Ask Me Help Desk - Need help in getting over false hope.

You are going to miss him. Maybe for a while. Just breathe right now and drink some hot chocolate and watch another good movie. Lay down in a cozy spot in your house. Make yourself comfortable. Cry if you have to in that cozy spot. Then close your eyes. Relax. Tomorrow do something fun. You have to write down short term goals to keep you distracted. The people here help me so much. I am very emotional and the people here take me serious and never leave me in the dirt even though I can seem like I don't listen. They lift me up at my worst and I am giving you advice that works. You have to keep doing it and stay away from anything that relates to him at all. That's part of taking care of yourself so that you can feel better soon. Tomorrow I will give my dog a haircut and go to school and then the gym. Set little goals for the week and do them. Please! I don't want anybody going through this. Now go relax and know that we are here for you! You can do this if I can. Sweet dreams!

I only thought of him 10 times today...

Try for 5 tomorrow.

Good, keep up the good work. It gets way easier, trust me... I only did it a few months ago. Now, I rarely think of her... and I have myself a lovely, beautiful, intelligent girlfriend who I wouldn't trade for the world.

Thank you for the support.
I'm just wondering though, all that said that it will be fine are in a relationship and is currently happy in the relationship...

Huh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by peekcachu

Thank you for the support.
I'm just wondering though, all that said that it will be fine are in a relationship and is currently happy in the relationship.....

That's because they went through their healing process and have moved on to bigger and better things... point is , it will get better it just takes time , and then you'll be able to move on to something new just like they have.

Your being impatient and need to learn to deal with the hurt , because it doesn't just go away. Then with time , very gradually you'll start to realise what we've been saying all along.

Stop thinking about him , try to keep yourself busy. I know how you feel I've been through it. Its very very hard, you cry everyday and wake up every morning thinking maybe today he will talk to me... there's always hope... but that's not how to live. Do something you like cook , go shopping , go for movies... cry if you need to but you need to be strong so let him lead his life . Slowly you'll think about him less and it won't hurt so much . If it was meant to be it will happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by peekcachu

I only thought of him 10 times today.....

Your allowed to think of him... what you SHOULDN'T do is dwell on it and let the memories bring you down. Maybe every time you think of him, try and think of something not so nice about him right after. Don't make yourself hate him, but try and make yourself realize or come to an understanding that you will be better off without all this stress that he brings into your life. This will get better!

Update:
*note: I did not make contact.

1am in the morning, long story short, he text saying how he misses cuddling with me and wanted to make love but wasn't looking to be in a relationship. I texted him and thanked him for his honestly and that the past 3 months was the worst I've ever felt in my adult life and that I will always love him, and wished him the best and told him I need to continue my healing and that I will end contact. That is my last text.

I never thought that he would do this. The love is definitely gone. I'm more gun-ho about my healing process. I will get over this! I will be fine!

You certainly will. No more texts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by peekcachu

update:
*note: I did not make contact.

1am in the morning, long story short, he text saying how he misses cuddling with me and wanted to make love but wasn't looking to be in a relationship. !

See , he just wants to use you as his Booty call now , good on you for not falling for it.

Once you seriously go NC, after a while, you will start to feel empowered & in control. Regardless of his selfish attempts, if that ever even happens again.

And you won't even worry about it. It will just be your routine, you may even wake up one day & realize that you won't love him forever.

Because there will be no point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by peekcachu

update:
*note: I did not make contact.

1am in the morning, long story short, he text saying how he misses cuddling with me and wanted to make love but wasn't looking to be in a relationship.

Well, its normal to want that comfort of the familiar when you are feeling lousy... and wanting sex isn't in itself bad yknow... no its no great revelation that he's looking for and missing some intimate touch.

But you knew it wasn't a healthy step in the right direction.

I know you've struggled with wanting that attention and sometimes that's led you to actions you maybe regretted later. Glad you're doing the right thing for yourself.

I just feel really sad that he would be o.k. with sleeping with me and not want me in his life.

It is soooooo different from what he was showing me for the past 2 years. I'm just sad.

Stop.

It's a guys version of staying pals & getting action when he doesn't have something else lined up. Remember that text. "I wanna sleep w/you, but dont wanna be with you"

HA!! Is that what you want? Or care about now? Someone like that?
Screw that. Are you that way?

All you really need to think about is when someone treats & acts this way, wants you only for shags, doesn't want you, basically.

They don't deserve our time our thoughts.

I suggest you spend some time reading back through both of your threads a bunch of times.

Still seems like you have false hope.

Actions, remember. That means you too now. Figure out what makes you happy.

Doesn't sound like its him.

Hey, was just thinking about you & wanted to say that sitting idle & wallowing is the worst thing.

Doesn't do anything & makes us feel like crap.

Rise above the BS & take a look around. Inside first, though.

You can do it. Lots of people do.

Another horrible setback:

My ex. Texted back that he was sorry about the "booty text" and wasn't thinking when he wrote them and that he wanted to see me. Stupid me, I said I was available to meet the next day and he said he was busy all weekend. I wanted to meet and ask WHY he texted and really get clarity once and for all about this horrible phase of my life.

He keeps texting me and I wanted to talk (on the phone) because my phone takes forever to text and its kindda not an over the text topic. He says he is not against talking but he is at work (that was 3pm). I didn't make any contact the rest of the day. At around 2:30am, I woke up and couldn't get back to bed. Decided to check my phone, no missed called or text. I was done. I text and said that my answers were answered with the lack of response and that I was sad that I wasn't even worth a phone call to him anymore.

D@* it! Why do I keep letting this person do this to me! I now hate him and the way he is treating me.

Why do you?

Why indeed?
Can you finally let go of the false hope now?

Total NC and start the healing process.

You keep repeating the same things over & over.

You post, but don't really listen.

Its up to you, not him, us, or anyone.

Time to own up, show some strength & stop running back every time he "decides" to text you.

That's just pathetic.

You came here about false hope & you're still there.

Peek

You came here 6 weeks ago asking how to get over your false hope and move on , you've received lots of good advice from people giving their free time and trying to help you.

Your hearing the advise but your not listening , do you really want the pain to stop or are you happy to go for months on end in complete sadness??

Your call , we can only tell you what you have to do , you're the one that has to DO IT !!!

I understand what you are all are saying. And trust me, I AM trying. But you have to understand, this is my first love and lost. I'm having a hard time letting go. And that's me being honest.

I hate feeling weak and girlie. I want to be stronger than this!! This person is taking control of my rational mind. I know I have to be stronger, but I'm human.

I will make mistakes.

Had you been NC for 6 months, you would be ready for the second love... and lost(?).

Just saying.

Nice one. Still more excuses.

Yes, you are human. And humans change.

Quote: this person is taking control of my rational mind. Unquote.

Sorry ,I beg to differ,you are doing this to yourself,nobody else is.

You are allowing yourself to stay stuck,instead of making choices that will advance your healing from the breakup and start moving on.

Don't think that you really want to move on, peek.

Sounds deeper. Not just this guy. Maybe you're just an attention magnet.
And when you don't get it, you cry. Jumping into relationships for the wrong reasons. With jerks.

Maybe talk to a therapist. Doesn't sound like you really want to know how to heal or why this is happening.

"this is my first love"

Why do you say that? How old are you again? I get confused with the thread merging.

I guess you got to define what love means. Wasn't this obvously.

Its all about you deciding what works & what doesn't.

How aware you are.

It takes two. First you and what you want.

You can love all you want, just direct it.

Van- I'm 28. I'm angry that I can't make this work for me. I'm angry (at myself) that I don't have enough will power to leave this guy alone.

Anger is good. Use it to rise above. You're probably angry because you are losing the false hope. Good.

To stop being fixated on one thing. Crazy.

You will learn soon enough that this guy doesn't define you, nor should anyone.

Start gaining control over your life. The is just an episode.

Learn & rock it. Stop wallowing.

Unless you are one of those people that enjoys being miserable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by peekcachu

Van- I'm 28. I'm angry that I can't make this work for me. I'm angry (at myself) that I dont have enough will power to leave this guy alone.

Unfortunately until you do you'll be stuck in pain. How long are you willing to put up with that??

I'm not one to be miserable, but I do tend to over-think things. I'm working on that. I just feel that I made some progress and now I'm back to where I started. Hphgmf!

It takes time.

Work harder.

I'm going on casual dates, is that too soon?

As long as you don't rebound & use that to relieve the pain from the last one.

Would be a bad move.

Be aware. Take some time to heal & get your act together first.

Its good to have fun in the meantime, just as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else in the process, by rushing in.

I just want to try to convince myself that there are others. I'm so tunnel visioned.

That's what Im saying.

Heal first. Then be more aware of who you are & what you have to offer.

And the kind of people who want in your life. Not just guys.

There a whole world out there.

Its very easy to wallow when we go through breakups. Its normal.
But nows a crucial time to REALLY start.

The more you work on healing, the more in control & empowered you will be.

A stronger person for everyone.

You will look back at this & chuckle to yourself. Knowing that you've moved closer to being a more together individual.

You can do it Peek. I know it. Just remove all BS, and look for the things that make you feel happy. Im sure you have some of those things already.

You've just lost sight of them because of this episode.

Thank you and good night

Of course there are,and will be others-but right now-heal and find your feet again.

Learn how to be happy in your own skin,on your own.

It hit me while driving home tonight. I had myself a cry. I miss him so much.