Re-read everything you have posted here.

It isn't ignoring her. She broke up with you. She asked for space. She is leaving you. How on earth does that make you the bad guy here?

Stop looking at her though rose colored glasses and accept that she has left you and most probably never coming back.

You aren't listening. You have every right to ask for her to leave you be now. You need for her to leave you alone. She loves having this control over you. And I think you like her having it in some ways too.

She does have another guy too remember. And if you think she isn't mucking around with him then I think you are sadly mistaken.

I know its tough but you aren't helping matters here and until you do you will feel like sh1t!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

She does have another guy too remember. And if you think she isn't mucking around with him then i think you are sadly mistaken.

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Skell,

Are you saying that I am to assume that everything she has said to me has been a lie? She has sworn to me that she does not want a relationship right now with anyone, that she has done nothing with him, and that he isn't interested in a relationship either, as he is still hung up on an ex of his own.

I don't enjoy her having this control over me, and I understand that the more control she has over me, the worse I feel. To be honest, the fact that she called me today, and texted me yesterday makes me feel better because I feel like I am winning some of the control back. No longer am I initiating any contact, she is doing it - which makes me feel as if I'm in control. I guess to improve this even more, I need to take it to the next level and not only not contact her, not answer her attempts.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

I guess I just feel bad about ignoring her. I still have feelings for her, and I dont want to come across as a total a**hole. I guess i dont have a choice though.

---

Excuse me?? You feel bad about ignoring someone who broke up with YOU because she had feelings for someone else?? You don't want to come across as a total a**hole?? Mister, honestly... your continuing contact despite what she has told you makes you look like a stupid total a**hole. Get a grip here! You have a ton of people telling you that you are doing the right thing by not having contact with her. Just who are you afraid might judge you otherwise? Her?? She should respect that you are finding this way too painful. Quite frankly, if she cares about you at all she will not think that you are an a**hole to deal with this in a mature, sensible way.

Look, we have no investment in telling you to have no contact. I'm not a bitter guy trying to make all women pay for one woman who broke up with me! I have a counselling background and many more years of experience in life that you have. There are others on here who have gone or are going through the same thing and they are telling you they feel your pain but they are healed/healing because they have stuck to their guns.

IF you really want to heal then you MUST stop all contact. If you are still so afraid of what she (or other people) think, then tell her that you do want to be friends but for right now you need absolutely NO contact for at least three months. I don't really think it is good for you to put a time limit on it, but if that will help you heal then it's better to do that than what you are doing. The main thing is that you need to act and believe it's over forever. That way, if it is, you won't be back where you are now six months from now, and if it's not, you will be strong enough to make a conscious choice if this is really what you want.

For the reasons already explained by many, I urge you to have no contact. Besides, how will she ever know what life is like without you in it? Having contact with her is not good or fair to either one of you and will never resolve your issues. You need to step outside of the circle and see this with unbiased eyes. Do you really want to heal?? If so, I feel that there is only one way. Why don't you at least give it a chance?? You came here for advice and it has been pretty consistent. Why not listen to it?

Hugs, Didi

No I'm not saying to assume that, don't assume anything. I may have been a little off with that comment about the other guy but she has shown interest. You and I both know how things can work. I don't know her like you and it is good to have trust in people. And a necessity in the person we love. But in situations like this some people say and do things that are out for character. They deal with things differently than they ever have before. It is a time when you should only trust yourself. And if you trust within yourself that everyhting she is saying is true than I will trust you too. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Okay?

Im not being harsh with you. As I have said all along I know your pain. I am only trying to help. I know how when we are in this world of pain that our judgment and thinking becomes clouded and we only see what we want to see. Sometimes we need the help of strangers to help us see a little more of the situation. That's all I'm trying to do. Not judge or hurt you more.

I just want you to go and read every post and every bit of advice you have gotten again and determine what you think the best course of action is.

Once again, you aren't the bad guy. Not at all. She has asked for space and broken up with you. By you taking some space yourself and looking after your own interests it isn't being an a$$hole. It is being human!! And if she can't respect that then frankly your better off without her!

Had to spread it but well said didi!

Well,
To be completely honest, I have wanted to keep no contact for a while now. I assumed that when I asked, she would listen to that and not contact me. I suppose I had trouble ignoring her attempts for contact (obviously). I have known for a while that no contact is what I need to do, and I am just as aware of that now.

What I didn't realize is that answering/responding to her is just as bad as picking up the phone and calling her. Guess I needed that kick in the pants, and I got it...

Thanks for straightening me out :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

Had to spread it but well said didi!!

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:)

Thank you, Skell. It just occurred to me that perhaps the reason this gal is so confused is because the other guy doesn't care for her as much as she wants him to. She may just want what she can't have. :D

Didi

Skell,

I hate to admit it, but that comment about her "mucking around with the other guy" is starting to tear me up. I know its silly for me to be bothered by this so much, but for some reason the thought of her having any physical relationship with anyone still kills me.

I know we are through, and its none of my business, but for some reason the thoughts still eat me up.

--EDIT--

I came back to edit this after a trip to the gym... After thinking for a while, it still upsets be a lot, but I can say that I'm making some progress. I am quite upset about it, but it doesn't put me in tears anymore, and I don't feel as if I'm on the verge of a panic attack any longer... I suppose that is progess

I didn't mean it to tear you up. Sorry about that. But you are sort of in this fantasy land where you seem to think that everything is going to be OK. And if you just keep being the nice guy and answering all her calls then she will come around. Not going to happen!

We are only trying to offer you advice that will best serve you and help you begin to heal. Answering her calls and being there for her won't help you in any way.

Keep going to the gym. Do things to take your mind of it all.

I know it wasn't intentional, and I know I need to get over it.

I have been doing a lot of thinking tonight, and I realize that the only thing that still really tears me up is the fact that she may be with someone else. The funny thing is, everything she has told me goes against the fact that she is. I use what she has said to help me feel better, and I know that is not the solution. I need to get myself to a state where it doesn't matter what happens, because it is not my issue any longer.

I am done answering calls, responding to text messages... all of that. Yes, I am still sad that we are not together, and I wish that things didn't happen this way but they did. It just seems that the last hurdle for me is accepting that she may be with someone else. Trust me, that hurdle is huge... I am doing my best to try and accept the fact, because I don't think I will ever get over it without accepting it, though accepting it is an extremely painful process so far.

I do have an appointment to talk with someone tomorrow, and I am making a list of things I wish to say. This will prevent me from repeating myself and sounding like a dumba**, and make sure I don't miss anything I want to say. One of the main points I will bring up is the fact that I cannot get over this, and I believe it is due mostly to my insecurities and the fact that I can't seem to just have faith and trust what I've been told.

Thanks for all the helps guys. I can see myself being better in the future, though I know the road is rough.

Skell and Didi,
I want to especially thank you guys. I know that I seem like I am not taking the advice into consideration, and I think I have just been using the support to feel better and not reading into it deep enough. I have since gone back and reread the entire thread a few times, and I picked up on things I missed. Soemtimes it helps to read the info more than once...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by skell

Listen to me here. I have been through what your going through. very very similar. I felt all these feelings. I laid there all night worrying and crying and thinking the most insane things that now i look back were never true.

---

Skell, I think you know what I am feeling more than I pereviously thought. I am quite certain that exact sentence sums up what I am doing, and probably under the same circumstances.

My word I know exactly how your feeling and exactly what your thinking. We all do. It was not that long ago that I felt like you do now. And that's why I'm trying my best to help you through it in the way in which I think will be best for you. Learn from my mistakes. I made plenty and if I can help others not make them then it is worth every minute I try.

You have absolutely no idea how miserable and bad I actually was. In fact every now and then I still am. But very rarely now.

It doesn't feel like it but it does get better and eventually you will like the person you have become a whole lot more than the one you were!

Hey friends,

Just updating again. In a couple of hours I my meeting with the counselor, which I am actually sort of nervous about. I spent some time writing down thoughts, so I am organized when I get there, I'm just afraid that I'm hoping for something they cannot provide me with. I know I am the only one who can make myself feel better.

My biggest issue is still the fact that she may be with someone else, but I have made a mental list of everything which supports and opposes that fact, and its obvious that the opposition to that is much greater than the support. That makes me feel a little more at ease. I also find myself switching between being able to think about it an accept it, and thinking about it and being completely destroyed. Sure it makes me sad, but it is becoming more often that I don't feel as hopeless when I think about it.

I find comfort in knowing I did not do anything wrong, and she truly is missing out by leaving me. Maybe she will realize what she has lost someday, but until she does, there is no reason for me to even think of being her friend or any sort of new relationship. I still wish that she would text me, though I know it would only make it harder because then I would have to not respond. It is easier to not initiate contact, than to not respond.

I will let you guys know how I am feeling after my meeting.

Thanks all :)

Well I just got back from my appointment...

To be honest, I don't feel like I got very much accomplished. I explained the stiuation to him, and he commented, more than once, that he was hearing a lot of SHE and not much ME. I know that I am thinking/talking about her a lot, and I guess that is an issue.

I have come to realize that I don't care how much she has hurt me, all I want is her back. I still think at times that I can't be as happy as I was with anyone else, and all I want is her. What hurts the most, is that these feelings are returned. I guess this is the reason that I find it so hard to let go. Even two months later, all I want is her. I can't help but hold out hope that she will come around, and we can be back the way we were. I know it isn't smart, but I think I would take her back, after taking it slow.

Didi, I think you were right earlier when yo usaid that she filled a need in me that I cannot fill. I have never been satisfied with myself, and being with her made me feel whole. It made me feel complete and important, and now I feel like I will never have that again. She gave me the self esteem that I never had. Going to the gym is one way in which I am trying to get some of that self esteem back. I have also ordered a book online which I hope will help me to accept me for who I am, thus making me more attractive.

I can't help but worry that I am trying to improve myself to bring her back. Im actually quite at ease right now, I just know that all I want is her to be mine and only mine. I think the reason I'm so upset is that I honestly think there is a good chance she will come back - but I know I can't think this way.

I apologize because I am sure this post was ALL over the place, but I needed to write things down. Thanks for listening.

It is unfair in her and even unfairer on yourself to expect someone else to fill the gaps in your life. That is very unhealthy and a huge reason why many relationships fall apart.

You can fill that place inside you that she filled, but you have to do it alone. You need this time on your own to build that self esteem, and become satisfied with yourself. In fact more than satisfied. You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you.

If you were to get back with her now then it would fail again. I am very confident of that. See it all the time. When people use others to fill voids in their life it never works. Sure it is great for the first part but eventually when another void opens that the partner can't fill then the whole thing starts to unravel.

You sort of need to look at it like this. You need to fill all the personal voids in your life yourself before you fill the relationship void or it just won't work. If your not happy and comfortable on your own then it is so unhealthy to use someone else to help you feel happy and comfortable. And that is a tough thing to grasp. Something that I am still doing and a reason why I am still single. I am still finding myself and until such time as I am completely comfortable with who I am then I'm not even thinking about a relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

I am still finding myself and until such time as i am completely comfortable with who i am then im not even thinking about a relationship.

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EXACTLY! If you enter a relationship and use the other person to fulfill things in you that you have not learned to fulfill within yourself the relationship probably won't work! Your partner will get tired of being the secure one, or the funny one, or the smart one and will seek out someone that they can be on equal terms with. Sure, sure, you will each compliment each other... but things like self-esteem, intelligence, etc have to be on fairly equal grounds to allow you both to grow together.

Don't give up just because one meeting with a counsellor didn't help. He was right. Fill in the blanks with what YOU need and want in life OUTSIDE of a relationship with her. YOU MUST ASSUME THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO WORK!

Keep trying... and listen to Skell. He really is doing well and has a lot of great first-hand information.

Hugs, Didi

Right now you are going through a depressive state of mind due to the end of your relationship and trust me it happens to everyone. It is a long winding road, somedays you will feel really good and then the next be back where you are. What you might need to do is not enlist the help of a counselor but better yet the help of a close friend, a therapist/councellor will usually just listen to you, but finding a close friend to listen and impart wisdom much like you have found on this website will be very helpful more so than anything else I know it worked for me and I am sure it will work for you to.

Good luck soon you will feel better just give it some more time and continue to concentrate on yourself.

Thanks guys,

That all means a lot. One thing that bothered me about the guy I met with is that he suggested that I start seeing other people and think about dating. I don't think this is the right move, as I am not nearly ready for this. I think it will be a long time before I seek anything with anyone else, and I'm fine with that.

Skell, I know that I need to become happy with myself, and don't mistake what I was saying before for what I am trying to do. I was simply trying to write down what was running though my mind. I know that is all emotional talk, and none of it is sensible, and I have no intention of remaining hung up on this... trust me I want to feel better :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by grammadid

Your partner will get tired of being the secure one, or the funny one, or the smart one and will seek out someone that they can be on equal terms with.

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Didi,
I found that sort of funny because I had thought along those lines - the funny thing is I was talking to her at one time in the past and trying to see what it was in him that attracted her. What I found, is that she was actually threatened by me, because I am quite a good student, and have also been almost straight A's, and she has always struggled with school. She said she enjoyed the fact that she is better at what she does than he is, and he comes to her for help... I guess it's a sort of ego boost.

Right now, I am doing everything I can to be happy with myself. I know no one will love me if I don't love myself... Thanks for all the encourgagment. Im not discouraged by the session not going as I wanted it to, and I am going again on Tuesday. I figure it nothing else, it is nice to talk to someone in person and get some things off my chest. I am smart enough to know what I need to do, and what I am ready for, and I will stick to it.

One last question, I just found that I had gotten a job that I have applied for this summer. During the conversation part of the breakup, she had asked me to let her know if I ever heard anything about it, and I don't know if I should inform her. I really don't want to have any contact with her, so I don't think I will... however, she also got a job that I asked her to keep me posted on, and one of the reasons she contacted me after I asked for no contact... I know I'm not the bad guy, I just don't want to seem like I wanted her to let me know, but I turned around and was the hypocrite... Someone just yell at me so I don't do it :)

Thanks again

DON'T DO IT!!!!!... howssat?? :D

I actually wanted to tell you that I am proud of you. If you read your first couple of posts then read your last couple, you have come a LONG way!

It will keep getting easier...

Didi

Thanks Didi,
I feel like I am doing better as well, but I know I will have ups and downs. Next time Im having a down, ill come on here, instead of looking to her to make me happy :)

I know once I am happy with myself, I won't have to use other people to make myself feel better, I will be capable of that. That's an exciting thing to look forward to.

No, don't tell her. Your looking for excuses to contact her. Why does she need to know? She doesn't.

Like it or not she isn't part of your life at the moment. She doesn't exist!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

No, dont tell her. Your looking for excuses to contact her. Why does she need to know? She doesnt.

Like it or not she isnt part of your life at the moment. She doesnt exist!

---

Yeah, Ive decided that's best. Im sure she will find out some way or another, but I don't need to tell her. Maybe she will know during the summer, if we ever talk on good terms.

I really feel like I'm starting to get better. The sadness of not being with her anymore, and her replacing me is starting to be replaced by feelings of anger and betrayal. Ive come to realize that she was wronged me, and I have so much more to offer her than this other kid.

If nothing is going on between them, then I am getting upset for no reason, but if something is, I am getting myself over the fact that she has moved on. I realize now that this is her mistake, and she is going to learn the hard way. Its not my problem anymore to try and prevent her from making mistakes.

I think deep down, she feels that if she regrets this during the summer, we can work at it and be together again - and she is in for a rude awakening. I am starting to see through the emotional cloudiness, and I know I'm worth much more than someone who will leave me for such a stupid reason.

Ill keep you guys posted... thanks again for all the advice, it really helps to read and know that people understand and have noticed I am headed in the right direction :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

I really feel like I'm starting to get better. The sadness of not being with her anymore, and her replacing me is starting to be replaced by feelings of anger and betrayal. Ive come to realize that she was wronged me, and I have so much more to offer her than this other kid.

---

Hi Sypher,

I've PM'd you some of my thoughts and I really think you are coming along nicely. Like I say, I see a lot of what you are going through as a reflection of what happened to me. Be prepared for many ups and downs, you may feel as though you are getting better, which is good but there will be hard times too. You have a great attitude and from what I know so far, she may have her regrets.

But forget what she will or will not regret and focus on you!! Stay out of contact and get busy living!

You'll be fine!! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Well I just got back from my appointment...

To be honest, I don't feel like I got very much accomplished. I explained the stiuation to him, and he commented, more than once, that he was hearing a lot of SHE and not much ME. I know that I am thinking/talking about her a lot, and I guess that is an issue.

---

Actually, this counselor made a very good point. It should all be about YOU and not HER!

Focusing on her will get you nowhere. SHE is not part of the big picture anymore and the SHE part of it is in HER world now and for HER to deal with not YOU!

I think you are progressing faster than you think Sypher.

I took this quote below from another thread I answered Sypher because I think it would be useful for you too..

Take a look!

Quote:

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You should not need another person to make you happy. Find yourself again and soon enough you will enjoy being single. Its just a matter of riding the emotional rollercoaster, keeping busy, working on yourself. Find new hobbies, work hard!

Improve your image, perhaps change it and you find that your confidence grows again!!

Loneliness does not last forever after a breakup. Once you relight your fire again and get busy living, you realise that you are less alone than you think!

---

Thanks for the eocourgagement Geoff, it really helps...

I wanted to post a bit of an update..

Today has started pretty bad. Its been a rough morning so far, I tried to sleep as late as possible so I wouldn't have to be awake to deal with this crap. It started with me being upset about her being with someone else... again. I know I have no proof, and actually have more proof to the contrary, but its still hurting me. As I laid in bed, thinking about it, I believe what bothers me is that I feel like the physicalness of our relationship was sacred, and if she expierences that with someone else, that will be lost.

Not 5 minutes ago, she was messageing me online, and that hasn't helped. The message she sent was along the lines of:

"I can't talk long, and I know we can't be talking anyway..I just wanted to tell you that my Mom hasn't talked to me in 2 days becuase she is so mad at me."

Her mom is mad at her about breaking up with me, and Im beginning to worry that she will regret this for the wrong reasons. On top of that, I ended up seeing her info, which put me in quite a sad mood. Whatever the quote was, it was all about being sorry but having to do this, and "its hard when beginning the rest of my life has to start wtih breaking a heart" or something like that.

I didn't respond at all to her messages, though all I wanted to do was make her feel better. I ignored them, and acted as if I wasn't at the computer. I know what's for the best, but for some reason, knowing that she is sad makes me want to cry. It hurts me that she's hurt.

Anyway, I'm worried that today is going to be a very rough day, and am actually looking forward to my mom getting out of work so I can tlak to someone. I need to talk to someone or else I feel I'm going to have a breakdown. No matter what, I won't let myself call her... I just want to go back to where I was yesterday...

Thanks for listenening guys

Just wanted to add something about the messages she sent me...

I've been thinking about them, and I got worried for a little while that it seems she wasn't upset about anything, but then again its hard to judge emotions through text, and a one way conversation. I wasn't about to break NC to find out if she was or why she wasn't upset about it.

The way I see it, she is looking to me for comfort, because she has no where else to go. Why else would she tell me about a fight between her and her mother that's about me? Is she trying to make me feel bad? To be hoenst, I don't feel bad, ebcause I agree with her mother. I was the best thing that ever happened to her,and she's going to learn the hard way. Her mom is right, just as I'm right, but she won't see that until she learns it herself. Im not so worried about the fact that she's not thinking about me/sad about this anymore, because I don't think she would have ever contacted me if she wasn't thinking about me, and her info definitely wouldn't have been about us breaking up if she thinks I'm not even seeing it.

I feel good and bad at the same time. Im sad that she's hurt, but she brought it on herself. Im feeling okay beucase I know what we had was real. She hasn't just replaced me. Im also be cautious to prevent myself from getting any sort of hope out of this.

-Sypher

Last one, I promise :)
------

My ex's parents and I have a very special relationship. I have done work for her step father, and helped them both a lot, as they have done for me. They treated me as a child of their own, and would do anything for me...

Should I call her mother, and request that she stop doing this to my ex? I know that might be over stepping my bounds, and I should probably just let the entire situation be. I'm just pretty confused by this whole mess.

Maybe I should let it roll off my back.

I know how you feel. But going to her mother is still hanging on to her. I'm having an issue kind of the same as yours and I'm tempted to go to his father or his best friend, however, I do feel that it is over-stepping my bounds and that it's a totally separate issue and sto stay out of it. There's no point in giving anyone any extra fuel for the fire. Best of luck.

Sypher... you really need to block her. Look what seeing messages from her does to you! Do you want all the gains shot to heck because of a few IM's?? You need to shut her out completely... for both you... and her. Move on. Stop living in the past. As I said yesterday, act as if it is totally over for good.

Didi

I suppose I assumed that as long as I didn't respond to her it wouldn't affect me, but your right... just seeing things, even if I have no contact with her is quite painful.

Thanks

Yes you need to block her. Your keeping the avenues of communication open. Even though you don't responds she still has a way to contact you and she will use it to tell you this stuff.

You don't need to hear it and she has no right to be telling you. She has to remember she has broken up with you and she has to leave you be. She has to deal with her mother herself. What she is doing now is just trying to make her feel less guilt and you feel sorry for her by portraying herself as a victim here. And your letting her.

Id also be careful about saying and thinking things like you being the best thing that ever happened to her and that she will regret it what she has done. Maybe, but also a big maybe not. You don't know that and once again it is focusing on what she is doing and thinking and not you. You really need to quit beating yourself up and worrying about her. She isn't worried about you so why are you worried about her?? The only person you need to help is yourself.

Skell,

I think I found out what I was scared about the entire time:

I know she still has strong feelings for me, but is so confused she can't manage a relationship. Well anyway, I was afraid that by ignoring her, and feelings she has left for me would be destroyed. I guess I don't know if ignoring her when she needs me will make her want me more, or just annhiliate any feelings she has left remaining for me.

I know now, for my own sake, any attemps she makes to contact me I have to ignore. Every time I don't, I am set back and end up miserable all over again. But, do you have any input on my concerns about her remaining feelings? (except that I shuldnt care :) )

Thank you

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Solid357

if you two still care about eachother, than what's the problem?

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She's confused about what she wants and how her feelings really are.

To be honest, she is so confused I can't put much importance in anything she tells me. There is no way that I can believe 100% anything she says one way or another, so I need to give her the space to figure out what it is she wants. She knows that she can't be in a relationship with me if she does not give me 100% of her heart. Apparently she does not feel ready to do that.

Wow... I wish mine would at least call.
Do you feel better now that she's said that? For some reason, I think I would because then there would be hope. But that's just me. It's probably not a good idea either.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brokenhearted25

Wow...I wish mine would atleast call.
Do you feel better now that she's said that? For some reason, I think I would because then there would be hope. But that's just me. It's probably not a good idea either.

---

Broken,

To be honest, it makes me feel worse when she calls or talks... and I can almost guarantee it would do the same to you...

Listen...

She calls me, sometimes crying, sometimes just about to, almost always with some sort of emotional problem. I talk to her, help her through the problem. She feels better, thanks me, says she's glad that I she can trust me to help her, all that bs. We get off the phone, I feel great. I feel like I have helped me a lot, and she's not going to forget what I'm doing for her. I feel like I've earned some "brownie points" and am helping my case.

Then the next day comes, and I feel like crap... I feel horrible beucase I know I am not going to get to talk to her that day, and all I want to do is know she needs me. Think of it almost like a drug... I get a little taste, then I want more and more and more. What happens when she doesn't need a shoulder to cry on? I'm left hoping for something that Im not giong to get.

Trust me, its better that she doesn't call you, all that does is provide more things for me to worry about, and never gives her the chance to miss me. If every time she misses me, Im here for her... she gets her fix and then she's gone.

You said "at least it would give me hope". That's NOT what you want, trust me. You want to move on, accept that it happened, and don't hold ANY hope at all. If she does come back, let it be a pleasant surprise. You cannot hold out hope that she will come back, for if she doesn't, you will be hurt worse than you are now, and I'm sure you don't want that. It happens to me, I feel hopeful that I have helped her, and she thanks me for it, so I think, its only a matter of time now...

Well you know what, it doesn't matter if it is or isn't a matter of time. If she comes back, I don't want to be waiting for it. If she comes back, I may not want her back. All that hope will do is set you back, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Its happened to me more times than I wish, so I'm not letting it happen anymore.

I know it hurts, so does everyone on this forum, but time makes it better.. and once it starts to feel better, you Don't want a call to set you back where you were before... trust me.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Solid357

cypher, it sounds like you're at the point where you've got things for the most part figured out. that's a good thing. you've prety much got this thing taken care of. i'm happy for you. i only wish i could figure my way out of my situation..... gratz man.

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Maybe I understand it solid, but that doesn't means its easy.

Im still bummed everyday, but accepting what happened definitely helps in the healing process. There is no reason to be upset and worried about what hasn't happened. Of course I will still "mourn" the loss of someone that I loved, but its no reason to stop living. Trust me, nothing you will do will bring her back, and trying will push her away. She may come back, but if she does, it won't be because of what you've done.

Understanding the situation and knowing what to do aren't the hardest parts, the hard part is doing IT once you know what IT is.

Good luck to you

Sypher she only calls you because you let her. I hope you have stopped letting her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

Sypher she only calls you because you let her. I hope you have stopped letting her.

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I have, don't worry :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

I have, dont worry :)

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I have been going through this also, when they call I guess we do let them... its been a long time for me going through this I let him get away with it. But this what I'm working on now to stop it... good luck

Hey guys,

I don't know if anyone's still following this thread, but I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Yesterday and most of today went awesome. Im not sure what it was, but as this evening came on, I started to get all the old feelings coming back. Im not going to call or message her at all, but for some reason the old temptations to check things are back. Im not going to, but I thought I was over those for the most part. Hopefully, they will be gone after a good nights sleep - I hate constantly reminding myself I probably don't want to see what I'm going to see if I look.

I'm also starting to upset myself with those insecurities and fears of being forgotten again. Im not sure what it is. I guess even though talking to her made it much harder on me, it was also a reminder that I hadn't been forgotten. I suppose Skell may have been right when he said that "part of me likes it too", I just didn't realize it at the time.

I know the smart thing to think is that not talking to me probably makes her miss me more, as she should for making such a stupid decision. By talking to me, it probably just gives her the "fix" she needs to get through a few more days, and I need to stop being her drug. Hopefully these feelings don't get worse as the days go on, I was so hopeful and optimistic yesterday and this morning...

Thanks for listening

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Hey guys,

I dunno if anyones still following this thread, but I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Yesterday and most of today went awesome. Im not sure what it was, but as this evening came on, I started to get all the old feelings coming back. Im not going to call or message her at all, but for some reason the old temptations to check things are back. Im not going to, but I thought I was over those for the most part. Hopefully, they will be gone after a good nights sleep - I hate constantly reminding myself I probably dont want to see what im going to see if I look.

I'm also starting to upset myself with those insecurities and fears of being forgotten again. Im not sure what it is. I guess even though talking to her made it much harder on me, it was also a reminder that i hadn't been forgotten. I suppose Skell may have been right when he said that "part of me likes it too", I just didnt realize it at the time.

I know the smart thing to think is that not talking to me probably makes her miss me more, as she should for making such a stupid decision. By talking to me, it probably just gives her the "fix" she needs to get through a few more days, and I need to stop being her drug. Hopefully these feelings dont get worse as the days go on, I was so hopeful and optimistic yesterday and this morning.....

Thanks for listening

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Hi, go back and read some posts, yours and others, it usually helps by re-reading them... gd luck

Dude stop worrying so much about what she is doing and start worrying about what YOU are doing. That is all you can control.

If she has forgotten you already then she isn't worth it anyway. But who cares. Doesn't change a thing. Every post you write is about her and worrying about what she is thinking and doing.
STOP IT!! YOU!!