NC for the win!

So, talk about pulling at strands - a little while ago I had another missed call from the ex - this time she left a message for the first time, and all it said was "Hi, Please don't be cruel, just tell me whether or not your sister wants anything to do with me"

HAHA are you serious? - nothing about me, just asking about my sister's relationship with HER - lol pathetic. Not sure if she's looking for any excuse to get a rise out of me, but it's not working

Oh well, just confirmed I was right to keep NC through this week. I also did not let this one affect me AT ALL. I actually laughed at her message.

I am going out with the guys tonight and this will not be on my mind at all. Keeping up the NC. Just wanted to share and confirm what you guys were thinking

Nice one.

And yes totally pathetic. Yo, she's made her bed, but doesn't like how it feels crawling into it.

Did you tell your sister about this & not to cave at this crap.

Another affirmation.

The only rises are you rising above this BS...

Congrats once again.

Why the heck would she want to? Weird

Because she wants her puppy dog back.

The one she kicked and ran away.

Thanks Van,

Yes, I talked with my sister who couldn't believe it. She agreed to ignore any attempts by my ex if they were to ever come to her.

I feel like these recent events are happening just because she can't believe how it actually feels to have my whole family disappear out of her life, and no amount of manipulation or lying will change that fact? Do you agree?

It's like she still doesn't want to be with me, just can't believe I am standing firm and removed her from my life.

Oh well, like we said before - HER LOSS, and she's starting to feel that.

This actually has helped me see how I have come a long way already from the initial breakup. I see I am okay ignoring her and have learned to see past her words and manipulation :)

This is definitely starting to look like I will see this all was a blessing in disguise in time to come. (Hopefully soon haha)


Exactly "unsure" - very confusing and ridiculous.

Oh I dumped you and needed to be on my own - Oh by the way can your sister hang out?

Haha - yea OK, Screw you

Absolutely. You got it right on.
You are a lawyer right? Analytical? And deal with proof.

Dude, be proud you are doing this. I happy at your strength and progress so far. Amazing.

These types only think about themselves. Don't realize what they are doing, and certainly don't plan for this.

She thought you and your family would be pals.

Oh well...

Thanks Van - you have been a great help for me, especially through this rough week.

Sometimes I know what I am doing is right in my head, but my heart is a wuss and needs someone like you to just reinforce my thinking and give me the balls to continue doing the right move.

We will fight those manipulators together. It is so clear that she is in desperation mode now, I just used to miss the signs with my false hope

Much appreciated :)

Her new man is really all she needs to be worrying about.

Can you see the irony?

She's scrambling because she has zero emotional skill set.

OMG!!


My pleasure, buddy. That's why Im still here.

No longer posting on my zillion page thread. Hehehhe.

LOLOL.. told you RB. I knew she'd try to come back, they always do. But to tell you the truth this isn't even the worst of it yet, man. Truly you should enjoy moments like these, and should be motivated to improving yourself. I mentioned earlier that, while you're seeking love and understanding from yourself, your ex looks for empty love, which is bringing her no results. You ended up having such a stronger foundation from rationalizing from yourself, rather than depending on others, based on feelings. Feelings are natural and essential to life, but realize that feelings tend to fluctuate constantly. You stuck to your guns and principles, and are seeing the results. These moments are the merits of your convictions. Enjoy and continue doing what you're doing man.

Exactly. Starting to reap NC.

Robin, amongst this, I also hear a bit of sadness.

Remember that this a habit with her. And you are breaking it.

I wanted to know that in some way my ex felt some remorse or had an inkling of a heart.

She doesn't have that & know you are realizing it. That's the awareness here.

You are so positive and strong. Just make sure you get in tune with who you are through all of this so you can be ready.

Cheers,
Van

Thanks guys,

I know I definitely would love to think there is some sort of remorse or regret in these desperation attempts, because that would be normal for these actions. But sadly I know there is not. And that means she is just f'ed up in the head haha. It is very hard to understand her intentions at all.

It is very weird, or should I say insane, to be acting like this after 2.5 years. It's like a totally different person than who I knew. And I know when the desperation contact stops I will initially feel weird about it, but I will keep telling myself it is for the better and necessary.

I know I truly agree with all of you and have perspective on this situation purely by my ability to ignore her, post about it and keep no NC.

Posting here keeps me rational, allows me to consult my friends (you guys :) ) and then gain perspective.

Life throws some sick curveballs at you man - this has surely been an emotional test - 2.5 years, fall in love first time ever, get dumped, then get stalked for no good reason...

Oh well - let's push through this

Its hard to get inside the head of insane people. Especially ones we were in bed with. Or thought we were.

Sometimes people show their colors. In all sorts of ways.

Be glad now that you didn't continue and dig deep on why you did for 2.5 years.

That's the key. Being better. For you first, and others later.


The reality is that you were insane for getting with her & continuing.

Just thought Id give you a slap & a hug at the same time.

Make sure in the midst of this, you do some spiritual digging.

Not just forget with no lesson. You're rocking it man!

Ha, well honestly Van - the first 2 years seemed amazing. I don't know if it was a charade on her part or if I was just blind to all the warning signs and just keeping it going out of comfort. If the whole 2.5 years was an act then I just have no response lol.

Either way it's over now and I will use it as a learning experience. I can't complain, it was my first true love and the next girl will benefit from what I have learned through this experience.

Ok - well I am going out now for a little while... more updates tomorrow - Have a great night!

Yup the warning signs. Both you you.

Have fun.

Hey everyone,

Been in a better mood about the whole situation over the past 2 days. I am now over the recent birthday events of the ex trying to contact me. She has not tried me in the last 2 days.

Had a good day yesterday, went to the movies then I went out to the bar last night with my friends - had a good time - talked to some girls - and was glad to have some convo's with girls and see they had some interest in me. I was not really looking for anything, just messing around/flirting, and getting some confidence back. It was helpful.

I can tell my mind is slowly removing her officially from my life, little by little each day. Time will heal, I can tell. I still do think about her very often, sometimes wondering what she's doing, and sometimes get anxious when phone rings, etc. But I think I am definitely improving.

I see her recent attempts at contact were only a slight setback for me, nothing more and NC has fully continued on my end (just under 4 weeks now).

Feels good to give you some positive updates and I hope they will continue. Talk to you soon!!

Keep up the good work-enjoy life,and don't look back.
Happy weekend!

UPDATE - hey guys, so it's been just over a month since my last update, and now about 3 months since my breakup. I wanted to come back and share my experience since and give some hope to others!

So I have been in full NC for almost 2 months I think now, I stopped keeping track after some time and I think it was necessary. It took me a long time to feel at all like a normal person again. I literally thought about her every minute for the first few weeks.

But over this past week, I saw that I am moving on and am changed and am completely over the thought of ever getting back with my ex, or ever wanting to. Actually, leaving a bar the other night I was approached by a girl who I had met previously, years ago at school, but while I was with my ex so I never got to know her. We chatted quickly and exchanged info.

The last week we have hung out a lot together and both are very interested. I am taking things veeery slow and just enjoying getting to know her now. She is very nice and fun to hang out with. The most positive thing about this is that in the past I would be thinking about my ex all the time and comparing the two. Now I see myself thinking about this new girl, waiting for her to call, or wondering what we will do. It is a great feeling.

I am not sure what will happen with this new girl, or even if it will go anywhere. Honestly, that's not the point here. The point is that time does heal. NC is the answer. Yes it's hard, yes I was a mess in the beginning too. But it does work. I do still think about my ex often and at times wonder what she has been up to. But it is not in the same way as it used to be. I realize that there are other girls out there and we all will move on and find the next "one" in time.

Good luck everyone!

Nice testimony. Glad to hear it Rob. Im happy for you!

Hi everyone, just had an update and quick question:

It has been 4-5 months since my long-term breakup discussed in this thread. I have pretty much entirely moved on, have been out in the dating scene and have been with a few girls since. I think about my ex at times but I can say that I am enjoying life again and have confidence back. SO,

I graduated law school last week and received a card from my ex. This was the first contact on either behalf in almost 3 months. I felt I should acknowledge it so I wrote her a one line thank you email. She obviously replied and ended the email with a question.

I am wondering if I should ignore this email and just go back to my own life, or if I should reply. I do not want to get back with her and I feel comfortable talking on a friendly basis, I am just wondering if it would be asking for trouble and I should just leave it alone? I know she wanted to be friends when she broke.

Any thoughts?

That you don't want her back, that's a good sign of healing, but if by friends she comes to dominate your time, and thoughts and stirs up old feelings, then that would interfere in what your doing.

No I would not be that available to her at this point in time, You don't know her agenda, and you have worked darn hard to rebuild yourself to where you are now. Don't test yourself by being her friend, just keep doing your own thing, and let things happen naturally. I would be to busy, and unavailable until things were a lot clearer, in my own mind.

Answer her and end the message "I hope you will have a nice life" or something like that. She'll understand. Honestly it isn't worth it to be friends with ex, especially since there is many people out there who are super fun.

So I decided, I am just not answering her email. It's probably not worth it. Even if I am over her or not wanting to get back together, why rock the boat and allow for trouble.

Staying away from her is a sure way of continuing my new life and path without her negative effects. Sure, maybe I won't look great ignoring her again after writing to her, but it probably is the right move. She dumped me and left, why be her friend?

Even having to write on this site again just shows that anything connected to her is still a bad idea. The past is the past.