Ask Me Help Desk - What does it mean when your ex wants to meet you in spite of the fact that he's engage

This is not lust, so much as its stuck on stupid!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by broken_ heart

I am understanding what all you want to say...and as i said i will try to go on NC again... yes i do want to talk to him more..want to see him again...but i had no idea that it will be callled as lust...

Broken Heart,
This is lust speaking. It is time to be honest about what you are doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by broken_ heart

"and here i dont want to lie you all...when i met him for a minute i felt the same i used to feel before.. and i am actually feeling good...i couldnt sleep the entire night...that 5 minutes i spent with him was flashing in my eyes... earlier i was scared of him...but now i am not...i was happy to see him after a very long time...i know it can have very bad consequences...but i couldnt resist him... its all becoming complicated now...i am stuck between right and wrong..."

Yes I told you what exactly I felt... I felt the same again.. I was happy to see him like I used to before... I was smiling without any reason... I couldn't sleep because of those five minutes... I lived all my past life with him again... I was thinking about him the entire night... I was scared of him because of the intentions he disclosed earlier.. coz of his behaviour.. coz I didn't want to get hurt... but now I was not because I saw the difference in his behaviour... he maintained the required distance... his way with words have changed... yes I was happy... I know the bad consequences because I have suffered a lot in this relationship... I lost my job... I had to undergo medical treatment... everything I lost... and I was scared of this history... I don't want all this to happen with me again... I couldn't resist him because the time I was away to him... I was on NC... I remembered him all the time... I couldn't forget him ever... yes I do had controlled my heart... had stopped listening to my heart... convinced it that its over.. he is not mine... I am stuck between right and wrong... coz my mind says I should not talk to him because it will complicate my life and his life too... and my heart says there is nothing wrong in being only a friend to him... atleast I can talk to him...
And about honesty... I am not doing anything which can effect his life... or will hurt his wife... I am only and only talking to him as a friend... it is he who wants to hide this all... but yes it has already started effecting me lots... I am feeling the pain of losing him all again... honestly I do love this guy... its been years now we broke up.. still his memories are fresh in mind... I am still stuck in the relation we lived in past... and the fact is he has already moved.. and can never come back...

I tried to be on NC with him but couldn't.. I missed him... we met and spent few hours in each other arms... I was happy to be with him... I didn't feel anything wrong in being with him but you all say.. and everyone else says its wrong... my mind has stopped working in this matter...

In your heart you know that this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Brokenheart,

We can only give our opinions on how we would feel if in this type of situation or even from going through this ourselves. But at the end of the day the choice and the subsequences will be on you.

Just keep in mind that he has no intention of leaving his wife for you. You have been and continue to be low priority on his essential list. If you feel comfortable be the woman he cheats with then that is something that you have to live with, and you will answer for this choice at some point in your life.

I guess I just don't get it, WHY would someone give up a part of their moral character to be with a man that dumped them, and is married, but willing to JUST USE you for their gradification. Come on most of us on this site have been dumped, and yes even kept on the hook for awhile hoping that could get him back.

There comes a time and place were we as adults have to step up to the plate and say that doing something wrong just because 'IT FEELS GOOD" is just not RIGHT. To take a look around and realize that you feeling good is actually hurting other, maybe someone you don't have any connection with, but who gives a rat, your still hurting a family. Even if he still goes out and cheats with someone else, it should still give you enough pride to say I love him, but I love MYSELF more!!

His wife was his mistress. Now you're his.

Wake up.

vanheart - I didn't get what you said. How his wife can be his mistress?

I have realised my mistake.. we got intimate... that time I lost my senses... I had no idea what wrong I am doing... by getting involved with him... I am feeling really bad now... and have decided not to talk to him again... I am getting short of words today... wish I could undo what all we did... but unfortunately I cant... but still all is not lost... I need your support to move ahead... please help me... I don't want and I never wanted to be what I have become... please help me to come out of this shame...

I don't know what he must be thinking about me after all this... I spoiled alll.. I know now... he will never respect me...

Now that you know what mistakes you made in the past, forgive yourself, and do better. Then you can move forward and do good things for yourself.

Especially if you leave him alone and start making better choices, based on facts and not just feelings.

What I meant was that he betrayed you.

He married the girl that he was fooling around with, when you were his girlfriend. Then getting with you after...

Just leave this guy alone. Don't try & be his friend. Friends don't do that.

Just move on & accept things. NC all the way for now & forever.

That's the best for everyone.

The only reason you are miserable is because you won't really let it go.

I have ended all from my side... and conveyed it to him as well... but he is not convinced with my decision and wants me back... asking me why I have changed my mind... if it was OK with me before... then what is the problem now... he is making me confuse..

Remember that he has everything to gain if you remain available to him.

Just tell him flat out that all that may be true but it isn't anymore. You need to end this now and have no more contact... at all. (Period)

Im not sure what part of he's married that you don't understand.

You may have had something before, but that's long gone.

Let him be & have zero contact with him.

Once you do that, you will be able to move on.

Anything else will just cause problems for everyone. I wonder what his wife thinks about all of this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Im not sure what part of he's married that you dont understand.

The same part that doesn't understand she's being used, manipulated and played big time.

When she gets sick of getting sloppy seconds she'll move on :mad:

You are so right. Kaka.

I guess if all you know is being used, then that's what you expect.

Low self worth.

Easy prey for users & cheaters like him.

Brokenhearted, I really hope you wake up.

What's stopping you?

Its done... I am happy that he too is convinced to not to meet again... he said he will go with my decision now... whatever I will say... thanks to you all:) it was the biggest problem and I hope it ended now...

He insisted on meeting me... I went to meet him... we were sitting together... we hadn't said anything to each other... then he kissed me and I let him... he said that he loves me... that's all about the meeting... few hours later he messaged me that he doesn't want to meet me again... but will be in touch...
Its all confusing... I do love him... and feel really weak in front of him... I felt hurt with his message... but I too agreed not to meet him...
Should I run away from this place?? I want an end to this pain.. I am feeling really helpless...

Your doing the same thing over and over and you expect a different outcome?

Either your living in a fantasy land, enjoy the drama or as Talaniman said:
"STUCK ON STUPID"

Seriously time to wake up to yourself...

Get away for a month or two, go overseas... GET A LIFE!!

Why are you letting him play with you like a dumb toy?? Why? Why?

You are doing this all to yourself.

No need to be confused.

I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't have any answers to why?

Sorry I haven't been around for a while,but really-stop doing this to yourself-it's no use playing the same broken record over and over again,so allow yourself a life my dear-don't keep falling for his b******t!!

Only YOU can stop this-please do!

Im not sure what's wrong with you either.

What I see is someone that is living some fantasy & not seeing things as they really are.

You never admitted to yourself, not only that's its been over, but more importantly what a liar, cheater & manipulator this guy is.

This says TONS about you.

If someone cheated on me, & got married to that person, they are officially gone. That's enough of a slap in the face.
Not to mention him wanting to get together to suck face. That's your fault.
Hes scum.

I would think about getting some pro help, therapy. Especially, if you can't see on your own what we are seeing.

Why you love being crapped on. Or at least from him.

I really don't know what happen to me when he is around... I realized and discussed the matter with him too.. and he was also convinced not to meet as you can read in previous post.. but again we met... got intimate... after all that happened... he messaged me the same I told him earlier... he said he is a married man.. I should not talk to him... its not right.. we should stop meeting...
I am feeling very very bad about all this... not because he said not to meet... but because the way he conveyed it to me... was he not married when he got intimate with me... we decided it earlier too that we will not meet but when we see each other.. we just coudnt ignore each other... our offices are adjacent... we see each other... cross each other on daily basis... earlier I thought we could be friends.. but I was wrong in thinking that.. we ended getting intimate.. what hasn't happened in the past... has happened now...
I am very much in stress because of all this... I am all confused... I can't express my feelings properly... but its all not good...

You need to love yourself a lot more and treat yourself better, and get a life that you enjoy without him.

What your doing with him is not love, more like a junkie/dope dealer relationship. He knows your hooked, and he keeps you hooked.

Maybe you are both junkies. That's bad.

Sometimes in life we have to draw a line and say enough is enough.

I wish you find the strength to do that very soon-you deserve so much better than this.

I am not sure if this has been mentioned before but I keep getting the feeling that you are needy hon. And with all that has been going on I believe that the suggestion that you seek some professional help is a good one. It does not mean that you are not a good person it simply means that you need a little help with all this, please go to seek some therapy. I sincerely wish you good health.

Stringer

I also feel that I need help.. things have changed a lot in past few days... its all bad... inspite of all your advices.. I failed to cut contact with him... not only this... I have become something for his fun... I have lost something in myself.. I do realise that my future is dark whatever is happening is all not good for me.. for his wife... but I am a part of it... I won't lie... the feelings like I am doing something bad has stopped coming to me.. may be getting lost in all this... we are physically involved now... whenever it feels convenient to him.. he arrange a meeting... spend some time and then leave... I m all corrupted now... I never feel bad about the time spent with him... its all wrong with me... I tried sometimes not talk... but at the end of the day... it all goes waste.. somewhere I want to end... and somewhere I don't... its alll bad... and me too...

Heart,it's been 15 months!

And you have allowed yourself to go down this spiral of destruction.

Your selfesteem is shot and you have become his puppy dog.

You really need to see a therapist-a s a p.

You need professional help.

Please get it.

You need the right help! GET IT, or keep drowning in your own SHAT!!

I really want to end it all but I have no strength to convey it to him.. I am scared now.. I don't know how to deal with it..

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

That's exactly what you should be doing.

Speak to his wife. Im sure she'll pass on the message.

But seriously aren't you sick of this drama? When you look back at this time in your life you are going to wonder what the hell were you thinking.

Of course, I am sick of all this.. I do want to end it all... once I tried to say it to him... but he behaved so badly... Tal.. Ami... appointkment? With whom?
Please guide me I want to end it... I can't undo the time which has already passed but I don't want to continue this... and at the same time I don't want any kind of scene to be created... I know the mistake I have done is not a small one.. but continuing with it is going to be more disastrous..
I'm not getting a way to come out of this...

You've already been given advice to help end this.

Your choice is to either tell him its over or too just stop all contact. Change phone numbers, emails etc etc.

If he doesn't respect your wishes and makes a scene go to the police. It all sounds like another reason to keep away from him, not an excuse for you to stay.

I would suggest going away and having time to yourself. If you aren't accepting his contact then he will stop.

If that's what you want then you will do it.

Thanks kaka.. I am really very much confused.. so much lost that its difficult for me to find solutions by myself. I will do the same. Its going to be difficult again. But its my mistake and I have to suffer all again. Thanks

Call him and tell him it's o v e r!!
Finito-forever.

Then stick to your decision-NO contact.

And taking time out and going away for a while is a good suggestion.

You need a new perspective on life.

A life that is about you and your future,without this moron in it.

Not sure what you are sacred of.

A life without this drama? Your never going to get back, steal him away, or fulfill what you thought was going to happen.
You shouldn't want that anyway. Hes not worth it. Can't you see?

You may like sleeping with him, but, c'mon. Really. Get your self-respect back.

We've given the same advice over & over here. And you aren't listening. You do the opposite.

Then complain.

You say you're sick of this. But it sounds like you're just sick. Get professional help.
Or go NC. Do both.

Finally, I have done it.. but it took me long time to end this.. lot have been lost because of my stupidity... I don't know what was it that had taken control over me... what should I say it... I don't know... love... lust... madness... or my stupidity... what is it... I can't give a name to it... I hope he will not come back again... I am really tired of all this...