Ask Me Help Desk - Why does she still care?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Thank you everyone who has answered my posts. Your posts have really helped me. I realized that I'm more important than this woman. I have decided to stop all contact with her and get to know myself. Your all right.I don't have myself because I have been so focused on getting her back. I'm done trying to think I can control her and make her change her mind. I'm worth more than that. Right now, I need to heal and the only way I can do that is by staying away from her. As much as it hurts, I know no one new will come into my life until I fully let her go. She doesn't deserve me or my love and attention. I may need support through this process though because it's going to be difficult to not respond to her e-mails and phone calls. Bottom line: She doesn't deserve me. I just think I need some "single" time to get healthy but, it's hard because I have always been in a relationship and I don't want to find someone else to get me out of the pain.

I think we may be seeing some progress here. I hope so. You do seem somewhat more focused and determined in this post than any of your previous stating the same.

You will get as much support here as we can offer so never be afraid to come and vent. Be strong and realise that what your doing now is for your own benefit. Giving in will not be in your best interests.

Don't even worry about anyone new coming into your life right now. You don't need it or really want it. I like your idea of remaining single time. It is so important.

Trust me here. I have been through it. I have been single now for almost 12 months after a 7 year relationship and it has been the best thing for me. Yes there have been times when I have been extremely lonely and miserable. Still is in fact. But it has been a time when I have learnt so much about myself. About who I was, what was good, what is bad. I have just grown and learnt so much about myself.

I think you'll find a similar thing yourself if you give it a chance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Thank you everyone who has answered my posts. Your posts have really helped me. I realized that I'm more important than this woman. I have decided to stop all contact with her and get to know myself. Your all right.I don't have myself because I have been so focused on getting her back. I'm done trying to think I can control her and make her change her mind. I'm worth more than that. Right now, I need to heal and the only way I can do that is by staying away from her. As much as it hurts, I know no one new will come into my life until I fully let her go. She doesn't deserve me or my love and attention. I may need support through this process though because it's going to be difficult to not respond to her e-mails and phone calls. Bottom line: She doesn't deserve me. I just think I need some "single" time to get healthy but, it's hard because I have always been in a relationship and I don't want to find someone else to get me out of the pain.

Smart move, sfqt33. Once you let go at your end the grieving/healing can really begin. It gets held up by people trying to hang on. Skell, Chuff, Geofferson, BlazingCold, umm sorry if I've left any out -- they really know what they are talking about firsthand. I have seen each one of them make very serious and substantial progress that will pay off incredibly HANDSOMELY down the road, even they may not fully realise that yet! You can make this pain count for something great -- a stronger, more adult, more powerful and authentic you who can and will attract someone equally as capable the next time because that IS how it works. And you are learning that now.

Being alone and on your own is required in order to know you can do it, you can make a single life worthwhile. It makes it possible for you to leave desperation out of the equation when it comes to wanting/choosing the next woman. You get to want her instead of need her and THAT changes everything. You won't be able to be ransomed like this ever again and the women who would ransom you like this will not give you a second look. I know, I used to be one and now I am not anything like that. And you aren't giving up hope entirely, its just doesn't have her name on it anymore and its better to hope for something healthy and attainable... even if it is the unknown at this point. Good decision. Very very good.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Thank you everyone who has answered my posts. Your posts have really helped me. I realized that I'm more important than this woman. I have decided to stop all contact with her and get to know myself. Your all right.I don't have myself because I have been so focused on getting her back. I'm done trying to think I can control her and make her change her mind. I'm worth more than that. Right now, I need to heal and the only way I can do that is by staying away from her. As much as it hurts, I know no one new will come into my life until I fully let her go. She doesn't deserve me or my love and attention. I may need support through this process though because it's going to be difficult to not respond to her e-mails and phone calls. Bottom line: She doesn't deserve me. I just think I need some "single" time to get healthy but, it's hard because I have always been in a relationship and I don't want to find someone else to get me out of the pain.

I'm sooo happy to read this!! Just keep coming here to vent if you need to and for the support - you'll get lots of it!
-Kae

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfqt33

Hi all,
I have posted several times before about my situation. I am having a hard time breaking up with my girlfriend. I start to pull away and take care of myself, get strong, hang out with my family and friends and than bam, I get scared and lonely and give into her. She says something and I get sucked back into the relationship. Then I think, I am not a spring chicken and start wondering, " will I ever find anyone else". I know I have alot to offer someone, but I'm scared. I have been intensely working on myself and trying to get in touch with my feelings through therapy and other spiritual work.
I suppose I have abandonment issues I need to look at. My friend said to stop beating myself up and except the fact that it is a "process". I am building up the strength to leave her. I don't know why leaving her is so difficult for me.
I know I have no future with her. She drains me,every time I talk to her.
I don't want to go find someone else to make this break up easier. I want to do it healthy. Help, why can't I do this?????

I think you should go and find someone else to make the break up easier that seems the only way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxstephaniescourfieldxx

i think you should go and find someone else to make the break up easier that seems the only way.

This question was asked over 12 months ago now. Look at the date before answering please.