misses you or ask why just send back you broke up with me. If she asks about friends just say I wanted a relationship and you didn't That's IT!!

NO games here buit I know you want the best way to win her back and you can win her back, well not exactly win her back but maybe she will realise she still wants to be part of your life...

And then she will come back...

Do nothing and hope for the best... At least thois way you won't be confused...

She doesn't love you. If she did she would have been overjoyed to hear you tell her how much you love her. She said something like she wanted to make sure it meant something when she said it. THAT'S a RED FLAG. When will she know? The flower thing is just a waste of your time. She either really doesn't love you or is playing games with you and wants to see you beg, because you already told her how you felt. Either way it is not good. Do you think you may be more attracted to her because she is unattainable? I really think though that you need to forget her and move on. I am a female and when I was young and dating there were many guys that liked me. I was proposed to several times by men I didn't love. If they would have sent me flowers it wouldn't have helped at all. It would have just made me feel really bad for them. There were a few occasions where guys got in touch with me after we broke up, it wasn't good. I went out with one of them because it made me feel bad for them. I really shouldn't have because it just made it worse. Once it's over it's over. If I were you I would move on with my life. At some point she may contact you. I would be very cautious. She may contact you when she is feeling lonely... when there is no significant other in her life and you are all she has. Still won't make her love you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tiodaat

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

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Sent of cource. Why let her go. Are you insane?

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Originally Posted by jainaproudmore123

Sent of cource. Why let her go. Are you insane?

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So what are you telling him?? If he doesn't send them he is letting her go??

She already let him go, so why doesn't she send him some flowers??

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and then she will come back...

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No she won't, not the way you want her to. You can believe those other forums if you like, and spin your wheels until the rubber comes off. You will never be happy until you do what she has done. MOVE ON. Now one thing that no contact will do is let you heal, without the chaos and mixed signals from the ex, and after a while you will feel better about yourself and your life, and can pursue a healthy relationship with a healthy female and will wonder what was the hold your ex had on you. She dumped you and it hurts, continued contact as a friend, has you confused, so love yourself, and stop being polite at the expense of your peace of mind. Give up that false hope of her being yours, which is the only reason you haven't moved on yet, as your stuck waiting on her. Your move, its always been your move, you just have to make it.

Yes, when you wait on false hope of ex coming back or not letting go, you will never get healty. I have done this on most break ups she did with me. It does you no good. So make your move

Do not send flowers, don't respond to her at all. She broke up with you, so let her seek you out. If it is meant to be, she will come around. You don't want to look so desperate and needy. Let her think you are doing fine without her, even if you aren't.

Youth should be light hearted about love. The older you become, the more you have learned in life, the more you will appreicate love. She is not ready yet, so are you. Stay busy with what is more important for you, let it go.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Youth should be light hearted about love. The older you become, the more you have learned in life, the more you will appreicate love. She is not ready yet, so are you. Stay busy with what is more important for you, let it go.

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This is very important to realise that real love is something we become more appreciative of as we grow and mature and with each life experience we have, good or bad, we become to understand the value of it.

This also works on other levels, as well as love between human beings, love of nature, love of god, love of yourself.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

This also works on other levels, as well as love between human beings, love of nature, love of god, love of yourself.

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However, the problem with this is that we live in a world where not everyone feels the same way and this is where our destructive side comes in. In a way, we are our own worst enemy, do you think?