I'm not going to grill anyone.
Just moving on to other threads.
Good luck.
I'm out.
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I'm not going to grill anyone.
Just moving on to other threads.
Good luck.
I'm out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
I totally understand. We al make mistakes, and unfortuntely I did. Never been through this before. You live and you learn. What I will not do is beat myself up about it
Good luck!Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
Thank u KitkatQuote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Bad habits die hard.
The reason why were here giving advice is to get you to heal & be a better person down the road.
The tried & true methods. NC, baby.
There's weakness and then there's strength. An inner conflict.
Who's winning?
Just don't want to see you go backwards & prolong the agony for another taste of the past. That will screw with you later.
Don't think what you want is occasional booty calls in a toxic thing. That's not moving forward.
The woman is BAD NEWS and you are being a PUPPET! WAKE UP! SHE IS NO GOOD FOR YOU! You are weak and let me tell you something, women are disgusted by weak men. They use them only when no one else is available. You're nothing to her.
She probably despises your weakness and yet you keep dancing to her tune. Women want a strong man, one they can't lead around by the nose. Women also get together and talk about men the weak ones, they just shrug off, the strong ones they want. Be spineless and weak when it comes to her. Ten years from now you'll still be waiting for her text! I'm upset with you:mad::mad:
Yup, another taste of what isn't working.
Tell your aunt too about how you are now on NC.
Sounds like this episode was a mirror of this relationship.
Just wondering.
Was that ex/tattoo question about the girl from the original post?
If so, you are living up to "confused"
If you aren't honest with yourself, you can't truly be honest to anyone else in life.
No van , I don't think so . This thread has been merged a couple of times.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Hmmm..
Didn't see a merge.
Anyway...
Back to round 2 of "NC"
(see the quote marks?)
That man is going to do whatever it takes to get this girl back. Maybe I'm thinking of another thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Its all about not taking responsibility.
Wants it handed him on a silver platter while he does whatever.
Alcohol fueled auto-pilot. Then crying why.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I want to thank you all. You all are much older and wiser and I'm just going through it folks. On st. Patty's day, my friends wanted me to start drinking early in the morning with them. I ended up doing that, was blasted around 1pm, went to the club with them around 11pm... you can imagine how THAT was... I was very blasted, lost my cell phone(someone picked it up and took off with it), I did a hook-up(dont remember that... this person won't answer my calls.. dont know if it was just because it was a one night stand or because of how drunk I was... I also sent some very mean things to my ex by text... ALL OF THESE things you all warned me about, look what happened... A hard-headed fool I am... Now the last 2 days I've been drinking str8t ALL day just to erase those memories and that night... I feel like a big mess guys
So,are you going to sort your drinking problem out now?
That would be a good idea.
She does not feel that she has a drinking problem
She does have a drinking problem, so do you, and its only a symptom of a greater problem you both face.
If you're finally ready admit your own problems, and you will find there is a solution.Quote:
Quote by Talaniman, Feb. 24th, 2010
My questions to you is
a). How should I go about this situation?
Get Help through Alcoholics Anonymous,and Alanon, and maybe a qualified counselor to get to the root cause of your real problem. But first you both have to want to have help, as if your unwilling to get what you need, you won't do anything about it.
b). What does it mean to lose your identity in a relationship? I've searched this online, and am unable to find it. I am the type that if I lose someone I start panicking and drinking excessively, and I figured that this is because I've made this person my identity.
While this may be very true, your real problem is you have lost perspective, and are making some unhealthy choices that make your problems bigger, not smaller.
Fear of losing your partner is at the roots of your inability to do the right things that help you both. Your lack of wanting to deal with conflict also plays a big part in you taking a stand, not just for yourself, but the ones you love, and others around you.
Look at it this way, its not about losing your identity, its about you being afraid to act. Deal with the fear by acknowledging there is a problem, make a plan to deal with it, and be ready, and willing to act
In this way maybe you can find your courage, and get out of your comfort zone, and do what it takes to solve this issue, as the consequences of inaction is, you and your woman, will lose in the end anyway.
You should be more afraid of where inactions lead you, than being afraid to take action.
If she won't go for help, or is unwilling to admit her problem, forget her, you go get help for yourself. You can hardly be of help to her without getting the help and SUPPORT you need to be healthy.
Do you have a drinking problem?
You may have a drinking problem if you...
Can never stick to “just one” drink.
Feel guilty or ashamed about your drinking.
Lie to others or hide your drinking habits.
Have friends or family members who are worried about your drinking.
Need to drink in order to relax or feel better.
Ever “black out” or forget what you did while you were drinking.
Regularly drink more than you intended to.
Signs and symptoms of alcohol abuse
Substance abuse experts make a distinction between alcohol abuse and alcoholism (also called alcohol dependence). Unlike alcoholics, alcohol abusers still have at least some ability to set limits on their drinking. However, their alcohol use is still self-destructive and dangerous to themselves or others.
Common signs and symptoms of alcohol abuse include:
Repeatedly neglecting your responsibilities at home, work, or school because of your drinking. For example, performing poorly at work, flunking classes, neglecting your kids, or skipping out on commitments because you’re hung over.
Using alcohol in situations where it’s physically dangerous, such as drinking and driving, operating machinery while intoxicated, or mixing alcohol with prescription medication against doctor’s orders.
Experiencing repeated legal problems on account of your drinking. For example, getting arrested for driving under the influence or drunk and disorderly conduct.
Continuing to drink even though your alcohol use is causing problems in your relationships. Getting drunk with your buddies, for example, even though you know your wife will be very upset, or fighting with your family because they dislike you when you drink.
You Need Help! Did your Ex Drink before She met you!
Yes I am... its like I drink to escape boredom and also what I did 3 days ago. I still feel awful about itQuote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Yes my ex drank before she met me. We both have a DUI, although they were 4 years ago
So go and seek help-AA.therapy-the works.
You need to turn your life around.
ROSEVILLE, Mich. -- The family and friends of four teens who were killed in an alleged drunken driving crash Monday night are mourning them and standing up against drunk driving.
Hundreds of Lake Shore High School students and the organization Mothers Against Drunk Driving held a Students Against Drunk Driving rally at Macomb Mall Tuesday afternoon to honor the lives of three of their classmates and another who were killed.
READ THIS AND THEN WHINE ABOUT YOUR EX!!
Go tell these parents your having a bad time over another alcoholic and see if it eases their pain!!
The four teenagers, Erica Haudek, 15, Jordan Michalak, 16, Stephanie Currie, 16, students at Lake Shore High School, and Devon Spurlock, 19, were waiting at a red light on Gratiot Avenue near Masonic Boulevard when a drunken driver lost control of her vehicle and hit them, police said.
An 11th-grade student was fighting a mix of sorrow and anger when she told Local 4 it was not fair what happened to the teens.
"I am very upset that they did not get to say goodbye -- I wanted to say goodbye," said Ashly Lowry at the rally. "Because a lady got drunk and was irresponsible and hit them … It was not their fault."
Frances Patricia Dingle, 47, was charged with four counts of second-degree murder in the teens' death.
The Macomb County Prosecutors said Dingle's blood-alcohol level was .20 percent, two-and-a half times the legal limit, when her full-size Ford van barreled into the car full of teens.
She remains in custody at a Macomb County jail on $500,000 bond. Dingle has battled addiction for many years and told the court she had been sober for four years, but had a relapse two days ago.
Take A Deeper Look At The Troubled Past Of The Woman Accused Of Killing The Teens
Witnesses said Dingle was driving between 60 and 80 mph south of Gratiot Avenue when her vehicle went airborne, flipping over three times and taking out a light pole before hitting the teenagers' car.
"I noticed the van weaving in and out of traffic, and the next thing I know she slams into the car waiting at the red light," said Jeff Robinson, a witness to the crash.
In a panic, Robinson ran to the car to help, but said there was little he could do.
Three of the teens died at the scene. Spurlock, who was the driver of the red Chevy Cobalt, was taken to Mount Clemens General Hospital in critical condition. He died Tuesday at 5 a.m. "It's safe to say that everyone is heart broken, we lost a lot of good people," said student Alex Monday.
Dingle was taken St. John Macomb Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.
"Always the drunk comes out fine with no scratches and the kids die," Lake Shore High student Breanne Mikus.
Dozens of grieving students left school early Tuesday upon hearing the news of the teens' death.
I HOPE YOU AND EVERYONE WHO DRINK AND DRIVE SEE THESE KIDS IN THEIR DREAMS!!
I hope you are starting to realize the root of all this.
Once you get some help & get your addiction under control, then you can start seeing things clearly.
Including relationships.
Van did you read about the black out he had? He and the ex both have DUIs. I'm sure you did! Just venting.. one of the kids in the grade class I use to substitute,was killed two years ago by a guy who was drunk. He's not the first around here either. I could name twenty from our county alone who have died in the last ten years by a drunk! Thanks for letting me vent.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Yeah, I read it.
My sister is an alcoholic. Lots of heartache there. Believe me.
The point is only the individual can take the steps to fix it.
Im not condoning this behavior in the least.
Dazed.. I do hope you come back here and discuss your problem. You do have a problem. The ex girfriend is irrelevant to what I'm asking you to do. I get very angry when I hear someone saying they are still drinking after getting a DUI. Do you have children? How would you feel if someone who was driving drunk killed one of your family members?
Whether you get back with this ex or not I don't care cause if you do it's like the blind leading the blind. Casual sex with someone you don't know is dangerous to you and for them. AIDS and other STDs haven't taken a holiday. Before you kill someone by drinking and driving or before you wind up killing yourself with alcohol you need to think about what's important.
God gave you life and a free will and so far you haven't used that free will to make good choices. Think about what you're doing and if you want to change get help!
Today I went to AA for the firs time. It was great! One day at a time...
I still feel bad for all the mean texts I sent to my ex while drunk on wednesdays, saying things like "your pathetic". Only reason I said this you guys is because she "texted" me to ask me can she have some money instead of calling... I guess my emtions got the best of me... She won't answer my calls nor texts... I did text her I loved her, and that was the only text that she replied saying: "that was so sweet of you :)" (with the smiley face included)... after that she didn't respond back to anymore texts...
I know I said I wouldn't text, I just felt bad for going off on her while drunk. We've both done this too each other, my mines is more recent. I was laid off from my job, and I have TOO much time on my hands. Most of my time was either with my job or my ex... Now that both are gone, its like I don't have anything to do most of the day.
Im thinking of going to 4-5 AA meetings a day and also ask them if they know places I can do volunteer work... If I do that, then I won't obsess about what my ex is doing, who she's doing it with, etc...
My best friend who is a girl, said that me texting like that was just feeding her ego, so STOP!
Thank you all for all of your support, and I will be going back to AA tomorrow and the rest of the week
Great man.
Make sure to keep up the meetings.
Don't go back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Thank you both... I'm not going back, I just felt bad for drunk texting her, and wanted to get my apology across, but seems she won't accept it... o well I guess. Maybe later in time she will
I am glad you are getting help! That shows you are trying to get your life together. Good for you! You can do it! Don't depend on anyone else to make you happy. I have seen so many lives ruined by alcohol and so many innocent people die because of someone driving drunk.
I will remember you in my prayers and you need to pray for strength. If you are sincere God will hear your plea. You have taken a huge step in going to AA and I hope you continue to do so. You hang in there and you'll find you may like the man you become without the alcohol.
It won't be easy, but nothing is easy anymore. You stick to it dazed and I'll bet a year from now or six or even three months from now you'll see everything in a different light. Blessings.:)
Don't worry about that stuff.
Just you.
Good decision-AA and volunteering-and I hope you'll find a new job soon.
Once you get your life back on track I think you will realise how toxic and destructive your relationship was.
Stick to no contact and concentrate on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Yeah I plan on it. Are you saying I should not be worried about if she accepts the apology
I am-let it go- you apologized.
End of.
You owe her nothing! Keep getting your life together!:)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
My ex finally replied by text to me saying: "Aww that was sweet"... I didn't reply, don't plan on it. Nows the time for me to work on me
Good for You! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
I wish my job didn't lay me off. Im looking for other jobs. My idle mind is getting best of me. I go to AA, but that's at 8pm. This has been the LONGEST day... No g/f anymore, my friends are busy with school, and the only other hobby I have is to work out at the gym in which I did. Now WONDER I sit and wonder what she's up to. I have too much time on my hands...
I hear everyone say keep busy with that or this and that doesn't always work. I'll think of something. I go back to school but that isn't until September. That's what I get for making this person my world
Go visit your minister or priest. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Help an elderly person by asking if they need help with anything. Read a good book. This is a good time to reflect on finding what caused you to start drinking so heavily in the first place. Do you have children?Quote:
Originally Posted by confused580
I use to attend many meetings a day to get sober, and volunteering is a great eye opening experience.
"Seek, and ye shall find". That's what my sponsor told me. He was right.
Exactly,
No excuses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Take it one day at a time dazed. You will grow stronger.:)
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