Ask Me Help Desk - Did I do the right thing?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am starting to believe that is code for: I don't think I belong in this relationship. Kick me to the curb so that I can blame you for the break up instead of taking responsibility for my own actions and emotions.

I guess he has proved that he doesn't deserve you.

I really thought he loved me... My friend thinks he accused me of cheating just to blame me

I agree that this is a red flag. I mean, the relationship may have been great, but there's no trust? Please, if my girlfriend believed every rumor that were spread about me, and believe me, there are QUITE a bit of rumors, then I'd be locked up in solitary confinement.

Trust is a HUGE deal in a relationship... it's one of those make/break things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am starting to believe that is code for: I don't think I belong in this relationship. Kick me to the curb so that I can blame you for the break up instead of taking responsibility for my own actions and emotions.

I guess he has proved that he doesn't deserve you.

Very well stated and true in every instance I can recall where it has been brought up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I agree that this is a red flag. I mean, the relationship may have been great, but there's no trust? Please, if my girlfriend believed every rumor that were spread about me, and believe me, there are QUITE a bit of rumors, then I'd be locked up in solitary confinement.

Trust is a HUGE deal in a relationship...it's one of those make/break things.

True Sneezy

I was wrong in what I read. On Tuesday you said you were having relationship problems and Pat is amazing but is convinced that you are to good for him.

That is were I got that and I am sorry for the mix up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adam_89

I was wrong in what I read. On Tuesday you said you were having relationship problems and Pat is amazing but is convinced that you are to good for him.

That is were I got that and I am sorry for the mix up.

That;'s all right, very easy mix up

I want him back, I know it may not be the best thing, but I do

Give it some time. See if he messages you on Facebook. He may be hurting too. And it's hard when you're that age (or any age for that mater) to have all those people whispering in his ear.

But I have to say, with him saying you are too good for him, it kind of sounds like he was looking for an easy out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Give it some time. See if he messages you on facebook. He may be hurting too. And it's hard when you're that age (or any age for that mater) to have all those people whispering in his ear.

But I have to say, with him saying you are too good for him, it kind of sounds like he was looking for an easy out.

What I don't understand is how one goes from wanting to impregnate and marry a girl to not wanting her at all...

It just shows is maturity level. Good thing you didn't get pregnant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I want him back, I know it may not be the best thing, but I do

Emop, months ago you wanted to let someone control your life. You tried convincing us that was how you wanted your future. Do you want to be in relationship with someone who doesn't trust you? Do you see a future with someone who listens more to rumors and his own imagination than he does you?

Seems to me he cares more about rumors than you and that is not a good foundation for a strong relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

It just shows is maturity level. Good thing you didn't get pregnant.

I have a confession... I didn't tell anyone in case this happened, I was pregnant and miscarried. I was two months along until a week or two ago, I forget.. I lose track of time

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

emop, months ago you wanted to let someone control your life. You tried convincing us that was how you wanted your future. Do you want to be in relationship with someone who doesn't trust you? Do you see a future with someone who listens more to rumors and his own imagination than he does you?

Seems to me he cares more about rumors than you and that is not a good foundation for a strong relationship.

Very true Cat, I'm just so hurt right now..

Emop, do you see why that would not have been a good thing? You would have been fighting him with paternity and potentially raising a kid on your own at 18. I hope you have learned something from all of this. I am not going to give you the lecture, I have given it to you once before. Time to take some time for you, and decide what you want from your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Emop, do you see why that would not have been a good thing? You would have been fighting him with paternity and potentially raising a kid on your own at 18. I hope you have learned something from all of this. I am not going to give you the lecture, I have given it to you once before. Time to take some time for you, and decide what you want from your life.

I know I know, I was stupid and caught up in the moment...

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

Very true Cat, I'm just so hurt right now..

I know you are hurting. I know that your life is about as messed up as it can get. Boyfriends and babies won't make it any better.

I think you need to talk to your therapist (if you are still seeing one). Get some ranting and raving off your chest with someone who can hold your hand and offer a real tissue to dry your tears.

You need to get out your feelings about the miscarriage, too. It is not something to bury your feelings about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I know you are hurting. I know that your life is about as messed up as it can get. Boyfriends and babies won't make it any better.

I think you need to talk to your therapist (if you are still seeing one). Get some ranting and raving off your chest with someone who can hold your hand and offer a real tissue to dry your tears.

You need to get out your feelings about the miscarriage, too. It is not something to bury your feelings about.

I don't see one anymore

And as for the miscarriage, I have no idea... I mean the night before I miscarried, I had a dream about my baby... It was so real. And then the next day, I gush blood out and I took a test a week or so later that said I wasn't pregnant. It's confusing.. I mean while I was pregnant, Pat would always hold my belly telling me how excited he was and everything. And then when I miscarried, that's about when everything fell apart

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I don't see one anymore

and as for the miscarriage, I have no idea... I mean the night before I miscarried, I had a dream about my baby... It was so real. and then the next day, I gush blood out and I took a test a week or so later that said I wasn't pregnant. It's confusing.. I mean while I was pregnant, Pat would always hold my belly telling me how excited he was and everything. And then when I miscarried, that's about when everything fell apart

Have you been to a doctor? If not, you need to see a doctor. You need to make sure that everything is okay and determine if you really were pregnant and that everything came out if you did miscarry. You do not need more medical problems.

Miscarriages are hard on both people. It takes a very strong relationship to survive one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Have you been to a doctor? If not, you need to see a doctor. You need to make sure that everything is okay and determine if you really were pregnant and that everything came out if you did miscarry. You do not need more medical problems.

Miscarriages are hard on both people. It takes a very strong relationship to survive one.

I will soon, when I go to get my depo shot

Yeah, I remember it was when he was away for a week and he cried... a lot

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I will soon, when I go to get my depo shot

Yeah, I remember it was when he was away for a week and he cried... a lot

When do you get your shot? I don't want you ending up with a preventable infection because you left seeing a doctor too long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

When do you get your shot? I don't want you ending up with a preventable infection because you left seeing a doctor too long.

Any day before the 15th

My mum is calling to make the appointment

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

any day before the 15th

My mum is calling to make the appointment

I'm sorry emop! I really am.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

any day before the 15th

My mum is calling to make the appointment

Good. I hope everything checks out okay.:)

I hope so too
Thanki you all by the way

You did right, and he will maybe mull over it for a day or so, but I think he will be back, he cannot fault you for being honest, that's not a crime, so I wouldn't worry too much, Im sure he will be back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

You did right, and he will maybe mull over it for a day or so, but I think he will be back, he cannot fault you for being honest, thats not a crime, so I wouldnt worry too much, Im sure he will be back.

Positiveparent, the main thread isn't the problem anymore. He dumped me...

OOOppppsss sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

Positiveparent, the main thread isn't the problem anymore. He dumped me....

Does this bother you or are you able to move on with your life now?

Im sorry to hear you lost your baby, I know how hard that can be to come to terms with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

Does this bother you or are you able to move on with your life now??

I'm devastated, he accused me of cheating when I didn't and broke up with me over Facebook

I am sorry, that's such a callous and unkind way of conducting himself.

Is this the same b/f that was forever saying he loved you?

Men!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I am sorry, thats such a callous and unkind way of conducting himself.

Is this the same b/f that was forever saying he loved you??

Men!!!

Yes, he was also trying to get me pregnant and we had things set up to move in together. He was buying me a ring to propose and everything

Small consolation I know but you're better off without someone who can be that shallow although I do feel your pain..

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

Small consolation I know but youre better off without someone who can be that shallow although I do feel your pain..

Thanks

Life will go on and you will love again and have children, and with someone who loves you for who you are and won't betray you or hurt you like this ex b/f has, in time you'll heal, its hard and hurts like hell. I do know how you must be feeling.

Im so sorry this has happened to you..

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

Life will go on and you will love again and have children, and with someone who loves you for who you are and wont betray you or hurt you like this ex b/f has, in time youll heal, its hard and hurts like hell. I do know how you must be feeling.

Im so sorry this has happened to you..

It isn't the first time... I was engaged before..

Thank you Positiveparent...

I know right now you probably feel you don't ever want anything to do with men again, and I can't say I blame you.

However there are some good men out there, and you will find one who is right for you, even if you don't think that right now, it will happen, you need to fully heal from these past experiences and one day when you least expect it someone will walk into your life and bingo.

When that happens all these hurts you feel will fade away, and you'll be looking forwards again.

Please try to get some counselling over the baby..

I wish you all the love and luck, and I hope this will soon pass.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I know right now you probably feel you dont ever want anything to do with men again, and I can't say I blame you.

However there are some good men out there, and you will find one who is right for you, even if you dont think that right now, it will happen, you need to fully heal from these past experiences and one day when you least expect it someone will walk into your life and bingo.

When that happens all these hurts you feel will fade away, and youll be looking forwards again.

Please try to get some counselling over the baby..

I wish you all the love and luck, and I hope this will soon pass.

I know I just wish the hurt would go away soon...

Worst of all, I want him back

I wish I could tell you it won't hurt for long, but if I did I would be lying to you, it will hurt for a while, but in time as you slowly move on with your life each day it will get easier to bear.

If you feel like crying then do so, you've a lot to cry over, and crying will help get it out.

Go to a field or somewhere isolated and scream, call him all the names under the sun and that too will help.

You may feel you want him back now, but as you begin to heal those thoughts will also lessen, he wasn't right for you or even worthy of you.

He`ll get his comeuppance one day, what goes around comes around.

You will heal though time is a great healer, and it may seem slow and to take forever but everyday you let yourself heal means a day less of thinking about him and what might have been.

You have a future to look forward to and it will be a better time for you than has been so far, you will heal.

I assure you of that, Time unfortunately doesn't stand still for a broken heart, and as I said above you will heal. You really will. Ill send you positive healing vibes they may help. I hope so...

He just messaged me again and apologized for being so stupid. We are together again and he's coming over to talk

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

He just messaged me again and apologized for being so stupid. We are together again and he's coming over to talk

No, you are not back together until you sit down and begin work on the issues. Get everything out on the table and figure out what needs fixing and agree on a way to fix it. Start with TRUST. His trust in you and your trust that this won't happen again.

You are still going back on birth control. There will be no more talk of having children until the relationship matures to the point where a rumor doesn't cause this much upset.

Your Mama Cat has spoken. :) :)